Bad Sub / Fantasy v. Reality

[cookiecat]

I found this on Tumblr from crusoeampersand. Wasn't quite sure where to put it but it struck me as a whole lot of truth.

The picture threads here are fun. After a time, for me, they all blur together. So many pretty bodies. No blood, sweat, tears. Shankara's thread is probably the most honest in terms of real people doing real kink things.

In my marriage, which was D/s, I struggled with being perfect. Legs shaved, perfect holes, housework done, never feeling too tired. As if we lived in a kinky bubble where the outside world didn't touch us.

As I re-enter the D/s dating world at the age of 58, I (once again) struggle with this idea of perfection. How to brush aside the images I'm bombarded with here, on Tumblr, on Fet, on other kink sites. Will I find a guy who loves my tummy as much as he loves my mouth?

Anyways - just wanted to post this someplace. So here it is.

crusoesampersand
Bad Sub Struggle

I’m a bad sub.

I’m old. I’m all freckles and farmer’s tan and fleshy bits. My hair is short and I don’t know how to wear makeup. My entire hair and makeup routine in the morning takes 7 minutes. My heels are “cute” Doc Martens.

I’m not a size 2. Nope. I’ve been a size 2…. not so much anymore.

I’m a bad sub because I wear clothes at home. I even wear clothes to cook! I saw a reblogged pic recently where the girl was naked beneath the apron, the pot was empty, no flame, none of the knobs were turned, but she was “stirring” with a spoon…..ugh. I would love to cook in my fantastic kitchen wearing nothing but perfectly applied makeup and an apron. Alas, most days I am cooking wearing steel-toed boots, jeans, a t-shirt with a collared shirt over top and kind of sweaty hair plastered to my face. Hmmm. Ain’t that sexy?

I wear clothes to bed. I live in a house with an elementary school-age child. I wear a nightgown. A nightgown with tiny flowers on it and a bow, my grandma gave it to me. My grandma nightgown does not in any way, shape, or form, stop me from servicing Sir. Somehow I think the flowered, grandma nightgown makes the things we do behind closed doors more decadent, but I don’t see many pictures of models in cotton nightgowns. Oddly, my collar and cuffs still fit the same regardless of what I’m wearing (or not.)

I have opinions. I have opinions that contradict my Sir. I am of a different political party than my Sir. We manage to coexist. I serve Him regardless of who I am voting for.

I realize that Tumblr and Fet are fantasy, but the fantasy is just beyond comprehension. Why is it that all I see are perfect subs? Why is everything I read about perfect D/s dynamics? Apparently, I’m doing something wrong, and have been doing it wrong for a very long time. I don’t look like anything like what exists on Tumblr. I don’t know exactly how to qualify it, but it seems surreal. All I see are models, all I read is how wonderful and easy it is.

Fuck that. Relationships are hard. D/s? Exponentially more challenging.

Tell me you fart.

Tell me you fight.

Don’t tell me how wonderful and “easy” it all is.

I don’t wish ill on anyone, but we struggle. I struggle.

I serve Him, but I resent it sometimes. I don’t wander in uber-dreamy sub-state all the time. It just isn’t real. In the real world, in my real world, I struggle.

I don’t think I’m a bad sub, and neither does my Sir.

Alas, in the perfect fantasy world of Tumblr and Fet I’m a bad sub.

So, I’m a bad sub, and I struggle. I”m okay with that.

 

[sub2femdom]

There's a lot of truth in that, but the thing that rubbed me the wrong way was the part about disagreeing. It sounded less like the author is opinionated, and more like they both have failed to communicate exactly what they want from the D/s dynamic.

 

[Bluebird369]

I found this on Tumblr from crusoeampersand. Wasn't quite sure where to put it but it struck me as a whole lot of truth.

The picture threads here are fun. After a time, for me, they all blur together. So many pretty bodies. No blood, sweat, tears. Shankara's thread is probably the most honest in terms of real people doing real kink things.

In my marriage, which was D/s, I struggled with being perfect. Legs shaved, perfect holes, housework done, never feeling too tired. As if we lived in a kinky bubble where the outside world didn't touch us.

As I re-enter the D/s dating world at the age of 58, I (once again) struggle with this idea of perfection. How to brush aside the images I'm bombarded with here, on Tumblr, on Fet, on other kink sites. Will I find a guy who loves my tummy as much as he loves my mouth?

Anyways - just wanted to post this someplace. So here it is.

Love this! But really it could be about anyone who doesn't feel like they can measure up to any kind of fanisty pics that get posted....

 

[SissySalina]

Do not understand, why is this a bad sub?
All relationships are different and all have their problems, if yours does not have any problems then you need to question is this a relationship. In life there are problems and you work through them, you communicate between each other to resolve differences.
In a D/s relationship the D expresses their wishes and the s fulfills them not much different than any relationship.

 

[AnnieLit]

Pictures in AmPics are not those of models...

 

[cookiecat]

There's a lot of truth in that, but the thing that rubbed me the wrong way was the part about disagreeing. It sounded less like the author is opinionated, and more like they both have failed to communicate exactly what they want from the D/s dynamic.

I didn't get that failure to communicate part? More that she was pointing out sometimes service isn't always this dreamy, wet, arousing thing. Sometimes it's a challenge. For sure worthy of discussion if it happens over and over again. In this case, it struck me more as being aware that it's the service that creates the happiness and not always the actual act. Hope that makes sense?

 

[cookiecat]

Love this! But really it could be about anyone who doesn't feel like they can measure up to any kind of fanisty pics that get posted....

True. But since this is in the bdsm forum and my thoughts were wandering around about D/s and sex and self confidence, this is where it ended up.

Do not understand, why is this a bad sub?
All relationships are different and all have their problems, if yours does not have any problems then you need to question is this a relationship. In life there are problems and you work through them, you communicate between each other to resolve differences.
In a D/s relationship the D expresses their wishes and the s fulfills them not much different than any relationship.

I wasn't really thinking that much about communication style when I ran across this on tumblr. For sure clear communication is essential for any relationship.

Instead, I thought this was more specific in nature - the use of the word "bad" was in comparison to the images seen on tumblr or in the picture threads in the cafe.

Pictures in AmPics are not those of models...

Yup. I was more thinking along the lines of pics in the cafe or on tumblr. More power to the folks who post in AmPics.

 

[AnnieLit]

Yup. I was more thinking along the lines of pics in the cafe or on tumblr. More power to the folks who post in AmPics.

You mentioned Fet in the post, there are a lot of real people there too, what your feed there looks like really depends on what you want to see. I am not a big fan of cell snaps showing life or kink as is, but I still stumble upon those quite often.

 

[cookiecat]

You mentioned Fet in the post, there are a lot of real people there too, what your feed there looks like really depends on what you want to see. I am not a big fan of cell snaps showing life or kink as is, but I still stumble upon those quite often.

I think my point is lost. I understand there's "real" images out there. Was sorting out thoughts aloud - don't think I did a great job of conveying? Or I might just not have my listening ears on.

Anyways.

Thanks

/thread closed

 

[cascadiabound]

Cookie...i liked the post. I thought it was raw and real and about the struggle to be okay with your self and your kinky relationship that does not look like the gauzy fantasy pics most commonly found places like tumblr and fet.

I think all of us struggle to measure up...not just to all those images, but the ideal we have created in our heads. The ideal body for yourself (i.e. Kim's struggle with her altogether womanly middle aged tummy) [i could cite lots of other posts I've read here about various struggles people have with their regular imperfect bodies, or bodies that we struggle with due to chronic illness or age, or cancer or or or] is an image that we all carry around. Better hair, taller, less lumpy, less cellulite, bigger or smaller breasts etc etc.

We struggle to find the right balance of kink and real life stuff, service and submission, communication and balance. We often find ourselves comparing to something else. A prior relationship, an ideal in our head, someone else's "perfect" life.

In the best situation, we have partner who loves us just as we are. Flawed. struggling. Complicated. And helps us to be the best we can be and helps us love ourselves and values the service and submission we offer.

Obviously the woman in this post is not actually a bad sub. She is not a mirror of the fantasy often represented.

A person of value *will* want us. Real. Flawed. Imperfect. Struggling. And if we do our best to love and serve in spite of our flaws, we are good subs. Good girls. We are enough.

Is any of this what you were thinking about?

cb

 

[seela]

I always find that sort of posts interesting, because in a way I get it, but in many other ways I really don't.

And the reason I don't get it is completely fucked up. I have resigned my body, completely. The times I'm okay with my body or find it even remotely attractive are shortlived, few and far between. The moments I feel like anybody else could find me physically attractive are equally almost-non-existant. If someone likes me, it's because of my brain and despite my body. My body is just a vessel that moves me around and me as a person or my submission is not tied to my body in any way.

That's one reason why I'm into service and non-sexual submission, all sorts of brain stuff. The focus is less on my body and more on the acts. There area other, even sadder, reasons for my brain stuff preference as well, but that's neither here nor there.

When I look at the polished, pretty, black and white pics, I usually find them a little boring, but in general I tend to look at the action and not really care about who does what.

I think the every day aspect of D/s is less interesting to most people and that's why it doesn't get talked about. Because it's every day and it's not particularly sexy. But the every day stuff makes the other moments stand out, and the other moments are what gets shared. In pics and in writing. I'm okay with that, but I suppose it's good to remind people of that every now and again.

 

[AnnieLit]

I think my point is lost. I understand there's "real" images out there. Was sorting out thoughts aloud - don't think I did a great job of conveying? Or I might just not have my listening ears on.

Anyways.

Thanks

/thread closed

Sorry, did not mean to try to shut this down.

Of course we are surrounded by pretty imagery that has very little to do with real life, but my point was -- to big extend we CAN control what we see. We can choose which threads we subscribe to on Lit, who we follow on Tumbler or Fet. We have no control over what other people choose to look at or read, but our own online space is ours and we can populate it any way we choose.

 

[cascadiabound]

Well, this sucks.

Come back, cookie.

Agreed.

 

[twister947]

Well, this sucks.

Come back, cookie.

What she said.

 

[cookiecat]

You guys!

I'm here. Am in one of those funky moods I can't seem to get my thoughts together. I had a little hissy fit instead of taking a minute to think things through.

The thing I love about Talk and these kinds of conversations is often times, I'm encouraged to think a new way. Take in other perspectives and mull them over.

I guess I'm in mulling mode.

Thanks for the replies.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

Cookie...i liked the post. I thought it was raw and real and about the struggle to be okay with your self and your kinky relationship that does not look like the gauzy fantasy pics most commonly found places like tumblr and fet.

I think all of us struggle to measure up...not just to all those images, but the ideal we have created in our heads. The ideal body for yourself (i.e. Kim's struggle with her altogether womanly middle aged tummy) [i could cite lots of other posts I've read here about various struggles people have with their regular imperfect bodies, or bodies that we struggle with due to chronic illness or age, or cancer or or or] is an image that we all carry around. Better hair, taller, less lumpy, less cellulite, bigger or smaller breasts etc etc.

We struggle to find the right balance of kink and real life stuff, service and submission, communication and balance. We often find ourselves comparing to something else. A prior relationship, an ideal in our head, someone else's "perfect" life.

In the best situation, we have partner who loves us just as we are. Flawed. struggling. Complicated. And helps us to be the best we can be and helps us love ourselves and values the service and submission we offer.

Obviously the woman in this post is not actually a bad sub. She is not a mirror of the fantasy often represented.

A person of value *will* want us. Real. Flawed. Imperfect. Struggling. And if we do our best to love and serve in spite of our flaws, we are good subs. Good girls. We are enough.

Is any of this what you were thinking about?

cb

This is the most perfect post I've read in a very long time, thank you.

I think it is a fantastic thread, Cookie, and I'm sorry I wasnt able to reply earlier. I was having my own "bad sub" moment, and wasn't around the last two days.

The point behind your post was not at all lost. I think most of us struggle with many or all of these things. I know I do!

I'd also like to point out that it applies to the other side of the slash too. My Daddy/Master is struggling right now with the same ideation. He has a very clear image of what he expects of himself as a Dom, and when reality gets in the way he can take it just as hard as I can.

A "good Dom" should be able to know the right decision all the time, right?
They should know exactly how to solve every problem.
They should be conventionally sexy AF, tall, built, and have a voice that makes women melt. Right?
They should be super skilled in all of the kinky arts, or at least a few.
Most of all, they should know exactly what to do when their sub isn't getting it right, to get them both on track.

well... reality is they struggle with the same insecurities. We talk often about how he thinks I've no concept of how short he really is (not shorter than me Love) and yeah, it really upsets him when he cant make it all better, whatever the *it* happens to be. To me, though, he is the best Daddy I could ever have asked for, and I really and truly don't want to imagine a single day without him.


All of this to say, just like we would never stop to think Huh! He is having a "bad Daddy/ Master/ Sir/ PYL" day and that it would take away from their value to us, we need to be as kind to ourselves as we are to others. We all forgive other people for "being real" but have a hard time forgiving ourselves!
Very few of us would even give a serious thought to holding out for our Mr. Gray or whatever your fantasy is... and if it showed up damn we would look at it askance. The same is true for the other side... most of them really aren't looking for their holy grail of subs who sounds like Hepburn and looks like Cameron Diaz... they forgive us for being real, and guess what, probably even prefer us for it.

<3
https://youtu.be/2FtFwAaCjrM

~Faithfully His,
Angie

PS... Cookie you are LOVED

 

[KimGordon67]

I totally feel this thread ... thanks Cookie.

I wonder if part of the problem is that with 'normal' sexual relationships, there are 'real' representations of them - admittedly, as was noted in my thread, they aren't overwhelming us, but they are possible to see. There's 'normal' couples on Coronation Street, for example.(Sorry, I don't know what the American equivalent is, but you know what I mean.) But once you get into the kinkier relationships, almost ALL the imagery is either air-brushed to fuck, or otherwise the people portrayed are a bit of a joke. I watched a couple of episodes of that new Netflix series the other day (I can't remember what it's called, Bonded or something like that), and the domme is the requisite skinny gorgeous brunette, and the main client in the two episodes I saw is kind of unusual looking, but his submissiveness is also partly a joke. Or that's how it felt to me ... a gentle joke, but still a joke.

I think the Shibari thread has some great images of all kinds of women as submissive/bound - of course, most are slim, but definitely not all. But even then, everyone is still pretty 'beautiful'.

I don't know ... but I feel your funk Cookie.

 

[cookiecat]

Cookie...i liked the post. I thought it was raw and real and about the struggle to be okay with your self and your kinky relationship that does not look like the gauzy fantasy pics most commonly found places like tumblr and fet.

I think all of us struggle to measure up...not just to all those images, but the ideal we have created in our heads. The ideal body for yourself (i.e. Kim's struggle with her altogether womanly middle aged tummy) [i could cite lots of other posts I've read here about various struggles people have with their regular imperfect bodies, or bodies that we struggle with due to chronic illness or age, or cancer or or or] is an image that we all carry around. Better hair, taller, less lumpy, less cellulite, bigger or smaller breasts etc etc.

We struggle to find the right balance of kink and real life stuff, service and submission, communication and balance. We often find ourselves comparing to something else. A prior relationship, an ideal in our head, someone else's "perfect" life.

In the best situation, we have partner who loves us just as we are. Flawed. struggling. Complicated. And helps us to be the best we can be and helps us love ourselves and values the service and submission we offer.

Obviously the woman in this post is not actually a bad sub. She is not a mirror of the fantasy often represented.

A person of value *will* want us. Real. Flawed. Imperfect. Struggling. And if we do our best to love and serve in spite of our flaws, we are good subs. Good girls. We are enough.

Is any of this what you were thinking about?

cb

Thanks for replying, cb.

For sure, it's the image in my head that is the biggest hurdle.

I think it's more about finding the person of value who wants me. The process of finding the person.

I'm fairly comfortable with who I am. It's this fucking dating thing. I recall actually enjoying online dating but it's been about 8-9 years. I've been through some stuff. I don't have the same perspective about life in general. Maybe more time will smooth out the jaggedy, jumpy edges?

Anyways. I get it. I really do. Dating is just a small part of this whole new life I'm living. It's like trying to find that new magical sweater. In my head, I know exactly what I want, the one that will make me feel safe and amazing. I try a few on, some are itchy, some don't fit at all, some I try to make fit. Some are too expensive, too high maintenance - I don't want to dry clean. LOL. But I keep looking.

 

[cookiecat]

I always find that sort of posts interesting, because in a way I get it, but in many other ways I really don't.

And the reason I don't get it is completely fucked up. I have resigned my body, completely. The times I'm okay with my body or find it even remotely attractive are shortlived, few and far between. The moments I feel like anybody else could find me physically attractive are equally almost-non-existant. If someone likes me, it's because of my brain and despite my body. My body is just a vessel that moves me around and me as a person or my submission is not tied to my body in any way.

That's one reason why I'm into service and non-sexual submission, all sorts of brain stuff. The focus is less on my body and more on the acts. There area other, even sadder, reasons for my brain stuff preference as well, but that's neither here nor there.

When I look at the polished, pretty, black and white pics, I usually find them a little boring, but in general I tend to look at the action and not really care about who does what.

I think the every day aspect of D/s is less interesting to most people and that's why it doesn't get talked about. Because it's every day and it's not particularly sexy. But the every day stuff makes the other moments stand out, and the other moments are what gets shared. In pics and in writing. I'm okay with that, but I suppose it's good to remind people of that every now and again.

This is an interesting take. Thinking of your body as the thing that simply houses your brain. That your submission isn't wrapped up in your body. And that you've reconciled this.

I have this dysfunctional relationship - I want my body to be touched, tormented, I want to feel hands on me, alternately hurting and tenderly touching. I just would rather not be naked doing it. So I offer up other ways of service - just my mouth or totally focused on him so I don't have to be seen.

I was talking to someone online who wanted naked pics right off the bat. Nope. No. I think this is my struggle. I want to meet someone. I'm willing to venture out of my neighborhood to do it. I've met a few folks, including my husband, this way. But it's been 8 years or so. Has the internet changed that much?

I'm feeling like one of the past Lit posters who come back and say Lit's so different! It's way worse, it's changed so much! I feel that way about online / internet dating. No one wants to use their words. Immediate gratification. Instant intimacy mistaken for love. What happened in those 8 years? Maybe I'm different.

I want the day to day, mundane stuff. But I also want the guy who wants to crawl in my head and figure out how to use my insecurities for his benefit. Is that really too much to ask?

Thanks for the reply, seela. You've made me think about a few things.

 

[cookiecat]

I've run out of thoughts for the night.

Such a weird phenomenon but it happens often. My brain just shuts off.

I do appreciate the replies.

 

[AnnieLit]

No one wants to use their words. Immediate gratification. Instant intimacy mistaken for love.

I guess I am one of those newcomers that would rather not go texting for months just to find out on the very first face-to-face that there is absolutely no chemistry to speak of. Though I don't mistake lust for love.

But, having said that, with one guy prolonged texting did work great. When we met online he was leaving for a trip in couple days, so he was out of the country for two weeks, then we met the next day after he came back, and then I left for two weeks. For us it was not planned, but maybe you can artificially introduce this "unfortunate" delay? It is much easier for a guy (or for me ;. ) to wait an extra week or two if he knows that this delay is not because you don't want to see him, but because you can't. Lying about being away is way too complicated and is not a right way to start a relationship, but maybe you can come up with something more realistic for your life? Swamped at work till the project is finished in 10 days? Babysitting a nephew while his parents are out of town? Anything that is actually true, but maybe not exactly to the extent you present it.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

I have this dysfunctional relationship - I want my body to be touched, tormented, I want to feel hands on me, alternately hurting and tenderly touching. I just would rather not be naked doing it. So I offer up other ways of service - just my mouth or totally focused on him so I don't have to be seen.

This fits in with a conversation my Master and I had last week. We have similar issues revolving around focus and intimacy, and luckily, they compliment eachother. His I wont address, as it isnt mine to share, but I totally get this, cookie. I'm not sure the root cause is the same, but I'm completely with you on preferring to be of service
I WANT to be touched, teased, tormented...but then another part of me tensed up and walls off. I cant just receive. I dont know how. Maybe it is insecurity. If I want to abandon myself it has to be in the giving.


I'm feeling like one of the past Lit posters who come back and say Lit's so different! It's way worse, it's changed so much! I feel that way about online / internet dating. No one wants to use their words. Immediate gratification. Instant intimacy mistaken for love. ~ snip
I wish it were time, Cookie, but it isnt. It has always been human nature to mistake lust for love, and thrill of the chase/ conquest for genuine connection. It just seems exacerbated as we age. When we were younger more " good ones" who were mature had yet to settle down and still populated the waters. As with all groups, as we age that population gets increasingly slim. The " good ones" are significantly younger or already content and settled in their lives. Unless due to trauma, they rarely find themselves back in the pond.

I want the day to day, mundane stuff. But I also want the guy who wants to crawl in my head and figure out how to use my insecurities for his benefit. Is that really too much to ask?
Pills, bills and everything in between..no, it ismt too much to ask, but frog princes arent a dime a dozen. It is the seeking and patient yearning that will make you BOTH so much more valuable to eachother when you do connect. Dont get discouraged and definitely dont lower your standards. You deserve a YOU[/] because you are the best of us.
Thanks for the reply, seela. You've made me think about a few things.

~ Faithfully His;
Angie

 

[seela]

This is an interesting take. Thinking of your body as the thing that simply houses your brain. That your submission isn't wrapped up in your body. And that you've reconciled this.

I have this dysfunctional relationship - I want my body to be touched, tormented, I want to feel hands on me, alternately hurting and tenderly touching. I just would rather not be naked doing it. So I offer up other ways of service - just my mouth or totally focused on him so I don't have to be seen.

I was talking to someone online who wanted naked pics right off the bat. Nope. No. I think this is my struggle. I want to meet someone. I'm willing to venture out of my neighborhood to do it. I've met a few folks, including my husband, this way. But it's been 8 years or so. Has the internet changed that much?

I'm feeling like one of the past Lit posters who come back and say Lit's so different! It's way worse, it's changed so much! I feel that way about online / internet dating. No one wants to use their words. Immediate gratification. Instant intimacy mistaken for love. What happened in those 8 years? Maybe I'm different.

I want the day to day, mundane stuff. But I also want the guy who wants to crawl in my head and figure out how to use my insecurities for his benefit. Is that really too much to ask?

Thanks for the reply, seela. You've made me think about a few things.

I'm not sure I've really reconciled it, and I definitely recognize the dysfunctional relationship with the body that you described. My general dislike for my body just has nothing, or at least little, to do with the seemingly perfect, airbrushed pics of black and white skinny chicks. It's not reality, I know perfectly well that I'll never be able to look like that, so I don't use the pics as a yardstick at all. They don't make me feel bad or "less than" at all.

I opened the Ravishingly Rubenesque thread by accident a few days ago and that was a lot more difficult for me to handle than the more typical skinny pics. The rubenesque is my peer group, and realizing that I'll never be able to look like those chicks either hit me a lot harder. So. I'll stick with the stuff that has absolutely no connection to my reality.

There are times when I miss touches and the physicality of sex, when I wish someone could want me because of my body as well as because of my brain. It's never happened, I doubt it ever will. So for the most part I choose to focus on the things that do work to my advantage. At least until I win the lottery and can have a complete body do-over.


But was the point of this thread just that people rarely look like the airbrushed black and white ladies kneeling next to a man in well tailored suit? The post quoted in the first post mentions that she cooks and sleeps with clothes on and I took that as an example of what makes her a bad sub.

The way I see it, and that I mentioned in my previous post, is that the pics like the airbrushed kneeling pics or the ones where subs cook naked except for an apron and a pair of heels are taken and shared because they are *not* the norm and exactly because they are a part of a fantasy. They depict the extraordinary moments amid the mundane, and the mundane is what makes those moments stand out as worthy of being taken a pic of (okay, yes, I know they're planned photoshoots, but whatever).

Should there be more pics or posts about the mundane BDSM, the ones where the sub cooks with their clothes on and scrubs the bathtub feeling nothing special or just being pissed off that it's always them that cleans the bathroom rather than the elation of being able to submit? Videos where the sub is tied up and gets a cramp?

Or is there just a need and want for pics and posts of people who look different than the people in the most stereotypical black and white pics but acting out the same scenes?

 

[puppett]

Videos where the sub is tied up and gets a cramp?

Or is there just a need and want for pics and posts of people who look different than the people in the most stereotypical black and white pics but acting out the same scenes?

for me, the online world is a fantasy where i can escape from reality (my reality) most of us ( me too) have body issues. i think i have a halfway decent body but those pics... sigh... i understand and i wish i knew enough texh to make my pics look like that...

but anyway, its mostly in the mind, even while irl scene... its mostly in my head (sub space?)

the reality is even when pics turn out really well... the actual holding the pose for the pic, fake smile makeup clothes... blah blah...
i mean i put in the effort sometimes but still its not really "fun" except in the head space.

 

[KimGordon67]

...

I opened the Ravishingly Rubenesque thread by accident a few days ago and that was a lot more difficult for me to handle than the more typical skinny pics. The rubenesque is my peer group, and realizing that I'll never be able to look like those chicks either hit me a lot harder. So. I'll stick with the stuff that has absolutely no connection to my reality.

...

I totally get this.