BDSM Story Critique

[Brutal_One]

Hello BDSM community

I have started a story Series in LIT called ROD Adventures. I am a prolific writer but have never published anywhere to date. This series is a rewrite of one of my story arcs and has been changed to make it much less selfish than the original that was written third person and purely from the main characters perspective. Because I am still learning the LIT way and the rewrite the story chapters to date have been very short, arguably too short. The series has had a small amount of interest despite this.

My main reason for posting here is the critique from author’s forum that it’s not really BDSM and the main reason is the ring that denies choice. My character is already aware of this. In an early chapter he has used the ring but just with one simple instruction. ‘take off your bra’.

The intention with the story is to write about the development of a D/s relationship between the professor and the student. I have my own experience of D/s and my own take. This is what I intend to share in the story.

Soon I will ‘hive off’ the ring into another story arc that will be classified in NC category. For reference the story here continues in BDSM category with in essence the 2 main characters recreating the historic relationship but with the important difference that it is a properly developed D/s relationship between the characters rather than any forced submission via the ring which of course is contra to what D/s should be about.

I want to respect the BDSM community here so was advised to post and given the intended continuation of this relationship developing that it is legitimate to be classified in BDSM.

Your thoughts welcome. I also have submitted an erotic poem which is narrated with these characters so this I am confident is definitely in the right category of BDSM.

Thanks

https://www.literotica.com/p/rod-adventures-xtacy

Judge for yourself

Brutal One

https://www.literotica.com/s/rod-adventures-ch-08

 

[Jada59]

Hello BDSM community

I have started a story Series in LIT called ROD Adventures. I am a prolific writer but have never published anywhere to date. This series is a rewrite of one of my story arcs and has been changed to make it much less selfish than the original that was written third person and purely from the main characters perspective. Because I am still learning the LIT way and the rewrite the story chapters to date have been very short, arguably too short. The series has had a small amount of interest despite this.

My main reason for posting here is the critique from author’s forum that it’s not really BDSM and the main reason is the ring that denies choice. My character is already aware of this. In an early chapter he has used the ring but just with one simple instruction. ‘take off your bra’.

The intention with the story is to write about the development of a D/s relationship between the professor and the student. I have my own experience of D/s and my own take. This is what I intend to share in the story.

Soon I will ‘hive off’ the ring into another story arc that will be classified in NC category. For reference the story here continues in BDSM category with in essence the 2 main characters recreating the historic relationship but with the important difference that it is a properly developed D/s relationship between the characters rather than any forced submission via the ring which of course is contra to what D/s should be about.

I want to respect the BDSM community here so was advised to post and given the intended continuation of this relationship developing that it is legitimate to be classified in BDSM.

Your thoughts welcome. I also have submitted an erotic poem which is narrated with these characters so this I am confident is definitely in the right category of BDSM.

Thanks

https://www.literotica.com/p/rod-adventures-xtacy

Judge for yourself

Brutal One

https://www.literotica.com/s/rod-adventures-ch-08

I only read Chapter 8. I think the use of commas in various places would have helped. And I would question the use of "I am" instead of "I'm". "I'm" is usually the way people would word it.

The contract also seemed bit repetitive, but other that, there's nothing wrong with the writing. It just didn't entice me to want to read more.

 

[AnnieLit]

Sorry, I gave up after the first three paragraphs of chapter 1. You need an editor! I don't know why, but you are constantly switching between past and present tense there and it is very annoying.

 

[Brutal_One]

Sorry, I gave up after the first three paragraphs of chapter 1. You need an editor! I don't know why, but you are constantly switching between past and present tense there and it is very annoying.

Thanks Annie, yes I have a lot to learn. The discipline to keep tense consistent is one I can try and work on. Made more difficult I guess as I have historic references to an ancient past. Thanks for taking the time to provide the advice however.

Brutal One