Is Femdom Real?

[Subbalubbadubdub]

I just logged on to chat and saw some comments in the "femdom" room about the "perverts" there who turn women into a list of fetishes, and who think they're doing the women a favor by "letting" themselves get flogged / pegged / idk...shit on?

i wanted to say thank you for saying something that needed to be said. Taking the time to find out what a woman (or whoever your partner is) wants is the only way to a lasting relationship.

But it got me thinking...

Is Femdom just a category on Pornhub? Are there women who really LIKE to sexually dominate men? I remember watching a sitcom (an episode of Weeds, i think) where one of the characters got pegged by his new girlfriend. It was the first time i ever saw a strapon, but now they get mentioned all the time - on shows, in podcasts, in mainstream articles online).

For me, most of the joy i get from women is from making them smile - in the bedroom or out. If She's not enjoying it, i'm not enjoying it. Which is why i'm currently a service sub...meaning that i enjoy completing projects (painting, cleaning, repairs) or errands for my Mistress. I've also done some programming and web design. All of this is NSA, because that's what i signed up for. i asked Her if she was looking for a sub and She said that She needed some NSA house work done. i accepted, knowing it would always be that way because i enjoy seeing Her smile.

That being said, i would like to find a a d/s relationship where my girlfriend / wife / significant other would, at least occasionally, take the upper hand in the bedroom as well as out.

i've been married once, engaged twice and have dated a lot. i only discovered a few years ago that i enjoy being submissive. Prior to that EVERY sexual relationship i've had has included some d/s play. But it was always (with one notable exception) with me on top. Almost every woman i've known (including one pro-domme) has enjoyed being dominated by a man. i once went for a session with a domme and ended up tying Her up and spanking Her. She complained when i stopped.

So i list myself as a switch. Because i love women. i enjoy making them happy when i can. But i also wish there were more dominant women out there. i've never been pegged (i'm not sure i'd even enjoy it). And i've only been properly whipped tied and flogged once (yes i paid for it). I've never paid for sex, but i couldn't resist when i found a website for a local domme after a simple Google search.

But paying for it also took the fun out of it. i'm not judging the domme. She was amazing and i would really enjoy getting to know Her as a friend. i'm just saying that if what you WANT is for someone to take control, starting the "relationship" by buying Her time and telling Her what YOU want is out of character. Like cheating at sports - you only look like you've won.

i want someone to WANT to beat me...is that so wrong?

And does She exist? I'm sure there are a few out there, but it's gotta be a lonely world for the die hard submissives out there.

And do we need to be kink shaming the "perverts" who just want some nice lady to slap them across the face and then spit in their mouth as they stand there staring?

So my question is this? Is Femdom a passing fad? Is it something that only happens in porn? Like Bukkkake or fisting or gangbangs? Sure, they happen...but not to everyone and not all the time.

Or are women becoming more demanding in the bedroom? Do more of them want to lock up their boyfriend's cock and wear an ankle bracelet with an Ace of Spades pendant so that everyone else knows that She's taking it from whoever she wants? Or are most wives (hot as they may be) happy that they only have to worry about one "pervert"s needs?

Let me know what you think, lit folks? Should i keep logging on to the Femdom room, or is it always just going to be seven dudes and one woman who's wondering why She came into the Femdom room

 

[kiwi_submissive]

Definitly not dead, just sick of the fuckbois who think that being a sub means they get a beating whenever they want it and then throw a tantrum if they dont get to have sex whenever they want it.

We have an amazing group of Dommes here, they run a group where they have taster events for Dommes and subs only, regular workshops, beginners events for ladies who think they are interested in Domming. They are always well attended and I respect and am in awe of the knowledge, talent , support and just who they are generally of the ladies involved.

I regularly bottom at workshops etc for them (and have beenn known to top a time or two to help put) and help them set up and tidy up with no expectations of play. The guys tend to follow the ladies around telling them how good they are at going down on a lady or what size their dick it and miss the point entirely. When the Dommes are not looking, they sit around and talk and leave me and the other female subs to do the work then suddenly start helping when there is a Domme around.

To that end many Dommes I know become pro Dommes because as one of them said to me, if I am only able to do things he wants while he pretends I am in control then I might as well get paid for it.

 

[twister947]

*Subscribed *

 

[Subbalubbadubdub]

Well, maybe there's hope for me. i like to serve. Even with the one pro i saw, when She asked what my fetishes and limits were i said "Only one...whatever makes You smile"

 

[Subbalubbadubdub]

And thank You for the thoughtful reply! Hope You're having a good weekend!

 

[kiwi_submissive]

Well, maybe there's hope for me. i like to serve. Even with the one pro i saw, when She asked what my fetishes and limits were i said "Only one...whatever makes You smile"

While that is a cute answer and I know it is only many especially new subs give either due to a lack of experience or a desire to please, it can be a red flag to many Dommes. You should be able to show that you understand your needs and what things could potentially cause issues for you. Hate being tickled? needles stuck in your dick not your thing, how about sounding? not into humiliation play, how about being dressed up in a micromini skirt and paraded around the main street of the town you live in? While you don't need to run the whole list of everything thing you can think of, its helpful to have and overview eg no degredation play, if not hard limits then name some soft limits.

During negotiation for a scene where I am going to top, if a sub says they have no limits, I will refuse to play with them. While a first scene is not going to be anything that should cause issues, I have no trust that they will say anything is there is anything wrong.

Hopefuly I have been somewhat helpful. Obviously everyone has different opinions and I recommend that maybe you think about what you are into and the sort of Domme that you are looking for eg School Marm, Goddess, Fetishist, Disciplinarian, Mummy someone you can switch with and the list goes on. Some Dommes fall into lots of different categories as well.

 

[Subbalubbadubdub]

While that is a cute answer and I know it is only many especially new subs give either due to a lack of experience or a desire to please, it can be a red flag to many Dommes. You should be able to show that you understand your needs and what things could potentially cause issues for you. Hate being tickled? needles stuck in your dick not your thing, how about sounding? not into humiliation play, how about being dressed up in a micromini skirt and paraded around the main street of the town you live in? While you don't need to run the whole list of everything thing you can think of, its helpful to have and overview eg no degredation play, if not hard limits then name some soft limits.

During negotiation for a scene where I am going to top, if a sub says they have no limits, I will refuse to play with them. While a first scene is not going to be anything that should cause issues, I have no trust that they will say anything is there is anything wrong.

Hopefuly I have been somewhat helpful. Obviously everyone has different opinions and I recommend that maybe you think about what you are into and the sort of Domme that you are looking for eg School Marm, Goddess, Fetishist, Disciplinarian, Mummy someone you can switch with and the list goes on. Some Dommes fall into lots of different categories as well.

You're right...i wasn't sure what my boundaries were at the time. She recognized it too and graciously allowed me to see where things went - after we picked a safe word.

But i also meant it...i'm really never happier than when i can make a woman smile.

Thinking i could get a smile has made me do a lot of crazy things...

 

[supercollider00]

While that is a cute answer and I know it is only many especially new subs give either due to a lack of experience or a desire to please, it can be a red flag to many Dommes. You should be able to show that you understand your needs and what things could potentially cause issues for you. Hate being tickled? needles stuck in your dick not your thing, how about sounding? not into humiliation play, how about being dressed up in a micromini skirt and paraded around the main street of the town you live in? While you don't need to run the whole list of everything thing you can think of, its helpful to have and overview eg no degredation play, if not hard limits then name some soft limits.

During negotiation for a scene where I am going to top, if a sub says they have no limits, I will refuse to play with them. While a first scene is not going to be anything that should cause issues, I have no trust that they will say anything is there is anything wrong.

Hopefuly I have been somewhat helpful. Obviously everyone has different opinions and I recommend that maybe you think about what you are into and the sort of Domme that you are looking for eg School Marm, Goddess, Fetishist, Disciplinarian, Mummy someone you can switch with and the list goes on. Some Dommes fall into lots of different categories as well.

This! As a male sub, I'm often appalled seeing online how so many men just write "no limits" and such. That's not unrealistic but even dangerous. I do also think that a lot of men think they're submissive, but just want a kink dispenser. They don't really care about D/s or anything around it.

And to answer the actual question, there's no doubt at all that femdom is real and that women can enjoy being dominant as much as men can. To even insinuate that it's not "real" is rather bizarre.

 

[AnnieLit]

During negotiation for a scene where I am going to top, if a sub says they have no limits, I will refuse to play with them. While a first scene is not going to be anything that should cause issues, I have no trust that they will say anything is there is anything wrong.

Thank you!! Thank you for saing this.

From my end it's the other way around: if a potential dom says that he has no limits it's a HUGE red flag for me. Especially if he says that before even knowing what my limits are.

Thank god I don't have to negotiate anything when I dom, I am married to a sub, so we know each other well enough not to have to go through any of this.

To the OP: what exactly are you asking? Are there women that enjoy dishing out a bit of impact play or arranging a session of extreme teasing? Yes, there are. Always been, always will be. How many? Who knows... The fact that this theme is more popular in porn tells more about the number of submissive men than the number dominant women, as I am sure that most of the viewers are males.

As for the strap-ons being more often mentioned in sit-coms and what not... I would ask sex shops if actual sales increased, because it is one thing to talk about it and a very different to actually do it. For at least some women the refusal to do it is not based on stigma or any other outside influence, they just feel that it is a wrong way for them to go about it. I can fuck your ass to your heart's content and get a kick out of it in the process as long as I am holding the dildo or vibe in my hand, not attach it to my body.

 

[Knoturnal]

Well, maybe there's hope for me. i like to serve. Even with the one pro i saw, when She asked what my fetishes and limits were i said "Only one...whatever makes You smile"

As far as I know and of course I don’t know everything there are Fem Doms and Dommes and women that love to Dom men or women in varying degrees. I’ve never been some one who likes to be Dominated or especially manipulated in any way but from whet I’ve seen on several sites there are Dom women that even a guy like me might enjoy in one or several ways. I don’t think I’m very masochistic either but there could be some things I might want to experience. And I would certainly agree that any sub man , woman or whoever that says they have no limits is a sub to watch out or to take the warning that said person certainly hasn’t experienced everything in the most certain of ways.

 

[PaxNurgle]

I have heard this quote- I didn't come up with this, and I don't remember where I heard it or who said it but it says: There are two dangers for subs who say they have no limits. Either they wont be taken seriously... or they will.

As a sub with SOME experience, I know that I would not wish to do anything that would either kill or permanently injure me. Like have two obese people sit on me until I pass out (for example). Or any form of permanent branding, castration, or mutilation. Hey some guys are into that, and I'm not judging here but... that's just the thing with having no limits. Everyone has limits- whether they realize it or not.

 

[switchersm]

Hello to everybody here,
I am Tom from Germany and if I understand the discussion well it has changed from "are women becoming more demanding in the bedroom?" to doms or subs say "they have no limits".
I would like to answer the first question "are women becoming more demanding in the bedroom?" I cannot say that they do in general, but tell about my experience.
In my second marriage none of us two was domme or submissive in the bedroom. We had a very good sexlife in and outside of our bedroom. But after some years I saw a blog about male chastity including keeping the man chaste with a cock cage. I was faszinated, couldn't get it out of my brain and at the end, bought a cock cage, wore it secretly, when wife was out of home. Eventually I presented myself to her with my cock locked. I shorten the story. Wife didn't like the idea to keep me chaste, but listened to my thoughts about it, made her own research about male chastity and then suggested a half year test. The only point, that she was willing to do this test at that time was, that she couldn't get orgasms by intercourse, not with me and not with men before me. But very easy by oral service. So the test included very less handjobs for me and as much oral as demanded by her. She thought it could be fun and also thought I wouldn't keep up. After those six months, my wife's opinion on male chastity had changed. Not only that she decided, that she didn't need cock in her pussy anymore and liked to demande oral service, whenever she wanted, she also told me, that she loved the power about my cock, to deny me orgasms as long as she wants.
We talked a lot and very long and at the end we together set up a contract with many advantages for my wife and many limitations of my sexuality.
One thing was very important for my wife. It was the opportunity to keep me total chaste, means to deny me any orgasm in my life. She said she thinks herselfs, that it would be cruel, but this thought has come up in her brain and only to think about it, is more arousing as any orgasm. If I wouldn't agree to this, she wouldn't go on with keeping me chaste. It wasn't that she forced me to agree. She wanted me to think about it in all the consequences. I did and I must say her thought aroused me as well and still does. So I agreed freely. That has developed in six month. My wife, who never has been domme had such a thought.
We started our new sexual relationship softly and secretly, but also consequent, means, my cock was locked in different cock cages from then on 24/7. And everything devepoped within the years. My wife became more and more sexual dom and I more and more submissive. She likes to spank me very hard. It happens every weekend and makes her very hot. My ass too of course. I found out that I like to expose myself at nudist beaches and public saunas caged. I serve my wife and her three female friends naked in their monthly cards playing round and my wife has taken a lover, who fucks her well and I always serve as her cucky. The time when I will be kept total chaste is coming soon, I think, because she talks more often about that.
So, back to the entrance question "are women becoming more demanding in the bedroom?" In my personal experience yes. Wife never had thought about doing all these things and getting so much fun and satisfaction out of it. As I also do, by the way. It only needed an impetus, my wish to be kept chaste and her suggestion of the six months test, to let so many emotions and developments free.

 

[PaxNurgle]

^well, in your experience, it sounded like you opened your wife's mind to the idea initially; you were the instigator, and she took to it herself and to the delight of you both, she discovered that she enjoyed it as much as you.

So rather than a general observation that women are becoming more dominant on average in the bedroom or in a relationship, I would say they are becoming more open to the IDEA of being more dominant and/or demanding. But only insofar as her partner (in this case, you) presents the idea to them.

So back to the original question, is Femdom real? There are several types of female led or femdom relationships. Some do not involve sex or kink at all. These "non-kink" femdom relationships can be a Mistress/slave relationship that resembles slavery in the classical sense; there may be corporal punishment, but it's not a kink or fetish based relationship at all- more like, a woman wants a free live-in housekeeper or person to do chores, without pay or play- I.e. any kind of sexual reward. This arrangement obviously isn't for every prospective male sub out there, and it pays for anyone seeking a femdom/malesub relationship to know ahead of time exactly what kind of relationship the partner is seeking. And of course, knowing and identifying what each person's limits are.

 

[AnnieLit]

So rather than a general observation that women are becoming more dominant on average in the bedroom or in a relationship, I would say they are becoming more open to the IDEA of being more dominant and/or demanding. But only insofar as her partner (in this case, you) presents the idea to them.
.

So what? Everybody needs some sort of introduction and if we are talking about heterosexual women, it is not surprising that this introduction comes from men -- husbands and boyfriends.

All the male doms that I got to know close enough to talk about how they got to discover what they wanted, were introduced to the kink by women, ususally an older girlfriend. Does this mean that men are not dominant, but only open to the idea of being dominant?

 

[switchersm]

very well said

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

I think it is real because I have been dominated by ever woman in my life. I will always submit to whatever the have told me to do.

 

[Goldenfinger]

My 2 cents. Is there such a thing as femdom? Yes. But it’s usually not what you see here. Most here is what a guy has or wants a woman to do to them.

 

[Dearelliot]

I've been around for a while and never met a real Femdom, but I've hired many of them over the years for a session.
I'd guess they do exist, but I doubt they do what many of us subs want them to do...

 

[artslut86]

switchersm :​

So you are saying that you can now or will now be happy not having any orgasm of any type ever again. You do that willingly and freely to serve your DOmme yes?

 

[artslut86]

As to reality. I dont know.
I'm in an online relationship. I have handed my cock ass and O's to Miss.
That started last november. We had a 3 month break in that period and I am slowly learning more about substituting my 'wants, needs' to be her wants needs. Our play dates are the most intense fun as long as I am a good boy. She enjoys being mean to me when I screw up, but is also a firm thoughtful mature caring guiding hand on my path. I sought to submit initially as a way to generate better orgasms, and p spot orgasms as a substitute for PiV/Oral etc. that was no longer present in my existing r.ship. That has morphed into me enjoying telling Miss that I suffered for her, worked for her, and completed all the tasks set for her. I get aroused when she says good boy. I think she is secretly mildly proud of my journey and me investing in maturing. But realizes I'm a lot of work.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I've been around for a while and never met a real Femdom, but I've hired many of them over the years for a session.
I'd guess they do exist, but I doubt they do what many of us subs want them to do...

That’s it, are they the domme if they just do what the sub wants them to do? Isn’t that leading from the bottom.

 

[Dearelliot]

That's right...the golden rule! The guy with the gold makes the rules.
Otherwise having a real sub would be like owning a slave...Send him out to work two jobs and he gives her the money, and sleeps in the garage. Sounds to me like my marriage...except she does work as hard as I do. (or did, we are both too old now)

 

[artslut86]

With a $ Domme you can ask for what you want. I list a set of activities I'd like to try. I leave the sequencing and process to her. I know however I am going to get the O, and I know when.... right at the end. But everything gets very timeless so I have no real concept of time once under the D's control

 

[artslut86]

Hiring is way different to a 'relationship ' IRL or online.

 

[Dearelliot]

Like Artslut86 ..I give my pro Mistress a list of what I want done to me..She wasn't a Domme when we met I had to tutor her. She isn't good at it but she works at it and she is available. With our archaic laws, finding a good Domme in the the NJ/NY area, under 500 for the hour is very difficult.