Ghosting...

[Thepenismightier0813]

You guys have no idea how nice it is to see this thread! It’s been a rough week for me following a ghosting by a person I got far to serious do fast with. It was partly my fault for having gotten myself so Caught up in but that person also told me that I should and liked seeing it from me.

In any case, I applaud you all for getting through your own ghosting experience and in reading this it’s certainly helping me get through mine. Your all beautiful people handsome men and sublime females. Whoever ghosted you guys are a collection of fools and have no idea what they’re missing.

 

[Lone_Wanderer]

Report what? What guideline was violated by them not returning a message?

I was thinking the guideline if they keep trying to contact you, not if they don't return a message.

 

[Bluebird369]

You guys have no idea how nice it is to see this thread! It’s been a rough week for me following a ghosting by a person I got far to serious do fast with. It was partly my fault for having gotten myself so Caught up in but that person also told me that I should and liked seeing it from me.

In any case, I applaud you all for getting through your own ghosting experience and in reading this it’s certainly helping me get through mine. Your all beautiful people handsome men and sublime females. Whoever ghosted you guys are a collection of fools and have no idea what they’re missing.

Sorry you had this happen to you, it doesn't matter, IMO if it happens in the beginning of a relationship or after weeks or months, when you invest time and effort into getting to know someone its hurtful to be treated with such disrespect.

I'm a glass is half full type so I still belive there's good people out there, try to keep your chin up, better days will come your way.

 

[Lone_Wanderer]

I'm a glass is half full type so I still belive there's good people out there, try to keep your chin up, better days will come your way.

I can certainly get behind that. It's the reason I'm still on Lit. It just opens things up for the next, and probably better, opportunity.

 

[Telljacqs]

While I agree that ghosting is wrong and completely immature, and honestly far from my style......I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see the benefits. I’m one to speak my mind, tell you if you hurt me, upset me, pleased me....you will always know where you stand. One that note, as a female do you know how many times I have been called a bitch, a psycho, crazy, controlling, ugly, fat, stupid, etc just for telling someone “hey that really hurt my feelings. Now I’m a grown woman and can take an insult with the best of ‘em but what KILLS me is when you open up, reveal your vulnerability and they just continue to lie to cover up what they did, to ease their guilt. Just blatantly disrespect you and everything you built together in old worn out excuses. So yeah while I wouldn’t ghost someone, I definitely see the appeal.

 

[Thepenismightier0813]

While I agree that ghosting is wrong and completely immature, and honestly far from my style......I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see the benefits. I’m one to speak my mind, tell you if you hurt me, upset me, pleased me....you will always know where you stand. One that note, as a female do you know how many times I have been called a bitch, a psycho, crazy, controlling, ugly, fat, stupid, etc just for telling someone “hey that really hurt my feelings. Now I’m a grown woman and can take an insult with the best of ‘em but what KILLS me is when you open up, reveal your vulnerability and they just continue to lie to cover up what they did, to ease their guilt. Just blatantly disrespect you and everything you built together in old worn out excuses. So yeah while I wouldn’t ghost someone, I definitely see the appeal.

I can understand that mentality to a point. People nowadays don't take honesty very well either. I'm sorry to hear that people had such a problem with it. To me it always feels like honesty is the best policy because... life's to short to deal with not knowing.

Like for me that's been the hardest part. Not knowing where it went wrong and asking for closure and not getting it. I think not having closure is one of the worst things because the what could have been or trying to "figure it out" on your own is horrible.

 

[Bluebird369]

While I agree that ghosting is wrong and completely immature, and honestly far from my style......I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see the benefits. I’m one to speak my mind, tell you if you hurt me, upset me, pleased me....you will always know where you stand. One that note, as a female do you know how many times I have been called a bitch, a psycho, crazy, controlling, ugly, fat, stupid, etc just for telling someone “hey that really hurt my feelings. Now I’m a grown woman and can take an insult with the best of ‘em but what KILLS me is when you open up, reveal your vulnerability and they just continue to lie to cover up what they did, to ease their guilt. Just blatantly disrespect you and everything you built together in old worn out excuses. So yeah while I wouldn’t ghost someone, I definitely see the appeal.

I get when a person needs to block someone for you're safety and no one should open they're self up for abuse, I think in my case it was something that came out of the blue no conflict no chance to understand the reason for it, that's the type of ghosting that is so maddening, you just are left hanging with no answers.

 

[Thepenismightier0813]

I think people don't feel they "owe anything" to anyone in most cases. Like you can just leave because its the internet and you can cut the ties so easily. I know people do Ghosting type stuff in real life to but I think the Anonymity of the internet makes people feel embolden to do it more often than not.

 

[Texastuffbbc]

Happens more than I care to admit. Doesn’t not really make sense, especially since we are all adults just meeting via a medium that should be fun and enjoyable. I have began to accept it more, but still not good.

 

[Telljacqs]

I can understand that mentality to a point. People nowadays don't take honesty very well either. I'm sorry to hear that people had such a problem with it. To me it always feels like honesty is the best policy because... life's to short to deal with not knowing.

Like for me that's been the hardest part. Not knowing where it went wrong and asking for closure and not getting it. I think not having closure is one of the worst things because the what could have been or trying to "figure it out" on your own is horrible.

I totally get this!!! I have a IRL relationship from over 10 years ago that still haunts me because of this!!!! He didn’t exactly ghost me but after a year and a half, with absolutely no warning he just dumps me.....out of the blue. Like we had sex that morning, he called from work saying “he couldn’t wait to see me”, did our “special sign” on air (he was a newsman), came over and dumped me. The only reason I was ever given......”you do so much more for me than I do for you” WTF??!!? Obviously I’ve moved on ( from him anyways) I’m married with a child but I still scratch my head over What The Actual Hell went down. I think I will show up on his death bed to see if I ever get an answer

 

[XxxEtan]

After having been ghosted by two men during serious relationships, and one in a semi serious relationship, I just expect it at this point, I don't take it personally anymore, it's on them, and it's their lost...

I was ghosted awhile back.. We were/are both married and our fun was discreet. I worry that we were discovered and feel a bit of guilt.

But I'll never know. Regardless, it stings. I really liked her and think the feeling was mutual. Anyway, I try to not place blame and also try not to take it personally either. Still hard though.

 

[Thepenismightier0813]

I was ghosted awhile back.. We were/are both married and our fun was discreet. I worry that we were discovered and feel a bit of guilt.

But I'll never know. Regardless, it stings. I really liked her and think the feeling was mutual. Anyway, I try to not place blame and also try not to take it personally either. Still hard though.

It's hard as hell not to ever know what happened.

I don't know what's easier, never knowing what happened and the girl just being gone or seeing her still on the site your on and just getting ignored. I think they both carry with them their own pain though.

I hope everyones doing well in their part of the world! I've got beer in hand and watching the fireflies dance outside.

 

[Bjerget]

Hi Bjerget...I'm afraid I have to disagree with your therapist, my personality is not the problem, I'm a confident, educated, mature women, if a man is being a asshat that's on him not me! I'm not a victim but I'm not at fault for some men in society believing people are disposable, I know my worth and if they cant see it or want something else that's their problem.
I dont have time to twist myself around to be what they want....

I didn't say the problem was you. I suggested that you nudge your personality in a slightly different direction, and you might find a more suitable partner. For example, I really want to find a partner that is completely self sufficient because I like things in complete order and planned well in advance. My personality type seems to attract men who don't plan things and can't mind themselves, because they can leech all that from me. She suggested that, in some aspects of my life, I learn to let things go and nudge my personality a bit, so that I can find a more suitable partner. She said that would help me not go crazy if I find out he doesn't look after all the things I feel that an adult should handle themselves.

But that was just her 2 cents worth so

 

[Bjerget]

You guys have no idea how nice it is to see this thread! It’s been a rough week for me following a ghosting by a person I got far to serious do fast with. It was partly my fault for having gotten myself so Caught up in but that person also told me that I should and liked seeing it from me.

In any case, I applaud you all for getting through your own ghosting experience and in reading this it’s certainly helping me get through mine. Your all beautiful people handsome men and sublime females. Whoever ghosted you guys are a collection of fools and have no idea what they’re missing.

If I may, I'd rather be a handsome female. There is nothing sublime about me beyond the two joints I had for breakfast.

 

[Bjerget]

While I agree that ghosting is wrong and completely immature, and honestly far from my style......I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see the benefits. I’m one to speak my mind, tell you if you hurt me, upset me, pleased me....you will always know where you stand. One that note, as a female do you know how many times I have been called a bitch, a psycho, crazy, controlling, ugly, fat, stupid, etc just for telling someone “hey that really hurt my feelings. Now I’m a grown woman and can take an insult with the best of ‘em but what KILLS me is when you open up, reveal your vulnerability and they just continue to lie to cover up what they did, to ease their guilt. Just blatantly disrespect you and everything you built together in old worn out excuses. So yeah while I wouldn’t ghost someone, I definitely see the appeal.

Wow, you sound a lot like me! I tell people honest from the start what I want and how I feel about their actions. And it's like they either don't believe me, or jsut hear what they wanna. Truthfully, most people only want what's best for themselves and will always take the easy way out. People only ever do what is in their best interests, no matter how it affects anyone else.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

...is the action of a coward!

 

[coffeelover5]

...is the action of a coward!

And it sucks too

Welcome back DD, you have been missed

 

[Dribble]

I know...I know...dribble...shut the fuck up. But I say the same thing every time a thread like this pops up and my path crosses it. At least I am consistent.

People do things...whatever it is...because it works. They get what they want. This is a very common issue here. Why? Because it works. There is zero chance in hell of embarrassing a compulsive ghoster. So what is the purpose of a thread where everyone says the same thing? Ghoster...shame on you. You bad bad person. Dont you care?

No...they dont. Why? Because it works. They got what they wanted and now it is time to move on to the next chase. Things like this will only stop when people stop setting themselves up. Is this right? No. But it is fact. My advice...invest your effort intelligently. Learn who they are, not by what they show you. It isnt hard to identify those that cant be trusted. But people see what they want to see...and ignore the red flags.

I am not saying it is the ghostee's fault. Dont go there. I have experienced both sides. Why did I ghost someone? My reasons were very valid. No, means no. But certain personalities are more prone to having this happen. Why?

I am truly sorry this happened to the OP.

 

[Thepenismightier0813]

I totally get this!!! I have a IRL relationship from over 10 years ago that still haunts me because of this!!!! He didn’t exactly ghost me but after a year and a half, with absolutely no warning he just dumps me.....out of the blue. Like we had sex that morning, he called from work saying “he couldn’t wait to see me”, did our “special sign” on air (he was a newsman), came over and dumped me. The only reason I was ever given......”you do so much more for me than I do for you” WTF??!!? Obviously I’ve moved on ( from him anyways) I’m married with a child but I still scratch my head over What The Actual Hell went down. I think I will show up on his death bed to see if I ever get an answer

Man that is insane...

My Ghoster as it was finally messaged me back it was a simple I don't want to talk anymore it's over but I'm thankful for the closure it brought.

I'm glad for this thread though! It would have been a lot harder to work through without people to talk to.

 

[Thepenismightier0813]

I know...I know...dribble...shut the fuck up. But I say the same thing every time a thread like this pops up and my path crosses it. At least I am consistent.

People do things...whatever it is...because it works. They get what they want. This is a very common issue here. Why? Because it works. There is zero chance in hell of embarrassing a compulsive ghoster. So what is the purpose of a thread where everyone says the same thing? Ghoster...shame on you. You bad bad person. Dont you care?

No...they dont. Why? Because it works. They got what they wanted and now it is time to move on to the next chase. Things like this will only stop when people stop setting themselves up. Is this right? No. But it is fact. My advice...invest your effort intelligently. Learn who they are, not by what they show you. It isnt hard to identify those that cant be trusted. But people see what they want to see...and ignore the red flags.

I am not saying it is the ghostee's fault. Dont go there. I have experienced both sides. Why did I ghost someone? My reasons were very valid. No, means no. But certain personalities are more prone to having this happen. Why?

I am truly sorry this happened to the OP.

Cause people like to talk through things with other people? Least that's what I like to think. Might not totally fix it but talking to people always helps.

Though to get back to the OP. I hope your doing well!

 

[snowhitez]

I know how you feel, just had this happen to me last week and I'm still tying to recover from it.

If the person doing the afore mentioned ghosting is not showing up anywhere then remember it could because something happened to them and might not be entirely their own fault.

However if they are around or about or whatever I can only give you the advice I've been trying to tell myself. That they didn't care enough about you in the first place or respect you enough to be honest and upfront about their feelings. If so then your better off without them.

Either way your a wonderful person who deserves better and will find better I promise.

Totally agree.

Ghosting is just a cowards way out.

 

[Dangerous_Curves27]

Ghosting is awful. Especially if someone has taken time to get to know you and then just disappears after you hookup.

 

[Starscream_UK]

Ghosting is awful. Especially if someone has taken time to get to know you and then just disappears after you hookup.

I've never understood the ghosting thing. If you aren't into someone anymore, just tell them. Honesty is the best way forward - however this is the Internet and remember, no one knows you're actually a dog behind the keyboard

 

[NeonSubtlety]

Oh yeah. I’ve done it. It’s definitely shitty. But I’ve done it. There are times where you could’ve asked me, ‘would you rather punch a dolphin or talk to X,’ and I would’ve, without hesitation, started shadow boxing.

That’s when I’ve ghosted someone — when talking to her was indescribably offensive.

 

[HeavyBalls]

Ghosting is awful. Especially if someone has taken time to get to know you and then just disappears after you hookup.

True that.