Explaining terms?

[Bramblethorn]

From my current chapter:

It was cold and windy when we went out for lunch, one of those bleak August days that demands comfort food, and Lucy and I ended up sharing a HSP in a park while several gulls looked on in hopes of leftovers.

I doubt many non-Australian readers will know what a HSP is. For terms like this, how do you prefer to have them explained?

 

[SimonDoom]

I don't know how to answer the question without knowing what it stands for. I guess my answer would be, just don't use the acronym. Use a descriptive term. I'm American and I have no idea what an HSP is in the context of your sentence.

I looked it up on Google and the first response I saw was "Highly Sensitive Person." Which is kind of odd but kind of kinky too, in the context of your sentence.

 

[missyunderstanding]

Could you explain what you mean by "a note?"

I am not sure how you are using the term "a note"... could you explain that term? Also, whose "poll" are we talking about? How big is this poll?

 

[NotWise]

I don't know how to answer the question without knowing what it stands for. I guess my answer would be, just don't use the acronym. Use a descriptive term. I'm American and I have no idea what an HSP is in the context of your sentence.

I looked it up on Google and the first response I saw was "Highly Sensitive Person." Which is kind of odd but kind of kinky too, in the context of your sentence.

I'm with Simon on this. I prefer it if you don't use acronyms. It's a form of jargonization that's intended to communicate only to readers who are clued in to your dialect. That's a drum I've been beating in my professional writing for twenty years, and it's a losing battle.

 

[eroticstoryspinner]

From context it appears to be a food item. I would define it via dialog so someone could figure out what it is in general terms without stopping the story to Google it. Or toss the reader out of the story because they spend more time wondering what you are talking about than following the thread of the tale.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I don't know how to answer the question without knowing what it stands for. I guess my answer would be, just don't use the acronym. Use a descriptive term. I'm American and I have no idea what an HSP is in the context of your sentence.

This is one of those cases where clarity and character voice point in different directions. It'd sound weird and artificial for a soldier to be talking about "situation normal, all fucked up" or a frat boy to say "she was a real mom I'd like to fuck". Same here: giving it as "we shared a halal snack pack" feels really stilted. Even on a menu you'll often just see it listed as "HSP".

I looked it up on Google and the first response I saw was "Highly Sensitive Person." Which is kind of odd but kind of kinky too, in the context of your sentence.

Searching on "HSP food" or "HSP Australia" brings up the relevant meaning as the first hit, even when I set my VPN to USA.

 

[oggbashan]

Don't. Just don't.

If a term needs an explanation, bearing in mind Literotica is read all over the world, then use something else.

 

[SimonDoom]

This is one of those cases where clarity and character voice point in different directions. It'd sound weird and artificial for a soldier to be talking about "situation normal, all fucked up" or a frat boy to say "she was a real mom I'd like to fuck". Same here: giving it as "we shared a halal snack pack" feels really stilted. Even on a menu you'll often just see it listed as "HSP".



Searching on "HSP food" or "HSP Australia" brings up the relevant meaning as the first hit, even when I set my VPN to USA.

I looked up "HSP Australia" with my second search and found it.

I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with using a nationally-known acronym, especially if the story makes it clear it's set in Australia and if it uses Australian terms. But if you're going to use HSP, I would suggest this: have some follow-up sentences that make it clearer what it is, like "I pulled a piece of the kebab out of the styrofoam container and munched on it." Or "The chips tasted good." Something like that.

I don't like the idea of using notes in a story. That's a big "no" for me.

To a non-Australian, "Halal snack pack" or "snack of kebab and chips" does not sound stilted. It may sound odd to you not to use the acronym, but it doesn't sound odd to me and I don't think it would sound odd to most English speakers. But I think it's perfectly legit for you to use Australian vernacular if that's the way you want to write the story.

 

[Emirus]

The words you use have to be understood by every reader, without having to resort to google, otherwise don’t use them.

A simple piece of advice was given to me by a female writer, well known to the majority of people on here, which was in respect of my using a word in a specialised category, and it would also apply to acronyms and it boils down to this.

If you intend to use an acronym more than once then the first time you use it write in in full. If you only intend to use it once - don’t!

 

[NotWise]

This is one of those cases where clarity and character voice point in different directions. It'd sound weird and artificial for a soldier to be talking about "situation normal, all fucked up" or a frat boy to say "she was a real mom I'd like to fuck". Same here: giving it as "we shared a halal snack pack" feels really stilted. Even on a menu you'll often just see it listed as "HSP".



Searching on "HSP food" or "HSP Australia" brings up the relevant meaning as the first hit, even when I set my VPN to USA.

In the US, I think most people know that MRE is "meal ready to eat," but I don't think I'd use the abbreviation in a story without making it clear in dialog.

I lean toward making the characters understandable. Being authentic doesn't do you much good if your characters are authentically incomprehensible to your readers. Your example isn't that extreme, but we've had discussions here about writing dialects that come out as gibberish.

Some of my stories include Spanish vocabulary. The words need to fall into common usage, or their context needs to explain them. Combining both is preferable. I'd never add a glossary anywhere.

 

[QuillPig]

I generally dislike author's notes, disclaimers, and I guess that would include glossaries of terms as well. It's all fourth-wall-breaking.

When I'm reading a story, I don't mind looking up an obscure term or two. I always like adding to my vocabulary. But it does get tedious if those obscurities start to pile up, and I find myself running to Google or the dictionary every few lines. That takes me out of the story. So, it's best to use obscure terms in moderation.

Even better if the surrounding context can help me guess what an obscure word or acronym means, without my having to look it up. That's like real life, learning language organically.

Also, I think natural dialogue is almost always better than stilted, explain-y dialogue. Even if it makes things less clear, it sounds better. So, if the character is the kind of person who'd use an acronym, then have them use an acronym. Then it's your job as a writer to help me understand what they mean through context.

I prefer artful use of context rather than getting slapped with a glossary. But that's just me.

 

[KeithD]

None of the above. Somehow elegantly explained within the context of the narrative or dialogue.

 

[yowser]

I generally dislike author's notes, disclaimers, and I guess that would include glossaries of terms as well. It's all fourth-wall-breaking.

When I'm reading a story, I don't mind looking up an obscure term or two. I always like adding to my vocabulary. But it does get tedious if those obscurities start to pile up, and I find myself running to Google or the dictionary every few lines. That takes me out of the story. So, it's best to use obscure terms in moderation.

Even better if the surrounding context can help me guess what an obscure word or acronym means, without my having to look it up. That's like real life, learning language organically.

Also, I think natural dialogue is almost always better than stilted, explain-y dialogue. Even if it makes things less clear, it sounds better. So, if the character is the kind of person who'd use an acronym, then have them use an acronym. Then it's your job as a writer to help me understand what they mean through context.

I prefer artful use of context rather than getting slapped with a glossary. But that's just me.

Well said. I actually enjoy looking up an unfamiliar term, particularly if it is striking and unusual. But more than a couple, no thanks, particularly if it interferes with the story's movement.

The exception are the initialisms and acronyms, unless you know that 90% of your readership knows them. Obscure ones are enormously irritating. Simon's suggestion to just include some dialog or detail immediately following that leads the reader to comprehension is sound.

 

[LoquiSordidaAdMe]

From my current chapter:

"It was cold and windy when we went out for lunch, one of those bleak August days that demands comfort food, and Lucy and I ended up sharing a HSP in a park while several gulls looked on in hopes of leftovers."

I doubt many non-Australian readers will know what a HSP is. For terms like this, how do you prefer to have them explained?

I have never heard the term HSP before reading this thread, but I can understand from the context that it is some type of food item, maybe like a BLT or PB&J.

Do I really need to know more than that? How important is this detail to the plot of the story?

If the title of the story is "HSPs in the Park", or the plot hinges on exactly what they ate, then maybe an opening note would be useful. Otherwise, just make sure the context provides the reader with what they need to know.

 

[AllenWoody]

I believe dialog works well if you want/need to introduce a potentially unfamiliar term:

"One PB and J to go, please," Karen told the man at the counter.

Liz chuckled.

"What?" Karen asked.

"PB and J," she said. "Peanut butter and jelly, of course, but I remember when I first heard the term as a kid, I thought it was 'pee bee and jay'. Never wanted one!"

 

[Emirus]

I have never heard the term HSP before reading this thread, but I can understand from the context that it is some type of food item, maybe like a BLT or PB&J.

Do I really need to know more than that? How important is this detail to the plot of the story?

If the title of the story is "HSPs in the Park", or the plot hinges on exactly what they ate, then maybe an opening note would be useful. Otherwise, just make sure the context provides the reader with what they need to know.

I know what a BLT is but exactly what is a PB&J? That’s a term I’ve never come across until reading your comment. If that was in a story I would have to google it and possibly lose interest.

Not long ago I commented on the term “jock” being used several times in a story written by an American. I asked what it meant and I think I received an answer in about the fourth comment in response to my question. Unless you’re an egotist you should never assume the other person knows what you’re talking about. That applies in many other things in life, not just stories on here.

 

[SamScribble]

I think it was the late William Zinsser who advised: 'Never send your reader off to find a dictionary. They may never come back.'

 

[gordo12]

I recently got called out by a reader over things like V.P, CEO and P.A. Rightfully so. As they pointed out, not everybody would know what they stood for. I would now write them out.

PS your poll didn't give a 'write it out' option.

 

[gordo12]

PB&J? Is a peanut butter and jam sandwich.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I doubt many non-Australian readers will know what a HSP is. For terms like this, how do you prefer to have them explained?

I must get out more, because I didn't know what a HSP was, either.

I'm with the others - if jargon needs explanation, either don't use it or somehow explain it in context, if it's that vitally important, which it usually isn't. Explanatory notes in fiction, though? Not something I'd ever do.

 

[jaF0]

Same here: giving it as "we shared a halal snack pack" feels really stilted.

I still wouldn't know what it was.
Halal to me is some type of Arabic food ritual.

I know what a BLT is but exactly what is a PB&J? That’s a term I’ve never come across until reading your comment.

You don't know a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich?

 

[KeithD]

Although it certainly can fly on a free-read Web site like Literotica, extracted notes of any kind, anywhere are considered inappropriate in fiction (as opposed to nonfiction). Pick up any novel and see how often they are included.

 

[SimonDoom]

I have a suggestion for an alternative way of doing this, if one really wants to write a story in a particular country's vernacular and one has reason to believe many or most people will be confused by the vernacular terms.

Instead of using notes, add a glossary at the end of the story that alphabetically lists the terms with the definitions. In a short preface before the story begins, note the use of the vernacular and let the reader know that the terms are defined in the glossary at the end.

This way, the notes won't obtrude upon the story, but the reader has the option of using the glossary to find out what the words mean.

 

[ChloeTzang]

Although it certainly can fly on a free-read Web site like Literotica, extracted notes of any kind, anywhere are considered inappropriate in fiction (as opposed to nonfiction). Pick up any novel and see how often they are included.

I do like the way George MacDonald Fraser provided notes in the Flashman series, altho all that does is prove there’s an exception to every rule.

 

[jaF0]

^^^ I'd think some kind of dialog between the characters might work.

'How did it come to be called that?'
'Well, it was back during ...'

Doesn't have to be long, maybe a few lines. Not enough to be distracting.