My first story chaper regected and no editors replying?

[beta_sissy]

I understand this website site wants to keep its stories semi-professional in regards to spelling and grammar etc and not have a site full of totally unreadable mixed-up stories that are near impossible to read, but I did not realise posting to this site would be such a chore.

I have loved reading the stories on here for many years, also loved writing kinky captions from time to time and posting around the internet. I assumed posting a story on Literotica would be relatively simple and allow a person to expand on their short captions by writing longer stories.

I recently had the first chapter of a story rejected for a capitalisation issue. I thought I had fixed the issue but it got rejected for the second time the day after?.

Since then I have emailed 3 editors in the hope they could point out what I am doing wrong but still awaiting any reply.

I am far from a professional writer but I like to think what I wrote was easy to read and enjoyable.

 

[Beneaththesurface]

I understand this website site wants to keep its stories semi-professional in regards to spelling and grammar etc and not have a site full of totally unreadable mixed-up stories that are near impossible to read, but I did not realise posting to this site would be such a chore.

I have loved reading the stories on here for many years, also loved writing kinky captions from time to time and posting around the internet. I assumed posting a story on Literotica would be relatively simple and allow a person to expand on their short captions by writing longer stories.

I recently had the first chapter of a story rejected for a capitalisation issue. I thought I had fixed the issue but it got rejected for the second time the day after?.

Since then I have emailed 3 editors in the hope they could point out what I am doing wrong but still awaiting any reply.

I am far from a professional writer but I like to think what I wrote was easy to read and enjoyable.

I will take a look. Not that I’m a professional editor but I have stories published here. See below.

 

[beta_sissy]

Thanks

Thank you for the offer to take a quick look over my 1st chapter. I have just emailed you.
I tried to message you via the reply option in the forum but when I tried to add the story file it said invalid? Tried both PDF format and open office formats but both invalid.

Hopefully, you receive the direct email. If you reply to it I can attach the file to the email

Thanks again

 

[Beneaththesurface]

Thank you for the offer to take a quick look over my 1st chapter. I have just emailed you.
I tried to message you via the reply option in the forum but when I tried to add the story file it said invalid? Tried both PDF format and open office formats but both invalid.

Hopefully, you receive the direct email. If you reply to it I can attach the file to the email

Thanks again

Nothing yet in my email.

 

[_Lynn_]

Thank you for the offer to take a quick look over my 1st chapter. I have just emailed you.
I tried to message you via the reply option in the forum but when I tried to add the story file it said invalid? Tried both PDF format and open office formats but both invalid.

Hopefully, you receive the direct email. If you reply to it I can attach the file to the email

Thanks again

I'm not sure of the path you took to include the story, but you're not allowed to post more than three paragraphs on the forum.

 

[jaF0]

BUT ... you could paste a couple of paragraphs here for all to be able to look over. That might give us, and you some hints.

"I recently had the first chapter of a story rejected for a capitalisation issue. "


People's names, titles, places, first word of sentences, etc.

 

[Beneaththesurface]

Thank you for the offer to take a quick look over my 1st chapter. I have just emailed you.
I tried to message you via the reply option in the forum but when I tried to add the story file it said invalid? Tried both PDF format and open office formats but both invalid.

Hopefully, you receive the direct email. If you reply to it I can attach the file to the email

Thanks again

I got your email sent through LIT. I sent you a reply to send it.

 

[beta_sissy]

Lost email

Nothing yet in my email.

Thanks again Beneaththe surface.

I messaged via the contact member option on this site. wrote my message and filled in my email address in the box where it said if I want a response.

I am guessing Literotica are not forwarding messages to members, I do not know.

 

[beta_sissy]

Caps

BUT ... you could paste a couple of paragraphs here for all to be able to look over. That might give us, and you some hints.

"I recently had the first chapter of a story rejected for a capitalisation issue. "


People's names, titles, places, first word of sentences, etc.

The first time my chapter was rejected was due to capitalisation errors too. I thought I had fixed until the second attempt was rejected also
.

 

[jaF0]

Hey, if you don't want to post a sample, so be it.

 

[beta_sissy]

Thanks

I got your email sent through LIT. I sent you a reply to send it.

Cheers, I have not received an email yet though. I will keep checking my email and let you know.

 

[beta_sissy]

A few paragraphs

Hey, if you don't want to post a sample, so be it.

Chapter 1 ( The evolution of a sissy )

It is funny how life can often change unexpectedly and make you wonder how did that happen. For instance, take this sissy named Kelly. In his mid-thirties and to the outside world just a typical man going to work each day, football matches, going out drinking with friends and attempting to date women, even if 99% of the time failing at that.

Like many today, he has a secret, that being when he gets over horny he will often put on the pair of used panties he bought from an online Dominatrix and within seconds of sliding the pink satin up his hairy legs he would be rock hard and making a small tent out of the panties. So begins the regular ritual like so many other Fridays nights before. Endless hours scrolling through Femdom and sissy porn beating on his numb of skin and edging his 4-inches till the inevitable happens and a teaspoon worth of watery cum sprays over his belly. Like a typical sissy, when the sexual pleasure has been sated and the guilt about what he has done hits him he vanishes, only to creep back at a later date when horny again and needing his perverted sexual drug lust satisfying.

Like so many other sexually repressed and frustrated beta sissies he starts looking at interracial porn. At first, just enjoying the hetero scenes of two hetero people having sex and not thinking past the sex scene itself. Not long after delving into interracial porn though, his sissy beta mind starts craving the attention, but not to be the well hung black stallion's in these videos pleasuring the hot slutty women like wild sex-starved animals, no, he wants to be like the girls on screen, he wants those heavy dark powerful meat rods and the heavy muscle-bound weight of the superior God like human specimens behind each one to be dominating his slim, smooth, weedy body and making him into a real sissy girl. Being 100% straight he shrugs off those conflicting thoughts and puts it down to simple lust and being caught up in the moment of sexual ecstasy, after all, dressing up in kinky girls clothing and edging his noodle knob is just some casual kinky fun from time to time, right?
Fast forward a few months and the images of those young, strong and well-endowed ebony Adonises won't leave his sexually inadequate mind. He starts waking up most days horny and humping his damp mushroom sized noodle into a pillow or the bedsheets. Those coal-black African Gods have been invading his dreams again. Thoughts of them capturing him, overpowering and beating his pearly white backside relentlessly until he stops fighting the truth about what he was born to be and accept his new position in life, that being a sissified sex object and servile slave.

 

[jaF0]

One this I notice is that you're using British English. This site primarily uses American English and that can cause issues for some. If the member is from India or other countries that use variants of British English, things can get even more complicated for them.

 

[jaF0]

I caught a couple of spelling errors ... 'numb' should probably be 'nub', 'Adonises' doesn't look right to me, but may be OK. Other than that, nothing jumps out.

 

[beta_sissy]

A few paragraphs

Hey, if you don't want to post a sample, so be it.

Chapter 1 ( The evolution of a sissy )

It is funny how life can often change unexpectedly and make you wonder how did that happen. For instance, take this sissy named Kelly. In his mid-thirties and to the outside world just a typical man going to work each day, football matches, going out drinking with friends and attempting to date women, even if 99% of the time failing at that.

Like many today, he has a secret, that being when he gets over horny he will often put on the pair of used panties he bought from an online Dominatrix and within seconds of sliding the pink satin up his hairy legs he would be rock hard and making a small tent out of the panties. So begins the regular ritual like so many other Fridays nights before. Endless hours scrolling through Femdom and sissy porn beating on his numb of skin and edging his 4-inches till the inevitable happens and a teaspoon worth of watery cum sprays over his belly. Like a typical sissy, when the sexual pleasure has been sated and the guilt about what he has done hits him he vanishes, only to creep back at a later date when horny again and needing his perverted sexual drug lust satisfying.

Like so many other sexually repressed and frustrated beta sissies he starts looking at interracial porn. At first, just enjoying the hetero scenes of two hetero people having sex and not thinking past the sex scene itself. Not long after delving into interracial porn though, his sissy beta mind starts craving the attention, but not to be the well hung black stallion's in these videos pleasuring the hot slutty women like wild sex-starved animals, no, he wants to be like the girls on screen, he wants those heavy dark powerful meat rods and the heavy muscle-bound weight of the superior God like human specimens behind each one to be dominating his slim, smooth, weedy body and making him into a real sissy girl. Being 100% straight he shrugs off those conflicting thoughts and puts it down to simple lust and being caught up in the moment of sexual ecstasy, after all, dressing up in kinky girls clothing and edging his noodle knob is just some casual kinky fun from time to time, right?
Fast forward a few months and the images of those young, strong and well-endowed ebony Adonises won't leave his sexually inadequate mind. He starts waking up most days horny and humping his damp mushroom sized noodle into a pillow or the bedsheets. Those coal-black African Gods have been invading his dreams again. Thoughts of them capturing him, overpowering and beating his pearly white backside relentlessly until he stops fighting the truth about what he was born to be and accept his new position in life, that being a sissified sex object and servile slave.

 

[beta_sissy]

British

One this I notice is that you're using British English. This site primarily uses American English and that can cause issues for some. If the member is from India or other countries that use variants of British English, things can get even more complicated for them.

ah, that might be it then?. I am British and do write in British English. Crazy that a story site might not recognise British English

 

[beta_sissy]

Cheers

I caught a couple of spelling errors ... 'numb' should probably be 'nub', 'Adonises' doesn't look right to me, but may be OK. Other than that, nothing jumps out.

Aye, I spotted the numb error when I re-read it, That will be Grammarly highlighting the error at the time and me stupidly auto-correcting it without thinking. At the time of writing the story I put Adonosis into Google because I was not 100% about the spelling, thought I had corrected it at the time.

Thanks for the input and glad to see nothing major sticks out even if Literotica has issue with it.

I will have a read over the full chapter again and see if I can see mistakes.

 

[beta_sissy]

posted below

I'm not sure of the path you took to include the story, but you're not allowed to post more than three paragraphs on the forum.

Hello Lynn,

Thanks for the suggestion. I posted a few paragraphs below. Liked mentioned to another commentator I have already seen a couple of errors with spelling what Grammarly must have highlighted but I stupidly auto-corrected without double-checking

 

[MartaMaine]

One this I notice is that you're using British English. This site primarily uses American English and that can cause issues for some. If the member is from India or other countries that use variants of British English, things can get even more complicated for them.

I've submitted 2 stories using British English, both were approved with no issues.

 

[MetaBob]

First, your title for this post is highly off-putting with two misspellings, making you seem like a writer who needs a lot more help than he's letting on. Overall your sample isn't bad, but is a bit wordy for my taste (especially adverbs and adjectives), is sometimes unclear about what's being referenced, unnecessarily repeats words, and sometimes scrambles tense. I don't think using British English should be a problem except for putting punctuation within quotes, which isn't an issue in these paragraphs; I prefer the British style even though I'm American, but this site advises the American style of putting punctuation *inside* the quotes even when the cited passage doesn't include that punctuation.

The only capitalization issues that might remain are of "Dominatrix", "Femdom", "God-like" (-> "godlike"), and "Gods". I left them as-is but you might want to lower them.

I offer many specific, detailed suggestions for change; you're welcome to use as many or as few as you like. A revised version of the text follows, then the more detailed breakdown. Note that you actually excerpted four paragraphs rather than three -- I omit the 4th, in which only one word needs changing. See the end of this message for that detail:

Chapter 1 ( The evolution of a sissy )

It's funny how life can change and make you wonder "how did that happen?" For instance, take this sissy named Kelly. In his mid-thirties and to the outside world just a typical man going to work each day, football matches, going out drinking with friends and attempting to date women even if failing 99% of the time. But like many, he has a secret: when he gets horny he will often put on the pair of used panties he bought from an online Dominatrix and within seconds of sliding the pink satin up his hairy legs, be rock hard and making a small tent in those panties.

So begins the regular ritual like so many other Friday nights before. Endless hours scrolling through Femdom and sissy porn while beating on his nub and edging his four inches 'til the inevitable happens and a teaspoon of watery cum sprays over his belly. Like a typical sissy, when the sexual pleasure is sated and the guilt about what he has done hits, he vanishes, only to creep back when his perverted sexual drug lust needs to be satisfied again.

Like so many other sexually repressed and frustrated beta sissies he starts looking at interracial porn, at first just enjoying hetero scenes of two people having sex and not thinking past the scene itself. But not long after, his sissy beta mind starts craving not to be the well-hung black stallion pleasuring hot slutty women like wild sex-starved animals, no, he wants to be like the girls; he wants those dark powerful meat rods and the heavy muscle-bound weight of the superior God-like human specimens behind each one to dominate his slim, smooth, weedy body and make him into a real sissy girl. Being 100% straight he shrugs off those conflicting thoughts and puts it down to simple lust and being caught up in the moment of sexual ecstasy. After all, dressing up in girl clothes and edging his noodle knob is just casual kinky fun, right?

Now, details:

It is funny how life can often change unexpectedly and make you wonder how did that happen.

"how did that happen" should be quoted and terminated by a question mark. Or replaced with "why" (not quoted). I would change "It is" to "It's" and drop "often" and "unexpectedly".

-> It's funny how life can change and make you wonder "how did that happen?"

attempting to date women, even if 99% of the time failing at that.

-> attempting to date women, even if failing 99% of the time.

Like many today, he has a secret, that being when he gets over horny he will often put on the pair of used panties he bought from an online Dominatrix and within seconds of sliding the pink satin up his hairy legs he would be rock hard and making a small tent out of the panties.

Drop "today", "over", and "would be"
Replace ", that being" with ":"
Replace "out of the" with "in those"

-> Like many, he has a secret: when he gets horny he will often put on the pair of used panties he bought from an online Dominatrix and within seconds of sliding the pink satin up his hairy legs, be rock hard and making a small tent in those panties.

So begins the regular ritual like so many other Fridays nights before.

"Fridays nights" -> "Friday nights"

Endless hours scrolling through Femdom and sissy porn beating on his numb of skin and edging his 4-inches till the inevitable happens and a teaspoon worth of watery cum sprays over his belly.

"till" -> until or 'til
Drop "of skin" and "worth"
"4-inches" also isn't quite right. -> "four inches" or "4-incher"?

-> Endless hours scrolling through Femdom and sissy porn beating on his nub and edging his four inches 'til the inevitable happens and a teaspoon of watery cum sprays over his belly.

Like a typical sissy, when the sexual pleasure has been sated and the guilt about what he has done hits him he vanishes, only to creep back at a later date when horny again and needing his perverted sexual drug lust satisfying.

"he vanishes" is unclear. Does he actually disappear? Or just his lust, or his boner?

-> Like a typical sissy, when the sexual pleasure is sated and the guilt about what he has done hits, he vanishes, only to creep back when horny again and needing his perverted sexual drug lust satisfied.

Like so many other sexually repressed and frustrated beta sissies he starts looking at interracial porn. At first, just enjoying the hetero scenes of two hetero people having sex and not thinking past the sex scene itself.

-> Like so many other sexually repressed and frustrated beta sissies he starts looking at interracial porn, at first just enjoying hetero scenes of two people having sex and not thinking past the scene itself.

Not long after delving into interracial porn though, his sissy beta mind starts craving the attention, but not to be the well hung black stallion's in these videos pleasuring the hot slutty women like wild sex-starved animals, no, he wants to be like the girls on screen, he wants those heavy dark powerful meat rods and the heavy muscle-bound weight of the superior God like human specimens behind each one to be dominating his slim, smooth, weedy body and making him into a real sissy girl.

Sentence is too long and somewhat repetitive to what has already been written.

-> But not long after, his sissy beta mind starts craving not to be the well-hung black stallion pleasuring hot slutty women like wild sex-starved animals, no, he wants to be like the girls; he wants those dark powerful meat rods and the heavy muscle-bound weight of the superior God-like human specimens behind each one to dominate his slim, smooth, weedy body and make him into a real sissy girl.

Being 100% straight he shrugs off those conflicting thoughts and puts it down to simple lust and being caught up in the moment of sexual ecstasy, after all, dressing up in kinky girls clothing and edging his noodle knob is just some casual kinky fun from time to time, right?

-> Being 100% straight he shrugs off those conflicting thoughts and puts it down to simple lust and being caught up in the moment of sexual ecstasy. After all, dressing up in girl clothes and edging his noodle knob is just casual kinky fun, right?

Your fourth paragraph is good, except "accept" -> "accepts".

 

[Beneaththesurface]

Great job MetaBOB

I like what you did and appreciate how you and many others step up to help. I just got one in from another person and I’m working with him on the same issues of the arrangements of sentences for flow. It wasn’t long ago that I was on the same end being mentored by a more experienced writer such as yourself. I’m still working on it, but getting better everyday. A great thanks to you and all the others pitching in to help.

I just checked your works and will definitely be reading the series where the erotic writer meets the flight attendant. Funny thing, I just wrote my Valentine’s story contest about an erotic writer meets a webcam girl.

 

[MetaBob]

Thanks, Beneaththesurface!

I think I've actually read your A Girl Named Desire before (I will send partial feedback offline) and liked it, and hope you enjoy Flightback if you get around to reading it. It's not finished, alas, I have three chapters out and wrote most of the fourth a year ago, but I like it so much that I'm a little intimidated by it (I don't want to let the story down!), so I've been working on three other pieces since then, plus one I finished and that has been accepted by a publisher and another I started just two weeks ago that I already have 12K+ words for.

 

[KeithD]

The only capitalization issues I saw (other than the run-on sentence, ". . . wild sex-starved animals, no, he wants . . . ," creating a capitalization issue) were the instances that Meta Bob pointed to--and even they are optional enough that I don't think the Literotica system would cough over them. So, I don't really see a capitalization problem in the sample, and I won't comment on anything else (other than to say I don't see rejection issues there either), because you didn't ask for anyone to rewrite your voice into theirs.

 

[SimonDoom]

If this sample is indicative of the story as a whole then I agree with KeithD -- I'm surprised it got rejected. You have a few sentence fragments rather than sentences, and that's not something I would do, but it's an artistic choice and that shouldn't get the story bounced. I saw no deal-killing capitalization errors. British English is not a problem here.

My guess is that the story as a whole has some punctuation and spelling errors and for whatever reason the Site owners caught them and tossed the story, but I'm just guessing. I've seen many published stories at this Site with far more errors than your sample here.

 

[JJA122]

Feels like at least a fifth of authors use British English.
It's likely the site owners saw that it was already bounced back and caught onto the small stuff.