❓ PLP Inquires❓

[Paul_Chance]

11.19.20

Today PLP Inquires on behalf of an advice seeker...

We are all (hopefully) trying our best to be safe and keep other safe in the time of pandemic. But some parts of life still go on.

If you were meeting someone for a first date this week what would make you feel most comfortable and what would you do to try and make your date most comfortable?

Outdoor venue? Masks? Goodnight kiss if it went well? How much communication would you want before hand?

Filter all answers through respect please.

I've met and dated two people, including sex, during the pandemic. Both of them played out along the same lines. (I have a primary relationship, but it is non-monogamous.)

We met through the usual casual contact - once in a park (she had a great little German shepherd pup that decided I was the coolest thing and drug her over) and the second in line waiting for BBQ pickup. Casual conversation and the spark of interest that led to me asking them out.

Both "first dates" were outside in a park setting. One was a classic picnic (social distance and masking) and the other was a hike/picnic.

In both cases we talked about the pandemic and risk. (Not exactly romantic conversations, but necessary in this time.) The level of risk each of us was taking, our social bubbles, general thoughts, etc.. Then we made the decision to open the risk bubble because we thought the sex would be worth it. It was

The decision about how much risk you're willing to take, how you're going to manage it, is intimately personal. I've had some very risky careers - a few times to the level of risk was evaluated as "fuck it, if I'm going to die I am going to die facing forward". Though there is risk in the pandemic, it's no where near that, so I am probably more comfortable with risk than most people.

So, carrying the risk down stream is part of that equation. I did discuss levels of risk with the long term partner. Had she been uncomfortable, I would not have done it, but we both agreed on the level of risk (and the non-monogamous part is mutual). My primary social bubble (the people downstream) is 3 people. Each time after opening the bubble, I had no problem with not venturing back into my primary bubble until I was certain I hadn't been infected.

Just on the high, philosophical level - no, I am not giving up sex because of the pandemic. I will take steps to insure the only one I am risking is me. And the dates made the same calculation.

 

[HotBrand]

You’d be wrong.

... wait. Which part?

 

[beachbaby179]

... wait. Which part?

I think she meant the part about not many people using them with rando strangers. I think that's supposed to be the thrill of them.

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

I'm fascinated that this new little kitten came home with me and stayed, and now wants to cuddle with me all the time. But at the same time, women have also come home with me and stayed, and wanted to cuddle all the time. Some creatures of all species just want to cuddle, but exercise poor judgment about me being cuddleable.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I'm fascinated that this new little kitten came home with me and stayed, and now wants to cuddle with me all the time. But at the same time, women have also come home with me and stayed, and wanted to cuddle all the time. Some creatures of all species just want to cuddle, but exercise poor judgment about me being cuddleable.

No. No cuddles. Glory holes. Get with the program.

Surely you have some tales to tell us?

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

No. No cuddles. Glory holes. Get with the program.

Surely you have some tales to tell us?

No tales about glory holes. I'm more of a guy who got hand jobs on a school bus kind of guy. Except for the cocaine-driven orgies.

 

[HotBrand]

No tales about glory holes. I'm more of a guy who got hand jobs on a school bus kind of guy. Except for the cocaine-driven orgies.

Hand jobs on a school bus? Tell all!

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

Hand jobs on a school bus? Tell all!

I played football and basketball in high school, and also went on some long field trips. We'd often be on a bus for two hours or more. The girls team and the cheerleaders were also on the bus for the games. Teenagers being teenagers, there was always some hanky-panky going on.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

11.22.20

I read a recent article that said (paraphrased) -- Agreeable people are the most desirable people to employ or being in a relationship with. They work harder for less compensation and are less likely to put up a fuss when things push against their boundaries.

Are you an agreeable person? If so, what pros and cons have you run into? What do you think is the opposite of agreeable?

 

[peterherring425]

11.22.20

I read a recent article that said (paraphrased) -- Agreeable people are the most desirable people to employ or being in a relationship with. They work harder for less compensation and are less likely to put up a fuss when things push against their boundaries.

Are you an agreeable person? If so, what pros and cons have you run into? What do you think is the opposite of agreeable?

I am agreeable

Pro you get work, have satisfaction, enjoy simple pleasures, see the bright side in all
Cons Get too much work, suffer fools, endure awkwardness, take flak

Opposite is stubborn and unyielding

 

[dadbod4u]

11.22.20

I read a recent article that said (paraphrased) -- Agreeable people are the most desirable people to employ or being in a relationship with. They work harder for less compensation and are less likely to put up a fuss when things push against their boundaries.

Are you an agreeable person? If so, what pros and cons have you run into? What do you think is the opposite of agreeable?

I'm generally agreeable.

Pros for me have been the ability to connect with a lot of different people, to handle a variety of situations, and I've built a lot of trust toward folks seeking me out for advice/comfort/mediation.

Cons is I find it difficult to tell people no, I hold onto toxic situations for too long, and I tend to let myself get walked on/taken advantage of for the sake of peace.

Opposite of agreeable is rigid, stubborn, inflexible and prickly.

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

I'm generally agreeable.

Pros for me have been the ability to connect with a lot of different people, to handle a variety of situations, and I've built a lot of trust toward folks seeking me out for advice/comfort/mediation.

Cons is I find it difficult to tell people no, I hold onto toxic situations for too long, and I tend to let myself get walked on/taken advantage of for the sake of peace.

Opposite of agreeable is rigid, stubborn, inflexible and prickly.

I think you absolutely nailed it. That's me as well.

 

[AveryElle]

11.22.20

I read a recent article that said (paraphrased) -- Agreeable people are the most desirable people to employ or being in a relationship with. They work harder for less compensation and are less likely to put up a fuss when things push against their boundaries.

Are you an agreeable person? If so, what pros and cons have you run into? What do you think is the opposite of agreeable?

No, I know I am stubborn - and there’s a fine line between agreeable and doormat. I have someone in my family that’s agreeable and it’s the most frustrating thing ever. I can’t imagine working for someone who didn’t provide any real feedback or insight (not to say my coworkers are great but on such a small team, ‘agreeable’ could be a disaster).

 

[Dribble]

If stating the truth makes me a "non-agreeable" person...then i am a fucking prick. I have no problem agreeing if it is the right choice...or if you can defend your choice. Everyone is entitled to make their own mistakes. But likewise, I have every right to point out the hypocrisy. I cannot help it our educational system has failed so badly. (That is not a criticism to most teachers)

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

11.22.20

I read a recent article that said (paraphrased) -- Agreeable people are the most desirable people to employ or being in a relationship with. They work harder for less compensation and are less likely to put up a fuss when things push against their boundaries.

Are you an agreeable person? If so, what pros and cons have you run into? What do you think is the opposite of agreeable?

I'm decidedly an agreeable person. Which is a weird contrast due to my overdeveloped stubborn streak. But I'm selectively stubborn.

Professionally, I'm a good employee. Tell me what you want, I'll get it done with minimal editorializing, as long as I don't think it is colossally stupid.

Personally? I'm more likely to dig my heels in and be less agreeable if something irritates my moral code (which is mildly warped - I am here after all )

I equate agreeability with flexibility, which is something I value in myself. But oddly, I'm often drawn to people who have much stronger personalities and seem less flexible/agreeable. I think I see that I don't have enough of that in my life, at least in certain venues.

 

[AlpineFresco]

11.22.20
Are you an agreeable person?

Fuck off.

 

[QuietCanadian]

Con is that sometimes people mistake this for indifference and/or indecision.

I'm generally agreeable and this is one of the bigger cons. I'm happy to try things if we haven't (thus know they don't work), and most likely to be disagreeable if you try to do something that I don't agree with to a friend or someone else on my team. People usually mistake it for indifference and I find that viewed negatively, but mostly it's just "wait, that could work, so let's try it."

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

11.22.20

I read a recent article that said (paraphrased) -- Agreeable people are the most desirable people to employ or being in a relationship with. They work harder for less compensation and are less likely to put up a fuss when things push against their boundaries.

Are you an agreeable person? If so, what pros and cons have you run into? What do you think is the opposite of agreeable?

Yes, I am naturally agreeable, although I've worked at developing some amount of control over when and with whom I am agreeable, and I think that's been a good thing. I think it's important to be able to set and enforce boundaries, and to be able to say no. I believe that being healthy and balanced means that sometimes we need to be disagreeable, and we need to be able to do that without feeling guilty.

People who are too agreeable run the risk of becoming victims, getting taken advantage of, and being passed over.

Be agreeable when it's appropriate, sure, but develop the skills to be disagreeable af when it's needed.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Yeah exactly. I'm more open to whatever than truly indifferent or not-assertive. But sometimes people have seen it that way in the past.

You are exactly the sort of person I want to call when I've suddenly got a Great Idea and I need someone to come along for the ride.

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

Thinking of an afternoon when I was standing on a dorm balcony having a flirtatious conversation with a woman and started sucking on the side of her neck, just as mischief. It was all in fun, but she sighed and went kinda weak in the knees as other people were walking past. We went no further. But that taught me the value of paying attention to women's necks.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Another downside to being too agreeable is that if a person tends to focus on the happiness and meeting the needs of others, they might not be self-aware enough to anticipate problems or be able to effectively reroute things in a different direction before there are crossed wires and hurt feelings on one or both sides.

I've been on both ends of it and it's mf painful. It's painful for me, and it's painful to see the other person suffering as well, and to know that I'm to blame for at least some of that. Not my finest moments for sure, and it sucks feeling like there isn't anything to say to remedy the situation.

It's super humbling to want to be a good friend, or partner, or just a good human, to have the best of intentions, and to feel like you've failed.

 

[AbsintheFather]

11.22.20

I read a recent article that said (paraphrased) -- Agreeable people are the most desirable people to employ or being in a relationship with. They work harder for less compensation and are less likely to put up a fuss when things push against their boundaries.

Are you an agreeable person? If so, what pros and cons have you run into? What do you think is the opposite of agreeable?

I'm an optimist and a pretty agreeable person. I know that I don't the answer for everything and am willing to listen to other's points of view and go along. I think that's the team thing to do and lets others know that I value them and their opinions. That said, I expect the same from others, if I have an opinion that I feel strongly about I expect that others will give me the same consideration when the facts are weighed.

If it's a work or business situation, it's the same thing except that I will use authority or respect it at the end of the day.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I luv all you agreeable folks.

I agree (imagine that!) with a lot of what you guys have said, especially the cons.

I think I'm agreeable enough that when I actually put my foot down it means something. Everything really doesn't need to be a fight or a discussion or some battle of wills until it actually matters.

I tend to surround myself with mostly agreeable people (No idea how Alpine snuck in) and we are generally a more pleasant, satisfied group of folks.

You have to learn to manage your agree-ability or you will get taken advantage of and steam rolled.

 

[Mei5ter]

Hand jobs on a school bus? Tell all!

If you give a school bus a hand job, that means stick shift??

 

[AlpineFresco]

If you give a school bus a hand job, that means stick shift??

Sticky shift.