aggressive subs?

[PrisonPerv]

Is there such a thing as an assertive or aggressive sub?

I love sub women. The control over them is truly a heady experience. But, (especially on this site), the women that identity as subs never take the initiative to contact a man be it a Dom or a vanilla. It would be nice if a sub would send me a message first. Just because a person is a sub in the bedroom does that exclude them from being assertive or aggressive in talking to people, unless they are full time subs.

Thoughts and viewpoints appreciated.

 

[KimGordon67]

I concur with Fara. The relatively longterm d/s relationship I had from here started with me contacting him through PM, but only after we'd had a bit of an exchange on one of the boards ... and not an exchange about sex, but actually about music.

 

[PrisonPerv]

Well, I’ve never seen you before. So, hi!
I think you need to post more, and establish some chemistry.
I am submissive, and the men I’m friends with? I’ve mostly contacted. The men I’ve been involved with? Contacted me.

Well hello Fara. I've been on the site awhile but haven't had much to say. I've posted a few replies but that's it. This was just something that I've been wondering about.
Using other topics to get to know people before a relationship forms is the basis for any relationship I think.
Music is such a commonality its a great way to start a convention.
With that thought do either of you have a bdsm playlist?

 

[PrisonPerv]

Oh yeah , hello KimGordon
Love the not playing bass line in your profile

 

[KimGordon67]

Well hello Fara. I've been on the site awhile but haven't had much to say. I've posted a few replies but that's it. This was just something that I've been wondering about.
Using other topics to get to know people before a relationship forms is the basis for any relationship I think.
Music is such a commonality its a great way to start a convention.
With that thought do either of you have a bdsm playlist?

Funnily enough there's a thread on that theme that I just bumped the other day: https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1489941

 

[KimGordon67]

Also, I've had a quick look at the previous posts you'd made in the personals and they're not especially ... 'inviting', maybe? Particularly considering your position. The most recent one is a little more so - at least you've explained your side of the story of how you ended up in prison, rather than just listing the charges (which would be a little daunting for anyone). But you may need to remember that those charges are going to have an effect on how people would feel about contacting you, and consider putting a bit of work into demonstrating that you're not 'that guy' (if you actually aren't 'that guy') though just normal interaction on the boards. I flit in and out of this place, so don't consider myself part of the 'core group' of the bdsm boards at all, but I still have a fairly good understanding of most of the regular contributors here. You need to remember that if someone is interested in establishing a connection with you, they'll be wanting to establish that connection with you as a person, not 'some guy who's in prison on some fairly unpleasant-sounding charges who says he's a dom'.

Also, most of the people who have been on here for a while have a posting history that's totally accessible. Use that to your advantage - get to know something about the people you think you might be interested in through their posting history, and approach them as individual people, demonstrating why you're interested in them. (Actually, this could apply to anyone looking to 'connect' on Lit ... I'm constantly flummoxed as to why people send PMs that say 'Hi - do you want to talk? Ask me anything!' when they clearly haven't really established that they're interested in me at all - I've got a bazillion posts in here, and it wouldn't take long to work out if you're ('you' in general, not you specifically) interested in the specific flavour of bitchy that I am. Why waste your time and mine by just sending some generic 'let's talk' PM?)

Obviously these are just my thoughts, not to be confused with the actual truth.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I’ve had three relationships with men I met on this site and all of them began with interactions in the forums first. All of them did PM me first, but I was very receptive to the PMs because I felt like I knew them a bit. I have sent flirty PMs to a couple guys here, but they just stayed in that realm, the occasional friendly PM.

 

[PrisonPerv]

Well damn Kim !! All of those are very good points. And I do think her I do have work that I need to do as far as putting myself out there and showing that I'm just a guy that had some messed up events happened. because I've done so much time being in prison is a large part of who I am at this point. It's not who I was or who I want to be. That's why I try to make sure people know that I'm in prison. bring it back by. If that understand, I was 22 years old when I came to prison and I turned 50 this year. It's almost all I know anymore. So being able to talk to people somewhat difficult for me. Because I don't have the normal experiences that people have. all the experiences I have were in the way to step past when I was still brand new to the whole BDSM scene and when it was still an underground thing. Talkin about BDSM back then was akin to talking about assassinating the president. You just didn't do it. But again thank you for your input and it's very helpful I appreciate it very much.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Glad you’re here! It’s a great community and all things BDSM are openly discussed. Hopefully you can find some threads that interest you and put yourself out there more. Each forum has its own personality, so there may be others that catch your interest too.

 

[PrisonPerv]

Thank you for your kind words. They are not things I'm used to hearing, so its very nice when someone is kind warm and welcoming

 

[AnnieLit]

Is there such a thing as an assertive or aggressive sub?

I love sub women. The control over them is truly a heady experience. But, (especially on this site), the women that identity as subs never take the initiative to contact a man be it a Dom or a vanilla. It would be nice if a sub would send me a message first. Just because a person is a sub in the bedroom does that exclude them from being assertive or aggressive in talking to people, unless they are full time subs.

Thoughts and viewpoints appreciated.

Probably because you've started off by looking for a Sugar Mommy with time and money? Very few people like to be blackmailed and giving you any type of control looks very much like a recipe for disaster. I mean, even if we are to believe your story, how long it's going to be till you ask your sub to wire you some money? This has absolutely nothing to do with sub making the first move or not, but it has a lot to do with common sense and self protection.

Somewhere in your posts you asked why killers get women writing to them and you don't. I am not much into that, but I think I know why that might be the case: because they are serving time w/o any possibility of parole. They are never coming out, they are never going to show up at her door. It is just not happening. With you, though, it is not the case. You can ,at least in theory, get out. Which will be very good for you, but might not be so good for her.

Sorry, I don't have any advice on how to change all that or where to look for women that are so much into prison kink that none of this matters to them.

 

[PrisonPerv]

Probably because you've started off by looking for a Sugar Mommy with time and money? Very few people like to be blackmailed and giving you any type of control looks very much like a recipe for disaster. I mean, even if we are to believe your story, how long it's going to be till you ask your sub to wire you some money? This has absolutely nothing to do with sub making the first move or not, but it has a lot to do with common sense and self protection.

Somewhere in your posts you asked why killers get women writing to them and you don't. I am not much into that, but I think I know why that might be the case: because they are serving time w/o any possibility of parole. They are never coming out, they are never going to show up at her door. It is just not happening. With you, though, it is not the case. You can ,at least in theory, get out. Which will be very good for you, but might not be so good for her.

Sorry, I don't have any advice on how to change all that or where to look for women that are so much into prison kink that none of this matters to them.

Thanks for your comments. A sub and a sugar mama are 2 completely different animals. Look at the time differce in the sugar mama thread and the thread about subs making the first move.
Should I lie and tell people that I'm in prison for murder? Or something else? I don't want to start any kind of a relationship friends sub sugar mama or anything else with a lie. It just goes against something inside of me.

 

[devilish_desires_couple]

My wife is my sub. Sometimes she gets a little feisty. It turns me on because I know she knows that it's going to make me more aggressive. Whatever I'm doing to her is going to be amplified by her naughtiness.

 

[subsummer]

Bye

Bye now

 

[ThePhun1]

Is there such a thing as an assertive or aggressive sub?

I love sub women. The control over them is truly a heady experience. But, (especially on this site), the women that identity as subs never take the initiative to contact a man be it a Dom or a vanilla. It would be nice if a sub would send me a message first. Just because a person is a sub in the bedroom does that exclude them from being assertive or aggressive in talking to people, unless they are full time subs.

Thoughts and viewpoints appreciated.

Just because you are submissive that does not make you a door mat
It is difficult for a sub to ask for a dominant's attention because the severity of the attention is unknown sometimes it is very difficult to read the trustworthiness of a person I prize my gift and do not give it lightly

 

[ThePhun1]

This is a, good thread with some submissive people giving their honest thoughts and feelings so it deserves to be bumped to the top

 

[drgnlady66]

In my recent experience, an aggressive sub would tend to be called a Switch. A Bottom wanting to control how things are being played out. My Dom didn't want to work with me because I could not willingly submit completely. He suggested that I learn more about what role a Switch plays. I was also called a sadomasochist because I could not verbally give him what he wanted when struck me.

 

[drgnlady66]

I would be quite interested in what a BDSM playlist would look like and consist of..Please give some suggestions, thanks

 

[Ginlover]

How about a different view?
There are aggressive people
There are assertive people
There are dominant people
There are submissive people
There are people who are assertive and confident but when they are with their partner they are submissive to that person in what ever the agreed dynamics are.
None of my descriptions are mutually exclusive and my god it would be boring if they were.

 

[ashkitten]

I'm more likely to send the first message on dating apps. Here I don't really initiate contact most of the time, maybe because it feels a bit weirder to strike up a private conversation.

 

[Ropebunny]

In my recent experience, an aggressive sub would tend to be called a Switch. A Bottom wanting to control how things are being played out. My Dom didn't want to work with me because I could not willingly submit completely. He suggested that I learn more about what role a Switch plays. I was also called a sadomasochist because I could not verbally give him what he wanted when struck me.

Please don’t listen to someone just because they call themselves a ‘dom’. Only you get to label yourself (and you don’t even have to!) Google these terms and see what you think. You might be surprised with what you discover.

 

[AlwaysInTrouble]

Some subs go the "bratty" or aggressive route because they want to be disciplined....and others go that way to "top from the bottom"....and some do it as a weak defense mechanism before they give in to being dominated, which they want anyway.....and others do it as a test to ensure a potential Dominus is worth the title.

People are complex and a true Dominus has to display some vulnerability by taking the first step in contacting a sub in whom they have interest. Otherwise, why would a sub even consider placing their considerable trust in them?

 

[Ashesh9]

Some subs go the "bratty" or aggressive route because they want to be disciplined....and others go that way to "top from the bottom"....and some do it as a weak defense mechanism before they give in to being dominated, which they want anyway.....and others do it as a test to ensure a potential Dominus is worth the title.

People are complex and a true Dominus has to display some vulnerability by taking the first step in contacting a sub in whom they have interest. Otherwise, why would a sub even consider placing their considerable trust in them?

yes people are Complex creatures: today while I was whipping my wife/sub with a flexible thin steel whippy implement she started scolding me in a very petit bourgeoise manner " why were you discussing sex with the Urologist[ BTW he's a male] while he was examining me : U know how embarrassed I feel?!@@#$"
I was struck by the irony....here Her Wifely Submissiveness was presenting rapidly reddening welted butt-cheeks to my whippy steel implement for a humiliating whipping but at the same time she was scolding me roundly for being an embarrassing Hubby??!!!