I've written something

[LucyHall2]

It was very difficult. Emotionally it was really tough. My story is about a forbidden relationship between two men where one man has such power and they both struggle to cope. I felt very guilty after writing it because I enjoyed writing it so much after losing my soulmate. One really shouldn't be having these thoughts after losing someone. I had a lot of help from a regular here who thinks I should add to the story but I realise just how difficult writing is. I want to share it. Would anyone be interested in a far more refined gay story written by a woman?

 

[Acktion]

~snip~. I felt very guilty after writing it because I enjoyed writing it so much after losing my soulmate. One really shouldn't be having these thoughts after losing someone. ~snip~

Incorrect, snowflake.

Oh, I'm well aware of those guilt feelings you mention. Very well aware. I felt guilty for writing the stories I wrote. I felt guilty about meeting the people that I met. I felt guilty for spending any time with anyone that wasn't the soulmate that I'd lost. I felt guilty any time I found myself enjoying anything. And when that something took on a sexual bent... Oh, yes. I'm very well aware of that pit of despair filled with a miasma of guilt that sucks at your feet while you are reaching for a bright joy once more. And just how easy it is to self-sabotage right back out of anything that even hints at happiness.

But, as a very wise woman taught me, "you aren't the one that died. And if she really loved you, then wouldn't she want you to be happy? Are you really that selfish that you would rather wallow in the misery of not having her than letting her see you at least making the attempts to be happy? I would think if you loved her, you would want her to be happy knowing that you were okay."

And, yeah. When she first said it, I got pissed. Much like you are right this moment.

"You don't understand," I thought.

But, she did. She had lost her husband within two months of me losing my wife.

"It was different," I thought.

Only the more she talked,... it was really rather eerie the similarities.

"I don't have that much left," I sighed.

"You're alive today," she answered. "Or didn't you learn the lesson that today is all we really have?"

***shrug***

My point is that you are not alone. And as someone who has been there, done that (and yes, bled about it all over the place) I say that you have written something that you enjoyed writing. Wallow in that joy. Milk it for everything you can. Learn that despair, sorrow, misery, and death is not the only lover left who wants you, but joy, happiness, and love are waiting their turn.

Write more. Move from existing to living. Be you, not only your sorrow.

And may the wind be at your back and the sun out of your eyes for a brighter today than yesterday.

 

[yukonnights]

Acktion speaks from the same place you've been. I can only agree with what he said. I think the one who wrote the story knows best when to say it's ready to share — and I encourage you to not only share this one, but write others if it provides a safe and comfortable place for you to go inward and explore.

If you're unsure just how to submit the story, or need any help with anything — I believe Acktion has published here under another name and would be willing to help you either in writing or in coping with your loss. I too am here if you want to contact me.

Action said that 'today is all we have'. I think it can be narrowed even tighter; This moment is all we really have. It is this moment where we can live, laugh, cry, forgive and most of all be thankful for what we have been blessed with in the past. Do that, be thankful for the love you have known, be forgiving of past mistakes — for we all make them and hopeful learn from them. Thankfulness and forgiveness are powerful tools to make this day a good one. I know you can do this.

 

[LucyHall2]

Thank you both of you. I feel I have lots more to write but perhaps this one is ready as a part 1? I know you said doing that was a bad idea but I feel a bit stuck, yet the story excites me so

 

[yukonnights]

Thank you both of you. I feel I have lots more to write but perhaps this one is ready as a part 1? I know you said doing that was a bad idea but I feel a bit stuck, yet the story excites me so

It's you're call. The only problem of posting a Chapter One w/o a Chapter Two close to being ready is that it disappoints the readers who loved Chapter One and Part Two never shows up. But — and an important truth — it's your story, your offering to the world for free and if you never write another word...it won't be the first time a story went unfinished. If this "feels" like the best way to go to you, then the is no big reason not to do it.

I wonder if Pu..I mean Acktion might like to jump in with his thoughts?

 

[LucyHall2]

It's you're call. The only problem of posting a Chapter One w/o a Chapter Two close to being ready is that it disappoints the readers who loved Chapter One and Part Two never shows up. But — and an important truth — it's your story, your offering to the world for free and if you never write another word...it won't be the first time a story went unfinished. If this "feels" like the best way to go to you, then the is no big reason not to do it.

I wonder if Pu..I mean Acktion might like to jump in with his thoughts?

Please. I would love to share my story and get feedback. Perhaps you both might inspire me to take it to another chapter or more

 

[Knoturnal]

Come on Lucy. You know you want to write about it but about a lot of things like things that are on your tumblr. Don’t tease us. Write them.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Dear Lucy,

First off, sorry for your loss. Grieving is part of healing and both time and remembrance are part of that.

One’s first story, however long it may be, is akin to a cat learning to swim. There are all kinds of reasons not to, but jumping in is the only way. Hang in, be brave. Dare to tell your story, for that too can be part of healing.

 

[LucyHall2]

Come on Lucy. You know you want to write about it but about a lot of things like things that are on your tumblr. Don’t tease us. Write them.

Wow my Tumblr was fun. Such a shame they killed it

 

[LucyHall2]

Dear Lucy,

First off, sorry for your loss. Grieving is part of healing and both time and remembrance are part of that.

One’s first story, however long it may be, is akin to a cat learning to swim. There are all kinds of reasons not to, but jumping in is the only way. Hang in, be brave. Dare to tell your story, for that too can be part of healing.

Thank you so much

 

[littlebirdjoy]

Acktion and yukonnights both hit the nail on the head. I've never experienced loss of that level, but I've lost a child before. It took years for me to give myself permission to be happy. Writing is one of the ways I effectively process. At the very least, this should be for and about ** you**. So of you want to publish it now, do. If **you** want to wait, do.
We will be honored to read it, whenever your heart says, "now".

 

[yukonnights]

Thank you both of you. I feel I have lots more to write but perhaps this one is ready as a part 1? I know you said doing that was a bad idea but I feel a bit stuck, yet the story excites me so

An update: The ending is better — more complete— than I remembered A little spit and polish is all it needs. So, get busy

It does leave one wanting more...but that's a good thing, right?

 

[LucyHall2]

Acktion and yukonnights both hit the nail on the head. I've never experienced loss of that level, but I've lost a child before. It took years for me to give myself permission to be happy. Writing is one of the ways I effectively process. At the very least, this should be for and about ** you**. So of you want to publish it now, do. If **you** want to wait, do.
We will be honored to read it, whenever your heart says, "now".

Thank you so much for being so understanding I hope you enjoy it if they accept it

 

[LucyHall2]

An update: The ending is better — more complete— than I remembered A little spit and polish is all it needs. So, get busy

It does leave one wanting more...but that's a good thing, right?

Yes It's a beautiful yearning thing