Sexless Marriages

[enigma3]

It's been 15 years, at least. I lost count. We get along well though. Her libido was always fairly weak, but at some point it just died. I can't bear the idea of cheating, so I retreat into fantasy.

However, I sometimes think about meeting someone in the same position. We could satisfy each others urges in a way that seems less illicit and more of a mutual kindness. It's very difficult, of course, since "dating" sites are for singles and "cheating" sites are scams.

I can't really be bothered anymore (wifey is eleven years younger than me) she is bi-polar and wont take her medication and is pre-premenopausal) and is trigger happy if she's having a bad day. we have separate bedrooms ..............thank de lord for male sex toys. would i cheat NO i still love her.........end of chat. stay safe and for fucks sake stay calm.

 

[nicklucas]

Why?
In most cases there is the same number of men and women in a marriage, so for every sexless married men by definition there should be a sexless married woman. There are some situations where she is getting it on the side and he is not getting any, but these are probably very rare.

Annie has a point. I recently dated a beautiful, vivacious woman in her 60s whose husband had no interest in sex, while she has a libido you'd stereotypically associate with a woman much younger. (Old, time-honored truths are often bullshit, in my experience.)

My wife, on the other hand, would make a good match for her husband.

 

[hogjack]

Annie has a point. I recently dated a beautiful, vivacious woman in her 60s whose husband had no interest in sex, while she has a libido you'd stereotypically associate with a woman much younger. (Old, time-honored truths are often bullshit, in my experience.)

My wife, on the other hand, would make a good match for her husband.

This has the makings of a movie script.

 

[nicklucas]

This has the makings of a movie script.

Brad Pitt plays me!

By the way - it doesn't end happily.

 

[IASFPWTF]

There are so many of us, on here, going though similar things. And it's unlikely we'll ever get thanked for any of the compromises we've made.

Thank the Gods I believe in reincarnation but I wonder who the heck I upset last time around

So true

 

[Fuseuse]

Hello I've been in a sexless relationship for 13 years! Oh the agony, but it's good to know I'm not the only one

 

[nicklucas]

1 of 2

My story is like so many of yours. I've been married more than 25 years, all but sexless with her the last 20.

My wife is beautiful, inside and out. I love her. We've created a wonderful life together. But we are a sexual mismatch.

To be fair, the fault is half mine. I'd had far more partners before I met her than vice versa. I should have realized our sex drives were incompatible. Like the Titanic's captain, I should have listened to the voices screaming disaster ahead.

But I loved her. Love. Present tense.

Before we married, the problem wasn't frequency, but variety. She's vanilla -- not even French vanilla. (Probably not a thing, not even sure what it would be, but the phrase amuses me.) I begged for what I'd enjoyed with past lovers: positions besides missionary and grudging cowgirl, oral (giving and receiving), anal, lingerie, toys, maybe some light bondage and teasing, some role play.

Her half-ownership of the disaster comes from telling me that she'd be open to "those things" with a man she loves and wants to spend her life with. I'm sure she meant it. She's pretty much incapable of deceit. But deep down, we are who we are.

The variety never came. The frequency declined. I handled it poorly. I pouted, shouted, threatened to leave a number of times. It was successful. I got what I wanted, but in a way I didn't: sullen, rigid, obligatory. Like gulps of seawater, each mouthful aroused more thirst.

 

[10169kek]

My story is like so many of yours. I've been married more than 25 years, all but sexless with her the last 20.

My wife is beautiful, inside and out. I love her. We've created a wonderful life together. But we are a sexual mismatch.

To be fair, the fault is half mine. I'd had far more partners before I met her than vice versa. I should have realized our sex drives were incompatible. Like the Titanic's captain, I should have listened to the voices screaming disaster ahead.

But I loved her. Love. Present tense.

Before we married, the problem wasn't frequency, but variety. She's vanilla -- not even French vanilla. (Probably not a thing, not even sure what it would be, but the phrase amuses me.) I begged for what I'd enjoyed with past lovers: positions besides missionary and grudging cowgirl, oral (giving and receiving), anal, lingerie, toys, maybe some light bondage and teasing, some role play.

Her half-ownership of the disaster comes from telling me that she'd be open to "those things" with a man she loves and wants to spend her life with. I'm sure she meant it. She's pretty much incapable of deceit. But deep down, we are who we are.

The variety never came. The frequency declined. I handled it poorly. I pouted, shouted, threatened to leave a number of times. It was successful. I got what I wanted, but in a way I didn't: sullen, rigid, obligatory. Like gulps of seawater, each mouthful aroused more thirst.

Very familiar sounding story. My wife regressed as soon as we said the I do's. It eroded from there until one day she told me that she had no interest and no desire and there would be no discussion.

 

[nicklucas]

2 of 2

I didn't cheat on her, not at first. My parents split up because my father couldn't keep it zipped. I spent my adolescence and young adulthood hating him. To quote Bob Dylan, "I was so much older then."

I reconsidered monogamy when my wife became pregnant. She refused sex the entire pregnancy, which was torturous. Her newly gravid belly and breasts hung on her thin frame like ripe fruits, tantalizing in the Greek myth sense. When I felt our baby squirming and kicking, and my hand strayed north or south, she grunted and pulled away. I was more than horny. I felt forsaken, forlorn.

I developed a porn habit. She caught me once and was furious. "It's just like adultery," she said. "Our child will not grow up in a house with that."

So I became sneaky. About the porn initially.

Until our daughter was born, I never quite knew joy. Or boundless love. It made the next year and a half more bearable.

Before anyone objects, I've always done half the housework and all the cooking. Postpartum, I picked up a greater share. I admit to not quite equalling my wife in share of child-rearing. That ratio is more like 2:1, although I changed a lot of diapers, gave plenty of baths, and alternated night-squall watches.

I believe she was depressed. She refused to see a counselor, even when I begged. And she refused to speak with her OB-GYN about her now-defunct libido.

"You're the one with sex-sex-sex on the brain," she said. Fair point. But hers was devoid of it.

My forced celibacy lasted almost 18 months after our daughter's birth, 26 counting the pregnancy. No, I didn't mark the dates on a calendar or in some self-pity journal. I'm an asshole, but not that sort of asshole. I know because of a major holiday that marked the end.

I met her through work. She was funny, warm, a pleasure to talk with, a decade older than I, cuddly-sexy, with two teenagers and a recent divorce. Her ex had the kids for the holiday. I told my wife I had to work.

She was happy to do the things my wife refused. I was thrilled to do what my wife refused from me. We found time to meet for months until she ended it. Guilt over being the other woman.

I found another. And another. And others. Some married too, some not. Some like me with a sexless spouse, some just bored and seeking an adventure. Some older, some my age. Some for months, some just once.

My wife never suspected. She was content that I hardly bothered her for sex, once or twice a year excepted.

And then last fall, I was revealed. A text rolled in one night while my wife had my phone. She had taken it, instead of her own, for light while she walked the dog.

She was devastated. I confessed to the one, lied about the rest. She demanded we get couples counseling. In the sessions, I asked for an open relationship. Hard, shocked "no." if that's what I want, I can leave.

I wouldn't miss the house, the friend group (wives taking her side, husbands meekly following), the lonely echoes reverberating through our empty nest. Financially, I could just manage it, if our daughter weren't in college. We promised she would graduate without debt, and she could use the 529 for graduate or professional school. She has another two years.

So I'm biding my time, keeping out of temptation, and throttling my guilty soul with each repeated lie. "Of course you're the only one for me." "I'm so sorry I strayed." "I don't know what came over me."

I hope "I love you" isn't a lie. I think it's not. I wish I could be sure.

 

[HornyHusbandinSR]

Like MANY married men, I too am in a sexless marriage --- will be 21 years mid-November 2020.

Spent over 11 years (1998-2008) looking for a neglected wife here in Northern Virginia (I live in Eastern Loudoun County) and I've met very few wives for sex (MOST chickened out and never showed up nor did they have the decency to send an e-mail telling me so). Gave up in January 2009 when all of my posts were being responded to by spammers.

I made the decision in January 2000 to start looking for married men looking to explore their bi side and that hasn't turned out any better (in just over 19 years, have played with about 12 guys).

This is what I am looking for below:

Since wife's home ALL the time now because EVERYTHING's closed, jacking off (alone as usual) can only be done when she's asleep.

DO NOT USE THE E-MAIL ADDRESS IN MY PROFILE --- IT'S WRONG!!! Contact me at SouthRidingHornyHusband@gmail.com

Retired MWM, 63, NON-smoker, living in South Riding, VA (Loudoun County) --- am about 5 miles west of Chantilly, VA which is in Fairfax County.

Am retired now so am available WEEKDAY DAYTIME when wife is out for more than 90 minutes. I can host.

Been looking for cock since January 2000 as I've been in a sexless marriage since mid-Nov 1999. Took 2 years to find first cock, since then have played with 10 guys (LAST was in Oct 2018). Stopped looking for pussy 10 years ago as women in Northern VA SAY they want sex but they're NOT --- just want someone to listen to them.

YOU: 21-70, MWM or MBM, CUT, clean, d/d-free, NON-SMOKER, MUST live IN South Riding OR within 10 miles of South Riding.

Looking for NON-smoking MWMs with CUT cocks.

Into mutual JO/oral. LOVE ass kissing. SOMEDAY want to fuck a man's ass (maybe get fucked too). LOVE getting naked with a man, watching porn (str8, gay, lesbian, shemale). If you're into getting spanked, I'll spank you, just bring the tool(s) with which you want me to spank you. Afterward, I'll massage and kiss your stinging ass.

 

[nicklucas]

Very familiar sounding story. My wife regressed as soon as we said the I do's. It eroded from there until one day she told me that she had no interest and no desire and there would be no discussion.

Commiseration, kek. Are you doing anything about it besides seeking an online outlet?

 

[AnnieLit]

<···>

And then last fall, I was revealed. A text rolled in one night while my wife had my phone. She had taken it, instead of her own, for light while she walked the dog.

She was devastated. I confessed to the one, lied about the rest. She demanded we get couples counseling. In the sessions, I asked for an open relationship. Hard, shocked "no." if that's what I want, I can leave.

Sorry this happened

This is exactly why I keep notifications turned off. I would rather miss something for couple hours than have it pop on my screen when the husband or a kid is looking over my shoulder.

 

[10169kek]

Commiseration, kek. Are you doing anything about it besides seeking an online outlet?

I have had several hook ups over the years that were all one off events. Would love a FWB situation but they are few and far between for average, fat, old guys. Just gotta keep home alive nick.

 

[nicklucas]

Hi, Annie. Yeah, I got sloppy once, which is all it takes. Evidently.

Minutes earlier, while my wife was watching a house-fixup show in the next room, I'd been enjoying a sext session (married like me, and just as ignored). I just had time to delete the texts when my wife announced her phone was dead, grabbed mine, and walked out.

By the way, Annie, your photos and stories are remarkable. When I have a few minutes, I intend to write a gushing fan letter about the "Little House" story, which I read this morning.

Stay safe and well, everyone. Please.

 

[Kitschshaman]

It is endlessly heartening to see that there are some men out there who want some emotional attachment to a woman they have sex with. Even though it will never substitute for a better situation at home, it could help fillin for some of the loneliness and hurt. Not something to rush into, as once it has happened , you can’t go back.

Not only want, but need, in order to truly respond. That is the key to me, that emotional attachment and to know that my love, affection, regard, timeless ardor (call it what you will) is returned is the most effective aphrodisiac in the world. The love of my life (now unavailable to me) still evokes that response and has for over 45 years. Call me a foolish man (and she has, with a twinkle in her eye), but when it's got you it's got you and there's nothing you can do about it.

 

[Staghorn97]

I was in one for a couple decades. Decided to ask her to make another go at the relationship, she declined. So i initiated the big D. We are both better off. Any me and my new wife fuck like rabbits, and as often as we can, in front of other like minded people

 

[Mtnmike]

I was in one for a couple decades. Decided to ask her to make another go at the relationship, she declined. So i initiated the big D. We are both better off. Any me and my new wife fuck like rabbits, and as often as we can, in front of other like minded people

Glad it worked out for you.
Would do the same but here she would get 75% of everything. Not enough left to live on for me.

 

[AnnieLit]

Glad it worked out for you.
Would do the same but here she would get 75% of everything. Not enough left to live on for me.

Just a thought: she can get 75% of everything and she will want to do it are not the same. Depends, of course, on the person and how it is between the two of you, but I know that I'd be quite happy with 50/50. As long as I have a roof over my head, food, medical insurance, and internet, I am good

 

[10169kek]

Glad it worked out for you.
Would do the same but here she would get 75% of everything. Not enough left to live on for me.

Good for you Mike.

 

[10169kek]

Like MANY married men, I too am in a sexless marriage --- will be 21 years mid-November 2020.

Spent over 11 years (1998-2008) looking for a neglected wife here in Northern Virginia (I live in Eastern Loudoun County) and I've met very few wives for sex (MOST chickened out and never showed up nor did they have the decency to send an e-mail telling me so). Gave up in January 2009 when all of my posts were being responded to by spammers.

I made the decision in January 2000 to start looking for married men looking to explore their bi side and that hasn't turned out any better (in just over 19 years, have played with about 12 guys).

This is what I am looking for below:

Since wife's home ALL the time now because EVERYTHING's closed, jacking off (alone as usual) can only be done when she's asleep.

DO NOT USE THE E-MAIL ADDRESS IN MY PROFILE --- IT'S WRONG!!! Contact me at SouthRidingHornyHusband@gmail.com

Retired MWM, 63, NON-smoker, living in South Riding, VA (Loudoun County) --- am about 5 miles west of Chantilly, VA which is in Fairfax County.

Am retired now so am available WEEKDAY DAYTIME when wife is out for more than 90 minutes. I can host.

Been looking for cock since January 2000 as I've been in a sexless marriage since mid-Nov 1999. Took 2 years to find first cock, since then have played with 10 guys (LAST was in Oct 2018). Stopped looking for pussy 10 years ago as women in Northern VA SAY they want sex but they're NOT --- just want someone to listen to them.

YOU: 21-70, MWM or MBM, CUT, clean, d/d-free, NON-SMOKER, MUST live IN South Riding OR within 10 miles of South Riding.

Looking for NON-smoking MWMs with CUT cocks.

Into mutual JO/oral. LOVE ass kissing. SOMEDAY want to fuck a man's ass (maybe get fucked too). LOVE getting naked with a man, watching porn (str8, gay, lesbian, shemale). If you're into getting spanked, I'll spank you, just bring the tool(s) with which you want me to spank you. Afterward, I'll massage and kiss your stinging ass.

I feel your pain, 9 years here. A few one off hookups over the years, none in the past 3 or so. Good luck!

 

[nicklucas]

I was in one for a couple decades. Decided to ask her to make another go at the relationship, she declined. So i initiated the big D. We are both better off. Any me and my new wife fuck like rabbits, and as often as we can, in front of other like minded people

I'm so happy for you, Staghorn. Stay happy, and stay safe.

 

[nicklucas]

Glad it worked out for you.
Would do the same but here she would get 75% of everything. Not enough left to live on for me.

I feel you, Mike. I have other financial constraints besides the likely settlement to keep me in place. For now, anyway.

 

[romer12]

If you thinks it's bad now

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

WAIT UNTIL YOU HIT 90.................

 

[Mtnmike]

Just a thought: she can get 75% of everything and she will want to do it are not the same. Depends, of course, on the person and how it is between the two of you, but I know that I'd be quite happy with 50/50. As long as I have a roof over my head, food, medical insurance, and internet, I am good

Thanks Annie for responding, you are much more kind than she would be. I worked 2 jobs for over 20 years, making good money for where we live but just never seemed to be enough. I'm semi retired now and hear all the time that I need to work more. Also she's been on disability for over 10 years for RA so that means I'd have to pay alimony on top of everything else and that's till one of us dies. I'm just screwed.

 

[AnnieLit]

Thanks Annie for responding, you are much more kind than she would be. I worked 2 jobs for over 20 years, making good money for where we live but just never seemed to be enough. I'm semi retired now and hear all the time that I need to work more. Also she's been on disability for over 10 years for RA so that means I'd have to pay alimony on top of everything else and that's till one of us dies. I'm just screwed.

Talk to a lawyer! I am not sure if it the same in all states, around here, as far as I know, there aren't any alimony payments after retirement. Pension plans get separated anyway, so there is no reason to pay anything on top of that.