Settle a disagreement

[txwife594]

Hubby works and I am a housewife. Both of our kids are kinda grown but still at home The agruement is hubby goes to bed between 11 and 12. I stay up drinking and playing video games until like 2 or so most nights. I sleep until noon. Pattern repeats. Hubby says that it is wrong of me to do what I am doing. I would love to hear y’all opinion on the situation. Thanks.

 

[Bdm20]

Hubby works and I am a housewife. Both of our kids are kinda grown but still at home The agruement is hubby goes to bed between 11 and 12. I stay up drinking and playing video games until like 2 or so most nights. I sleep until noon. Pattern repeats. Hubby says that it is wrong of me to do what I am doing. I would love to hear y’all opinion on the situation. Thanks.

Why does he feel it is wrong? Is he wanting some physical affection and feels undesired because you’d rather be drinking and hanging out with the kids? That’s just me projecting.

 

[JustbeingRandy]

So your simply staying up and having an additional hour or two, to yourself to relax and unwind from the day. I'm guessing your both getting up at the same time. So not sure what the problem is, everyone needs some relaxation time.

 

[Jada59]

I don't drink but my schedule is similar to use. It was when I was married too, but he and I didn't get along.

My new (have not met him yet due to lockdown). usually goes to bed around 10 and has to get up early for work.

Assuming we hit it off, I will go to bed with him. probably sleep for an hour or two, then get back up again. I just can't sleep through the night. I sleep better during the day.

 

[Naughtyboy31]

So your simply staying up and having an additional hour or two, to yourself to relax and unwind from the day.

Unwind from not working?

 

[JustbeingRandy]

Unwind from not working?

Unwind from daily routine. She's taking care of the house and kids while he's working. Last time I checked that can be kind of stressful. Especially with what is happening nowadays with the self quarantine.

 

[Naughtyboy31]

She said her kids are kinda grown and she sleeps until noon. Sound like their pretty dependent upon themselves.

 

[Muwarr90]

Hubby works and I am a housewife. Both of our kids are kinda grown but still at home The agruement is hubby goes to bed between 11 and 12. I stay up drinking and playing video games until like 2 or so most nights. I sleep until noon. Pattern repeats. Hubby says that it is wrong of me to do what I am doing. I would love to hear y’all opinion on the situation. Thanks.

I think a lot may depend on what kind of drinking and how much. Lingering over a glass of wine for a while is different than getting trashed alone every night.

 

[Iwantsomeplease]

So your simply staying up and having an additional hour or two, to yourself to relax and unwind from the day. I'm guessing your both getting up at the same time. So not sure what the problem is, everyone needs some relaxation time.

um she doesn't work and sleeping half the day away, thinks that's his point. and don't tell me she's doing house work all day long.

 

[10169kek]

Hubby works and I am a housewife. Both of our kids are kinda grown but still at home The agruement is hubby goes to bed between 11 and 12. I stay up drinking and playing video games until like 2 or so most nights. I sleep until noon. Pattern repeats. Hubby says that it is wrong of me to do what I am doing. I would love to hear y’all opinion on the situation. Thanks.

I understand that he may be concerned about your well being if as someone else said you are getting trashed. He may be jealous that you might be doing more than drinking and playing video games. He might also be concerned that the example you are setting for the kids (not sure how old) might not be the best.

That being said, you are an adult and make your own choices. He voiced his concern so its up to you about what to do. He may than make some choices that are best for him. All about communication and potential consequences and compromises.

 

[FL30]

He probably feels as if he is being neglected some. Companionship takes many forms, not just sexual.

Maybe you should adjust your hours so that you go to bed earlier and get up earlier.

Even with taking car of all of the housework and the kids, you still need some together time and this sounds like it isn't happening as much as he'd like. Plus, sleeping in till noon probably makes him think that you're being lazy, (not that you are, but perception is reality).

 

[CTim]

Obviously, I believe we are all free to make our own choices. In addition, we really need more info on your marital dynamics. That said, I'll give you my take from our 20 plus year married perspective.

We really like to go to bed at the same time. It just seems good for the long term health of the marriage for us to have a little alone/adult time together. My wife is a stay at home mom who cooks, cleans, and teaches our brood daily. She works her ass off. I work in town daily and usually have farm/property related chores in the evenings. Yes, we really are that traditional.

Problem for us is I'm a crack of dawn or earlier kind of guy while my wife treasures some down time between 10-12 from kids and a needy husband. So when we need to connect she'll come to bed with me to snuggle then go back out to read/unwind for awhile. That's our compromise.

 

[CuriousGuy62]

I don't think you have a disagreement, nor is one of you wrong and the other right.

Frustrations are an expression of unmet expectations. What you have is a lack of consensus on what the expectations are.

You both have needs, and they haven't been adequately express, or the other one hasn't adequately heard them, or has heard them and isn't willing to meet them.

I recommend a discussion. Not about bedtimes, but about what needs and expectations you each have and how you might address them.

 

[txwife594]

The kids are 18 and 21. I drink vodka and coke. To be totally honest he cooks more than I do. Probably about even on the housework part also.

 

[txwife594]

He also thinks we should go to bed around same time

 

[takenmytime]

Set schedule

He has a set schedule. She does not. It is rude and disrespectful not to operate on HIS schedule. What happens on the weekend?
This is similar to what happens in my household and I can tell you that you could land up living on your schedule alone.

 

[ShouldaSaidDiMaggio]

It's perfectly fine to keep a different schedule and do what you want.

But if your husband is wise he'll find someone who appreciates him as soon as the kids move out. Or even just enjoy single life.

That's what I intend to do when my daughter is grown up.

 

[phil1955]

It seems there is more than just an issue of differing schedules here. It does not appear that either are getting their needs met in this relationship. And the drinking every night could be a sign of a serious problem.

 

[jaF0]

The kids are 18 and 21.

Show them the door. I bought my own house by 20 or so.

Adults don't play videogames so get rid of them.

Put the bottle down (Coke? really? Like ewwwww... ).

Pick up on the cooking and housework.

Grow up, be a wife/partner, not a room mate at a Frat house.

 

[LWulf]

I'd have to ask, what changed to start the argument? If this is how everything has been done for a while, then why does he want to change the schedule "now"?

Presumably, he doesn't think it's a fair relationship. If he is doing more of the cooking, and half the housework, then I'm beginning to agree with him.

Honestly, you can't play the games during the day? If not, then it sounds like you're using the games to avoid going to sleep at the same time. You don't say how much you're drinking, presumably enough to make deep sleeping the target objective.

As someone else said, it sounds like neither of you are getting your needs met. It sounds like you're slipping further into depression, and he is enabling you, to avoid dealing with the real issue(s).

 

[69plus1]

Sounds familiar but

I had multiple situations like this but I was the one staying up drinking and watching tv.
It was always a bad situation, I would be gone from home for months at a time and home for the same. My week ends would last months and my wife for whatever reason was on a different time schedule.
There were a lot of reasons for 3 marriages to fail not just this but it sure accelerated the end.
Give some to get some, go to bed with him some and then have your time just not as often.

 

[FGB]

Whatever works is what you will settle into or not.

I sleep less than any woman I know or have known. On the other hand I have no problem crashing whenever I need to.

I would not watch my last wife set on her ass smoking & drinking and getting heaver the whole time and want to jump on me when I got home from work because she had all day to get unhappy...add no clean,no cook and no sex as someone ask me once Why are you married to her?

It is horrible to watch some slowly kill themselves and there is nothing you can do...well one thing.

Oh, Hell no!

 

[Twitche]

He also thinks we should go to bed around same time

DH goes to bed at 9:30 and is up at 5 am. I used to resent how early he went to bed. I would to stay up until 11 or 12/1 am and was up at 6:30/7:00 with my teen. I started going to bed at 9:30 with my DH and getting up At5:30 to see him off to work. I’m not always ready for be at 9:30, sometimes I’ll stay up and read... but I will say that it vastly improved my marriage, sex life and the amount of sleep I get. I used to think that I needed the wind down time, what I needed was the alone time. I get that now with a cup of coffee after he leaves and before my teen gets up. The switch was well worth it to me by a thousand miles.

 

[txfuncouple]

He also thinks we should go to bed around same time

Then keep him up till 2 with some extended playtime.

 

[KimGordon67]

The kids are 18 and 21. I drink vodka and coke. To be totally honest he cooks more than I do. Probably about even on the housework part also.

I strongly suspect this is where part of the problem is. Compounded by the fact that the lifestyle you've chosen means (I'm assuming) that his sex life is also somewhat compromised. If I was in your husband's position, I'd probably be a little irritable about this as well. Staying up til 2am gaming, and then getting up at midday is obviously your choice, and you're entitled to do that if you want, because you're a grown-arse adult, but relationships are meant to be a give and take thing ... I'm a little puzzled as to what he's really getting out of the whole situation.