I need some advice

[Punkrockchick]

So I heard about this website from a friend and read a bunch of posts. It seems like a safe space from what I have read. I need some serious advice.

Here's my dilemma: I am madly in love with my cousin. Some context is necessary. We grew up together and there was never anything between us. We both got married and I got divorced. Fast forward a bunch of years. I'm 35 now. He travels a lot for work and asked if I wanted to join him on one of his trips. We went to Boston and had a great time. We both got pretty wasted and ended up sleeping together. I never in a million years would have even considered doing that, but it happened. Since then he has taken me on a few trips with him and even spent a night at my place that was the most wonderful night of my life. He is married to the most perfect woman I have ever met. She's gorgeous, smart, sexy, she has a great job, she is sexually adventurous with him and just all around perfect.

I know I can never fully have him. That breaks my heart. Do I cut off all contact with him or do I simply enjoy the time we have together? This is killing me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Delawareguy]

I am sorry that the "most perfect women" has another woman trying to mess up her life.

You should be too.

Fix the problem.

 

[hippiesfembichild]

I would be hesitant to take any advice i got here.
There may be some well meaning people but you will get bad advice also.
A friend of mine just tried this with a thread and the results were bad.

Also you have not turned on your PM.
That cuts both ways , you may get some useful and entertaining pm's, but you will also get the rude and crude to go with it.

Just my 2 cents.

I would say enjoy what you can for as long as it works knowing it won't last.

 

[Punkrockchick]

Wow. First response is a ride one. I didn't see that coming.

For your information, he is the one that pursued me. He is the one that has kept it going.

So please take your law degree and go judge someplace else.

 

[Punkrockchick]

I didn't know I had to turn in on. Whoops. You may be right about the advice. The posts I have read have contained, what I gathered, was nice people, if not a bunch of thirsty guys. I just thought some people could be real.

 

[Delawareguy]

Wow. First response is a ride one. I didn't see that coming.

For your information, he is the one that pursued me. He is the one that has kept it going.

So please take your law degree and go judge someplace else.

Does it matter who started it?
You asked for ADVICE which requires (I am sorry to inform you) JUDGEMENT.

You want advice but while not being judged. Typical of your age. You don't want advice. You want to have your guilt assuaged.

 

[Punkrockchick]

Typical of my age? It sounds as if you have been wronged by someone my age. Would you like to talk about it? Or just keep it all bottled up. Typical of your age.

 

[MuscleDaddy]

Some people can be real, that’s what makes it borderline sometimes in terms of being a “safe space”. For instance the earlier poster clearly has strong beliefs against infidelity.

I would worry less about advice from here not because of it’s content or delivery, but rather because we simply lack the comprehensive knowledge of a situation necessary to offer adequately educated opinions.

 

[Corbal]

From the famous words of an Oscar Winning Actor, if you’re not first, you’re last. You’re a side-piece to a family member with whom you share DNA. Stop while you’re ahead.

 

[Punkrockchick]

Thank you for that. I will then stop expecting a safe space.

 

[Escierto]

Wow. First response is a ride one. I didn't see that coming.

For your information, he is the one that pursued me. He is the one that has kept it going.

So please take your law degree and go judge someplace else.

Delawareguy is an asshole. A transphobe and a homophobe. I put him on my ignore list ages ago.

 

[stevestevens356]

Does it matter who started it?
You asked for ADVICE which requires (I am sorry to inform you) JUDGEMENT.

You want advice but while not being judged. Typical of your age. You don't want advice. You want to have your guilt assuaged.

Bingo. Please give me advice, just not advice I don't want to hear.

 

[twister947]

You're not the cheater, here; ignore the wagging fingers. That said, there is no way this ends well.

 

[Delawareguy]

Typical of my age? It sounds as if you have been wronged by someone my age. Would you like to talk about it? Or just keep it all bottled up. Typical of your age.

I have no interest in anyone your age, so "No", I have not been wronged by anyone your age nor have I anything I feel the need to discuss with you. But my kids who ARE your age have better values and morals than you it seems.

 

[Delawareguy]

You're not the cheater, here; ignore the wagging fingers. That said, there is no way this ends well.

Of course becasue if you're not the cheater everything is just perfect. How narrow-minded.

She wants to fuck the guy. She just can't handle the guilt. My guess is she wants to fuck the wife as well but is too afraid to find out if she would be into that.

 

[Delawareguy]

Thank you for that. I will then stop expecting a safe space.

Safe Space? LMAO

I am sure "safe space" = 0 guilt.

 

[Delawareguy]

From the famous words of an Oscar Winning Actor, if you’re not first, you’re last. You’re a side-piece to a family member with whom you share DNA. Stop while you’re ahead.

Thank you. I'll second that.

 

[sally_sparrow]

If he has the perfect wife, then you are, sorry to say, his side entertainment. It's not going to end well. Stop while you're ahead, especially if you have feelings for him.

 

[ChrissyCD64]

If she is sexually adventurous as you say, maybe you can get her interested in a threesome.

 

[rae121452]

i say do whatever you want and fuck anyone else's opinion. you're adult, he's adult, live your life.

 

[policywank]

There is nothing wrong with being his side piece, if that aligns with what you want or can live with. If you are looking for some fun and sexual action it is often better that way. And being a woman does not oblige you to have a female approved approach to your sexual relations. You don't need to be a cliche - these things sometimes end badly but sometimes people have a great experience that stays with them fondly even after it ends. The question is will you be able to deal with the end and can you keep it all in context?

As for his wife, you don't mention your relationship with her. The marriage commitment is between him and his wife. It isn't up to other women to enforce that commitment for her. But if you have a more personal relationship with her such that you feel that you owe her something, that is different.

 

[hulvamulva]

From the famous words of an Oscar Winning Actor, if you’re not first, you’re last. You’re a side-piece to a family member with whom you share DNA. Stop while you’re ahead.

I agree.
If you were in it just for fun, that would be different. But it seems like strong emotions may be in play here on your part. Deepening involvement may prove messy and regrettable.

 

[Justfantasies]

So I heard about this website from a friend and read a bunch of posts. It seems like a safe space from what I have read. I need some serious advice.

Here's my dilemma: I am madly in love with my cousin. Some context is necessary. We grew up together and there was never anything between us. We both got married and I got divorced. Fast forward a bunch of years. I'm 35 now. He travels a lot for work and asked if I wanted to join him on one of his trips. We went to Boston and had a great time. We both got pretty wasted and ended up sleeping together. I never in a million years would have even considered doing that, but it happened. Since then he has taken me on a few trips with him and even spent a night at my place that was the most wonderful night of my life. He is married to the most perfect woman I have ever met. She's gorgeous, smart, sexy, she has a great job, she is sexually adventurous with him and just all around perfect.

I know I can never fully have him. That breaks my heart. Do I cut off all contact with him or do I simply enjoy the time we have together? This is killing me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I had no idea that people could be that judgmental on this site. That said, you are probably right -- you can never fully have him. So you have to decide whether having him a little bit could be good enough. It will take maturity to deal with an ongoing relationship without a lot of pain and chaos. But if you decide you can handle it, why not.

The wife is a factor. Not sure what sexually adventurous means exactly. But naughty mind is conjuring up all sorts of possibilities.

 

[Carnevil9]

You are fucking someone else's spouse. Unless they have some sort of open marriage, that's just plain wrong.

How would you feel if a co-worker ate your lunch out of the company fridge? You'd probably hate it. Well what you are doing is a hundred times worse.

 

[SouthernCrossfire]

You say you know you can never fully have him, but continuing the present course will likely, in time, lead to the destruction of his marriage and, as a by-product of that, most likely the demise of your relationship with him. As a cheating spouse who will lose the most, he will likely try to shift the blame (in his wife's eyes) from himself to you for the marriage failure.

If you want to save your friendship and family relationship with him, walking away and seeking love elsewhere would be best. If not, keep going and let the chips and the tears, from all involved, fall where they may.