Are you proactive or reactive?

[OxfordJack]

I have been here off and on for many years and made some wonderful friends. They are the ones who will message me if they see me on, asking after me and start a conversation.

I have also made friends who will chat if I message them first, replying "its good to see you Jack, how are things?" etc - but stay silent if I don't make the first move.

Do you message a friend if you see them on and posting?

Or do you wait until they message you?

 

[SugarSpiceAndLace]

I always say that I'm extremely shy in real life but a lot less so here... except when it comes to initiating contact. I still tend to feel like I'm bothering someone if I PM them, so I'm hesitant to do so even with people I consider friends or have previously chatted with.

 

[OxfordJack]

I always say that I'm extremely shy in real life but a lot less so here... except when it comes to initiating contact. I still tend to feel like I'm bothering someone if I PM them, so I'm hesitant to do so even with people I consider friends or have previously chatted with.

I can understand that. I recently messaged a lady I hadn't chatted to in years and got a lovely response - it is often worth making that first move.

 

[SugarSpiceAndLace]

I can understand that. I recently messaged a lady I hadn't chatted to in years and got a lovely response - it is often worth making that first move.

I know that I sometimes come off as reserved and uninterested, as I've heard from different people at different times, but my brain tells me that I'm bothering people when I message them, and that they'll only respond out of politeness. So I tend to just wait until people message me and am pleasantly surprised when it happens, when they want to continue a conversation with me. I know it's problematic, that it's unfair to place the onus on the other person, but I can't get past the feeling that I'm pushing myself onto people otherwise.

 

[Deacon_Voss]

I guess I'm a little of both.

I have some wonderful friends that check up on me, but as for new people, I'm slow to PM. If we seem to have some friendly chemistry, I'll PM, but usually I wait, letting them reach out first.

 

[OxfordJack]

I guess I'm a little of both.

I have some wonderful friends that check up on me, but as for new people, I'm slow to PM. If we seem to have some friendly chemistry, I'll PM, but usually I wait, letting them reach out first.

I think us chaps sometimes think our attentions are unwanted!

 

[Deacon_Voss]

I think us chaps sometimes think our attentions are unwanted!

Yep, thats a good part of it, and why I just flirt like mad on the threads, lolol

 

[OxfordJack]

Yep, thats a good part of it, and why I just flirt like mad on the threads, lolol

really..?

why I hadn't noticed!!

 

[SugarSpiceAndLace]

I think us chaps sometimes think our attentions are unwanted!

I've had male posters tell me that they rarely are the first to reach out because they don't want to come off as one of those guys trying to slide into random PM's. Which can be a conundrum for someone like me who's too shy to reach out first lol.

 

[OxfordJack]

I've had male posters tell me that they rarely are the first to reach out because they don't want to come off as one of those guys trying to slide into random PM's. Which can be a conundrum for someone like me who's too shy to reach out first lol.

I have been know to send out random PMs..."Happy Friday!", that sort of thing. Replies are very rare and often just "than you" so I take the hint. But occasionally friendships have developed.

 

[Deacon_Voss]

I think I've reached out about fifteen times in eighteen years of being here? And it was easier ten years ago when everyone was a perv

 

[OxfordJack]

I think I've reached out about fifteen times in eighteen years of being here? And it was easier ten years ago when everyone was a perv

ah the good old days...happy times!

 

[Deacon_Voss]

ah the good old days...happy times!

It was fun that's for sure. Most threads were filled with sexual innuendos

 

[SugarSpiceAndLace]

I have been know to send out random PMs..."Happy Friday!", that sort of thing. Replies are very rare and often just "than you" so I take the hint. But occasionally friendships have developed.

I don't have a problem with random PM's, though I tend to ignore any from profiles that have 0 posts or when the message feels like cut and paste. I'm much more likely to respond when it's related to something I've posted, as you know lol.

 

[MrJogger]

Probably gravitate more to proactive but can be a bit of both dependent on mood, what’s going on, how likely people might be to respond.

 

[OxfordJack]

I don't have a problem with random PM's, though I tend to ignore any from profiles that have 0 posts or when the message feels like cut and paste. I'm much more likely to respond when it's related to something I've posted, as you know lol.

I do indeed!

 

[OxfordJack]

Probably gravitate more to proactive but can be a bit of both dependent on mood, what’s going on, how likely people might be to respond.

good point - you can often gauge by a person's posts or signature if they are likely to be interested.

 

[MrJogger]

good point - you can often gauge by a person's posts or signature if they are likely to be interested.

Indeed. Sometimes you can know people have a lot going on too, so might be less likely to reach out in those circumstances. Which is perhaps counter-intuitive because depending what those things are they might like to hear...

 

[tigger_lover]

i have various ideas regarding this subject

A lot will depend on the sort of friendship i have with that person, how have we spoken on the threads, have i tried to chat to that person before, did it fall on deaf ears. is it someone I've spoken to and want to give support to them. Do feel i am chasing them or not. Or do i think that person wants to hear from me and chat or not. Are they humouring me or not.

The length of friendship also comes into it, is this someone I've spoken to on and off for a while and we chat about all sorts of things. Lit at the end of the day is a sex site, and some people purely want to off They don't want to have a day to day chat of hi hope your ok,

How many people do they chat with, do i feel they really care. How have they previously responded to my chats, is it one word answers, have they ignored me, do they set off my own mental health and is it a good thing to chat to them in detail about anything.

Also if i have them on a messenger service, how often do they chat, do they click on purely if they are horny or do they vanish for months. Have we spoken and this dismissed me.

 

[MrJogger]

i have various ideas regarding this subject

A lot will depend on the sort of friendship i have with that person, how have we spoken on the threads, have i tried to chat to that person before, did it fall on deaf ears. is it someone I've spoken to and want to give support to them. Do feel i am chasing them or not. Or do i think that person wants to hear from me and chat or not. Are they humouring me or not.

The length of friendship also comes into it, is this someone I've spoken to on and off for a while and we chat about all sorts of things. Lit at the end of the day is a sex site, and some people purely want to off They don't want to have a day to day chat of hi hope your ok,

How many people do they chat with, do i feel they really care. How have they previously responded to my chats, is it one word answers, have they ignored me, do they set off my own mental health and is it a good thing to chat to them in detail about anything.

Also if i have them on a messenger service, how often do they chat, do they click on purely if they are horny or do they vanish for months. Have we spoken and this dismissed me.

All good points. One word, or short answers definitely a heavy consideration.

 

[OxfordJack]

i have various ideas regarding this subject

A lot will depend on the sort of friendship i have with that person, how have we spoken on the threads, have i tried to chat to that person before, did it fall on deaf ears. is it someone I've spoken to and want to give support to them. Do feel i am chasing them or not. Or do i think that person wants to hear from me and chat or not. Are they humouring me or not.

The length of friendship also comes into it, is this someone I've spoken to on and off for a while and we chat about all sorts of things. Lit at the end of the day is a sex site, and some people purely want to off They don't want to have a day to day chat of hi hope your ok,

How many people do they chat with, do i feel they really care. How have they previously responded to my chats, is it one word answers, have they ignored me, do they set off my own mental health and is it a good thing to chat to them in detail about anything.

Also if i have them on a messenger service, how often do they chat, do they click on purely if they are horny or do they vanish for months. Have we spoken and this dismissed me.

you've made some great points there Tigger...thanks so much!

 

[OxfordJack]

loving these contributions and thoughts.

lunch now...back later!

 

[RVB_1]

Luck favors the prepared

 

[Dribble]

I have been here off and on for many years and made some wonderful friends. They are the ones who will message me if they see me on, asking after me and start a conversation.

I have also made friends who will chat if I message them first, replying "its good to see you Jack, how are things?" etc - but stay silent if I don't make the first move.

Do you message a friend if you see them on and posting?

Or do you wait until they message you?

The key word is "friend". And I guess, what defines that "friendship".

Since I don't view acquaintances as friends...I don't worry one way or another. If I have something to say...I say it. But most times, I say nothing. Let others feed their needs. Those I consider friends...that friendship has been earned by them...and I reach out.

 

[OxfordJack]

I tend to take the initiative and be proactive when it comes to communication on Lit, but I’ll get nice surprises occasionally when people reach out to me first.

I feel like, since the male to female ratio is so high, we guys kind of have to be proactive as the ladies are often inundated with PMs and responses on threads. As long as I’ve been on Lit, it’s always been that way.

People, who tend to be more reactive, have asked me how they can get others to interact with them here. I don’t think there’s an easy answer to that. It’s always, you just have to be nice and friendly and just keep talking. Eventually people will come around and respond to you.

this very much strikes a chord