Is it possible?

[Chaotickay92]

Is it possible to have a strictly online bdsm relationship? As I begin to learn more about myself and my wants I realize that my offline life can’t meet the things I want to try. I’m very curious to explore my submissive side but I have a spouse who is in no way interested in anything other than vanilla.

 

[Forgottenwife]

Is it possible to have a strictly online bdsm relationship? As I begin to learn more about myself and my wants I realize that my offline life can’t meet the things I want to try. I’m very curious to explore my submissive side but I have a spouse who is in no way interested in anything other than vanilla.

I definitely think it is and I'm sorry that you're in this position.
Hopefully a few great Doms see this and pm you directly.
Good luck. I hope you find what you're looking for.

 

[AnnieLit]

Is it possible to have a strictly online bdsm relationship? As I begin to learn more about myself and my wants I realize that my offline life can’t meet the things I want to try. I’m very curious to explore my submissive side but I have a spouse who is in no way interested in anything other than vanilla.

Yes and no.

Can you experience some parts of it? Yes, sure. But sooner or later you will want more, either because you will feel very close with this particular person and will crave their real touch, or because you will find out that things you can do to yourself don't give you the intensify you crave and hope to achieve when they are done by somebody else. What you will do with this want for more will be up to you, just keep in mind that if you have any thoughts about stepping out of your marriage now, with online play they will become ten times stronger.

 

[misterym]

I agree you can to a certain extent

There are things that complicate situations where you are unable to perform certain acts. Some Dom's require video or picture validation,, Some things are simple to show, but getting the experience of someone warming your backside is alot different than you doing it to yourself on video... other than the thrill of the demand.

Know your limits, define them with your potential Dom. Some thrill may be even doing stuff right in front of your hubby that were demanded by your D.

 

[nicklucas]

Is it possible to have a strictly online bdsm relationship? As I begin to learn more about myself and my wants I realize that my offline life can’t meet the things I want to try. I’m very curious to explore my submissive side but I have a spouse who is in no way interested in anything other than vanilla.

Hi, Kay. I'm in the same place. I've dabbled in BDSM, always outside my marriage (vanilla? not even French vanilla!), typically as suburban-minded "edgy" foreplay to the more standard stuff (the French vanilla).

As I've turned to Lit for comfort and release (not just the virus keeping me home these days), I'm learning a lot about myself, first from stories, now on the forums. I realize how much I need the sterner stuff, not just naughty role- and foreplay.

I crave both Dom and sub, a little pain to sweeten the pleasure. I honestly don't believe it's possible to get that online. Your mileage may vary. But I have a vivid imagination, and I'm reaching its limits. I need a warm body.

I'm already thinking ahead to the time after sexile. Good luck finding satisfaction, here and in the real world.

 

[AnnieLit]

I forgot to mention: the answer really depends on what interests you in the D/s world. If you are into head games and humiliation, then it can easily be done online. I can think of quite a few things that a new sub can be asked to do to make them sweat from embarrassment and leak with excitement at the same time.

But I suspect that it will also wear off with time, as most things do. Remember your first time when you went to a store to buy condoms or tampons? Do you still feel the same way when you get to the register with these items? Probably not.

 

[edontario559]

Possible? Sure.

Satisfying? That's up to you, but I think that AnnieLit is largely correct based largely on your initial question.

You seem to be wanting a physical situation. If you are, then virtual won't satisfy all of what you are looking for. If, OTOH, you can self-inflict what you crave? Then you are probably OK.

A warning, however: virtual can be risky. Frankly, any out-of-bounds relationship can be risky. Seeing a partner "freak out" and suddenly confront you with "it's me or him!" is so common that it's a TV-Plot-Device.

You can be blackmailed, guilted, emotionally tormented, etc.

BDSM is a very broad topic, and you can see a lot of discussions here about inane things like "are you a TRUE (sub or Dom)." That should give you an idea about how wide this lake is...

...however: I believe that most people would agree that over 90% of the variations do involve a pretty intense level of emotion. A play session is one thing, but if during a play session you 'click' with someone? If they push your buttons in a way that others can't, or if you find them physically attractive, or funny, or "I don't know what it is, but I can't keep from thinking about them..." ???

Welcome to How To Wreck A Marriage, with your host Jane ExpensiveLawyer.

It is rare, in my experience, to find a good BDSM partner that you don't want to truly bond with. The "good" news is that it's actually really hard to find that kind of BDSM partner. Imagine how hard it is to find someone that you're just regular compatible with... now add in "and they know how to Dom/sub the way that I like."

Not common or easy, but if you do find that? Yeah, you're marriage will be threatened, even if it's "virtual."

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think that I am.

 

[AnnieLit]

A warning, however: virtual can be risky. Frankly, any out-of-bounds relationship can be risky. Seeing a partner "freak out" and suddenly confront you with "it's me or him!" is so common that it's a TV-Plot-Device.

You can be blackmailed, guilted, emotionally tormented, etc.

From the marriage standpoint it can be risky even without any wrongdoings of the other side and long before one finds the right dom or sub for them. Because if you are showing a funny picture to your spouse and a notification of a message pops up on your phone, it can be tricky to explain it even if only the first two lines are visable. Especially if these two lines are "How is my sweet slut doing today?"

I had to scramble for words when a kid saw a "Are you OK?" message right after some very emotional stuff happened. "Who is Fred and why wouldn't you be OK, mom?"

 

[edontario559]

From the marriage standpoint it can be risky even without any wrongdoings of the other side and long before one finds the right dom or sub for them. Because if you are showing a funny picture to your spouse and a notification of a message pops up on your phone, it can be tricky to explain it even if only the first two lines are visable. Especially if these two lines are "How is my sweet slut doing today?"

I had to scramble for words when a kid saw a "Are you OK?" message right after some very emotional stuff happened. "Who is Fred and why wouldn't you be OK, mom?"

I don't know why, but something tells me that this isn't what ChaoticKay wanted to hear... heh.

It is, however, all too common.

If your spouse has your phone password? They're going to peek.

If they don't? They're going to suspect and wonder "why can't I see your IM's?"

Yeah, very slippery slope.

 

[Chrisnorm]

I've personally seen it happen. It's a slippery slope, and you will crave more and more, and eventually you will want to meet someone in real life.

In time, you will be caught. You have to ask youself if it is worth it.

Feel welcome to PM me for details about my story

 

[cookiecat]

This was a good discussion recently about online

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1517207

 

[ToPleaseHim]

From the marriage standpoint it can be risky even without any wrongdoings of the other side and long before one finds the right dom or sub for them. Because if you are showing a funny picture to your spouse and a notification of a message pops up on your phone, it can be tricky to explain it even if only the first two lines are visable. Especially if these two lines are "How is my sweet slut doing today?"

I had to scramble for words when a kid saw a "Are you OK?" message right after some very emotional stuff happened. "Who is Fred and why wouldn't you be OK, mom?"

Or a comment (“You are one hot piece of ass.” Try explaining that.) on a playlist on a now defunct site that sent an email to a shared email account? Yeah, that was fun. And the beginning of the end. Well, the beginning of the end really happened long before that. Sliding down the slippery slope was painful for me, but the end result was being out of a relationship that hadn’t been the right place for me for a very long time.

To the OP: It is possible. But, be sure you are ready to risk losing your marriage. And, if you’re sure that you’re ready for that risk, maybe the appropriate next step is ending the marriage first. Divorce is painful, no matter how prepared you are for it, but discovering your spouse has or is cheating on you is infinitely more painful.

The thread cookie shared above is an excellent read.

 

[lanceGibs]

Is it possible to have a strictly online bdsm relationship? As I begin to learn more about myself and my wants I realize that my offline life can’t meet the things I want to try. I’m very curious to explore my submissive side but I have a spouse who is in no way interested in anything other than vanilla.

It is possible.
Both parties may have to work harder to make up for the missing personal touch.

 

[Bamamama1990]

Absolutely possible. I dabble online way past what I’d ever do in real life

 

[Brutal_One]

Possible but in reality not if already in another actual relationship. If you just want to experience a particular kink find a story. But getting into a real BDSM relationship and especially the D/s side it’s normally just an exercise in disappointment and in particular for the active responder trying to gave a genuine experience to what the relationship should be like.

Had it happen too many times where it may start out that they want it to be genuine and serious but in particular a significant other is likely to be the reason it stops suddenly and you never find out the reason why.

Example:-
I take our relationship very seriously. I hope you know that!

As a genuine reply from a potential sub. Even taking action on some specifics discussed. Then out of the blue no response, nothing ... totally unexpected and no real rhyme or reason why. All I can think is it suddenly felt ‘too real’ and the impact on the r/l relationship was all I can think killed it. Absolutely no reason why.

 

[AnnieLit]

But getting into a real BDSM relationship and especially the D/s side it’s normally just an exercise in disappointment and in particular for the active responder trying to gave a genuine experience to what the relationship should be like.

Unfortunately, this is not limited to the subs walking out on doms, nor to the online only relationships either.

I had an online dom disappear on me after few months of rather intense connection. His reasons? "I did not get your e-mails." Right... For months everything worked fine, and then all of a sudden neither e-mails, nor texts are getting through. And no, he was not married. (Or at least I don't think he was, you never know.)

I had real life doms disappear on me twice! One was "too busy at work" (for a whole month? Really?), the other one... I have no idea why, he just cut all the communication and that was it. The first one was not married (that I know for sure), the second one was.

 

[Brutal_One]

I had real life doms disappear on me twice! One was "too busy at work" (for a whole month? Really?), the other one... I have no idea why, he just cut all the communication and that was it. The first one was not married (that I know for sure), the second one was.

The I have no idea why is the bitterest part. In particular if there seemed to be a good developing relationship starting. Yes the not receiving emails is a bit lame. Of course there may be real genuine reasons for a drop off but ‘out of the blue’ sucks massively when it happens. Seems in your second case it was probably a discovery and ultimatum potentially that ended it probably. Still can have the same emotional impact though whatever the reason.

 

[AnnieLit]

Seems in your second case it was probably a discovery and ultimatum potentially that ended it probably. Still can have the same emotional impact though whatever the reason.

I don't think it was a discovery. I mean, we are all adults, we know how to use technology. Even if he was dicovered and was made to delete all my contact info, a quick search on my name would have given him a way to contact me and at least say goodbye.

 

[ThePhun1]

Is it possible to have a strictly online bdsm relationship? As I begin to learn more about myself and my wants I realize that my offline life can’t meet the things I want to try. I’m very curious to explore my submissive side but I have a spouse who is in no way interested in anything other than vanilla.

I feel your pain

 

[ThePhun1]

Is it possible to have a strictly online bdsm relationship? As I begin to learn more about myself and my wants I realize that my offline life can’t meet the things I want to try. I’m very curious to explore my submissive side but I have a spouse who is in no way interested in anything other than vanilla.

Anything is possible if you want it enough sorry about the vanilla spouse I feel your pain just be very careful because there are a lot of wannabes out there

 

[Lascivity]

If it works for you then it's definitely possible. Part of what's good about the kink scene is that there are far fewer rules about what's right and wrong, proper and improper when it comes to defining the shape of a relationship.

That said, people often find purely online relationships difficult, so whether it will work or not for you is, indeed, a significant if.