Sex Addiction

[sub2femdom]

Well, it finally happened to me.

I've always proudly worn that badge. On some level, all men are sex addicts, but for me, it's been degrading my life, especially lately.

I've been masturbating 2-3 times a day forever. At 50, you can only imagine how much that statement means. When I was young.. it was 5+ times daily.

One girlfriend (my god she was hot) - we were 19, and stayed home on our day off and banged, 10 times to completion before 7pm.

I was always ready to go. I eye-humped every female I saw, even the 4's and 5's.

Back to recent times. My wife and I haven't had sex in 5 years. Her meds are the main reason, so what did I do? Played around, mostly to engage in kinks she wasn't interested in anyways, but mostly I masturbated, a LOT. My wife had told me a couple of years ago that she couldn't achieve orgasm anymore because her meds (prozac primarily). We talked with her psy about it, we tried changing up the meds, nothing worked. She had decided that orgasms and sex just wasn't that important to her, and just went frigid on me.

I started watching more porn than ever, daily. I've been avidly watching porn, blogs, stories, etc.. Using the internet as a masturbatory library since about 15 years ago. I've even paid for it before. But the last few years, it's become a religion, addiction, all I think about all the time.

In the last two years, it started taking longer to get off. Took more extreme fantasies, toys, and porn. And in the last few months, I was having trouble getting and/or keeping an erection. It became ultra-frustrating that I was still 'mentally' horny as ever, but couldn't get my cock to cooperate.

I would be up too late just trying to get off. I'd take too long in the mornings trying to spank one out before work. I'd run out of hot water in the shower trying to yank myself dry.

Last Friday was valentines day.. We went out and had a rather terrific night. We both had a couple of drinks and felt good, she suggested we play.

It was a horrifying failure, even with her trying to cater to my dirty fantasies, I couldn't keep it up long enough to penetrate her for more than a few thrusts. In the end, I used a hitachi on her and talked dirty in a way I know she loves, and she had an orgasm... her first in 5 years... but me? Nope, couldn't achieve it. Came close once, but I lost it at the last moment and just dribbled a tiny bit and then went soft. I was glad she got off, but her concern for me, my health, and well being was very notable. She asked me to go see my doctor. I agreed.

I know a lot of people would point to viagara or other ED meds, but the problem isn't my libido or testosterone, it's binge masturbation and an extreme overload of porn.

I read a few articles, and one in particular really had me pegged (no pun intended!).

It explained that not only was my addiction causing ED, but it also was shaping my sexual desires and behaviors. For instance, my submissive cuckold fetish.. they explained that we (cuckolds) are led into this fantasy because we watch so much porn that we're always doing it as a spectator.. we're watching other men shag beautiful women, and accept our place as the voyeur.. ultimately graduating to cuckoldry and other types of voyeuristic and submissive play.

So, there was much more to the article, but anyways, I guess I'm typing all this out to just get it out, self therapy maybe?

I haven't masturbated since that night, and am trying not to. I'm not pressuring myself too much, if I fall off the wagon, I just get back on, but I really don't want to fall off. I talked with my wife very honestly about it, and she's open to having a sexual relationship even if she can't get off, she does want to make me happy.

My being here tonight is the first time I've gone to any adult site since V-day, and only to talk this out. I'm speaking here about it mostly to say that I had no idea how deep I was in this rabbit hole until I hit a personal low. Maybe some of you are experiencing the same thing? Maybe not. I no longer wear my sex addiction like a badge, I've come to realize that throughout my life, it's been more like a crutch.

Everything is good in moderation - and one day I hope to be able to consume porn in a limited and healthy way, but for the foreseeable future, I'm going to abstain from masturbation and any provocative adult materials , and focus only on actual physical sex with my wife. Wish me luck I suppose

 

[mba_25]

Good luck to you and your wife. That she is interested in your happiness is a lot more than most men get at this stage so make sure you are wonderful to her. If you didn't know it, she likes flowers. For no reason. But deep down she knows it's because you still want her desperately.

Best wishes!

 

[Veeweewee]

Wow, thanks for your honest post.

One of the really cool things about Letit, from my point of view as a woman, is the honesty of the men, such as you have done here.

It has certainly helped me to understand the men in my life very much more.

On a completely different level, I think I may be sex addicted too. But as a woman it takes on a whole different set of challenges compared to men.... And our partner's situations introduce a whole new set of dynamics.

I am "lucky" in that my husband is probably somewhat sex addicted too... And maybe even others in our close circle.

Maybe we are all just highly sexed, I'm not sure how to tell the difference.

If the defining feature of sex addiction is having a negative impact on your life, well there is certainly the potential for that with any one of us. Being married to anyone else except my husband could certainly have proved to be absolutely disastrous.

I often contemplate on that and feel a real empathy for your situation.

I wish I could offer some advice for you, but it's hard enough to walk a mile in my own shoes, never mind yours.

Goodluck and kudos.

 

[Veeweewee]

Good luck to you and your wife. That she is interested in your happiness is a lot more than most men get at this stage so make sure you are wonderful to her. If you didn't know it, she likes flowers. For no reason. But deep down she knows it's because you still want her desperately.

Best wishes!

You just made me cry good tears.... and I'm sure OP appreciates 100%

 

[Smoothshavendad]

I am touched by your honesty and a bit convicted by your words. Wishing you the very best of luck.

 

[Jada59]

Very sorry. I don't have any answers for you but sending positive vibes your way!

 

[Misshotndeep]

I am going to suggest you seek a psychiatrist to help you deal with your addiction. A medical doctor will just send you to one anyway. And know your not alone. I know of other male sex addicts on this site. I let them know your here and they may reach out to you FYI.
And I am not gonna send some lame "good vibes" your way. WTF are these vibes anyway? Is it like farting in ones "general direction". They are same amount of use.
Instead, I will wish you well on your journey and remind you that admitting there is a problem is the first step to fixing it.

 

[sub2femdom]

Positive vibes or not, I appreciate the vocal support !

I will be seeing my doctor and will tell him of the ED fail, as well as the general sex addiction, leaving out the more embarrassing details, although I'm sure he's already aware of it - we're personal friends and he knows how much I used to enjoy going to the strip clubs after weekly jam-band sessions we both used to attend

Other than that, I've been more focused on intentionally distracting myself every time a sexual thought enters my head, whereas before, I would not only allow the thought, but I would allow it to "play out" in my head. This oftentimes meant that I caught myself, or others would catch me staring at a girl's body for too long (how long is too long? JK!!), or just appearing to be daydreaming at odd moments, regularly throughout the day. Quite a few people have expressed concern lately that they thought I was having a stroke. As a youth, everyone thought I was a "dreamer", and they were right, but only half-so.

So now, I sweep the sexual thought away as soon as I realize I'm having it, and I return to the moment. It's working for me.

The other thing that is working for me is that when I do badly at something, and especially when it's embarrassingly bad, I am quite hard on myself, and 'shame' myself into correcting it. For instance, I play lead guitar in a band, and we did a show where I completely bricked a rather difficult solo, It was hugely embarrassing and demoralizing. I've spent the last two weeks practicing a minimum of an hour a night, and include several runs through that solo every night, as well as others in order to show up well practiced at next rehearsal and nail everything flawlessly.

The irony on that is that I had slacked a lot on practicing, because... you guessed it - spent all my free time masturbating. Even coming here is a sexual distraction and part of the addiction (sorry, I know I shouldn't be down on Lit, but this is no thread for being any less than 100% transparent).

So I've made it a point when I log into Lit that I'm focusing on this thread only, no others, and PM's when they come, and only ones about this subject.

I do think at the end of the road that there is balance, I hope to find it once I've recovered from this.

On a good note, I've had morning wood two days in a row.. it's the first time I've had the morning wood in 2+ years probably

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

Well, it finally happened to me.

I've always proudly worn that badge. On some level, all men are sex addicts, but for me, it's been degrading my life, especially lately.

I've been masturbating 2-3 times a day forever. At 50, you can only imagine how much that statement means. When I was young.. it was 5+ times daily.

One girlfriend (my god she was hot) - we were 19, and stayed home on our day off and banged, 10 times to completion before 7pm.

I was always ready to go. I eye-humped every female I saw, even the 4's and 5's.

Back to recent times. My wife and I haven't had sex in 5 years. Her meds are the main reason, so what did I do? Played around, mostly to engage in kinks she wasn't interested in anyways, but mostly I masturbated, a LOT. My wife had told me a couple of years ago that she couldn't achieve orgasm anymore because her meds (prozac primarily). We talked with her psy about it, we tried changing up the meds, nothing worked. She had decided that orgasms and sex just wasn't that important to her, and just went frigid on me.

I started watching more porn than ever, daily. I've been avidly watching porn, blogs, stories, etc.. Using the internet as a masturbatory library since about 15 years ago. I've even paid for it before. But the last few years, it's become a religion, addiction, all I think about all the time.

In the last two years, it started taking longer to get off. Took more extreme fantasies, toys, and porn. And in the last few months, I was having trouble getting and/or keeping an erection. It became ultra-frustrating that I was still 'mentally' horny as ever, but couldn't get my cock to cooperate.

I would be up too late just trying to get off. I'd take too long in the mornings trying to spank one out before work. I'd run out of hot water in the shower trying to yank myself dry.

Last Friday was valentines day.. We went out and had a rather terrific night. We both had a couple of drinks and felt good, she suggested we play.

It was a horrifying failure, even with her trying to cater to my dirty fantasies, I couldn't keep it up long enough to penetrate her for more than a few thrusts. In the end, I used a hitachi on her and talked dirty in a way I know she loves, and she had an orgasm... her first in 5 years... but me? Nope, couldn't achieve it. Came close once, but I lost it at the last moment and just dribbled a tiny bit and then went soft. I was glad she got off, but her concern for me, my health, and well being was very notable. She asked me to go see my doctor. I agreed.

I know a lot of people would point to viagara or other ED meds, but the problem isn't my libido or testosterone, it's binge masturbation and an extreme overload of porn.

I read a few articles, and one in particular really had me pegged (no pun intended!).

It explained that not only was my addiction causing ED, but it also was shaping my sexual desires and behaviors. For instance, my submissive cuckold fetish.. they explained that we (cuckolds) are led into this fantasy because we watch so much porn that we're always doing it as a spectator.. we're watching other men shag beautiful women, and accept our place as the voyeur.. ultimately graduating to cuckoldry and other types of voyeuristic and submissive play.

So, there was much more to the article, but anyways, I guess I'm typing all this out to just get it out, self therapy maybe?

I haven't masturbated since that night, and am trying not to. I'm not pressuring myself too much, if I fall off the wagon, I just get back on, but I really don't want to fall off. I talked with my wife very honestly about it, and she's open to having a sexual relationship even if she can't get off, she does want to make me happy.

My being here tonight is the first time I've gone to any adult site since V-day, and only to talk this out. I'm speaking here about it mostly to say that I had no idea how deep I was in this rabbit hole until I hit a personal low. Maybe some of you are experiencing the same thing? Maybe not. I no longer wear my sex addiction like a badge, I've come to realize that throughout my life, it's been more like a crutch.

Everything is good in moderation - and one day I hope to be able to consume porn in a limited and healthy way, but for the foreseeable future, I'm going to abstain from masturbation and any provocative adult materials , and focus only on actual physical sex with my wife. Wish me luck I suppose

"Luck is only for people who EXPECT to fail."
Matches

 

[gentlefeeline]

SA...modeled after AA. Been there. It's a very tough addiction to get victory over. Twelve-step programs are simple but require work. I don't think a doctor or therapist will help. Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over lust and that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe a power greater than us could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will over to a power greater than ourselves. etc.

We will need the whole help of God and the whole help of every other member in SA to overcome this one. Alone, you are toast. Jails, institutions and death and not necessarily in that order.

It is progressive and fatal.

 

[luv23way]

Addicted

Your heartfelt plea for support was touching, but made to a group of borderline, if not full-blown (no pun) sex addicts. I would have to think if we were honest about ourselves and our sexual drive and tastes, most of us that read erotica and/or watch porn regularly are addicted. I know that I am, and have experienced some of the same conditions that you have. Difficulty maintaining an erection, even when taking multiple Cialis tabs, difficulty in getting motivated to have actual sex and preferring to wait until the next day so I could masturbate instead. One of the most frustrating is sometimes not being able to cum...just not enough stimulation, especially on the day of an hours long edging session. Most times when that happens, my wife is able to jerk my cock hard enough to make it cum, but not always. Challenging? Yes! Frustrating? Yes! Enough to make me stop at nearly 65 years of age after 60 years of cock self-abuse? No, it isn’t. We now work less, are home more, so my alone time has lessened and as much as I miss the fantasy daily edging, I do enjoy waking up hard, being able to perform better...sometimes. But, given a choice I know what that would be....

 

[ky81nea]

Well, it finally happened to me.

I've always proudly worn that badge. On some level, all men are sex addicts, but for me, it's been degrading my life, especially lately.

I've been masturbating 2-3 times a day forever. At 50, you can only imagine how much that statement means. When I was young.. it was 5+ times daily.

One girlfriend (my god she was hot) - we were 19, and stayed home on our day off and banged, 10 times to completion before 7pm.

I was always ready to go. I eye-humped every female I saw, even the 4's and 5's.

Back to recent times. My wife and I haven't had sex in 5 years. Her meds are the main reason, so what did I do? Played around, mostly to engage in kinks she wasn't interested in anyways, but mostly I masturbated, a LOT. My wife had told me a couple of years ago that she couldn't achieve orgasm anymore because her meds (prozac primarily). We talked with her psy about it, we tried changing up the meds, nothing worked. She had decided that orgasms and sex just wasn't that important to her, and just went frigid on me.

I started watching more porn than ever, daily. I've been avidly watching porn, blogs, stories, etc.. Using the internet as a masturbatory library since about 15 years ago. I've even paid for it before. But the last few years, it's become a religion, addiction, all I think about all the time.

In the last two years, it started taking longer to get off. Took more extreme fantasies, toys, and porn. And in the last few months, I was having trouble getting and/or keeping an erection. It became ultra-frustrating that I was still 'mentally' horny as ever, but couldn't get my cock to cooperate.

I would be up too late just trying to get off. I'd take too long in the mornings trying to spank one out before work. I'd run out of hot water in the shower trying to yank myself dry.

Last Friday was valentines day.. We went out and had a rather terrific night. We both had a couple of drinks and felt good, she suggested we play.

It was a horrifying failure, even with her trying to cater to my dirty fantasies, I couldn't keep it up long enough to penetrate her for more than a few thrusts. In the end, I used a hitachi on her and talked dirty in a way I know she loves, and she had an orgasm... her first in 5 years... but me? Nope, couldn't achieve it. Came close once, but I lost it at the last moment and just dribbled a tiny bit and then went soft. I was glad she got off, but her concern for me, my health, and well being was very notable. She asked me to go see my doctor. I agreed.

I know a lot of people would point to viagara or other ED meds, but the problem isn't my libido or testosterone, it's binge masturbation and an extreme overload of porn.

I read a few articles, and one in particular really had me pegged (no pun intended!).

It explained that not only was my addiction causing ED, but it also was shaping my sexual desires and behaviors. For instance, my submissive cuckold fetish.. they explained that we (cuckolds) are led into this fantasy because we watch so much porn that we're always doing it as a spectator.. we're watching other men shag beautiful women, and accept our place as the voyeur.. ultimately graduating to cuckoldry and other types of voyeuristic and submissive play.

So, there was much more to the article, but anyways, I guess I'm typing all this out to just get it out, self therapy maybe?

I haven't masturbated since that night, and am trying not to. I'm not pressuring myself too much, if I fall off the wagon, I just get back on, but I really don't want to fall off. I talked with my wife very honestly about it, and she's open to having a sexual relationship even if she can't get off, she does want to make me happy.

My being here tonight is the first time I've gone to any adult site since V-day, and only to talk this out. I'm speaking here about it mostly to say that I had no idea how deep I was in this rabbit hole until I hit a personal low. Maybe some of you are experiencing the same thing? Maybe not. I no longer wear my sex addiction like a badge, I've come to realize that throughout my life, it's been more like a crutch.

Everything is good in moderation - and one day I hope to be able to consume porn in a limited and healthy way, but for the foreseeable future, I'm going to abstain from masturbation and any provocative adult materials , and focus only on actual physical sex with my wife. Wish me luck I suppose

hi58 yr old female here, i love sex my husband can no longer due to meds, Parkinsons and back issues, he has allowed me my lesbian partner she and i have been together for 7 yrs.. we will still play with toys but it seems the more we do that the more we need them and can;t seem to get off with normal sex. so we limit them. i totally umderstand before my partner i would masterbate several times a day but i would have to go to more extreme thoughts, it was really hard to get back to where we could get each other off with out that type of thing. see your doc for sure but see if staying away from the porn and not jacking off will help u to get back to so called normal sex. i cracked my counslor up i told her i broke my toy ( my husband) she loved it but she told me not to break this one lol.. i am not going to lie i still need more than what she gives me, right now i cant do the masterbation as i am laid up with a broken leg and someone is always coming in to check on me. my partner and i do like every other night. yes my husband and i were always very sexually active with each other usually every night or a couple times a day so this is less than i am use to.. I would speak to my doc and you many need to find a counslor who deals with sexual issues. good luck too you

 

[StrongMaster7]

Like others on the thread, I wish you well and hope that you and your wife can stay close and continue to communicate and try to please each other. Prozac had a terrible (temporary) effect on me, making me impotent for a long time. My wife is not ill, but she does not want much sex. It is our love that keeps up together and trying, albeit not nearly as often as I would like.

Sex is better with love. Love can heal. Love is more important than sex.

Yes, it's me saying those things.

 

[Bighammerfucker]

I can safely say that yeah, when I was younger, I had a sex addiction. I am diagnosed ADHD, which often manifests almost like mania, so I think that did play a part for me, because it was definitely related to poor impulse control. In times when I was at my most “high”, I was acting out of line without realizing it. Sadly, I think conversing with strangers on the internet on sites like these only clouded my judgement worse - I see the reality of that now that I am no longer going through a sex addiction. I think it can create a positive feedback loop and a sense of competition and it clouds our judgement of what is “normal” and what is “not”. Mind you, if someone has a sex addiction and is functioning well, that may indeed be fine, but I wasn’t - I would cheat and do risky activities that probably weren’t healthy. I think sex addiction is treated as way too taboo a conversation - I’d be willing to bet that most users on nsfw sites (regulars anyway) definitely have a porn addiction. But no one wants to talk about it, no one wants to admit it, or acknowledge how sometimes it really clouds our judgement and leads to a decline in quality of life. I believe that’s because there’s a lot of societal pressure to view sex as the end-all-be-all magic solution to everything and how to have a “happy” life. You’re not happy? You must not be having enough/good enough sex. That entire message is so damaging and wrong. Balance is what’s healthiest and still depends on the person, not just simply “more sex”, and the implication that if you don’t want more, you must be “broken”.

 

[Bighammerfucker]

I’m female btw sorry, not male. A lot of people assume I’m male because of my username. I am not.