Sexless Marriages

[Booboobear84]

I think I have it better than many of the posters here. I have emotional intimacy and physical playfulness. What I don’t have is sex and being desired as a man. I used to go dancing to substitute for that. When it clicked with a partner there was a desire there.

Perhaps the most intense sexual experience I’ve had was with a dance partner back home on Christmas break. At the end of the contra line The moment when most people rest waiting to get back in) we engaged in a routine so intense and athletic (think swing/boogie Wookiee) that we had jaws dropping) As the lead I was in pure dominance mode. There was no actual sexual touching or movement. Shortly after the dance ended we literally panted to each other how much we missed dancing with each other.

 

[jbgarcon]

From what I can tell after being here awhile and chatting to others, we make up the majority in here!! It always amazes me how so many of us in our 40’s & 50’s eventually find ourselves in this situation

You’re in the right place!

I used to come here to Lit to simply read stories... I joined up to make connections because I'm finding myself back in this same position... your reply is so universal it isn't funny.

 

[Gcf2020]

Dry Spell

Well over a year now. No end in sight. Otherwise happy but definitely sexually deprived. Glad I am not the only one.

 

[KeenVoyeur]

Pm me.. must be nothing worse

That's an invitation to fill your inbox! Sadly though I think nothing would come of any request to meet other than you having another tale to tell your hubby

Definitely in a long dry spell and aching for relief

my resistance to having another affair is weakening...

I'm with you guys ... the ban imposed by my wife after my transgression is just an opportunity for me to find another FWB

Well over a year now. No end in sight. Otherwise happy but definitely sexually deprived. Glad I am not the only one.

Only a year?! 14 and counting - I think technically I'm a virgin again now

 

[Lost_Yonder]

THIS

The longterm members of this thread know myself and my partner, who I met here @GMOTW… I was catching up on this years posts and dropping by to update you that we are still going strong 15 months later!

But this strikes a chord & I’ll share why… we finally met in real life this week (thanks Covid!), both in longterm (years) sexless marriages but have found something really special together.

But once we were finally together breathing the same air, what was just as important as the “fun” part, was the intimacy and emotional connection. We wanted to spend as much time just holding each other and kissing, in fact reflecting later we agreed that held as much value if not more for us.

I think that will also tell you we are very blessed, as we have found that “rare beast” & it will now result in a life change so we can be together. We are both in our mid fifties and are not willing to waste the rest of our lives with spouses who have no interest. I hope our example can provide some inspiration to not just give up on ever being fulfilled again, we all deserve to be happy and fulfilled.

And remember, if you’ve tried to fix it or you know they’ll never really change, your spouse has breached your marital contract & that’s their choice, but it does not have to be your life sentence!

Get out there & find yourself the partner your heart needs! We have & ultimately we will make it through some tough days ahead, because years of future happiness are waiting for us.

I wish you all nothing but the best, dream but also act on those dreams, life is short

so wonderful to hear your update DDBB and that you are so happy and taking charge of your life. Wish you both the best of luck!

 

[HotChef1970]

I’ll throw my experience into the ring here to prove to you all that there is hope.

I was in a sexless marriage that had been so for around 8 years, there are but a few people on lit who know about this and I’ve never explained any more than this.

I’m now separated and happily in a new relationship with a wonderful loving person who I met on lit, this has really made me realise all of the little touches and intimate moments that were missing in my life. The hand holding as you walk along the street, the little cheeky bum pinch as you pass in the kitchen etc.

Onto my story, an incident happened 8 years ago with my wife where she felt I never stood up for her when she was in an uncomfortable position outside of a takeaway restaurant (I was sat in my car). She says she looked at me as less of a man after that night and we never had sex again (although it was a couple of years afterwards before she apparently told me this).

I would get upset at rejection and I grew to resent her because of this and actually longed for an affair on one of my many business trips even just for the intimacy and sex alone but I couldn’t do it, sex for me needs to have a connection/meaning behind it and not just sex.

Anyway fast forward to post split with her and a couple of months ago whilst we were discussing the divorce she mentioned that she knew things weren’t right and that she blamed herself and wish that we had talked and even said she was prepared for us to have an open marriage to keep me happy as she knew it was her doing why the marriage was sexless, that surprised me and whilst I guess most guys would have jumped at the option of an open marriage given my reasons for not having an affair then you can see why I retrospectively think it wouldn’t have worked.

I am truly happy now with a wonderful lady who I met here, totally out of the blue but we just connected and we totally get each other

 

[jbgarcon]

I’ll throw my experience into the ring here to prove to you all that there is hope.

I was in a sexless marriage that had been so for around 8 years, there are but a few people on lit who know about this and I’ve never explained any more than this.

I’m now separated and happily in a new relationship with a wonderful loving person who I met on lit, this has really made me realise all of the little touches and intimate moments that were missing in my life. The hand holding as you walk along the street, the little cheeky bum pinch as you pass in the kitchen etc.

Onto my story, an incident happened 8 years ago with my wife where she felt I never stood up for her when she was in an uncomfortable position outside of a takeaway restaurant (I was sat in my car). She says she looked at me as less of a man after that night and we never had sex again (although it was a couple of years afterwards before she apparently told me this).

I would get upset at rejection and I grew to resent her because of this and actually longed for an affair on one of my many business trips even just for the intimacy and sex alone but I couldn’t do it, sex for me needs to have a connection/meaning behind it and not just sex.

Anyway fast forward to post split with her and a couple of months ago whilst we were discussing the divorce she mentioned that she knew things weren’t right and that she blamed herself and wish that we had talked and even said she was prepared for us to have an open marriage to keep me happy as she knew it was her doing why the marriage was sexless, that surprised me and whilst I guess most guys would have jumped at the option of an open marriage given my reasons for not having an affair then you can see why I retrospectively think it wouldn’t have worked.

I am truly happy now with a wonderful lady who I met here, totally out of the blue but we just connected and we totally get each other

Your experiences totally resonate down to the offer of an open marriage by your ex. I am also with an awesome person again after a 30 yr marriage where most of it, including the last few years were totally sexless. I'm also a passionate wine and food person - nice to be on Lit and seeing similarities among the members. Be well and thanks for sharing! Cheers...

 

[thaneofcawdor]

56 M South East, Menopause has taken it;s toll. My wife has no drive and seemingly no concern for my desires. So, I scour the internet for non physical encounters with women, to make me feel better about myself. I have been told I am handsome. a bigger guy, 6'2" 250lbs, I've gained a few after working out, endlessly trying to make myself more attractive to her, but that was a lost cause.
Anyway, good to know, I am not alone.

 

[jbgarcon]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

Seriously? I'm now 60 and has the sex drive of an 18yo. In France 2hrs from Paris. Maybe we should meet halfway? I miss and love sex!

 

[jbgarcon]

THIS

The longterm members of this thread know myself and my partner, who I met here @GMOTW… I was catching up on this years posts and dropping by to update you that we are still going strong 15 months later!

But this strikes a chord & I’ll share why… we finally met in real life this week (thanks Covid!), both in longterm (years) sexless marriages but have found something really special together.

But once we were finally together breathing the same air, what was just as important as the “fun” part, was the intimacy and emotional connection. We wanted to spend as much time just holding each other and kissing, in fact reflecting later we agreed that held as much value if not more for us.

I think that will also tell you we are very blessed, as we have found that “rare beast” & it will now result in a life change so we can be together. We are both in our mid fifties and are not willing to waste the rest of our lives with spouses who have no interest. I hope our example can provide some inspiration to not just give up on ever being fulfilled again, we all deserve to be happy and fulfilled.

And remember, if you’ve tried to fix it or you know they’ll never really change, your spouse has breached your marital contract & that’s their choice, but it does not have to be your life sentence!

Get out there & find yourself the partner your heart needs! We have & ultimately we will make it through some tough days ahead, because years of future happiness are waiting for us.

I wish you all nothing but the best, dream but also act on those dreams, life is short

Yes to these past two posts. I'm new to coming back here to Lit and wished I had joined years ago when I discovered the stories. Much has happened in my own life. Now that I'm 60, I can relate. You and Cherry Brandy have stated it well!

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I’ll throw my experience into the ring here to prove to you all that there is hope.

I was in a sexless marriage that had been so for around 8 years, there are but a few people on lit who know about this and I’ve never explained any more than this.

I’m now separated and happily in a new relationship with a wonderful loving person who I met on lit, this has really made me realise all of the little touches and intimate moments that were missing in my life. The hand holding as you walk along the street, the little cheeky bum pinch as you pass in the kitchen etc.

Onto my story, an incident happened 8 years ago with my wife where she felt I never stood up for her when she was in an uncomfortable position outside of a takeaway restaurant (I was sat in my car). She says she looked at me as less of a man after that night and we never had sex again (although it was a couple of years afterwards before she apparently told me this).

I would get upset at rejection and I grew to resent her because of this and actually longed for an affair on one of my many business trips even just for the intimacy and sex alone but I couldn’t do it, sex for me needs to have a connection/meaning behind it and not just sex.

Anyway fast forward to post split with her and a couple of months ago whilst we were discussing the divorce she mentioned that she knew things weren’t right and that she blamed herself and wish that we had talked and even said she was prepared for us to have an open marriage to keep me happy as she knew it was her doing why the marriage was sexless, that surprised me and whilst I guess most guys would have jumped at the option of an open marriage given my reasons for not having an affair then you can see why I retrospectively think it wouldn’t have worked.

I am truly happy now with a wonderful lady who I met here, totally out of the blue but we just connected and we totally get each other

THIS just filled me with so much happiness for you So pleased I’m not the only one to meet my real life partner in here. Wishing you much continued happiness

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Yes to these past two posts. I'm new to coming back here to Lit and wished I had joined years ago when I discovered the stories. Much has happened in my own life. Now that I'm 60, I can relate. You and Cherry Brandy have stated it well!

Thank you!

Btw I’m actually in the USA & very much in love with my man I met here & have now moved into real life with.

Glad to have you here, this is one the friendliest & most supportive threads you’ll find on Lit!

 

[BBWSeekingSugarDaddy]

my resistance to having another affair is weakening...

I think a lot of us feel this way...

 

[SunkenMeadow]

I think a lot of us feel this way...

I think the majority feel this way. That is why they are on Lit in the first place.

 

[BBWSeekingSugarDaddy]

I think the majority feel this way. That is why they are on Lit in the first place.

Absolutely.

 

[Twistedkink]

Hard to be married to a raging alcoholic that either rages about the same BS most every night or passes out. Usually both. I know, this is not healthy, so here I am exploring what could be.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Hard to be married to a raging alcoholic that either rages about the same BS most every night or passes out. Usually both. I know, this is not healthy, so here I am exploring what could be.

sounds destructive for all involved, not least yourself...

 

[SunkenMeadow]

Absolutely.

Well I’m glad you found someone to light your flame.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I think a lot of us feel this way...

I think the majority feel this way. That is why they are on Lit in the first place.

Indeed, though many seem to come here as a replacement to having an affair. Some have sworn never to "cheat" despite the sexlessness, some of us went down that road and saw it as destructive, some of us have no issue having affairs whether in an open marriage or not, some of us are tiptoeing are way around trying to figure out how to best deal with the reality of a sexless marriage.

We all have different relationships/marriages, different driving forces of why our marriages are sexless, and different values towards sex and marriage so it is always hard to generalize or universalize some kind of solution.

Personally, I had gone down the affair route, but it consumed me in ways I never expected, becoming almost an addiction. It's been 4 years now since I stepped away from it and how I now yearn for that soft, cuddling touch of a woman's naked body and to feel her moist lips pressing against mine...

Life sucks sometimes!

 

[skirt_chaser]

Thank you!

Btw I’m actually in the USA & very much in love with my man I met here & have now moved into real life with.

Glad to have you here, this is one the friendliest & most supportive threads you’ll find on Lit!

Very happy to know you've found that special someone. Making a connection like this is rare. I'm glad you have love and happiness!

 

[jbgarcon]

Indeed, though many seem to come here as a replacement to having an affair. Some have sworn never to "cheat" despite the sexlessness, some of us went down that road and saw it as destructive, some of us have no issue having affairs whether in an open marriage or not, some of us are tiptoeing are way around trying to figure out how to best deal with the reality of a sexless marriage.

We all have different relationships/marriages, different driving forces of why our marriages are sexless, and different values towards sex and marriage so it is always hard to generalize or universalize some kind of solution.

Personally, I had gone down the affair route, but it consumed me in ways I never expected, becoming almost an addiction. It's been 4 years now since I stepped away from it and how I now yearn for that soft, cuddling touch of a woman's naked body and to feel her moist lips pressing against mine...

Life sucks sometimes!

That sounds so familiar to how I felt when I had my affairs. And it seemed like it would run its course and then you'd find yourself in almost an addicted frenzy looking for another. Like an addiction... Yea - not healthy and why I also gave them up. Thanks for sharing - yet again, another example of a shared experience.

 

[MMM_wms]

some food for thought, I hope

Indeed, though many seem to come here as a replacement to having an affair. Some have sworn never to "cheat" despite the sexlessness, some of us went down that road and saw it as destructive, some of us have no issue having affairs whether in an open marriage or not, some of us are tiptoeing are way around trying to figure out how to best deal with the reality of a sexless marriage.

We all have different relationships/marriages, different driving forces of why our marriages are sexless, and different values towards sex and marriage so it is always hard to generalize or universalize some kind of solution.

Personally, I had gone down the affair route, but it consumed me in ways I never expected, becoming almost an addiction. It's been 4 years now since I stepped away from it and how I now yearn for that soft, cuddling touch of a woman's naked body and to feel her moist lips pressing against mine...

Life sucks sometimes!

Lost_Yonder, I have a hard time understanding most men on this thread, and even you are difficult to figure out, so it seems.

Maybe it is due to all my cheating lately being by email “only”. Although I do not see anything terribly deficient in email sex. The way I see it, Virtual sex can be immensly intensive, when it comes to the most significant sexual organ human beings possess: the one between our ears.

To me it makes little difference WHY a spouse no longer loves engaging in sex with the other spouse; what counts is that she or he doesn’t any longer. And “sex” is way more than just fucking; all the erotic intimacy that’s possible is incuded also, when I speak of having sex. And I know that -- with very very few exceptions -- women do love their husband (and do not merely claim to do so), can have and enjoy intimacy, even if they no longer get sexually aroused by it.

So when a sexually active spouse is “struck” with an inactive one, there is only one solution: look for a substitute, when the inactive one becomes “therapy-resistant”

And it seems to me, for those lucky ones among ourselves, who are able to obtain the missing erotic intimacy from e.mails, why the hell NOT pursue this avenue? Instead of merely bickering about one’s bad luck. ….. OK, I admit, finding an email partner who is just right, is mighty difficult too.

 

[cuck72]

turning a sexless marriage into my cuckold gay fantasies

I've just turned more, and more to my gay fantasies, thinking of being a cock sucking sissy for some guys I know. Or I get off imagining my wife fucking these same guys I know. Thinking of her being an old whore, and taking turns hooking up with these guys I know. So I live with the faggot in my head on the side, and being my wife's cuckold not getting her pussy at all. I get off thinking of her cheating with a few guys I know. I think of sucking these guys and them saying, " can you smell your whore wife's cunt." I can live with these thoughts, in my sexless marriage.

 

[RoperTrace]

It happens at all ages it seems. I've been in a sexless marriage for a couple of decades, and blame it primarily on her doctor(s) over-prescribing drugs for depression, and a myriad of other conditions. I read an article by an MD, years ago, that if you or your loved ones are currently taking more than five drugs on a daily basis, his or her desires and sex life have probably declined or disappeared entirely.
We no longer argue about it, or even discuss it any longer, I just stopped caring, but still do love her. If I dwell on it too much, it just makes me sad. So my brain has somehow just packed it away in some closet, so it's not sitting out, staring me in the face every day.

 

[Glazedcorneas]

Another sexless anniversary

First my empathy and sympathy goes out to all unfortunately living life with partner void of intimacy at any level and degree. Since my last post on this thread, nothing has improved since, now a little over 3 years no intimacy and to feel a little down about it, today is our anniversary and though we exchanged gifts and wishes, nothing will fill that emptiness like a passionate hug, kiss, and act of love making…. For shit sakes, I’ll settle for a dry humping session resulting in a chafed cock, like in high school ;-)