Female-Led Relationships

[Justplatonic]

Sorry didn't mean to imply people like you don't exist, obviously there is a sizeable desire for FLR out there amongst submissive men. But I think the reality is you're not going to get many takers on the female end of the bargain to run the ship.

OK... I think you'd be genuinely surprised how many men would literally line the streets in waiting of a Female Leader. Please read through all this thread. The Female Leaders here are amazing Women... They're really intelligent, and gracious people...

 

[twister947]

Sorry didn't mean to imply people like you don't exist, obviously there is a sizeable desire for FLR out there amongst submissive men. But I think the reality is you're not going to get many takers on the female end of the bargain to run the ship.

I can think of at least two couples I have known where it was very clear who called the shots. Whether or not there was a sexual component wherein the wife was dominant is unknown to me.

 

[Scareltt]

People tend to pick it up after the face..

I can think of at least two couples I have known where it was very clear who called the shots. Whether or not there was a sexual component wherein the wife was dominant is unknown to me.

The circle of friends who I’ve known since high school/college know how our marriage works.

Our vanilla friends (the people who are friends because our children go to school together) don’t know. They do know to schedule anything through me because my husband will only say “let me check with Amy” our children don’t even ask him for anything because they know he’ll just refer them to me.

It’s funny how that just sort of rubs off.

We’re in the middle of planning a multi family vacation and it’s me and the husbands settling everything up. One of them has actually said “it’s weird texting you about this stuff and not your husband.” His wheels are slowly turning.

 

[lady_jennaxx]

Just had to pop in and say that I find it amazing that a thread I started well over a year ago, is still active and followed by many.

Thanks to all those who have contributed

 

[Justplatonic]

Just had to pop in and say that I find it amazing that a thread I started well over a year ago, is still active and followed by many.

Thanks to all those who have contributed

I'm eternally grateful you did so lady_jennaxx...

 

[gregy70]

Just had to pop in and say that I find it amazing that a thread I started well over a year ago, is still active and followed by many.

Thanks to all those who have contributed

I know I’m not much of a contributor but I’m grateful I get to come here for a read that soothes me so Thankyou Lady Jennaxx

 

[Justplatonic]

My husband has a deep need to be obedient and receive my approval, so it isn't like dealing with a child or subordinate who resist my authority.

Chances are that when he does something wrong it was an oversight or carelessness or occasionally laziness. The simple act of expressing my disapproval is often enough.

When more is required denying him the things he craves is quite effective. The things that resonate most with him are sexual and/or fetish oriented. I have no problem denying them because I all I am doing is taking that thing or that experience away for a period of time. I am not compromising or tainting it in any way so i can return it to him fully intact when his punishment is over.

Conversely I rarely use spanking as a punishment. That is because erotic spanking is something he truly enjoys. It is easy enough to alter the experience so that he doesn't enjoy it, but I find it a challenge to do that without running the risk of altering his relationship to the experience. I think that is a by-product of his personality as opposed to the act itself. For other men spanking can be quite effective.

It takes quite a bit of creative thinking though and it can be counter-intuitive. For instance, for some men putting them in a cock cage might be seen as punishment. But for my husband it is a symbol of my authority and his submission. He revels in the way I subtly dominate him and exercise authority over him. Removing the cock cage and ignoring him or refusing to exercise any authority over him for a period of time is punishment and it is highly effective.

It is in your nature to be a submissive cuckold so very little force is necessary.

As a woman who leads I know that once I identify that craving it will be the key to obedience. The submissive man will want to comply and be grateful for the opportunity. There is no conflict in objectives.

Thank you policywank... A masterclass in the art of subtly, nuanced action/inaction, and a bespoke/tailored approach to Her husband... Beautiful...

 

[Scareltt]

You created a good one..

Just had to pop in and say that I find it amazing that a thread I started well over a year ago, is still active and followed by many.

Thanks to all those who have contributed

Yep, you created a good one.

 

[irishblade]

Yep, you created a good one.

Seconded

 

[Justplatonic]

I can think of at least two couples I have known where it was very clear who called the shots. Whether or not there was a sexual component wherein the wife was dominant is unknown to me.

Hey twister947... Come to think of it, I know of several couples where the Woman takes the lead. Although I think they're mostly vanilla, but suspect a few might be otherwise. I don't generally pry, or they simply haven't given anything away, so I'm none the wiser...

 

[eroticspank]

Hi MaleProtagonist.

I'll admit the male dominant aspect is larger in numbers, but please let me assure you Female Leaders are very real, and very capable...

The circle of friends who I’ve known since high school/college know how our marriage works.

They do know to schedule anything through me because my husband will only say “let me check with Amy” our children don’t even ask him for anything because they know he’ll just refer them to me.

These things are a massive myth and very very rare to be found IRL out in the wild. Most everything you read on the internet is written by fantasists masturbating in front of the computer screen. The appeal for women of an FLR is something close to nil.

Everyone has their own opinion so I understand when they are different from mine.

I recently read an article in Psychology today that basically said women "tend" to take control in all relationships no matter what their status in the bedroom. I have always believed this to be true because the woman typically cares more about the relationship and emotional side than the man. I imagine most guys in a relationship can agree to this. The woman decorates the house, all of your "Dogs playing Poker" pictures are gone. She sets up family events. You try to set something up the next week and your wife tells you something is already planned with the in-laws or the neighbors etc. She told you a week ago you just forgot.

A family member's birthday, a cute item for your Mom for Xmas, a Dental or Doctor's appointment, I could go on. My wife remembers all these things easily because she has an emotion attached to each. I would not schedule anything unless I asked her first. I could take over and not ask her anything but she would get very upset. There is truth to the saying, "Happy wife, happy life."

It might be just me, but think about any relationship you have had. At a certain point, when the woman feels comfortable she starts to take ownership of things. She suggests vacations, more outings, and different things for you to wear. And an emotional commitment of some kind.

ES

 

[Justplatonic]

Everyone has their own opinion so I understand when they are different from mine.

I recently read an article in Psychology today that basically said women "tend" to take control in all relationships no matter what their status in the bedroom. I have always believed this to be true because the woman typically cares more about the relationship and emotional side than the man. I imagine most guys in a relationship can agree to this. The woman decorates the house, all of your "Dogs playing Poker" pictures are gone. She sets up family events. You try to set something up the next week and your wife tells you something is already planned with the in-laws or the neighbors etc. She told you a week ago you just forgot.

A family member's birthday, a cute item for your Mom for Xmas, a Dental or Doctor's appointment, I could go on. My wife remembers all these things easily because she has an emotion attached to each. I would not schedule anything unless I asked her first. I could take over and not ask her anything but she would get very upset. There is truth to the saying, "Happy wife, happy life."

It might be just me, but think about any relationship you have had. At a certain point, when the woman feels comfortable she starts to take ownership of things. She suggests vacations, more outings, and different things for you to wear. And an emotional commitment of some kind.

ES

Agreed eroticspank... My Wife is verbatim...

 

[littlecordelera]

Everyone has their own opinion so I understand when they are different from mine.

I recently read an article in Psychology today that basically said women "tend" to take control in all relationships no matter what their status in the bedroom. I have always believed this to be true because the woman typically cares more about the relationship and emotional side than the man. I imagine most guys in a relationship can agree to this. The woman decorates the house, all of your "Dogs playing Poker" pictures are gone. She sets up family events. You try to set something up the next week and your wife tells you something is already planned with the in-laws or the neighbors etc. She told you a week ago you just forgot.

A family member's birthday, a cute item for your Mom for Xmas, a Dental or Doctor's appointment, I could go on. My wife remembers all these things easily because she has an emotion attached to each. I would not schedule anything unless I asked her first. I could take over and not ask her anything but she would get very upset. There is truth to the saying, "Happy wife, happy life."

It might be just me, but think about any relationship you have had. At a certain point, when the woman feels comfortable she starts to take ownership of things. She suggests vacations, more outings, and different things for you to wear. And an emotional commitment of some kind.

ES

I agree with most of this; however, I do not purchase gifts and remember occasions for Jason because of an emotional attachment. I do so because he will not remember, and if that person does not receive a gift or a phone call or a card or whatever, everyone will look at me. Here in the United States, society expects the wife to handle these things, and we hate the wives who don't.

 

[eroticspank]

I agree with most of this; however, I do not purchase gifts and remember occasions for Jason because of an emotional attachment. I do so because he will not remember, and if that person does not receive a gift or a phone call or a card or whatever, everyone will look at me. Here in the United States, society expects the wife to handle these things, and we hate the wives who don't.

That is a good point that I never even thought about. I bet my wife remembers for both positive and negative emotional reasons.

ES

 

[Justplatonic]

I agree with most of this; however, I do not purchase gifts and remember occasions for Jason because of an emotional attachment. I do so because he will not remember, and if that person does not receive a gift or a phone call or a card or whatever, everyone will look at me. Here in the United States, society expects the wife to handle these things, and we hate the wives who don't.

Agreed littlecordelera... I feel society, whether in the USA or the rest of the world, has still a lot to learn about the diversity of Women. Many conventions/belief systems are based on being the good Wife, or good Mother. And if you're not a part of that, well, society thinks there's something wrong with you. Often peer pressure feeds in to this, which forces Women to conform.

I'm ecstatic this thread (thanks again ladyjenaxx) has given majestic intelliengent Women a chance to speak and be listened to. Unedited by society's draconian belief systems.

You know what littlecordelera... Good for you! If Jason doesn't remember, it's probably not that important to him. To clarify, my Wife and I do forget to send some cards/gifts or make phone calls, not because we don't remember those people, but perhaps we've lost touch... That's just life, right?

 

[trooper6]

Everyone has their own opinion so I understand when they are different from mine.

I recently read an article in Psychology today that basically said women "tend" to take control in all relationships no matter what their status in the bedroom. I have always believed this to be true because the woman typically cares more about the relationship and emotional side than the man. I imagine most guys in a relationship can agree to this. The woman decorates the house, all of your "Dogs playing Poker" pictures are gone. She sets up family events. You try to set something up the next week and your wife tells you something is already planned with the in-laws or the neighbors etc. She told you a week ago you just forgot.

A family member's birthday, a cute item for your Mom for Xmas, a Dental or Doctor's appointment, I could go on. My wife remembers all these things easily because she has an emotion attached to each. I would not schedule anything unless I asked her first. I could take over and not ask her anything but she would get very upset. There is truth to the saying, "Happy wife, happy life."

It might be just me, but think about any relationship you have had. At a certain point, when the woman feels comfortable she starts to take ownership of things. She suggests vacations, more outings, and different things for you to wear. And an emotional commitment of some kind.

ES

This describes us 100%.
I don't know how she does it. We both work full time and have busy day to day lives.
I support Her any way I can and try to be proactive and anticipate where I can be a better husband to her. My Miss / Wife, by trade is an Executive Asssitant to a president of a large company and panning and executing is her job.

 

[trooper6]

Just had to pop in and say that I find it amazing that a thread I started well over a year ago, is still active and followed by many.

Thanks to all those who have contributed

Thank you so much. This forum has provide such a positive insight.
I recently also started listening to two free podcasts on my way to and from work.
I am not promoting them just providing the info below about them.

I tell me students all the time to conduct research on any topic of interest. "The more you know the more you grow."

So I am asking for some feed back on them as if what they are expressing appears to be on target as to how most people in this group feels.

Podcast info:
Keys and Anklet
https://www.keysandanklets.com

Krystine FLR Podcast by Krystine Kellogg
https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/krystines-flr-podcast-krystine-kellogg-VdKvPkqherZ/

 

[littlecordelera]

Here is how to possibly get what you want when so far it has been impossible.

I want to share my response to a PM in here. The question was, "How do I get my wife to..."

I have gotten this question at least a thousand times. The true and simple answer is: I don't know. I don't know your wife.

However, there is a common theme I see in these forums all the time. You guys always move WAY TOO FAST! You want her to change overnight, and that's never going to happen. I would even say, your impatience guarantees it will never happen, because when she feels that pressure, she pushes back, just like anyone else. So here is my suggestion.

Imagine you want your wife to enjoy roller coasters with you, but she is terrified of them. If you come right out and ask her to get on a roller coaster, what's she going to say? No! You have to start small and move slowly, so slowly that she cannot see the progress.

You want her to participate in an FLR where she is the queen? Begin to treat her like a queen, but in very small doses. One night, maybe rub her feet. Days later, help with the household chores or cook or whatever you can do. But note that I said "days later." If you just start doing all these things you don't normally do, she is going to know something is up, and that is going to raise red flags.

So understand that you cannot convince her to ride a roller coaster in a week, probably not in a month, and you will be lucky if you convince her in a year. You may never convince her, but if she can see where you're headed, like anyone, she will probably resist. Start with small doses, and as she becomes accustomed to those, turn it up a notch and repeat the process. It will take time, and no matter where it ends up, you will learn a ton in the process. It will not be wasted time, and much of it will probably be very fun for both of you, if you just go slow.

I hope this helps!

 

[Justplatonic]

Here is how to possibly get what you want when so far it has been impossible.

I want to share my response to a PM in here. The question was, "How do I get my wife to..."

I have gotten this question at least a thousand times. The true and simple answer is: I don't know. I don't know your wife.

However, there is a common theme I see in these forums all the time. You guys always move WAY TOO FAST! You want her to change overnight, and that's never going to happen. I would even say, your impatience guarantees it will never happen, because when she feels that pressure, she pushes back, just like anyone else. So here is my suggestion.

Imagine you want your wife to enjoy roller coasters with you, but she is terrified of them. If you come right out and ask her to get on a roller coaster, what's she going to say? No! You have to start small and move slowly, so slowly that she cannot see the progress.

You want her to participate in an FLR where she is the queen? Begin to treat her like a queen, but in very small doses. One night, maybe rub her feet. Days later, help with the household chores or cook or whatever you can do. But note that I said "days later." If you just start doing all these things you don't normally do, she is going to know something is up, and that is going to raise red flags.

So understand that you cannot convince her to ride a roller coaster in a week, probably not in a month, and you will be lucky if you convince her in a year. You may never convince her, but if she can see where you're headed, like anyone, she will probably resist. Start with small doses, and as she becomes accustomed to those, turn it up a notch and repeat the process. It will take time, and no matter where it ends up, you will learn a ton in the process. It will not be wasted time, and much of it will probably be very fun for both of you, if you just go slow.

I hope this helps!

littlecordelera is 100% on point... I not a world expert on all Women, but I know my Wife... I go in to detail here about this very subject littlecordelera has mentioned in the above post http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=93675371#post93675371.

One example... I'm a foot fetishist (among many other fetishes), and while my vanilla Wife has always enjoyed a good foot rub, admittedly most Women do...

But when it came to kissing Her feet, at first She couldn't tolerate it. She was too sensitive to it. I had to take it really slow, and easy. No lie, it probably took a good several months before She accepted it... And perhaps a couple more to accept my kissing Her feet in different places around our home. So patience is very much a virtue...

Men are pretty simple creatures at best... Women are beautifully complex, and the sooner you accept and respect this, the more in tune you'll be with your Girlfriend/Wife... Good luck...

 

[lady_jennaxx]

Happy Monday everyone

 

[Justplatonic]

Happy Monday everyone

Thanks... And to you too, lady_jennaxx, I hope you're well...

 

[gregy70]

g’day to all.

 

[irishblade]

g’day to all.

Back at ya, Greg.

 

[policywank]

These things are a massive myth and very very rare to be found IRL out in the wild. Most everything you read on the internet is written by fantasists masturbating in front of the computer screen. The appeal for women of an FLR is something close to nil.

Certainly what we see online and in porn is distorted but I wouldn't go so far as to say these things are so close to nil IRL.

Most of the portrayals we see on the internet are unrealistic, but that doesn't mean that the situation they portray doesn't occur. Just because group sex or office sex or cheating doesn't transpire the way it does online doesn't mean these things don't occur. They aren't all happening every minute of every day with a bunch of cheesy pick-up lines and ridiculous characters, but these things do occur IRL with a frequency that is far greater than rare.

Likewise, the portrayal of FLR we see online is very male centric. It is all about what men want it to be about. The premise that those specific scenarios are rare IRL doesn't mean that an FLR is equally rare. It means that a real FLR is more nuanced and more suited to the way women lead.

I think that we tend to have this male centric perception around a lot of things. Much of society implicitly associates leadership or "Alpha" status with aggression. But when you look closer most people who act this way are not leaders at all and the people who actually demonstrate good leadership over time are much more subtle and diplomatic. So what we observe IRL is not that women don't lead or want to lead, it is that we don't lead in the manner that your average male has come to associate with leadership or in accordance with male Sub fantasies.

There is a saying that a lion doesn't need to tell you he is a lion. Whether man or woman the strongest leaders are frequently discrete. Just because you don't see them doesn't mean they aren't there.

 

[Justplatonic]

Certainly what we see online and in porn is distorted but I wouldn't go so far as to say these things are so close to nil IRL.

Most of the portrayals we see on the internet are unrealistic, but that doesn't mean that the situation they portray doesn't occur. Just because group sex or office sex or cheating doesn't transpire the way it does online doesn't mean these things don't occur. They aren't all happening every minute of every day with a bunch of cheesy pick-up lines and ridiculous characters, but these things do occur IRL with a frequency that is far greater than rare.

Likewise, the portrayal of FLR we see online is very male centric. It is all about what men want it to be about. The premise that those specific scenarios are rare IRL doesn't mean that an FLR is equally rare. It means that a real FLR is more nuanced and more suited to the way women lead.

I think that we tend to have this male centric perception around a lot of things. Much of society implicitly associates leadership or "Alpha" status with aggression. But when you look closer most people who act this way are not leaders at all and the people who actually demonstrate good leadership over time are much more subtle and diplomatic. So what we observe IRL is not that women don't lead or want to lead, it is that we don't lead in the manner that your average male has come to associate with leadership or in accordance with male Sub fantasies.

There is a saying that a lion doesn't need to tell you he is a lion. Whether man or woman the strongest leaders are frequently discrete. Just because you don't see them doesn't mean they aren't there.

Great answer policywank...

I'd concur on the pornographic industry's demographic... Particularly FLR's portrayal by the industry and how it's skewered for male consumption...