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What Are You Thinking? Continued 5

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An old persistent problem is resurfacing and I need to tell myself to handle it better.
 
Sexybritches69 said:
These are just my thoughts right now. I think it’s not so cut and dry in this situation.
Does the age of the child comes into play? Is it bullying if the kids are young enough to still be learning social rights and wrongs? When is a child to be blamed? These are thoughts crossing my mind. What if the girls are friends sometimes and not friends other times?

Also, when is a parent reaction too strong?
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It is a tough thing to be sure. Yes, of course the age of the child and their understanding of social norms comes into play. The ability to empathize begins to form around 2, but most cognitive psychologists agree that the basics of the ability to spontaneously take another's perspective into account doesn't begin to really take shape until 8-9. Prior to that, narcissism is the absolute norm.

One of the ways I've found success is to use a story or a video that depicts a similar situation to both then talk about how they think the characters might feel. Then ask both if they have ever felt that way? Making the connections this way tends to be really effective for 1st-5th graders. 6th - 8th graders I handle a little differently. I don't deal with teaching high school outside of my ex-students who come back to me for help.

When is a child to be blamed? Only when you are absolutely sure they knew what they were doing when they set out to do it, and darn well intended it that way. That is when it crosses the line from narcissism to bullying for me. You tend to know it when, after they understand that they have caused hurt, you see no signs whatsoever of remorse.

What if the girls are friends sometimes and not others? *Grade 5 girls are bit**es! Seriously. Hate that age. It is a common theme every single year to see them push each other into pecking order via really manipulative and nasty games. Every week they are picking on that one girl (and it varies by week) to ostracize, to put her in her place. Ugh. not cute. I see it with the boys more in grade 6. honestly, at those ages friendship status says nothing about the health and well being of the people involved. Many times the bullied "friend" has been made to feel that they are worthless and will suffer if they don't earn the friendship and approval of the bully "friend". I tend to watch for those relationships more than anything, and gently usher the bullied kid to a better set of friends, regardless of gender.

When is a parent reaction too strong? When they themselves act as a bully to the bully. I've had a father stand in the office and tell his son he is not to leave a room until he "takes his right" by hitting a girl. I stood between them and told the father (a co worker at the time) that that would happen over my cold dead body. At which point I told the girl to leave the room. Yeah.... that right there was the worst it ever got for me, thank goodness.

I hope it went well. Mountains of corrections and parent hassles are the truest downsides for teaching.


On my own upside... I was moved to tears today while I was judging the secondary prep school public speaking contest. Two of the students I'd never laid eyes on made me feel incredible hope for the country I'm in. One beautiful young lady talked about the media fueled self-hatred that people are raised with. I gave her a well deserved standing ovation. Another talked about racism and even mentioned not only the holocaust, but also the fact that refusal to acknowledge a political party as separate from a religion, as separate from a culture as separate from a language is just as racist as what we face on an everyday basis. I had tears of absolute joy streaming down my face. I have never been more proud of a stranger in my life. After the competition I went over to shake that girl's hand and thank her for her risk, her bravery, and her open mindedness.
 
littlebirdjoy said:
On my own upside... I was moved to tears today while I was judging the secondary prep school public speaking contest. Two of the students I'd never laid eyes on made me feel incredible hope for the country I'm in. One beautiful young lady talked about the media fueled self-hatred that people are raised with. I gave her a well deserved standing ovation. Another talked about racism and even mentioned not only the holocaust, but also the fact that refusal to acknowledge a political party as separate from a religion, as separate from a culture as separate from a language is just as racist as what we face on an everyday basis. I had tears of absolute joy streaming down my face. I have never been more proud of a stranger in my life. After the competition I went over to shake that girl's hand and thank her for her risk, her bravery, and her open mindedness.
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I think that you're very thoughtful, aware and a good writer. That you'll do well here if you so choose.
 
Following a conversation with a co-worker today, I was thinking about my relationship with my family. Probably the most important and useful thing I've learned is to ask if my advice is welcome before trying to advise on anything.
Apparently my natural tendency is to tell people what to do, but this has helped in curbing it :D
 
My problem is I typically react spontaneosly, without thinking about it, which is usually my true feelings but not always the best way to address certain things.
 
It doesn't take much at times to see what a person's true colors are. Sometimes it's more what is not said rather than what is said.
 
So I can get a brand new iPhone 7 or 8 for less than the 6s I was planning on getting. Now I’m all confused again. The problem with the newer models is that they get bigger and bigger - and I want a phone that will actually fit in my pocket! :rolleyes:

I was going to order a phone today, but now I’m rethinking it..
 
LikeableMe said:
So I can get a brand new iPhone 7 or 8 for less than the 6s I was planning on getting. Now I’m all confused again. The problem with the newer models is that they get bigger and bigger - and I want a phone that will actually fit in my pocket! :rolleyes:

I was going to order a phone today, but now I’m rethinking it..
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Upgrades to the 6 are being phased out by Apple. Don’t waste your money.
 
Misshotndeep said:
Upgrades to the 6 are being phased out by Apple. Don’t waste your money.
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I’m currently using a 4s, which I’ve only had three years and has never had an update the entire time I’ve owned it 😂 a couple of people PM’d me with advice - I’ve decided to put off buying a phone until the new year, and do some research in the meantime.

It’s a shame though, as I’d already started buying accessories for the 6s, and now I have no use for them!
 
LikeableMe said:
I’m currently using a 4s, which I’ve only had three years and has never had an update the entire time I’ve owned it 😂 a couple of people PM’d me with advice - I’ve decided to put off buying a phone until the new year, and do some research in the meantime.

It’s a shame though, as I’d already started buying accessories for the 6s, and now I have no use for them!
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Well, they are in 11 now. Your very far behind. Very...
 
Misshotndeep said:
Well, they are in 11 now. Your very far behind. Very...
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I got this one for free, so I didn’t want to complain lol! It was a second hand gift. I’m not one for upgrading things that still work, I’m finding it difficult to tear myself away from this one! I need to convince myself to upgrade - it’s a daily battle 😂
 
LikeableMe said:
I got this one for free, so I didn’t want to complain lol! It was a second hand gift. I’m not one for upgrading things that still work, I’m finding it difficult to tear myself away from this one! I need to convince myself to upgrade - it’s a daily battle 😂
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It's a security risk. There is a reason for you to upgrade.
 
Misshotndeep said:
It's a security risk. There is a reason for you to upgrade.
Click to expand...

I haven’t really got anything on my phone - it’s incompatible with Apple Pay, it’s no longer compatible with my email account or online banking. I don’t even connect it to my computer any more, as my iPod takes better quality photos!

I will upgrade, just have to work out the best deal for myself. I’m on pay as you go, I’m considering switching to a contract. I’d get a better model on that, too
 
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