Sexless Marriages

[Glazedcorneas]

My heart and prays go out to you

 

[Yerkiddin]

Back when I lived in the DFW area, I wanted to get fit again, so I joined a gym. The membership came with some trainer hours, so I hired one. I was 28 or so, and my trainer was late 30s, but she was fit, and I thought she could help me get fit, too.

After a bit, though, she told me that she would be happy to use me as a workout partner, such that I did not need to keep buying her time. I was tickled with this, and we started working out together almost every morning. Then came the day I was there to work out wearing bicycle shorts and a long Tshirt. The machine that changed everything had me up in the air, with weights helping to push me up via a platform under my feet, while I supported myself on my lower arms and repeatedly let myself down by shrugging, then pulled myself back up. It just so happened that when I let myself down, it raised my shoulders, and thus my Tshirt, so that my package came down from under my Tshirt. She was short, so it basically put my dick eye-level in front of her, and she blushed when she saw it. It was like she was trying to turn away and could not.

She needed a break after that, and I asked her if I should wear something else, and she said no. She told me she was married, but her husband couldn't get it up anymore, and she needed a man. She said her husband had told her to find one. This lead to a brief affair, where we were having sex first at my apartment, then at their house. (He worked nights) Everything was fine, until she invited me over for "Movie night" with her and their kids. The kids were 5 to 9 years old, and all I did was talk with them and watch a movie with them before they went to bed. I didn't bring anything, or give them any toys or candy, or even play with them, but their father had been working nights for some time, and really had nothing to do with them. This happened on a Friday night, and when he happened to be home for breakfast the next morning, the kids could not talk about anything but me, and her husband said, "Find someone else, no more of this guy." and just like that I was out of her life. :-(

 

[IASFPWTF]

It's a curious issue - need more research! Though I also know that a lot of men employ the "sexless marriage" victimhood language to justify their cheating. though, many of us are in sexless marriages...

I definately fit the sexless marriage definition, but sometimes wish I were cheating and taking cafe of my needs, but I haven't yet

 

[DDBustyBrit]

So I just heard I got the big Amazon promotion!!!! I have been running around the house screaming, no exaggeration it’s that much of a big deal I literally start tomorrow!! Within a few days I’ll have my own large team My only sadness is I will no longer be talking to the customers... but I’ll be training others to do it and mentoring and nurturing them

 

[skirt_chaser]

So I just heard I got the big Amazon promotion!!!! I have been running around the house screaming, no exaggeration it’s that much of a big deal I literally start tomorrow!! Within a few days I’ll have my own large team My only sadness is I will no longer be talking to the customers... but I’ll be training others to do it and mentoring and nurturing them

Congrats, DD...very happy for you!! You're a good soul, who deserves the best.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

So I just heard I got the big Amazon promotion!!!! I have been running around the house screaming, no exaggeration it’s that much of a big deal I literally start tomorrow!! Within a few days I’ll have my own large team My only sadness is I will no longer be talking to the customers... but I’ll be training others to do it and mentoring and nurturing them

https://media2.giphy.com/media/fxsqOYnIMEefC/source.gif

 

[IASFPWTF]

So I just heard I got the big Amazon promotion!!!! I have been running around the house screaming, no exaggeration it’s that much of a big deal I literally start tomorrow!! Within a few days I’ll have my own large team My only sadness is I will no longer be talking to the customers... but I’ll be training others to do it and mentoring and nurturing them

Congrats! I knew you would

 

[jayjay04]

Not only do we not have any now, with the lockdown we dont even speak more than about 10 words to each other in a day.

When I did go near her I was told to stop and go away.

Almost think I might have to ask if she wants to call it a day, but with a 2 year old its not a conversation I really want as we will both want her 100% of the time but also not take her away from the other... Nightmare! I never understood why people stayed together for the kids. I can kind of understand not, although I dont think people do it for the kids but more themselves so they still get to see their child growing up.

 

[Polranny]

So I just heard I got the big Amazon promotion!!!! I have been running around the house screaming, no exaggeration it’s that much of a big deal I literally start tomorrow!! Within a few days I’ll have my own large team My only sadness is I will no longer be talking to the customers... but I’ll be training others to do it and mentoring and nurturing them

It was a foregone conclusion. Congrats!

On the sexless side - to retain sanity as we face 2 months of staring at one another , we have been speaking remarkably civilly . Mind you, I have not brought up the subject of sex because I need my jewels to be intact when life as we knew it returns!

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Not only do we not have any now, with the lockdown we dont even speak more than about 10 words to each other in a day.

When I did go near her I was told to stop and go away.

Almost think I might have to ask if she wants to call it a day, but with a 2 year old its not a conversation I really want as we will both want her 100% of the time but also not take her away from the other... Nightmare! I never understood why people stayed together for the kids. I can kind of understand not, although I dont think people do it for the kids but more themselves so they still get to see their child growing up.

It's a horrible situation to be in and I can imagine the anguish of trying to make it work for you.

I do wonder, and this is more a broad/general reflection rather than directed to anyone in particular, when people start believing that they stay with their spouses "for the children" - do you really think the children are better off being part of a dynfunctional, if not outright negative, household? Wouldn't kids be better off seeing their parents happy, perhaps remarried in a positive/caring relationship?

My parents divorced when I was fairly young in days when it was still very uncommon. Yes, it was difficult and no doubt there are lingering issues, but there would have been issues too had my parents stayed together and continued to fight/argue and create tension in the household.

If you really want to raise your kids in a good home, doesn't that mean having a good marriage? And if that isn't possible, isn't divorce actually better for the kids???

 

[jayjay04]

I dont disagree.

We are not unhappy, but the conversation has died down a lot in the last week and where I would normally do daft things - if you bends over to pick something up, I would stand behind her for example - now I just get told to stop/move rather than a little laugh or smile.

Our little girl is happy which is definitely the main thing.

 

[zach20092]

So I just heard I got the big Amazon promotion!!!! I have been running around the house screaming, no exaggeration it’s that much of a big deal I literally start tomorrow!! Within a few days I’ll have my own large team My only sadness is I will no longer be talking to the customers... but I’ll be training others to do it and mentoring and nurturing them

Wow!! Congrats!!!

 

[philos]

I dont disagree.

We are not unhappy, but the conversation has died down a lot in the last week and where I would normally do daft things - if you bends over to pick something up, I would stand behind her for example - now I just get told to stop/move rather than a little laugh or smile.

Our little girl is happy which is definitely the main thing.

I’m in the same boat but further down the road (river?) My daughter is now 16 and after staying with my wife so long for her sake I’m wondering what I’ll do when she goes. Stay for financial security? Habit? Fear?
Is our friendship enough or do I need so I have a chance for intimacy? It isn’t easy either way.

 

[AnnieLit]

I’m in the same boat but further down the road (river?) My daughter is now 16 and after staying with my wife so long for her sake I’m wondering what I’ll do when she goes. Stay for financial security? Habit? Fear?
Is our friendship enough or do I need so I have a chance for intimacy? It isn’t easy either way.

If by fear you mean the fear of being alone, you can always try to find the answer before you leave. It is one thing to cheat when you know that you are not going anywhere and your wife can't really leave either, but without the kids and with you thinking about leaving anyway, why not try it for size? At a minimum you will find out for yourself that there is still life after 40-50-60.

 

[philos]

If by fear you mean the fear of being alone, you can always try to find the answer before you leave. It is one thing to cheat when you know that you are not going anywhere and your wife can't really leave either, but without the kids and with you thinking about leaving anyway, why not try it for size? At a minimum you will find out for yourself that there is still life after 40-50-60.

Unless I fail to find someone and learn there isn’t.

 

[GreenManOfTheWood]

Not only do we not have any now, with the lockdown we dont even speak more than about 10 words to each other in a day.

When I did go near her I was told to stop and go away.

Almost think I might have to ask if she wants to call it a day, but with a 2 year old its not a conversation I really want as we will both want her 100% of the time but also not take her away from the other... Nightmare! I never understood why people stayed together for the kids. I can kind of understand not, although I dont think people do it for the kids but more themselves so they still get to see their child growing up.

jayjay ... I read this and it made me stop and think. My heart goes out to you. I posted earlier in this thread and I too stay for my child. If it helps any, I read way too much research in an average day and have consumed any number of clinical studies that all conclude that divorce has a profound impact on children of all ages up through the end of high school. People may stay for themselves and their desire to see their child grow up but in doing so, they are serving to help that child develop with greater degree of emotional stability. I don’t know if that helps in any way but I wanted to pass it along.

 

[DirtyLittleDiva85]

Sorry for your demise but how can it be? A young beautiful sexy lady in a sexless marriage, I just don't get it. Until I came here, I never thought I'd ever see a lady sexless. This concept blows my mind.

For years I was sure it was me; I was doing something wrong.

To make an incredibly long and painful story short, it doesn't have anything to do with me. I've learned that the way others treat us (IE: the way he is with me) is merely a reflection of who he is as a person. I got tired of the "planned" sex and him NEVER initiating anything that made me feel truly wanted and desired.

In the end, I know it won't last (the marriage). My desire for a physical connection burns deep.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

jayjay ... I read this and it made me stop and think. My heart goes out to you. I posted earlier in this thread and I too stay for my child. If it helps any, I read way too much research in an average day and have consumed any number of clinical studies that all conclude that divorce has a profound impact on children of all ages up through the end of high school. People may stay for themselves and their desire to see their child grow up but in doing so, they are serving to help that child develop with greater degree of emotional stability. I don’t know if that helps in any way but I wanted to pass it along.

It is interesting to learn this, which completely disrupts my argument... Given so many children are the product of divorced parents, I still find it hard to imagine that we are all that fucked up due to the divorce as compared to what we would be had our parents stayed together...

I guess much of it also depends on how bad things really are within the marriage. Allowing children to be exposed to a bad marriage and making them think that is normal, can't be healthy for them when they have their own marriages - their expectations and understanding of what marriage is and should be would be quite narrow.

But I'm not a psychologist nor have i have ever studied the issue, so will defer to the experts.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

If by fear you mean the fear of being alone, you can always try to find the answer before you leave. It is one thing to cheat when you know that you are not going anywhere and your wife can't really leave either, but without the kids and with you thinking about leaving anyway, why not try it for size? At a minimum you will find out for yourself that there is still life after 40-50-60.

Unless I fail to find someone and learn there isn’t.

You'll be amazed what you can find - if you want to. The only thing that is holding you back from finding what you desire and deserve is you...

 

[lanceGibs]

You'll be amazed what you can find - if you want to. The only thing that is holding you back from finding what you desire and deserve is you...

In every leadership capsule
(I hated them because they presume they are for mental vermin and you have to attend)
One is told that every one suffers from the fear of the unknown.
The corporate world calls them "Beyond comfort zones"
The true BDSM world tries to drive you beyond comfort zones.


Now
Now
Now,!!
Am I drunk??

 

[Polranny]

In lockdown, continuous sexless, but this made me laugh


One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently
> taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
> The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
> gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay
> fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to
> sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his
> wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have
> a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

 

[lanceGibs]

In lockdown, continuous sexless, but this made me laugh


One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently
> taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
> The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
> gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay
> fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to
> sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his
> wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have
> a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Stay blessed.

 

[HampshireBoy]

So I just heard I got the big Amazon promotion!!!! I have been running around the house screaming, no exaggeration it’s that much of a big deal I literally start tomorrow!! Within a few days I’ll have my own large team My only sadness is I will no longer be talking to the customers... but I’ll be training others to do it and mentoring and nurturing them

Great news DD. Congratulations and I wish you every success.

 

[SunriseJax]

single male

Oops, i mean married male.

Part of the sad sexless club. Was due to medical reasons but now its just one excuse after another and it's getting old. My efforts are waning.

Luckily we get along great and love each other, I just miss that special touch and passion that comes with intimacy

What I need is a friend with benefits or just someone I can vent to and play with online, but that is proving to be difficult...

Nice to meet you all, sorry thereares so many !

 

[GreenManOfTheWood]

It is interesting to learn this, which completely disrupts my argument... Given so many children are the product of divorced parents, I still find it hard to imagine that we are all that fucked up due to the divorce as compared to what we would be had our parents stayed together...

I guess much of it also depends on how bad things really are within the marriage. Allowing children to be exposed to a bad marriage and making them think that is normal, can't be healthy for them when they have their own marriages - their expectations and understanding of what marriage is and should be would be quite narrow.

But I'm not a psychologist nor have i have ever studied the issue, so will defer to the experts.

Lost Yonder ... the case studies are merely an average and the parents were not trying to weaponize their children against one another. I've seen too many kids used as weapons by the parents to hurt each other and it is bad for the child too. I would have to go back and reread but I believe the intent of the parents was to normalize things for the children ... a selfless act in my opinion.