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Dad Jokes

H

HusbandNextD00r

Really Experienced
Joined
Feb 22, 2021
Posts
126
Share your favorite dad jokes here.



Q) Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl use the restroom?



A) Because the “P” is silent.
 
Did you hear about the accident at the Air Force base movie theater?

A jeep ran over a bag of popcorn and smashed two Colonels.
 
honeybee_sweet said:
Did you hear about the accident at the Air Force base movie theater?

A jeep ran over a bag of popcorn and smashed two Colonels.
Click to expand...

That ones as bad as the one about the kidnapping at school.

What happened?

The teacher woke him up.
 

My all-time favorite dad joke:


How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on him!


How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way, you unique up on him!

Comshaw
 
Yo daddy so dumb, somebody said it was chilly outside so he went to get a bowl.

Yo daddy so old, his Social Security number is 4.
 
Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?

Because, if it had 4, it'd be a chicken sedan.

_

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

*shrug* eleph-I-know.
 
Recently I decided it might be nice to get some cooking other than my own.

There was this abso-fuckin'-lutely gorgeous redhead sitting alone as I was following the hostess. I could not take my eyes off her.

Her glass eye popped out just then, and though I was startled, I managed to catch it on the fly. Not wanting to add to what I figured was already an embarrassing situation, I calmly returned it to her as I passed with a gentle smile.

She caught at my sleeve and asked me to join her. As I say, she is an absolute knockout, so I nodded to the hostess that I would be joining her.

On top of just breath-stealing beauty, she was also extremely intelligent, witty, and charming. I had an absolutely wonderful time. So much so that when dinner was done, I took her up on her offer for a nice walk together, even though she lived the opposite direction.

To my surprise, she invited me up for drinks. One thing turned into another and I had the best sex of my life. Pornhub wishes they could think of the stuff this beautiful gal did with me and for me! I know a couple of things hadn't ever crossed my mind until she offered them.

We fell asleep, cuddling. And I had the best sleep I'd gotten in years.

And then was awakened in the very best way!

Afterward, she had me sitting on a stool at her kitchen counter while she put together a gourmet breakfast only wearing my shirt. And I just couldn't help myself. I just had to know.

"Do you often pick up strange men and treat them so wonderfully?" I asked.

"No," she said. "You just caught my eye."
 
Q: Why did Ariel, the Little Mermaid, wear seashells?

A: Because she was too busty for b-shells.
 
I asked my wife if I was the only one she had ever been with.

She said, "Yes."





She continued, "All the others were 9s and 10s."
 
Last edited:
Acktion said:
Recently I decided it might be nice to get some cooking other than my own.

There was this abso-fuckin'-lutely gorgeous redhead sitting alone as I was following the hostess. I could not take my eyes off her.

Her glass eye popped out just then, and though I was startled, I managed to catch it on the fly. Not wanting to add to what I figured was already an embarrassing situation, I calmly returned it to her as I passed with a gentle smile.

She caught at my sleeve and asked me to join her. As I say, she is an absolute knockout, so I nodded to the hostess that I would be joining her.

On top of just breath-stealing beauty, she was also extremely intelligent, witty, and charming. I had an absolutely wonderful time. So much so that when dinner was done, I took her up on her offer for a nice walk together, even though she lived the opposite direction.

To my surprise, she invited me up for drinks. One thing turned into another and I had the best sex of my life. Pornhub wishes they could think of the stuff this beautiful gal did with me and for me! I know a couple of things hadn't ever crossed my mind until she offered them.

We fell asleep, cuddling. And I had the best sleep I'd gotten in years.

And then was awakened in the very best way!

Afterward, she had me sitting on a stool at her kitchen counter while she put together a gourmet breakfast only wearing my shirt. And I just couldn't help myself. I just had to know.

"Do you often pick up strange men and treat them so wonderfully?" I asked.

"No," she said. "You just caught my eye."
Click to expand...

This is funny.
 
At 1st I didn’t think my wife was serious when she told me she would leave me if I didnt stop singing “I’m a believer” by the Monkees… Then I saw her face.
 
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