Need Editing Speech Help - Getting Frustrated

[BatmanLovesJustice]

I am trying to submit my second story under 'Exhibition & V'.

My first story was in the third person. Feedback was good but a theme was 'add speech', so my second story bends to public opinion and adds speech.

Rejected twice under 'Please break up & fix the punctuation of your dialogue'.

After first rejection - I approached 2 editors waiting 3 days for each to say they were queued out.

I read the advice given on writers etiquette for speech here.I applied it to my submission / rechecked and submitted. Within 2 hours - rejected under 'Please break up & fix the punctuation of your dialogue'.

I am good at grammar, better than many, but can't seem to get this through nor get help.

Seems petty at the moment when I provide my idea's and creativeness free to the site but I maybe have a space missing or comma out of place.

May give up - however I've been reading others submissions for years and want to give back Didn't think I'd feel like a schoolboy scolded again !!

Any thoughts / genuine help ?

 

[Charrla]

I think you're allowed to post up to three paragraphs in a thread. Can you show us a couple of examples of your dialogue? One of us may be able to give you some pointers to work with.

 

[KeithD]

I think you're allowed to post up to three paragraphs in a thread. Can you show us a couple of examples of your dialogue? One of us may be able to give you some pointers to work with.

This. And if your presentation of dialogue is repeatedly being rejected, you might back peddle a bit on the "being good at grammar" and showing attitude business. Rendering dialogue is pretty basic to grammar. Showing three paragraphs of dialogue in your work here might lead to getting this unraveled.

 

[BatmanLovesJustice]

I think you're allowed to post up to three paragraphs in a thread. Can you show us a couple of examples of your dialogue? One of us may be able to give you some pointers to work with.

Thanks. Appreciate the offer to look.I have kept to 3 paragraphs shown below as you suggest.

Copied below:


"I can’t change in the same room as men" she winged. "Where’s my female changing facility?".

"There isn’t any separate facilities Emma" said the referee. "Football has always been a man’s game."

"Huhhh!, not now, women are just as good as men, I demand a separate changing area."

Be good to know what I am missing .

 

[BatmanLovesJustice]

This. And if your presentation of dialogue is repeatedly being rejected, you might back peddle a bit on the "being good at grammar" and showing attitude business. Rendering dialogue is pretty basic to grammar. Showing three paragraphs of dialogue in your work here might lead to getting this unraveled.

Feel this is somewhat harsh - but accepted.

Certainly feel no reason to 'show attitude'. Therefore if you read my frustration as attitude - it wasn't my intention to convey the latter.

 

[Charrla]

Hmm. It does seem a little picky. I could understand if you were writing garbled run-on sentences, but you're not. There are a handful of minor flaws, so in the interest of being thorough, I'll make a list. It's good practice for me to have to look up rules in the Chicago Manual of Style (I'm a novice professional copyeditor). This will take a little time, but I'm working on it now.

(I'm ignoring any weird grammar in the quotes themselves, like the referee using "isn't" instead of "aren't," because it's speech. Speech is not always perfect.)

Having finished my list, I really suspect your problem is using commas where periods or semicolons should be. It would be a good idea to read up a little on this issue and edit your story one more time with that in mind. I talk about this at the end of the following post.

At the same time, I've read a lot of stories on this site that get these very same punctuation issues wrong. The site editors must be really cracking down. (And yes, I read your first post as frustration, not attitude.)

 

[Charrla]

List of minor flaws

First sentence: technically, there should be a comma after 'men.' As in:
"...same room as men," she whinged.
(Per CMoS 6.40.)

First sentence: you don't need to end it with a period. The question mark, even if it's inside the quotation marks, is sufficient for end punctuation. So just: "...changing facility?"
(Per CMos 6.124.)

Second sentence: as in the first example, there should be a comma after Emma: "...separate facilities Emma," said the referee.

Third sentence: no comma needed after "Huh!" And you need to capitalize the first letter of the next word, as "Huh!" operates as a sentence (an interjection, technically).

Third sentence: those last two commas should be replaced with a combination of periods and semicolons (Exclamation points would work as well, but you don't want to have too many of them).

You could recast it as: "Huhhh! Not now; women are just as good as men. I demand a separate changing area."

OR

"Huhhh! Not now. Women are just as good as men; I demand a separate changing area."

OR

"Huhhh! Not now. Women are just as good as men. I demand a separate changing area." (But this example feels too choppy.)

You could actually even use a colon after "not now". "Not now: women are just as good as men."

This may be what your trouble is, if a lot of your dialogue reads like the third sentence: commas where periods or semicolons should be. The semicolon is poorly understood by most people (including me, up until a few months ago). It functions well when you want to link two independent clauses (phrases that could function as complete sentences) with a comma instead of a period. But you can't just use a comma in between two independent clauses, such as your 'women are just as good as men' and 'I demand a separate changing area.'

For more on the semicolon, do a search for "Joining two independent clauses."

Best of luck!

 

[BatmanLovesJustice]

First sentence: technically, there should be a comma after 'men.' As in:
"...same room as men," she whinged.
(Per CMoS 6.40.)

First sentence: you don't need to end it with a period. The question mark, even if it's inside the quotation marks, is sufficient for end punctuation. So just: "...changing facility?"
(Per CMos 6.124.)

Second sentence: as in the first example, there should be a comma after Emma: "...separate facilities Emma," said the referee.

Third sentence: no comma needed after "Huh!" And you need to capitalize the first letter of the next word, as "Huh!" operates as a sentence (an interjection, technically).

Third sentence: those last two commas should be replaced with a combination of periods and semicolons (Exclamation points would work as well, but you don't want to have too many of them).

You could recast it as: "Huhhh! Not now; women are just as good as men. I demand a separate changing area."

OR

"Huhhh! Not now. Women are just as good as men; I demand a separate changing area."

OR

"Huhhh! Not now. Women are just as good as men. I demand a separate changing area." (But this example feels too choppy.)

You could actually even use a colon after "not now". "Not now: women are just as good as men."

This may be what your trouble is, if a lot of your dialogue reads like the third sentence: commas where periods or semicolons should be. The semicolon is poorly understood by most people (including me, up until a few months ago). It functions well when you want to link two independent clauses (phrases that could function as complete sentences) with a comma instead of a period. But you can't just use a comma in between two independent clauses, such as your 'women are just as good as men' and 'I demand a separate changing area.'

For more on the semicolon, do a search for "Joining two independent clauses."

Best of luck! If this is in a Word format, not too long, and not too fetishistic, I could do a quick clean-up of the errant commas for you. No guarantees that this would get it accepted, but it might help. PM me, if so, in case I don't revisit this thread.

Thank you Charrla.

Firstly for somewhat agreeing that the rejection appears 'picky'.

I find grammar errors on submissions here on Lierotica in accepted stories from time to time and in general business communication regularly find many cannot write a letter with the same grammar values I was taught.

From KeithD's reply, I was beginning to question my own grammar rendering dialogue ever existed in my past learning!! I'm glad to an extent that I am not regressing in that regard as was intimated.

Secondly, for your suggestions with comma's. I will take on board.

Dialogue can be written and read many ways (I am writing it from a UK grammar point of view), but my frustration was that I was not necessarily wrong in my type - just not right for the moderators of this site - and that can be frustrating if it is not indicated as to what is required to change for acceptance to a particular sites requirements.

I will revisit my work and revise to the suggestions made from the Chicago Manual of Style you refer and from your education in this regard.

I will keep your kind offer of a quick review/clean-up open if I may as my story fits your criteria of not too fetishistic and sits in the 'reluctant exhibitionist' genre.

Let me give it another go, another weekend (I have had enough of reading it, over again, this weekend ) and may contact you direct once I have tried to revise.

Thank you for your assistance and friendliness in this regard.

 

[KeithD]

Charria has pointed out some punctuation errors in your examples (which aren't just U.S. style--they are UK style as well). There were punctuation problems in all three sentences. If you omitted or misrendered this sort of punctuation in dialogue throughout, the system will, indeed, kick your story out. There isn't optional dialogue punctuation style in any of the examples given.

 

[MassiveGiantBrain]

Eye am willing two helps edited

If ewe needs edited helps just sends me a PMS and eye will helps.

 

[_Lynn_]

If ewe needs edited helps just sends me a PMS and eye will helps.

 

[KeithD]

If ewe needs edited helps just sends me a PMS and eye will helps.

Yes, I laughed.

 

[Ginlover]

If the referee is addressing Emma in the second paragraph it should be , Emma.

In your none dialogue how long are your paragraphs?
Long paragraphs accepted for a typed book dont translate online, so you tend to keep paragraphs to a few lines than line break. It's to help eyes reading but once in the habit easy to do

 

[Ada Stuart]

Thanks. Appreciate the offer to look.I have kept to 3 paragraphs shown below as you suggest.

Copied below:


"I can’t change in the same room as men" she winged. "Where’s my female changing facility?".

"There isn’t any separate facilities Emma" said the referee. "Football has always been a man’s game."

"Huhhh!, not now, women are just as good as men, I demand a separate changing area."

Be good to know what I am missing .

Hi

It might be helpful for you to install a free tool called "Grammarly". I've become completely addicted to it and it helps you fix both small and bigger errors. It also makes the editors job a lot easier, I guess

So, after copying your text into Word/browser window, a few right clicks on the mouse and this is the result I get:

"I can't change in the same room as men," she winged. "Where's my female changing facility?"

"There aren't any separate facilities, Emma," said the referee. "Football has always been a man's game."

"Huh! Not now. Women are just as good as men. I demand a separate changing area."


Hope that helps
Ada