Sexless Marriages

[Mscott9004]

So I just heard I got the big Amazon promotion!!!! I have been running around the house screaming, no exaggeration it’s that much of a big deal I literally start tomorrow!! Within a few days I’ll have my own large team My only sadness is I will no longer be talking to the customers... but I’ll be training others to do it and mentoring and nurturing them

Congratulations! Sorry I’m late to the party, but I just wanted to congratulate you! Outstanding!

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Congratulations! Sorry I’m late to the party, but I just wanted to congratulate you! Outstanding!

Did I miss something? Is DDBB having a party? Is it an orgy???

In another time, another 2020...

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Did I miss something? Is DDBB having a party? Is it an orgy???

In another time, another 2020...

Yay for a party but I’m in 1:1 orgy for now with someone else in here

Sorry, is this The Matrix, am I in an alternate 2020... because I want in the other 2020 please!!

 

[J_Bone]

Hello......very new here and have been reading some of the stories in this thread and can relate. After the birth of our second child, my wife's sex drive dropped off to basically zero. This was after being together 10 years and going at it nearly every day, often multiple times a day. There will be a natural dropoff with kids, careers, etc, but this was like slamming on the brakes when doing 80 MPH.

This lasted for about 10 years. I was increasingly frustrated, felt neglected, and it caused major issues in our marriage. The rare times when we had sex, which was maybe a handful of times a year, it got to where it felt like she was coerced or it was a chore for her. And I hated that and made me not even want to continue. I tried everything and not just sexually speaking. Tried going back to like when we were dating and taking her on romantic dinners and weekends in a ritzy hotel, trips to fun places with just the two of us. She went to a sex therapist for awhile too. Nothing worked. I was getting chastised for masturbating or watching porn when that was my only outlet. There was a period that it got really bad with all the animosity which led to other issues and fighting and I really didn't think we would make it. I never cheated and it's not my nature to, but there were times I might have because I just stopped caring. It just sucked being very much in love with each other and such strain on our relationship.

But about 10 years ago, she brought it up to her OB/GYN and he had her hormones checked. She was completely out of whack and low on several. He started her on hormone therapy and the results were instantaneous. It didn't go back to where we were a decade earlier as far as frequency, but not too far off and the sex was just as good if not better. Still going along well 10 years later. She even initiates now close to as often as I do and it's hot and spontaneous. When she wants it, she wants it now!

Anyway, hope some of you that are experiencing this can fight through it and maybe find a solution. I know it can feel devastating.

 

[IASFPWTF]

A week ago today, the Universe decided to smile on me both professionally & personally. Still not sure what I did to deserve this blessing, but I’m eternally grateful. There can light at the end of this tunnel guys, we are in horrible times right now. Stay strong, be kind, stay safe, hang in there

Way to go! So happy for you

 

[IASFPWTF]

Hello......very new here and have been reading some of the stories in this thread and can relate. After the birth of our second child, my wife's sex drive dropped off to basically zero. This was after being together 10 years and going at it nearly every day, often multiple times a day. There will be a natural dropoff with kids, careers, etc, but this was like slamming on the brakes when doing 80 MPH.

This lasted for about 10 years. I was increasingly frustrated, felt neglected, and it caused major issues in our marriage. The rare times when we had sex, which was maybe a handful of times a year, it got to where it felt like she was coerced or it was a chore for her. And I hated that and made me not even want to continue. I tried everything and not just sexually speaking. Tried going back to like when we were dating and taking her on romantic dinners and weekends in a ritzy hotel, trips to fun places with just the two of us. She went to a sex therapist for awhile too. Nothing worked. I was getting chastised for masturbating or watching porn when that was my only outlet. There was a period that it got really bad with all the animosity which led to other issues and fighting and I really didn't think we would make it. I never cheated and it's not my nature to, but there were times I might have because I just stopped caring. It just sucked being very much in love with each other and such strain on our relationship.

But about 10 years ago, she brought it up to her OB/GYN and he had her hormones checked. She was completely out of whack and low on several. He started her on hormone therapy and the results were instantaneous. It didn't go back to where we were a decade earlier as far as frequency, but not too far off and the sex was just as good if not better. Still going along well 10 years later. She even initiates now close to as often as I do and it's hot and spontaneous. When she wants it, she wants it now!

Anyway, hope some of you that are experiencing this can fight through it and maybe find a solution. I know it can feel devastating.

I am glad it worked out well. My question is how to get my wife to go get checked for this when she thinks she is ok?

 

[J_Bone]

I am glad it worked out well. My question is how to get my wife to go get checked for this when she thinks she is ok?

Not sure of your history and situation, but if it's anything like mine, hormonal issues stands a good chance of being the culprit. I'd just approach her as if it can't hurt, right? I mean why not at least look into the possibility to save/improve your marriage?

Mine had just lost all sexual desire, period. I remember her telling me that she told the sex therapist she went to that she didn't care if she ever had sex again. And this was a woman who loved every aspect of it beforehand. Perhaps she would have looked into it sooner, but she was only 30 or so when it started and assumed hormone issues were only for women in their 40s or 50s.

Mine goes every 2nd or 3rd month and gets a pellet that's inserted in her stomach or butt. Don't know all the details verbatim, but it's a time-release based on her levels. Fairly new treatment I think, but it's worked wonders for her. I know other women who have done the same thing with similar results. And of course other benefits are more energy and simply just all-around feeling better physically and mentally.

Really hope she looks into it for both of you. I know it sucks beyond belief.

 

[Orchidea73]

Here's the thing.... women almost never understand how men see them.

Ain't that the f*cking truth.

 

[EclecticRob]

Ain't that the f*cking truth.

But....doesn't that work both ways??

 

[Orchidea73]

But....doesn't that work both ways??

Probably. The difference is that women think they do, while men don't have that pretence.

Obviously, I'm generalising here. Not ALL women and ALL men.

 

[Yerkiddin]

Probably. The difference is that women think they do, while men don't have that pretence.

Obviously, I'm generalising here. Not ALL women and ALL men.

In my experience:

Men generally understand each other.
Men don't have much of a clue about women.
Women understand men better than men understand each other.
Women aren't all that sure about each other, either.

 

[Orchidea73]

In my experience:

Men generally understand each other.
Men don't have much of a clue about women.
Women understand men better than men understand each other.
Women aren't all that sure about each other, either.

In my experience and based on my observations with friends, family etc.:

Men generally understand each other - Agreed
Men don't have much of a clue about women - Fair assessment
Women understand men better than men understand each other - We think we do and over complicate things. Men are much more simple creature, and I say that in a good way. They have a different mental structure and we often don't get that.
Women aren't all that sure about each other, either - Agreed. Then again, I am not that sure about myself either. Let alone another soul.

 

[grantnee]

The thing you’re referring to in relation to women in their 40s and 50s is termed the Sex Surge - you should google it. I was on another chat site frequented by women and there were a considerable number of women commenting about it. My own marriage has been sexless over 7 years and now I find it extremely difficult. I wouldn’t say my behaviour has been entirely exemplary for the last year but I’m finding it hard to feel bad about it.

Yes, I have been in pretty much sexless marriage for 20 years. I call it sexless because once every two months is NOT enough! She has chronic health issues. Online fun is where I find relief. Have wanted to seal the deal for real, but am cautious.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Yay for a party but I’m in 1:1 orgy for now with someone else in here

Sorry, is this The Matrix, am I in an alternate 2020... because I want in the other 2020 please!!

Monogamy sucks!

Good luck with your new someone else - you deserve it!

 

[OlderBtm4U]

Yes, I have been in pretty much sexless marriage for 20 years. I call it sexless because once every two months is NOT enough! She has chronic health issues. Online fun is where I find relief. Have wanted to seal the deal for real, but am cautious.

What a wonderful 2nd post.

 

[AnnieLit]

Here's the thing.... women almost never understand how men see them. .

Em.... And this matters because?

I don't care how I am SEEN, but I do care about how I am made to FEEL. If he thinks I am a goddess, but does not show it enough to make me feel even little bit wanted, what difference does it make?

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

When I read your post I felt like I was reading a page out of my book.

There are so many of us, on here, going though similar things. And it's unlikely we'll ever get thanked for any of the compromises we've made.

Thank the Gods I believe in reincarnation but I wonder who the heck I upset last time around

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I am glad it worked out well. My question is how to get my wife to go get checked for this when she thinks she is ok?

Not sure of your history and situation, but if it's anything like mine, hormonal issues stands a good chance of being the culprit. I'd just approach her as if it can't hurt, right? I mean why not at least look into the possibility to save/improve your marriage?

Mine had just lost all sexual desire, period. I remember her telling me that she told the sex therapist she went to that she didn't care if she ever had sex again. And this was a woman who loved every aspect of it beforehand. Perhaps she would have looked into it sooner, but she was only 30 or so when it started and assumed hormone issues were only for women in their 40s or 50s.

Mine goes every 2nd or 3rd month and gets a pellet that's inserted in her stomach or butt. Don't know all the details verbatim, but it's a time-release based on her levels. Fairly new treatment I think, but it's worked wonders for her. I know other women who have done the same thing with similar results. And of course other benefits are more energy and simply just all-around feeling better physically and mentally.

Really hope she looks into it for both of you. I know it sucks beyond belief.

If you’ve been here awhile you might remember I posted about this HRT pellet about 8 wks ago and the remarkable difference it made to me.

Now most of us know I was never off sex, in fact I’m a classic ‘sex surge’ woman, but my emotions & energy were severely affected. It literally changed my life within 48 hrs! Now I’m happy, confident, sleeping well, still insatiable, not depressed and emotionally well balanced. Watch out though... because it also made me realize my worth and not accept anything less than what I deserve, as Canada my former Lit partner discovered!

I don’t know how you get your wives to go get their hormones checked, other than maybe say you heard from a friend about their wife.

But guys seriously, it’s worth every cent (insurance does not cover, about $350 every 3-4 months) if it fixes your partner and I’ll vouch for it. The one I get is called Biote and I think it is the main one on the market.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Omg sooo many really Great comments in here today... wtg everyone, now you know why I call this my ‘Lit family thread’

Playing catch up over here...

Women understand men better than men understand each other - We think we do and over complicate things. Men are much more simple creature, and I say that in a good way. They have a different mental structure and we often don't get that.
Women aren't all that sure about each other, either - Agreed.

OMG YES! I am so guilty of over complicating & over thinking - GreenManOfTheWoods this is your heads up And yes men are generally much more simple creatures when it comes to love and sex, again not said negatively. I have now discovered the only man I’m going to make it with is a ‘right brained’ intellectual one, but shit it was painful finding this out!

And as for women, the issues there are all wrapped up in jealousy and trust.

Monogamy sucks!

Good luck with your new someone else - you deserve it!

Thank you sweetheart, this time I believe the ‘relationship Gods’ were smiling down on me, we apparently have both been searching for the same for a very long time. And we found it in our neighboring State within driving distance, miracles do happen guys!

Em....
I don't care how I am SEEN, but I do care about how I am made to FEEL. If he thinks I am a goddess, but does not show it enough to make me feel even little bit wanted, what difference does it make?

And THIS is #truth 1000% the only thing I would add here - if he doesn’t TELL me how he feels, plus everything Annie said, it’s done. That may seem harsh to you guys, but I’m over constantly wondering if he feels like I do. I’m too old to wait any longer or play games.

Welcome to all the new contributors, please hang around

 

[J_Bone]

If you’ve been here awhile you might remember I posted about this HRT pellet about 8 wks ago and the remarkable difference it made to me.

Now most of us know I was never off sex, in fact I’m a classic ‘sex surge’ woman, but my emotions & energy were severely affected. It literally changed my life within 48 hrs! Now I’m happy, confident, sleeping well, still insatiable, not depressed and emotionally well balanced. Watch out though... because it also made me realize my worth and not accept anything less than what I deserve, as Canada my former Lit partner discovered!

I don’t know how you get your wives to go get their hormones checked, other than maybe say you heard from a friend about their wife maybe.

But guys seriously, it’s worth every cent (insurance does not cover, about $350 every 3-4 months) if it fixes your partner and I’ll vouch for it. The one I get is called Biote and I think it is the main one on the market.

So happy for you and thanks for the reaffirmation. It works in the right cases for sure. Hard to say if it saved our marriage, but maybe. But for damn sure made it whole again and way better.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Em.... And this matters because?

I don't care how I am SEEN, but I do care about how I am made to FEEL. If he thinks I am a goddess, but does not show it enough to make me feel even little bit wanted, what difference does it make?

Powerful words and reminder - though it goes both ways. It takes two to tango as they say and we men also like to feel that she cares, etc...

 

[GreenManOfTheWood]

OMG YES! I am so guilty of over complicating & over thinking - GreenManOfTheWoods this is your heads up And yes men are generally much more simple creatures when it comes to love and sex, again not said negatively. I have now discovered the only man I’m going to make it with is a ‘right brained’ intellectual one, but shit it was painful finding this out! ...

... Thank you sweetheart, this time I believe the ‘relationship Gods’ were smiling down on me, we apparently have both been searching for the same for a very long time. And we found it in our neighboring State within driving distance, miracles do happen guys!...

... And THIS is #truth 1000% the only thing I would add here - if he doesn’t TELL me how he feels, plus everything Annie said, it’s done. That may seem harsh to you guys, but I’m over constantly wondering if he feels like I do. I’m too old to wait any longer or play games.

So many have mentioned the same piece ... Communication. Tell them how you feel. It may not work, they have to listen to you and actually hear you, but try. Having tried and been ignored, I turned to searching. "Right Brained" though I am, it was more fearlessly telling someone how I felt and damn the risks that made the maiden step from her tower. The "Relationship Gods" did smile down on me but in my opinion, I was given a chance, not a guarantee and it is up to me not to fuck it up. One way I chose to do that is to communicate ... and even when she's over-thinking and complicating things ... the sure path is getting her to slow down, sit in my lap [just wait, that's coming DD] and talk.

I hope everyone who needs to, is able to find the words they need and is really listened to when they need to be heard.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

One way I chose to do that is to communicate ... and even when she's over-thinking and complicating things ... the sure path is getting her to slow down, sit in my lap [just wait, that's coming DD] and talk.

Just our luck we meet during the only pandemic in our lifetime but yes I know it’s coming before the summer’s over hopefully

 

[Vitriolhack]

Just our luck we meet during the only pandemic in our lifetime but yes I know it’s coming before the summer’s over hopefully

You could do a remote zoom party! Or FaceTime.

 

[IASFPWTF]

Powerful words and reminder - though it goes both ways. It takes two to tango as they say and we men also like to feel that she cares, etc...

Well said and right on point