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I'm that guy everyone hates and I hate it too.

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Plugh

Virgin
Joined
Aug 13, 2020
Posts
4
Excuse me, folks, I need to vent someplace safe and you drew the short straw.

I'm a middle-aged man in a loving but sexless marriage, and I am turning, against my will, into exactly the kind of man that people hate. I live and work among beautiful young women and I want to fuck them all, without any regard for them as people. I even want to fuck the lesbians (some of them are very attractive and charming). I objectify them totally. I'm horny all the goddamn time and I just see them as attractive bodies with pussies and tits. I don't want a relationship; I don't want an affair; I don't even want to talk. I want to fuck somebody, bad, now.

So far, so average guy, right? Except this isn't me. My field is notorious for treating women badly and I have fought for better conditions for them my whole career. What's more, I don't ogle anybody. I don't make inappropriate remarks. I don't touch anyone in ways that I shouldn't. I don't try to talk anybody into bed. (It would instantly cost me everything if I did.) I'm not Harvey Weinstein. I actually have a reputation for being friendly and supportive to women.

The hypocrisy of it is driving me nuts. I am Mister Nice Guy on the outside, and on the inside I want to rip somebody's clothes off, tie her down, and lick her pussy until she screams and I don't really care who. Her hopes, dreams, aspirations, life challenges, and personal problems mean nothing to me and I don't want to hear about them. I wouldn't be content with a sex doll because I want to fuck a warm, wet women who will fuck me right back, hard, preferably. (Oh, and I'm not a rapist. I want a willing participant, or several of them.)

So what I am is exactly what nobody wants: a married dirty old man who wants to cheat on his wife and wishes he could be a swinger. Swinging groups have no use for old fat cheaters.

Having said all that, let me forestall certain responses that I know are coming:

  • "Talk to your wife." Been there, done that, it's not the solution.
  • "Leave your wife." No. I meant it when I said "loving."
  • "Find an FWB." Would love to. They don't exactly grow on trees.
  • "Prostitution." Nope, it's illegal where I live and they punish the johns, not the working girls. Not going to take that risk.
  • "You're just another typical cheating male asshole." Yes, I know that, except without the actual cheating.
  • "You're pathetic." Yes, I know that too. Don't have the courage to be a real asshole.

There's a conflict between who I appear to be and who I really am, which is bad, but that's not as bad as how bad I want a fuck.

OK, I'm done. Sorry.
 
There's nothing wrong with wanting it, as long as you keep it to yourself. I've always just assumed that most guys think about boning every semi-attractive women they come across. I don't care about fantasy land, as long as in real life I'm being treated with politeness and respect.

My advice wasn't listed. Invest in your wank life! Flashlight, warming lube, sleeve, vibe, whatever floats your boat. Foster a healthy relationship with yourself. It's good for your prostate and your mind.
 
Most of what's in my mind cannot be discussed. Anywhere.
 
It sounds like you're getting to the point of doing something that will be traumatizing, or worse, to the woman/women you finally decide to act out on.

Before that happens I hope you take some action that eliminates the possibility of such a tragic and avoidable outcome.

There is a wide spectrum of options to choose from. Pick the one that matches the level of risk you pose to your unwitting victims.

You are painting yourself as some kind of victim, when in reality, you are the perpetrator. That is a very dangerous way of thinking, and is often used by people to justify their heinous actions.

Get a grip, get help, or get gone.
 
Try porn films and one hand, just like most of those in your boat do.
 
Plugh said:
I don't really care who. Her hopes, dreams, aspirations, life challenges, and personal problems mean nothing to me and I don't want to hear about them.
OK, I'm done. Sorry.
Click to expand...

How lovely. So you basically want a hole/a whole lot of nothing?
 
Last edited:
dolf said:
There's nothing wrong with wanting it, as long as you keep it to yourself. I've always just assumed that most guys think about boning every semi-attractive women they come across. I don't care about fantasy land, as long as in real life I'm being treated with politeness and respect.

My advice wasn't listed. Invest in your wank life! Flashlight, warming lube, sleeve, vibe, whatever floats your boat. Foster a healthy relationship with yourself. It's good for your prostate and your mind.
Click to expand...

Well... NOT every semi-attractive women they come across.

The years catch up with you eventually.

Maybe every other....:)
 
I would go with Islandman's suggestion:

Antidepressants can dull one's libido.

Or reversible chemical castration.
 
At least it seems that people talk to the OP in person. That isn't true for all of us.
 
Self-described nice guys aren't and married guys that hope to "earn" sex don't understand how sexual attraction works. The fact that your wife has no interest in you sexually does not necessarily mean she has no capacity for sexual attraction. There are psychological and biological factors that can lead to bed death in s relationship as a woman ages and those should be looked at and ruled out, but it is more likely to be a sign about relationship issues.

You got married for some reason, consider that. You had done sort of sexual compatibility in the past, and you have no idea what is out there for either of you which is why working on your marriage is worth a shot. Usually, there is plenty of non-secual areas that the two of you can begin working on.

If you are not willing or able to rekindle some sort of sexual component to your marriage, I'd call it a day. A sexless marriage is pointless. You can have every positive thing you currently have with each other without being married, and a dissolution gives an honest basis to seek out whatever you feel you need.

You probably need a shrink, not for the fantasizing about attractive women, but because you are disconnected in your needs for sexual fulfillment and validation from a need for meaningful human interaction. Sex doesn't have to mean some deep, spiritual connection but specifically want sex to be devoid of any depth means something.

Might be that you find it easier to rationalize that way, but it's worth looking at.
 
You are exactly the kind of guy who, when they get what they want, zipless, meaningless sex, falls in love with the other person, destroys their marriage and then gets dumped by the person who really only wanted you for sex.

The other think about sex is it gets better with time, and even fuck buddies are a relationship of a sorts and do talk to some extent. There is really no zipless fuck, there is always an exchange of some sort and frankly why would a woman want this?

My suggestion is counseling, so you can resolve this conflict. In the meanwhile, I agree with Dolf, you have hands, get some toys and jerk off like every other guy out there in a sexless relationship.
 
I could never put up with a sexless marriage. I don't see why you should either, if there is not a physical reason for you or your wife to no have sexual pleasure, they why did it stop?

I'd recommend you tell your roommate you want your wife back, failing that, she better start looking for a new roommate cause your leaving.

Sometimes a person needs a kick in the ass to realise there is a problem. Maybe then she will go to counselling, or at least open up the discussion on why the sex stopped.

If that is a no go, then pack your bags, and go find another loving relationship where you can share intimate relations as well.

Sex with out a connection is just that, and if humans wanted just sex without connections, we would never get married.
 
I don't know if I would put up with a sexless marriage, but I have had relationships where we have gone without sex for periods of time.
Illness, exhaustion, no time, medications, lack of privacy are reasonable reasons, as long it is temporary and sex will return.
Dying is another issue. I have noticed that dying people often lose sexual interest and/or sexual ability. If my spouse was dying, lack of sex would be understandable.
I think one needs to know what it is sexless and what the long term plan is.
In many ways, it's the intimacy aspect of sex that is essential as opposed to the physical.
 
Noor said:
I don't know if I would put up with a sexless marriage, but I have had relationships where we have gone without sex for periods of time.
Illness, exhaustion, no time, medications, lack of privacy are reasonable reasons, as long it is temporary and sex will return.
Dying is another issue. I have noticed that dying people often lose sexual interest and/or sexual ability. If my spouse was dying, lack of sex would be understandable.
I think one needs to know what it is sexless and what the long term plan is.
In many ways, it's the intimacy aspect of sex that is essential as opposed to the physical.
Click to expand...
That part has some depth.

Personally, I think the lack of intimacy is the component that cuts the deepest. You don't need someone else to have an orgasm.

I've got theories about all this that aren't very well formed but I've spent a fair amount of time musing about it.

I think sex can be like a delivery system for intimacy which is the underlying thing humans crave. When the sex is good, you get an adequate recharge of the intimacy. Good sex covers up intimacy issues. When sex declines, that boost that covered the intimacy challenges unique ti that relationship declines as well

Intimacy is hard to define, hard to seek, and hard to deliver. You recognize when it's there, you feel it leave, but why and how gets lost easily.
 
Conager said:
Self-described nice guys aren't and married guys that hope to "earn" sex don't understand how sexual attraction works. The fact that your wife has no interest in you sexually does not necessarily mean she has no capacity for sexual attraction. There are psychological and biological factors that can lead to bed death in s relationship as a woman ages and those should be looked at and ruled out, but it is more likely to be a sign about relationship issues.

You got married for some reason, consider that. You had done sort of sexual compatibility in the past, and you have no idea what is out there for either of you which is why working on your marriage is worth a shot. Usually, there is plenty of non-secual areas that the two of you can begin working on.

If you are not willing or able to rekindle some sort of sexual component to your marriage, I'd call it a day. A sexless marriage is pointless. You can have every positive thing you currently have with each other without being married, and a dissolution gives an honest basis to seek out whatever you feel you need.

You probably need a shrink, not for the fantasizing about attractive women, but because you are disconnected in your needs for sexual fulfillment and validation from a need for meaningful human interaction. Sex doesn't have to mean some deep, spiritual connection but specifically want sex to be devoid of any depth means something.

Might be that you find it easier to rationalize that way, but it's worth looking at.
Click to expand...

I don't find myself in agreement with Que very often, but here I do.

It appears from your post you are VERY dissatisfied with your marriage. It also appears from what you wrote that you've tried talking to your wife. If you two can't find common ground, if you won't or can't talk about the problems you are left with three options: 1) marriage counseling. If you or she refuse that then you have the choice of 2) Staying married and hating yourself and eventually your wife (if you don't already) or 3) walking away.

Before you chose, keep this in mind, the one person in the world you can't afford to hate is you. It's toxic to you and to all those around you.

As far as your fantasies, don't feel like your special. You aren't. Almost all men (even if they profess not to) have sexual fantasies about the women around them. And from my conversations with some women friends, it works in the opposite direction too.

I get the feeling that you don't want to stay with your wife. If you're miserable being married it's time to make a change, time to sever the relationship with her.

If you can't decide because you feel you're lost, can't make a decision because you feel guilty about your fantasies, get some counseling. A good counselor isn't going to tell you what to do, they will help you clarify how you feel and put you in a position to make a decision.

Choosing wisely is important. To do that you need to be thinking clearly and to do that you need help.

It boils down to this: keep hating yourself and you will destroy your life. Get help and you will, with a lot of work, find peace.

Comshaw
 
I usually agree with most everything Cornshaw posts, but in this case I have to slightly disagree.

This guy has self identified as a dirty fat old man who is wound up as tight as some of the right wingers on the GB, and has reached the point where he has become detached from reality.

It is unrealistic to think that any hot young woman is going to want anything to do with him sexually, let alone fuck him like they mean it. The fact that he squelched feedback by preemptively ruling out several options leads me to believe that he won't be satisfied with anything less than living out his fantasy in RL. Scary.

His claim that "this isn't me" and his need to convince people what a nice guy he is sounds like someone in denial. The old trope " he seemed like such a nice guy" has been worn out for some time now.

I may seem a bit harsh, but sometime the cold hard truth is what people need. In these times a person who has a job, a loving wife and their health has some nerve trying to garner sympathy for his selfish primal need not being met to his satisfaction.
 
Plugh said:
Excuse me, folks, I need to vent someplace safe and you drew the short straw.

I'm a middle-aged man in a loving but sexless marriage, and I am turning, against my will, into exactly the kind of man that people hate. I live and work among beautiful young women and I want to fuck them all, without any regard for them as people. I even want to fuck the lesbians (some of them are very attractive and charming). I objectify them totally. I'm horny all the goddamn time and I just see them as attractive bodies with pussies and tits. I don't want a relationship; I don't want an affair; I don't even want to talk. I want to fuck somebody, bad, now.

So far, so average guy, right? Except this isn't me. My field is notorious for treating women badly and I have fought for better conditions for them my whole career. What's more, I don't ogle anybody. I don't make inappropriate remarks. I don't touch anyone in ways that I shouldn't. I don't try to talk anybody into bed. (It would instantly cost me everything if I did.) I'm not Harvey Weinstein. I actually have a reputation for being friendly and supportive to women.

The hypocrisy of it is driving me nuts. I am Mister Nice Guy on the outside, and on the inside I want to rip somebody's clothes off, tie her down, and lick her pussy until she screams and I don't really care who. Her hopes, dreams, aspirations, life challenges, and personal problems mean nothing to me and I don't want to hear about them. I wouldn't be content with a sex doll because I want to fuck a warm, wet women who will fuck me right back, hard, preferably. (Oh, and I'm not a rapist. I want a willing participant, or several of them.)

So what I am is exactly what nobody wants: a married dirty old man who wants to cheat on his wife and wishes he could be a swinger. Swinging groups have no use for old fat cheaters.

Having said all that, let me forestall certain responses that I know are coming:

  • "Talk to your wife." Been there, done that, it's not the solution.
  • "Leave your wife." No. I meant it when I said "loving."
  • "Find an FWB." Would love to. They don't exactly grow on trees.
  • "Prostitution." Nope, it's illegal where I live and they punish the johns, not the working girls. Not going to take that risk.
  • "You're just another typical cheating male asshole." Yes, I know that, except without the actual cheating.
  • "You're pathetic." Yes, I know that too. Don't have the courage to be a real asshole.

There's a conflict between who I appear to be and who I really am, which is bad, but that's not as bad as how bad I want a fuck.

OK, I'm done. Sorry.
Click to expand...

I think you just wanted to vent but what about asking her to read this? :)
 
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