Line by Line Challenge Commentary Thread

[Piscator]

Please place your comments on line by line challenge poems here

 

[Piscator]

Just kidding limericks although frowned upon are welcome.

 

[butters]

Just kidding limericks although frowned upon are welcome.

be careful what you ask for... once i get started on those demonic things it's hard to stop. really reallllllly hard.
Happy New Year!

 

[29wordsforsnow]

Mmh, now who's going to open a thread 'a limerick is more than AABBA'?

Reading through some informative background articles, I hereby declare myself of having glamorously, utterly, and totally failed at limericks...on line one, already.

But, for sure, I fell in love with Leigh Mercer's mathematical Limerick (quoted on Wikipedia)...but never will a single word pass my lips about the lovely parody by W.S. Gilbert!

Speaking of quotes: "...the true limerick as a folk form is always obscene..." Therefore, people write the truth only!

 

[butters]

Mmh, now who's going to open a thread 'a limerick is more than AABBA'?

Reading through some informative background articles, I hereby declare myself of having glamorously, utterly, and totally failed at limericks...on line one, already.

But, for sure, I fell in love with Leigh Mercer's mathematical Limerick (quoted on Wikipedia)...but never will a single word pass my lips about the lovely parody by W.S. Gilbert!

Speaking of quotes: "...the true limerick as a folk form is always obscene..." Therefore, people write the truth only!

like any poetry form, it is... you can start it, sounds like you've gained some insight on it already, lols

and in that vein, i failed, too, since i opted for an unfuckery muckery of one!

 

[butters]

jthserra's post #10 is an exquisite use of 5 lines to create something gorgeous

 

[Angeline]

jthserra's post #10 is an exquisite use of 5 lines to create something gorgeous

It is. It's a pleasure to read his poetry again here.

 

[Piscator]

jthserra's post #10 is an exquisite use of 5 lines to create something gorgeous

Agreed as are Tzara's #4 and #5, Angelne's # 6, Harry's enigmatic # 14, and Remec and Lyricalli's longing # 21 and 22

Tzara's #16 made me smile, and I really should have avoided limericks.

 

[Angeline]

Agreed as are Tzara's #4 and #5, Angelne's # 6, Harry's enigmatic # 14, and Remec and Lyricalli's longing # 21 and 22

Tzara's #16 made me smile, and I really should have avoided limericks.

Here is some food for thought for February.

 

[Lyricalli]

Agreed as are Tzara's #4 and #5, Angelne's # 6, Harry's enigmatic # 14, and Remec and Lyricalli's longing # 21 and 22

Tzara's #16 made me smile, and I really should have avoided limericks.

Thanks for the nod.

Here is some food for thought for February.

Thank you for posting this. I'm going to try to have a go at some of these for next month, I think.

 

[Angeline]

Thanks for the nod.





Thank you for posting this. I'm going to try to have a go at some of these for next month, I think.

I'm going to try as well. I like that there's a nice variation of type and difficulty there.

 

[Piscator]

@Rockymtnman- an interesting sequence in the evolution of your poem - I preferred the third best.

 

[Rockymtnman]

@Rockymtnman- an interesting sequence in the evolution of your poem - I preferred the third best.

Thank you. I prefer two but think there was some growth in three.

 

[29wordsforsnow]

Premature Announcing February

I really love your enthusiam, Piscator, but you came...up with Feb...too early

the wistful moan of the sax
feels almost like sex
at half past six
still in sox
that sux
s...so, if they had excogitated another vowel, this line would look much more glamorous, but well it's still January and we're already past line five, therefore...​

 

[Piscator]

I really love your enthusiam, Piscator, but you came...up with Feb...too early

the wistful moan of the sax
feels almost like sex
at half past six
still in sox
that sux
s...so, if they had excogitated another vowel, this line would look much more glamorous, but well it's still January and we're already past line five, therefore...​

Agreed, but unlike you I'm in a bit of a dolrum here, although there's a mean wind blowing outside. So I though I may as well get it out there so that people can get their sex -I mean sestets all in line

 

[29wordsforsnow]

Truly sent to try us

a
a
b
b
This coronavirus
truly sent to try us.

Stave Stanza, isn't it?

 

[Piscator]

Stave Stanza, isn't it?

Yup, I had to try one of the weird variants in Angeline's link

 

[29wordsforsnow]

Yup, I had to try one of the weird variants in Angeline's link

The (Un)Wreathed Sestests didn't catch your attention (yet)? Those look evil

 

[Piscator]

2 Day Challenge - Valentine's Villanelle

Two sleeps to Valentine's Day.

The Villanelle with its repeating three line can easily morph into 6, lines so the 2 day challenge is to include your Villanelle, or fragment thereof in the 6 line challenge. Here is one of mine from a couple years ago.

A Too Late for Valentines Villanelle

Words like diamonds glitter in line
fixed in place by rhyme and measure
and with these words will you be mine?

Hidden in each newfound rhyme
assonance revealing treasure.
Words like diamonds glitter in line.

The sudden rush as words align
gives the reader subtle pleasure
and with these words will you be mine?

From sequence of repeated lines
can form emerge like EtchASketchure?
Words like diamonds glitter and shine.

Lightly tread past dark nightline
always withhold undue pressure
and with these words will you be mine?

My gift to you, my Valentine
this verse for you to read at leisure.
Words like diamonds glitter in line
with these words will you be mine?

 

[Piscator]

More please Ms. More

Re: Ellen More's Seven by Seven

it was an oddity for me, I didn't get so much of an erotic vibe, it reads to me of being used in an abusive way, not so much a "she enjoys herself" but that she is having the whole scenario enacted upon her.

that it has my thread as an aside tacked on the bottom I don't know what to say about it, except she can damn well write!

She sure can write and has proven it many times over.

I know we each bring our own interpretation to a poem. I agree that it paints a degrading scene but remember the ending, where the woman chooses to continue seeing the man. Is it a sexy poem? It's not fun sexy. It's not playful. To me the eroticism comes from the intimacy of the details the poet offers us, the willingness to let the reader see what is a pretty tawdry scene.

And hey if your thread inspired such fine writing in any way, you're doing something right buddy.

After rereading it with a new framework or perspective to read it from, it reads very differently now.

As to my thread it’s an open bar all are welcome

Although it’s not for the faint of heart it would seem

Actually I read it again and think I misread or misunderstood the ending. But I still would classify it as erotic.

Still sits in an uncomfortable pocket for me, the ending phraseology twisted my brain in knots for some reason, the final two lines took me a long time to try and parse apart.

Raw sharp and definitely moved me. Along the lines of a female's take on something like Bukowski's My First Affair With That Older Woman

 

[Piscator]

If it wasn't for that damn bed floating around the room, LB wouldn't have a problem finding his socks.

 

[Piscator]

I'm double dipping here and reposted my seven - seven line poems from the 007 challenge in the March - 7 line Challenge thread. Bonus points go to those who can identify the form.

 

[todski28]

Well March has become my favourite month

 

[todski28]

Tzara, you absolutely smashed the emotion button with your last write, the expression of longing is poignant from the eyes of the N in your piece, the use of the bed as a backdrop metaphor for ice and tieing it to your ending of snow adds to your writes use of an old metaphor of blood turning to ice out of in this instance longing/unrequited love but is been used for jealousy/rage etc, you've managed a very in my opinion unique and clever take on it without even having to state it.

the contrast of wanting warmth in the middle is a deft touch, after stating the bed was like ice you've further cemented the "ice in your veins" metaphor and started to make it work in empathising with your Narrator

the use of Scandinavian art film, was also a sly nudge in a direction you wanted your reader to envisage the scene your "n" is watching as if it's not just some torrid sex scene but something crafted and designed to elicit not just a sexual response but an emotional pull as well. dialling back the sound portion in my head made the focus of the piece zoom right into the window and back to ice.

what I'm saying here I guess is I really enjoyed this write

it seems especially poignant when you juxtapose it with Calli's piece preceding it,

which I think is damn well written in a sexy longing sort of way, not the same unrequited love piece as Tzara;s more an elicitation of sexual desire and release.

March is definitely my Favourite month

 

[todski28]

Ellen more

hmmmm, thanks for the expose of rolling around on ice white sheets and the smart sexy way you express you ideas in words, it's always fun exchanging writes with a writer of your calibre!