Present Tense Erotica

[LilyWaters]

If the final draft has past and present tense, be sure to label that it's a new perspective/viewpoint, especially if it's a different character.

I've seen comments on other stories were lots of people complain that the tense changes and/or suddenly the character switches.

I do character switches all the time now, but I label it clearly with bold and center it, so it's as clear as possible.

Oh, sorry - I can see that I wasn't very clear here. When I say draft, I mean before I even came close to publishing it on here. The final story was entirely in the present tense, with no switching.

All I was trying to say is that I think the tense can be an important stylistic choice, depending on the story. It's worth thinking about what different options could bring to the story and the effect you want to have on the reader.

All the same, that's good advice about bolding and labelling so that the reader finds the switching clear and fluid!

 

[AlexBailey]

Sometimes when I'm reading past tense erotica it begins to sound like a historical news-piece or a memoir. All of the references to things happening in the past just become a distraction and a step removed from what happened.

Imagine listening to a ball game on the radio in past tense.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

...

Imagine listening to a ball game on the radio in past tense.

That's called a rerun.

 

[Abbafan]

Generally, I really don't like it. There's a reason most fiction is written in the past tense. Usually when I come across present tense in something written by a professional, it'll just be for a segment of a story, like during a flashback or a dream sequence, maybe to set it apart or give it more immediacy.

Most of the writers here who try it aren't even disciplined enough to stay in the present tense for the entire story. They'll slip back into the past tense, then go back to the present tense, and then back to the past. I'm not saying HeyAll would be that careless, but its more often the case than not. You are a pretty experienced writer, so maybe you can pull it off. If its something you want to try, go ahead. I don't think most readers are annoyed by it as I am.

 

[Abbafan]

But present tense? It's just another writer's tool. If anything, I find it gets over-used and often gets exhausting to read; and there's somehow a failure in logic - if you're doing it, how can you telling me about it at the same time?

I think this might be why it bothers me. Unless someone is reliving something from the past, almost like they are reexperiencing it, it doesn't make sense to me. It just doesn't sound right.

 

[LAHomedog]

Generally, I really don't like it. There's a reason most fiction is written in the past tense. Usually when I come across present tense in something written by a professional, it'll just be for a segment of a story, like during a flashback or a dream sequence, maybe to set it apart or give it more immediacy.

However, time shifting can be challenging and fun to write, and hopefully fun to read. I wrote in partnership with Eva_Adams a story titled: "On Location, Part 1" that time shifts three times.

The story was a "real time encounter" between two people. It was tricky because it started with a "cold opening" that was a flash-forward, then the second one was another flash forward, but not as far a jump in time because the real-time clock of the story had moved forward and the third one was a flashback, then the story boom-a-ranged back to the real-time clock to finish.

The continuity checks were arduous, but I believe worth it. If you're interested it's here: https://www.literotica.com/s/on-location-pt-01

(Actually I write a lot of flash-forwards as cold openings and then have to find a way to fold it back into the story when it is occurring.)

 

[Abbafan]

However, time shifting can be challenging and fun to write, and hopefully fun to read. I wrote in partnership with Eva_Adams a story titled: "On Location, Part 1" that time shifts three times.

The story was a "real time encounter" between two people. It was tricky because it started with a "cold opening" that was a flash-forward, then the second one was another flash forward, but not as far a jump in time because the real-time clock of the story had moved forward and the third one was a flashback, then the story boom-a-ranged back to the real-time clock to finish.

The continuity checks were arduous, but I believe worth it. If you're interested it's here: https://www.literotica.com/s/on-location-pt-01

(Actually I write a lot of flash-forwards as cold openings and then have to find a way to fold it back into the story when it is occurring.)

Sure, that sounds like you had a reason to write it that way. There was thought put into it.

I was thinking more about people just writing sloppily, going from past tense to present and then back in the middle of paragraphs or sentences.

 

[umamienne]

I have dabbled in a couple of ways.

One was to remove the story from the emotional narrative, as if you were watching a scene from a movie. When the main character realizes what's happening, the reader is back in 3rd person, with a winder into their thoughts.

The other was more like a first-person encounter. The character was unable to speak so the dialogue and scene progression drove the story. I was really happy with it.

Experiment!

 

[ElectricBlue]

To me, it makes no sense to give all details when describing something in Past Tense; how would you still know all of them? Every thought, every word, every movement, every view, every feeling, every sound and smell...

Que? Memory, surely.

When you've got present tense, how can the character be doing in the moment while the narrator is telling the story simultaneously? That's the illogical conundrum for me. Having said that, I've written present tense stories often enough to get over that illogical qualm.

The thing that usually bugs me about present tense is that it's often too frenetic. But somehow, I manage to slow it all down with contemplative prose. My usual meandering rivers just meander a little faster, like a small flood.

 

[LAHomedog]

Que? Memory, surely.

When you've got present tense, how can the character be doing in the moment while the narrator is telling the story simultaneously? That's the illogical conundrum for me. Having said that, I've written present tense stories often enough to get over that illogical qualm.

The thing that usually bugs me about present tense is that it's often too frenetic. But somehow, I manage to slow it all down with contemplative prose. My usual meandering rivers just meander a little faster, like a small flood.

OK Spur of the moment example. Making it up:

I remembered when I first saw her, Her sapphire blue eyes sparkling in the sun, smiling at me, inviting me with a yes, "I want you." I had never experienced love at first sight before. Happily, the lightening bolt hit her too. We kissed and sunk into the lawn, anxious to devour each others bodies. We became one as I entered her. We both knew immediately the connection was forever.

I think about that moment every time we make love.

I move into her, pressing my bare chest against her soft, breasts. They press up against me like soft clouds, rubbing so firmly against me I could feel her heart beating.

I want you now, she says.

I take her.

I slowly enter her as she moans, "Yes."

I arrive fully inside her. She is wet and needy. I am hard and willing to satisfy.

#####

There past tense and present tense in a paragraph.

(I may have to grab that and throw it into a story!!! Not bad for a throw off.)

 

[ElectricBlue]

There, past tense and present tense in a paragraph.

(I may have to grab that and throw it into a story!!! Not bad for a throw off.)

And there's the subtlety - you've slowed it down with the past tense narrative - which is what I tend to do when I use present tense, carefully merge it with the past. Master Doom doesn't approve, but I've still not gone back and changed that story.

But your shift is deliberate - the complaint (which I agree with) is when novices shift tense willy nilly, with no clue that they're doing it.

 

[RichardWark]

At this point I have seven stories up; three are in present tense. I prefer past tense, but there is something in the story that tells you which tense is better. Someone brought up the Rabbit novels by John Updike (I really miss him, btw). Rabbit, Run was a turning point for me. I hated, hated, hated present tense until I saw how effective it could be. There is no rule, I believe, for when or where. You just know as you write it. (People who forget halfway through and are inconsistent is another matter.)

There have been a couple of points made about how someone is not, so to speak, writing things down as they do them. This is not a bad point; however, you can think of it as a story being told. Letters are representative of vocal sounds. Writing is, then, a recording of vocal sounds. So if you keep that in mind as, you think about any number of stories you may have heard verbally from someone. I am sure you have heard a friend say something like "So I get out of bed this morning, walk downstairs to the kitchen, and there's my wife, mad as hell." And "Three guys walk into a bar" is probably (not necessarily, but probably) going to lead to a better joke than "Three guys walked into a bar." The point is that we should probably be less concerned about the tool - pen and paper (or whatever) and more about the story being told. And, as I implied above, yes, sometimes present tense is just not the right choice.

And sometimes writing extemp like this instead of planning paragraph by paragraph is the wrong choice. I hope I'm not kicking myself when I see this reply.

Richard Wark
Wark2002
https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5430653&page=submissions

 

[SimonDoom]

To me, it makes no sense to give all details when describing something in Past Tense; how would you still know all of them? Every thought, every word, every movement, every view, every feeling, every sound and smell...

It doesn't have to make sense. It's convention and it's been convention for hundreds of years and people grow accustomed to it. The narrator is God. The existence of the all-remembering and all-knowing narrator is the first thing the reader suspends disbelief about.

 

[MillieDynamite]

And there's the subtlety - you've slowed it down with the past tense narrative - which is what I tend to do when I use present tense, carefully merge it with the past. Master Doom doesn't approve, but I've still not gone back and changed that story.

But your shift is deliberate - the complaint (which I agree with) is when novices shift tense willy nilly, with no clue that they're doing it.

There is a writer, in my fathers writing group, who switches back and forth on tense as you describe. It isn't on purpose but because he doesn't care enough to do write. He even claims he does what he does because it sounds better that way. In one sentence in a flash back, (which should be in the past even if you write in present tense), he switches past verbs, to present verbs, two times.

He can't keep an editor, he often rejects tense changes. The editors tell him, "The reader gets confused with this constant change of tense." His answer is, "They'll figure figure it out."

I can't get through most of his work. Surprisingly, the stories are well plotted, and imagery is decent. Yet, my mind grows wear in the first few pages of correcting the verbs in my head.

 

[SimonDoom]

OK Spur of the moment example. Making it up:

I remembered when I first saw her, Her sapphire blue eyes sparkling in the sun, smiling at me, inviting me with a yes, "I want you." I had never experienced love at first sight before. Happily, the lightening bolt hit her too. We kissed and sunk into the lawn, anxious to devour each others bodies. We became one as I entered her. We both knew immediately the connection was forever.

I think about that moment every time we make love.

I move into her, pressing my bare chest against her soft, breasts. They press up against me like soft clouds, rubbing so firmly against me I could feel her heart beating.

I want you now, she says.

I take her.

I slowly enter her as she moans, "Yes."

I arrive fully inside her. She is wet and needy. I am hard and willing to satisfy.

#####

There past tense and present tense in a paragraph.

(I may have to grab that and throw it into a story!!! Not bad for a throw off.)

Well, it's not in a paragraph, because you have multiple paragraphs, but it is in one passage (sorry, I'm a pain in the ass at times).

But this works, because of the transition paragraph "I think about that moment every time we make love." This takes the reader into that moment, and your use of present tense clarifies that we are switching to the enjoyment of that moment for as long as that tense continues.

The key is that the author has to pay very careful attention to the use of tense and what's happening to it at all times, and why the tense shifting is happening.

 

[MillieDynamite]

To me, it makes no sense to give all details when describing something in Past Tense; how would you still know all of them? Every thought, every word, every movement, every view, every feeling, every sound and smell...

If the story is first person the characters memory may or may not be accurate, still its the narrators memory and the story is told as he remembers it. Why wouldn't it be as close to the way it was as he remembers.

If on the other hand, it is third person, then like SimonDoom says, its from a perspective outside the time element.

 

[NoJo]

I use the present tense in stories often, and it feels very natural to me.

Note there's a different, Damon Runyon style "present tense", which is really past tense as spoken by the narrator:

Now one night I am in Good Time Charley Bernstein's little speak in Forty-eighth Street, talking of this and that with Charley, when in comes Harry the Horse, looking very weary and by no means prosperous. Naturally I give him a large hello, and by and by we get to gabbing together and I ask him whatever becomes of the Bookie Bob matter

Screenplays are always in the present tense, and I was writing screenplays before I wrote stories, so that could explain why I like to use it sometimes, when I want some immediacy and real-time exposition.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I use the present tense in stories often, and it feels very natural to me.

Note there's a different, Damon Runyon style "present tense", which is really past tense as spoken by the narrator:

AKA "historical present tense".

 

[lovecraft68]

is when novices shift tense willy nilly, with no clue that they're doing it.

Novice? Few years of self publishing on an erotic story site and self pubbing a couple PB's and you're now an expert talking about novices?

The Hubris is strong in you.

 

[lovecraft68]

Okay so there's a lot of good discussion here, and on a topic that certainly is relevant to this forum, and excellent for someone who is seeking clarification on the topic at hand.

I preface my next statement with this is my opinion and style and not trying to push it on anyone or change anyone's process or questing to be more knowledgeable on the subject

having said that, I look at the ping pong balls bouncing back and forth here with agreeing/disagreeing and the reasons why etc...

And I think for the love of whatever god you might believe in, just write a damn story. As is often the case here, and as seen in mainstream(dare I reference 50 shades again) it seems the readers don't give fuck all about the things people fret over here.

Is that a good thing? Maybe not because there's times there some basic writing rules you should follow without devolving into "its fiction, fiction writing is different' or thinking you're creating your own style by half assing everything to look 'clever'

But wow, this is way more energy then I want to spend figuring something out over just simply telling a story. The perfect example for me is a comment on one of my stories a few years ago where they applauded my use of unreliable narrator.

I then had to go to google and look up what that meant. Instinctive, intuitive, stream of consciousness, whatever term you use for a writers natural story telling ability and creativity, can't be taught and is far more valuable then all the rules and dickering over tenses and whatever else.

The readers response can tell you if you're doing okay, even more so when they're slapping a couple dollars down.

Tell a good story, the rest sorts itself out.

At least that's what this novice thinks.

 

[MillieDynamite]

OBut wow, this is way more energy then I want to spend figuring something out over just simply telling a story. The perfect example for me is a comment on one of my stories a few years ago where they applauded my use of unreliable narrator.

An unreliable narrator, one who may or may not be lying through their teeth, is a great story mechanism to use in expository writing. The unreliable story parts, make the other part told by the more reliable individuals all the more important. If you can keep the voices separate, tell the parts from the different points of view, the reader knows, instinctively, who is telling the truth, who is not.

If you can manage to keep this, somewhat, unclear until near the end, it makes for a great way to tell a mystery. Several years back, I can't remember the book or author right now, I read a mystery which unfolded though different peoples account of the night, before and after the murder. Near the end, the unreliable narrator was revealed and his own words (even though disguised to hid his guilt) revealed him. A few of my friends were still surprised when the killer was revealed, but when they reviewed the story they had that, "Oh, shit," moment.

 

[XerXesXu]

Okay so there's a lot of good discussion here, and on a topic that certainly is relevant to this forum, and excellent for someone who is seeking clarification on the topic at hand.

I preface my next statement with this is my opinion and style and not trying to push it on anyone or change anyone's process or questing to be more knowledgeable on the subject

having said that, I look at the ping pong balls bouncing back and forth here with agreeing/disagreeing and the reasons why etc...

And I think for the love of whatever god you might believe in, just write a damn story. As is often the case here, and as seen in mainstream(dare I reference 50 shades again) it seems the readers don't give fuck all about the things people fret over here.

Is that a good thing? Maybe not because there's times there some basic writing rules you should follow without devolving into "its fiction, fiction writing is different' or thinking you're creating your own style by half assing everything to look 'clever'

But wow, this is way more energy then I want to spend figuring something out over just simply telling a story. The perfect example for me is a comment on one of my stories a few years ago where they applauded my use of unreliable narrator.

I then had to go to google and look up what that meant. Instinctive, intuitive, stream of consciousness, whatever term you use for a writers natural story telling ability and creativity, can't be taught and is far more valuable then all the rules and dickering over tenses and whatever else.

The readers response can tell you if you're doing okay, even more so when they're slapping a couple dollars down.

Tell a good story, the rest sorts itself out.

At least that's what this novice thinks.

Agreed.

I don’t know what applies where the various brands of English are spoken by contributors here, but, where I come from, shifting tense from past to present is commonplace, it’s the natural form of story-telling whether in first or third person. The past is used to get you to the drama, the drama is related in the present. The raconteurs are often a bit loud, even common, but they know how to spin a yarn effectively. I can see no reason why it can’t be done in writing, if you’re a skilled raconteur.

Go for it.

 

[Abbafan]

And I think for the love of whatever god you might believe in, just write a damn story. As is often the case here, and as seen in mainstream(dare I reference 50 shades again) it seems the readers don't give fuck all about the things people fret over here.
.

This is very true. Even if people notice these things, they'll overlook them if they are into the story.

 

[Abbafan]

Agreed.

I don’t know what applies where the various brands of English are spoken by contributors here, but, where I come from, shifting tense from past to present is commonplace, it’s the natural form of story-telling whether in first or third person. The past is used to get you to the drama, the drama is related in the present. The raconteurs are often a bit loud, even common, but they know how to spin a yarn effectively. I can see no reason why it can’t be done in writing, if you’re a skilled raconteur.

Go for it.

Good point. I've noticed some people do this. I don't think what sounds fine when you're in a pub having a few pints necessarily will work when it comes to the written word. That said, if someone wants to try that kind of conversational style, I wouldn't tell them not to. Give it a go. My only advice would be to try and be consistent with it, make word choices that fit that approach.

 

[CyranoJ]

Anyone ever try this?

Yes, and mostly I've found that it's not worth it.

Present-tense can be a useful way of conveying immediacy, but in large doses -- I wrote most of my early erotic stories, which are not on LitE, in present tense -- it just gets exhausting. I would counsel my past self not to write stories that way.

So, how about in restricted doses? I offer up as Exhibit A The Ballad of Little Bird, which seemed tremendously clever to me as I was writing it. And I think the reason it's my least-viewed and lowest-rated story (granted it's also my most recent, but I think it's unlikely ever to climb beyond that point) is that I got too clever by half with it.

The fundamental conceit there is that the "present" of the story is written in the past tense, and the "past" is written in the present tense, which is meant to convey the intensity of the sex magick rite that's at the core of the story. In the abstract, I like this idea. It should work.

But on reflection, it just... doesn't. It doesn't work. It comes across as an affectation. If I had restricted the present tense view to one specific character (probably the heroine, as an illustration of her particular mindset) maybe it would have worked better. But I ultimately think the story would've been better off without it, and it found the fate it deserved.

So on balance, I have to come out as "no" on present-tense unless the story is very short. Past tense is a standard for... I don't know if it's a good reason, per se, but you need some very real reason to move beyond it and it's best not to do it for long stretches of a story.