WOMEN: Sex, or Romance?

[Delawareguy]

Do you want to be with a man who wants to be in love with you or a man who has minimal interest in romance and just wants to be with you because he loves to fuck you and is great in bed?

Basically, are you looking for a guy from a Hallmark movie or a "bad boy"?

Is your choice the same for men you want to be dating as it is for men you would want to marry?

What would you say is the percentage of women who value being loved by their man over having a hot guy around who is mostly a great fuck?

 

[Islander55]

Lot of questions here. I am 62 so my answer may be different than a younger woman. From my husband, I want companionship, some romance and some sex. From my friend, I want some fun activities and good sex. My criteria for marriage and for dating are different. There are a lot of things that make a good mate and sex is no where near being the most important. For dating it is mostly having fun and good sex. I am not really into bad boys but I do like a confident man and some enthusiasm.

 

[Valendon]

I'm in my 60's and never have gone for "bad boys." Married twice--one perfect, one not--divorced for 20-some years. I tend to have long-term relationships. My life-long lovers outside of marriage were on the side, but both preceded my marriages and endured past them. There was a period during my 2nd marriage that we were in the lifestyle, so I had sex with a half-dozen within that circle who pretended to be bad boys (wham, bam, fuck you mam) but it quickly lost its appeal.

I've had a string of FWBs, and now I'm settled down with a great one. We live separately, play together, and although I had a rough patch last year, I'm content.

 

[UK_Jill45]

I enjoy the romantic relationship I have with my husband which also includes a great sex life as well.

 

[gtnlynn]

My wife wanted both. In college, she had me for romance, but she had several friends with benefits who were good for sex when I wasn't around. She refused to have any romantic attachments with them. It was just sex.

 

[Delawareguy]

Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate you taking the time to do so. it seems that even highly sexual women (highly sexually aware certainly, even if not highly active) as the ones who have responded seem to want love over sex. I thought I might get some to say they valued great sex more.

If I asked it another way, does it change your answer?

What would you be willing to give up in your partner, assuming you were forced to pick, Love or sex?

 

[Asian_Flower]

I enjoy the romantic relationship I have with my husband which also includes a great sex life as well.

Yes, I will go with this also. I love being in love, having lots of great sex is wonderful but it's not everything.

 

[KimGordon67]

How is "loves to fuck you and is great in bed" equivalent to 'bad boy'? Being great in bed necessarily involves paying attention to the person you're with. The whole 'bad boy' trope is based on narcissists who don't really have an interest in other people's wellbeing - I have zero time for them. But someone who loves to fuck me and is excellent at doing it, without 'romance' - bring it on.

The great thing about not being monogamous is that I can have both. Huzzah!

 

[Delawareguy]

How is "loves to fuck you and is great in bed" equivalent to 'bad boy'? Being great in bed necessarily involves paying attention to the person you're with. The whole 'bad boy' trope is based on narcissists who don't really have an interest in other people's wellbeing - I have zero time for them. But someone who loves to fuck me and is excellent at doing it, without 'romance' - bring it on.

The great thing about not being monogamous is that I can have both. Huzzah!

I wasn't interested in responses from men who think they are women. The women (actual women) who have responded knew exactly what I meant and didn't feel the need to nit-pick about the terms I used.

And no one cares how many people you sleep with, nor is it relevant to the question posed.

 

[KimGordon67]

I wasn't interested in responses from men who think they are women. The women (actual women) who have responded knew exactly what I meant and didn't feel the need to nit-pick about the terms I used.

And no one cares how many people you sleep with, nor is it relevant to the question posed.

Re: the first para ... ?

Re: the second para ... I didn't mention anything about how many people I sleep with (although I note that other people talk about not being monogamous and how this also means they effectively have both, often also using terms like 'several', and that didn't seem to be a problem).

 

[cocktaildress21]

No one looks for either or. As is entirely natural - we all want the full package, a guy who is amazingly handsome, amazing in bed, also rich and powerful and a great father, all the while faithful to us, and with a quiet, thoughtful side.

Of course, we also all know that the perfect guy doesn't exist.

But I'll say this: I've met (a very few) amazing dom's - and I could fall in love with none of them. I might imagine myself in a full bdsm relationship - but overall, it's more likely I'll end up in a zero bdsm relationship.

 

[KimGordon67]

No one looks for either or. As is entirely natural - we all want the full package, a guy who is amazingly handsome, amazing in bed, also rich and powerful and a great father, all the while faithful to us, and with a quiet, thoughtful side.

Of course, we also all know that the perfect guy doesn't exist.

But I'll say this: I've met (a very few) amazing dom's - and I could fall in love with none of them. I might imagine myself in a full bdsm relationship - but overall, it's more likely I'll end up in a zero bdsm relationship.

"... we all ..."? Um ... really, that's not what ALL women want at all.

 

[cocktaildress21]

"... we all ..."? Um ... really, that's not what ALL women want at all.

Yes - it is. It's really what everyone wants, zero exceptions. Of course, the 'perfect mate' isn't the same to everyone, but no one wants someone flawed and broken.

That's not to say there's no one out there if you're flawed and broken. For instance, I am, and there are plenty out there for me. No, my flaws and my brokenness is perfection to someone.

The real trouble is that the guy who finds me perfect is highly unlikely to be perfect for me.

 

[KimGordon67]

Yes - it is. It's really what everyone wants, zero exceptions. Of course, the 'perfect mate' isn't the same to everyone, but no one wants someone flawed and broken.

That's not to say there's no one out there if you're flawed and broken. For instance, I am, and there are plenty out there for me. No, my flaws and my brokenness is perfection to someone.

The real trouble is that the guy who finds me perfect is highly unlikely to be perfect for me.

Your list of things that make the 'perfect mate' is the problem, which you definitely presented as entirely objective. I don't care for someone's wealth or power, nor whether they are a good father. 'Amazingly handsome' doesn't really cut it for me either. And being faithful to me is completely irrelevant.

 

[Delawareguy]

Again, I was looking for responses from ACTUAL women, not men who sometimes (or all the time) think they are women.

Real women seemed to understand the question and didn't nitpick about how it was phrased.

 

[Slut2Abuse]

I think the ultimate goal is love and sex. Do I want to get my brains fucked out? Yes. But it’s so much richer if there’s great sex AND love. There’s nothing wrong with just sex but without emotion, it’s left wanting. IMO.

 

[Loveitdady]

I think the ultimate goal is love and sex. Do I want to get my brains fucked out? Yes. But it’s so much richer if there’s great sex AND love. There’s nothing wrong with just sex but without emotion, it’s left wanting. IMO.

Loved your reply. I am an older but love the younger ladies. My goal is to have phone sex or sexting ..

 

[Islander55]

Again, I was looking for responses from ACTUAL women, not men who sometimes (or all the time) think they are women.

Real women seemed to understand the question and didn't nitpick about how it was phrased.

I think if Kim is a man posing as a woman, she is really, really good at it. I think she raises some excellent points here. Personally I have never been into the "bad boy" thing. I want a guy who is interested in me as a person not just as a means of getting off. He does't have to be rich and powerful and he does not have to be handsome. It seems you are looking for a black and white answer and in reality most things are in the grey area

 

[Crownvic]

Loveand sex are both fantastic...sex is the one..

 

[KimGordon67]

I think if Kim is a man posing as a woman, she is really, really good at it. I think she raises some excellent points here. Personally I have never been into the "bad boy" thing. I want a guy who is interested in me as a person not just as a means of getting off. He does't have to be rich and powerful and he does not have to be handsome. It seems you are looking for a black and white answer and in reality most things are in the grey area

Oh ... he thinks I'm a man!

 

[Islander55]

Oh ... he thinks I'm a man!

That is the way I read his response. I have no idea why.

 

[Funnyloveluv]

Do you want to be with a man who wants to be in love with you or a man who has minimal interest in romance and just wants to be with you because he loves to fuck you and is great in bed?

Basically, are you looking for a guy from a Hallmark movie or a "bad boy"?

Is your choice the same for men you want to be dating as it is for men you would want to marry?

What would you say is the percentage of women who value being loved by their man over having a hot guy around who is mostly a great fuck?

I’ll take both please. Torrid sex and romance!

 

[KimGordon67]

That is the way I read his response. I have no idea why.

I have a pretty good idea. Fundamentally it's a lack of imagination.

 

[Delawareguy]

I have a pretty good idea. Fundamentally it's a lack of imagination.

For someone who claims to be "very busy", you sure have plenty of time to comment here.

 

[KimGordon67]

For someone who claims to be "very busy", you sure have plenty of time to comment here.

Commenting takes a nanosecond. What I'm too busy for is constructing evidence-based and comprehensively cited arguments to counter the stupidity that people post on the GB.