👴 Dad Jokes For The Stout-Hearted 👴

[Wild_Honey_66]

Thank you to Mei5ter for starting us off!

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=92577872&postcount=389

 

[Whiskeyjack]

I saw a sign that said "Falling Rocks." So I tried it, and it didn't.

 

[LifeIsGood3976]

Expectant Father (Calling the hospital): Hello, my wife is going into labor. What do I do?

Nurse at the hospital: Is this her first child?

Expectant Father: No, this is her husband.

 

[tallladiesman]

What do sprinters eat before a race
Nothing, they fast

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

Whoever invented the shovel was truly ground breaking.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

How does a penguin build his house?

Igloos it together.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

I wouldn't trust those trees... they look kind of shady.

 

[baculum]

A young boy and his father are walking to the store. The boy sees a honeybee crawling on the sidewalk and he stomps
on it. His father says "You had no reason to do that. To teach you a lesson, you will have no honey for one week".
On their way home the boy sees a butterfly crawling on the sidewalk and he stomps on it. His father says "You had no
reason to do that. To teach you a lesson, you will have no butter for one week". When they get home his father says
"I'll tell your mother what your punishment is, and why". Just as they enter the kitchen they see his mother stomp on
a cockroach that's crawling across the floor. The boy turns to his father and says "Do you want to tell her, or should I?".

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Just to steal one from Meister himself before he sees this thread.....


A Buddhist called to order pizza - "make me one with everything please?"

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I saw a sign that said "Falling Rocks." So I tried it, and it didn't.

Lol!! This one took me a minute but I snorted.

 

[tnman03]

I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

 

[baculum]

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.

 

[Cyberbella]

What did the fish say when he swam into something hard? "Dam!"

 

[Willingtoshare]

I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don’t know y.

 

[baculum]

What my grandfather would say after mispronouncing a word.

I got my tongue wrapped around my eyetooth and couldn't see what I was saying.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

Why did the blind man fall into the hole with a bucket in it?

He couldn't see that well.

 

[Mei5ter]

My wife caught me with my girlfriend one night and said, "If you want her too, you can marry us both."

I gave it some thought, and did.

I reckon that's big o' me.

 

[tnman03]

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now.
I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey. Then I turned myself around.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshallow, and nuts. I won't lie - it was a rocky road.
I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid. But I can stop anytime I want to.
I used to be addicted to masturbation, but now I'm addicted to sex. It's really gotten out of hand.

I'll see myself out...

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I'm writing a book about WD-40.

It's non-friction.

 

[baculum]

I got a job in a glue factory, but I didn't stick with it.

 

[Mei5ter]

I taught my daughter what a bargain meant.
"Thanks, Dad!" she said. "That means a great deal."

 

[Cyberbella]

The insurance company called a young couple while camping and explained to them that if their tent was stolen during the night they would not be covered.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

What do you call a girl standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette.






(I am literally getting these off my dad's FB page. )

 

[Xerxes82]

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.