Sexless Marriages

[borock44]

That was the worst part for me and the feeling of not being wanted or desired and feeling like somethigns wrong with you and trying for years to find some type of solution .I will never go back to those days.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

58 Blk male.i was married for 19yrs and the last 5 of those years were sexless for many different reason.i think for he most part there is never 1 single reason.sometimes 1 partner evolves while the other stays living in the past.,attraction,health,family,boredom of routine,and sometimes just bad sex with a higher expectation then can be met.what ever.the reason.i came to the conclusion that monogamy for me is a lifestyle that's far to difficult to sustain without a great deal of forced sacrifice..My partner now of 12 yrs both share a amazing open relationship built on honesty and respect that.s not weighted down with jealousy and insecurities. I've grown to love to share her and even encourage this action.for me it would be more painful for me to watch her to suffer with unfulfilled desires then worry about a bruised ego because i may not be able to please her .we have 1 life and when it's over that's it.I feel badly for every who suffers through this growing epidemic.i suggest take control of your situation and take action and do something about it. it's 2020 not 1962.just my 2 cents

Some well founded truths there - sometimes it takes hindsight to finally realize it! Glad you found a partner who is open to communicating, sharing, and exploring in a trusting and loving relationship! But sometimes no action is taking action - not necessarily surrendering to the situation, but also recognizing there are different priorities. Of course, what brings us to this situation is also quite varied, some of us have a plan, some except it for what it is, some find the frustration unbearable...

 

[SouthRidingHornyHusband]

I've been in a sexless marriage for 20 years. Once women move in with you, the sex stops. I've talked to ALOT of guys over past 25 years and they've all said the same thing (after their girlfriends moved in or they got married), "I don't know what the hell happened!"

 

[professor28036]

Nothing changed here. Wife not letting me touch her, bought everyone lunch and dinner on my birthday last week. No card or anything. Just another day of my life.

OMG... that sounded like my B-Day.

Let me preface that I cannot remember the last time she bought me a meal for my b-day, much less a card.

So this year, I decided to go all out. I ordered 3 cakes from a Nieman Marcus so I could take them to the nursing staff at my cancer institute. I wanted to celebrate with the people who, without them, I wouldn’t be having birthdays. It was important

We get to the cafe and she decides to have lunch. Guess who pays? Yup..me. I didn’t expect her to buy my cakes, but shit...how about the lunch I wasn’t even hungry for?

There are times I just feel it’s all pointless...

 

[professor28036]

I'm going to put my hand up here.
I'm currently in a sexless marriage but it isn't any fault of mine or the hubby's.

He has some pretty serious health issues so we have both mutually agreed it's not worth the add stress of worrying over.

It's life.. I still have him for now and that's the important thing.

I’m in your hubby’s shoes with the only difference being, I still want affection and to please her in other ways - she wants none of it. Her emotional support is limited to platitudinous b.s. I sleep alone as she won’t share a bed with me. I think of leaving, but I don’t know where I’ll go. I also think that if I repulse her this much, who is going to want me.

I very much admire that you still love your husband and want to be with him.

 

[professor28036]

I feel for both parties in sexless marriage. I chat quite a lot on kik to both men and women in this situation. The lonelyness is the thing that hits home to me. I try and add a little excitement to there lonely life.

The loneliness definitely hits hard. I never thought I’d be lonely even in the company of someone.

Cheers to your efforts to bing excitement to others!

 

[KeenVoyeur]

Happy Monday guys

Polranny so sorry for the lack of anything on your holidays, I’ve had many like that myself and even in Venice one of the romance capitals!

Keenvoyeur - there are many of us here right where you’re at and we sympathize!

Thanks Busty!

I've read the thread and I know there are many others like me out there (which is one of the reasons I joined Lit in the first place)

I just wish there was a club for us so we could hook up with someone for a few hours to make it somewhat less painful / difficult - although with my luck, I'd probably meet my wife there! (No, that would never happen... hers seems to have healed up )

 

[Elite_Goblin]

I am assuming you got the nipple piercings because you enjoy it; and that is fine. Is a part of you disappointed that she does not approve?

What would you have wished her response to be?

Your description of love making sound very mechanical. Is that always the case? Have you talked to her about it? It is absolutely normal to have different expectations. Perhaps there is something she likes that you don’t and vice versa.

Hope you feel better,
V.

That night, things seemed OK. We were intimate and she did not complain about the piercings. 2 days lazer, and she complained hard and cried about it. So, I ended up removing them. It really saddenned me, cuz I liked them. She told me that I would not regret it, but I know better.

Since then, I cleaned out my meager closet and streamlined my stuff. Im not going anywhere, but wish I could. Being to myself and looking forward to sleep seems my 2 pasttimes at the moment.

 

[ccs29745]

OMG... that sounded like my B-Day.

Let me preface that I cannot remember the last time she bought me a meal for my b-day, much less a card.

So this year, I decided to go all out. I ordered 3 cakes from a Nieman Marcus so I could take them to the nursing staff at my cancer institute. I wanted to celebrate with the people who, without them, I wouldn’t be having birthdays. It was important

We get to the cafe and she decides to have lunch. Guess who pays? Yup..me. I didn’t expect her to buy my cakes, but shit...how about the lunch I wasn’t even hungry for?

There are times I just feel it’s all pointless...

It does feel pointless at times. The more I do, the less it seems I've done. Will see how Friday goes when she gets her flowers. If she doesn't ssy anything about them , then I might finds someone else to send flowers that will appreciate them, but like I said, I will wait to see her reaction.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I agree on the loneliness and the lack of emotional support, the sex is missed but honestly just a hug would be nice

 

[Mtnmike]

I agree on the loneliness and the lack of emotional support, the sex is missed but honestly just a hug would be nice

Totally agree, as I've gotten older, I miss the touching and cuddling more than the sex.

 

[Guns444]

Sexless no, but unwillingness to explore and try new things. Same thing over and over couple times a month finger her to orgasm and then sex. It gets old after awhile. I would like some spontaneity and perhaps her wanting it instead of me begging for it. It's like she does it out of Pitty. Not trying to rant, but want to feel like she wants or likes it, and perhaps she could actually move and do something for once. Any idea I have is always a no. In the end I feel like there's not much of a connection or any fun to it anymore.

 

[Polranny]

Totally agree, as I've gotten older, I miss the touching and cuddling more than the sex.

Same goes for me. Even a linked arm to cross a busy road gives me a lift but more often than not a simple gesture is met with disdain. Spontaneity is regarded with suspicion yet I am criticised for lacking romance , for being totally selfish and unfeeling and having ulterior motives which are based around self-preservation.
How wrong can she be yet unwilling to discuss matters.

 

[ccs29745]

I agree on the loneliness and the lack of emotional support, the sex is missed but honestly just a hug would be nice

GROUP HUG!!!!! Brits in the middle!

 

[AnnieLit]

I've been in a sexless marriage for 20 years. Once women move in with you, the sex stops. I've talked to ALOT of guys over past 25 years and they've all said the same thing (after their girlfriends moved in or they got married), "I don't know what the hell happened!"

Em.... You did notice that there are few women on this thread, right? There are few very sexually active married women on Lit as well. Active at home, not on the side.
I don't know who your friends are, but your generalization is waaay off.

 

[Rosa2019]

.......My partner now of 12 yrs both share a amazing open relationship built on honesty and respect that.s not weighted down with jealousy and insecurities. I've grown to love to share her and even encourage this action.for me it would be more painful for me to watch her to suffer with unfulfilled desires then worry about a bruised ego because i may not be able to please her ....

Good post

 

[DDBustyBrit]

GROUP HUG!!!!! Brits in the middle!

Thank you, I think we all need a group hug!

Em.... You did notice that there are few women on this thread, right? There are few very sexually active married women on Lit as well. Active at home, not on the side.
I don't know who your friends are, but your generalization is waaay off.

This... Amen sister

 

[ccs29745]

Em.... You did notice that there are few women on this thread, right? There are few very sexually active married women on Lit as well. Active at home, not on the side.
I don't know who your friends are, but your generalization is waaay off.

Im a guy and im offended by his comment.

 

[AnnieLit]

Im a guy and im offended by his comment.

I am not a guy, so I am not offended, more...surprised. Usually people look around a bit before commenting when they come to a new place. Just to have some idea of what to expect there. This guy obviously did not.

 

[ccs29745]

I am not a guy, so I am not offended, more...surprised. Usually people look around a bit before commenting when they come to a new place. Just to have some idea of what to expect there. This guy obviously did not.

Sexlessness is a 2 way street. Sometimes it's the woman sometimes the guy whether it be by choice, health, or unforeseen reasons.

Damn I sound like I know what I'm talking about.

 

[AnnieLit]

Sexlessness is a 2 way street. Sometimes it's the woman sometimes the guy whether it be by choice, health, or unforeseen reasons.

Damn I sound like I know what I'm talking about.

I was surprised not by the idea itself, it's a rather common point of view, but by the fact that guy decided to voice it here.

 

[IASFPWTF]

GROUP HUG!!!!! Brits in the middle!

I want in!

 

[SinfuIDreams]

I’m in your hubby’s shoes with the only difference being, I still want affection and to please her in other ways - she wants none of it. Her emotional support is limited to platitudinous b.s. I sleep alone as she won’t share a bed with me. I think of leaving, but I don’t know where I’ll go. I also think that if I repulse her this much, who is going to want me.

I very much admire that you still love your husband and want to be with him.

I'm very sorry to read about your situation.

I want to offer you into a insight of how your wife might be feeling or of what I went through before we came to the agreement.

I'm not going to say she would be feeling these things but she may have or may still be, we are all different and handle such a hard hit to life as we know it differently.

When my hubby was first diagnosed it was the shock and horror of it. I wanted to be there for him but struggled to still put up a brave face and not burst into tears every second of the day. It's hard to be strong when he was always the strong one.

Then came worry of what if he thinks he's wasted his life on me, what if he has regrets on marrying me. If he doesn't find me attractive anymore.

Then came fears of sexuality. I've always been open and sexual with him and he has always approved of this but with his alzheimer's advancing as fast as has it hard to know what he actually remembers about us and they way we lived.
What if he thinks I'm whorish now for flirting with him or touching him when he doesn't want it or doesn't remember.

So I stopped interacting with him in a sexual manner all together because of my concerns for his feeling and the way his mind has changed in his thought pattern not because I didn't want him anymore.

After a little while he broached the subject and we talked about life now compared to then. We are more than happily in love with each other and always will be even if we can express it physically and I've learnt most of all once again being open about how I feel should have happened a long time before it did.

From one woman's opinion, I can only suggest you talk to her about how you feel and how she feels about your illness.

Also Doctors opinions can leave you both in limbo of what you should and shouldn't do in the bedroom depending on what illness you suffer from, so it can also be worthwhile having a chat about it with the Dr in front of your partner so they hear it from the horses mouth.

Just my two cents worth.

Best of luck

 

[Erodicus]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

My gf was insatiable at that age. She always said her sex drive was like a young guy's.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

My gf was insatiable at that age. She always said her sex drive was like a young guy's.

Yes and they just gave me an HRT implant 2 weeks ago and omg the testosterone has hit and let’s just say my Lit man has his hands full but he’s not complaining either!