The Obituary Writer

[sirhugs]

MC needs a job to support their writing for Literotica, do gets hired by the local undertaker to help families write the obituaries for their loved ones. All is good until

~ (s)he meets this one widow(er). who just won't stop sobbing, so the NC offers a tissue, then a hand on the shoulder, then a hug...

~(s)he interviews this one family where getting the deceased's relationships to the mourners is tough until (s)he discovers why they all called him Daddy.

~ another widow(er). It slowly dawns on the MC that the deceased and the widow(er) were also siblings...

~ working the late shift, the embalmer offers him/her a tour...

~ fooling around after hours with their SO they accidentally get stuck together in a coffin

 

[sirhugs]

Just dying for a reply...

 

[silversword]

Inappropriate obituary

...and a wonderful lover.

I can't remember the joke now but that was kind of the punchline, as in inappropriate way to describe the deceased particularly in front of their family.

I know sometimes a eulogy is delivered by a third party as the family sometimes find it difficult to speak on such occasions. I can imaging a young woman sitting with a recent widower as he describes the loss of his wife, before describing some of the things she used to do for him.

"She used to give the most amazing blow jobs you know..." the celebrant awkwardly listens as he describes her best techniques, she notices that his sporting an impressive erection. She tries to make an excuse to leave by awkwardly asking, "is there anything else I can do for you?"

 

[Hypoxia]

The cub reporter, disgusted at being assigned the obit beat, on her last day writes a slew of obits, her own included, with the phrase "fucked to death". Then she arranges to be fucked to death. Does her editor print all her obits as a memorial to her?

 

[AvroAnsonXIX]

A novelist is writing a non-erotic thriller on a laptop when he discovers something. Once he has created them, all of his characters abide by physics and natural law. For instance: If he has one jump from a height they become injured. If he has them jump from an airplane and forgets to write about a parachute, they die. Everything he writes comes true for the populace of his book.

Sadly he discovers this by killing off all of his most popular and economically viable characters and he is unable to resurrect them. He thinks it's the laptop and replaces it. But no, it's him, he has the ultimate power of life and death over "his people."

Where does this lead? He tries writing at Literotica and his characters again abide by natural law and the laws of physics. So one night as he is typing and listening to Harry Chapin's 'Corey'd Coming' he has an idea ...

"I come by in the evening to hear 'bout where he's been
He says come on sit down Kid, where shall I begin?
He starts telling me the stories of the glories of his past
But he always saves the story of his Corey for the last.

"And he says my Corey's coming. No more sad stories coming
My midnight-moonlight-morning-glory's coming aren't you girl?
And like I told you, when she holds you
She enfolds you in her world.

"I was quite surprised to find out all the places that he knew
And so I asked the townfolk if his stories were true
They said old John was born here, he's lived here all his life
He's never had a woman, let alone a wife.

"And very soon you'll find out as you check around
That no one named Corey's ever lived in this town
So I chided the old man 'bout the truth that I had heard
He smiled and said reality is only just a word."

 

[Hypoxia]

A novelist is writing a non-erotic thriller on a laptop when he discovers something. Once he has created them, all of his characters abide by physics and natural law.

I vaguely recall an old (Unknown Tales?) story of a reporter with a newly-cursed typewriter whereon any story he writes for the next day's paper actually occurs. Be careful with submissions to LIT.

 

[sirhugs]

...and a wonderful lover.

I can't remember the joke now but that was kind of the punchline, as in inappropriate way to describe the deceased particularly in front of their family.

I know sometimes a eulogy is delivered by a third party as the family sometimes find it difficult to speak on such occasions. I can imaging a young woman sitting with a recent widower as he describes the loss of his wife, before describing some of the things she used to do for him.

"She used to give the most amazing blow jobs you know..." the celebrant awkwardly listens as he describes her best techniques, she notices that his sporting an impressive erection. She tries to make an excuse to leave by awkwardly asking, "is there anything else I can do for you?"

turns out her old sorority sister knows the same tricks?

 

[Zionisacat]

Obit writer decides to get ahead of the game and start pre-writing some obits. Unfortunately he has the kiss of death and as soon as he's done writing them, they die.
He decides to use his powers for good and starts writing wedding congrats/birth announcements.

 

[Carnevil9]

I vaguely recall an old (Unknown Tales?) story of a reporter with a newly-cursed typewriter whereon any story he writes for the next day's paper actually occurs. Be careful with submissions to LIT.

If that starts working on LIT, the world is going to be overrun by ten-inch throbbing schlongs and bouncing 44DD boobs.

 

[sirhugs]

If that starts working on LIT, the world is going to be overrun by ten-inch throbbing schlongs and bouncing 44DD boobs.

you say that like it is a bad thing...