My wife doesn't understand me!

[Jada59]

Okay, I don't have a wife. Or a husband. Used to have a husband.

I have heard men say this time and time again. Even my own ex husband used this line. It has gotten to be very meaningless to me. Other than it being boiled down to meaning, "I want sex with you!"

That being said... I keep seeing personal ads for men who are married and seeking something outside of their marriage. Why do you think this is? And does this appeal to you? It doesn't appeal to me.

I have told the story of my bad marriage countless times so I won't get into that again. I did have online relationships while married, and in various capacities. Some guys were single, some married. In no case did I ever think they would progress to real life although two of the single guys did want me to leave my then husband and move in with them. In both cases, they had enough problems/issues that I would have never considered living with them but online messaging and phone conversations were fine as I could always just walk away. In one case, *he* walked away, claiming I had too many issues. Ha! Sadly the other one died a few years back. He was quite elderly. But I digress.

So while I have been in such relationships if you will, perhaps to fill a void in my life, the relationships just sort of happened. I still talk to guys online, some of them married, and again, they just sort of happened.

What I can't fathom though, is someone taking out a personal ad, admitting they are married and looking for someone to fill a void in their life. I'm not judging. I don't really care what others do as long as it doesn't affect me. I just can't see the appeal in that.

Thoughts?

 

[LikeableMe]

Okay, I don't have a wife. Or a husband. Used to have a husband.

I have heard men say this time and time again. Even my own ex husband used this line. It has gotten to be very meaningless to me. Other than it being boiled down to meaning, "I want sex with you!"

That being said... I keep seeing personal ads for men who are married and seeking something outside of their marriage. Why do you think this is? And does this appeal to you? It doesn't appeal to me.

I have told the story of my bad marriage countless times so I won't get into that again. I did have online relationships while married, and in various capacities. Some guys were single, some married. In no case did I ever think they would progress to real life although two of the single guys did want me to leave my then husband and move in with them. In both cases, they had enough problems/issues that I would have never considered living with them but online messaging and phone conversations were fine as I could always just walk away. In one case, *he* walked away, claiming I had too many issues. Ha! Sadly the other one died a few years back. He was quite elderly. But I digress.

So while I have been in such relationships if you will, perhaps to fill a void in my life, the relationships just sort of happened. I still talk to guys online, some of them married, and again, they just sort of happened.

What I can't fathom though, is someone taking out a personal ad, admitting they are married and looking for someone to fill a void in their life. I'm not judging. I don't really care what others do as long as it doesn't affect me. I just can't see the appeal in that.

Thoughts?

You know, I often wonder about that too. It makes me feel sad, as someone who has never been married (and it’s likely I never will), I could be seeing it all wrong, but I can’t help wondering if there’s something the couple isn’t trying to work out. I’m big on communication, on telling people where they stand, and wanting to know where I stand. On working through things with people I care about. So to me, it suggests a lack of communication on something.

I do know someone who had an online fling whilst married. (Not with me, I’ll add haha). And it was because his wife wasn’t as adventurous as he would have liked. He loves her, and wanted to respect who she is as a person, but something was lacking for him, so he sought it elsewhere. Again, I’m probably incredibly naive, but I can’t help thinking that if he had communicated the importance to him, perhaps there would have been some kind of compromise. I don’t know his wife, and didn’t really know him that well, but from what he said, it seemed to come from a place of wanting to respect her and her boundaries, rather than any desire to actually cheat in real life, or run away.

I used to have a friend who would always say he could never sleep or fool around with a married woman. Then I discovered he has been fooling around online with one. To me, it’s not much different to fooling around in person, just that there’s no physical touch involved. A lot here will probably disagree with me, but I find it difficult to get my head around.

 

[Jada59]

In my case, it was a combination of things but we we did seek marriage counseling several times. Each time he brushed off what the counselor said. Called her crazy. Refused to do anything she said, except for a couple of things.

One was a technique we had already tried. It was from that John Gray book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. This was many years ago so I can't remember exact specifics. But each person was allowed a certain amount of time to speak. They could air any complaints. The other person had to listen politely. They could not say anything in return. They could not make a face, sigh or do anything. Just listen. But... There were parameters! Once something was mentioned, it could *never* be mentioned again. And the person speaking was to remain calm and not yell or show violence. Now I'm sure there was more to it. There had to have been some sort of discussion of the complaints, but we never got that far.

One counselor told us to try this. I tried to tell her that we had and it didn't work because he wouldn't follow the rules, but she insisted it would work if we tried again.

He went first. Screaming, shaking his fist at me, running me into the ground and not sticking to the time limit. Also repeating the same things over and over. I grabbed the phone, called the counselor and held the phone out so she could hear. She was like... OMG! You two must stop! It isn't working.

His next move was to lure her over to our house. His claim was that if she could see how I really lived, she would know what he was talking about.

She came in, sat down.

He then pointed to me and said, "Look at her! She ate herself into a diabetic frenzy!", then laughed.

The counselor turned icy and told him that her mom was diabetic.

From there, he was ordered to go into counseling himself. He did, but the counselor wanted to see the two of us together. She then heard my side of the story on several issues, then told him he should not be in a relationship of any sort with any person because he had too many issues of his own to address, and she didn't think a lifetime of therapy would help him.

I suppose his saving grace now is that his GF is Chinese and doesn't speak or understand English very well. For Christmas, she got him a flask bearing the words "Best Man". Ha!

So I guess where I am going with this is that there are two sides to every story.

 

[UgliestSon]

My wife understands me just fine. She just hates my fucking guts. She might have some issues and I might have some tissues.

 

[LikeableMe]

In my case, it was a combination of things but we we did seek marriage counseling several times. Each time he brushed off what the counselor said. Called her crazy. Refused to do anything she said, except for a couple of things.

One was a technique we had already tried. It was from that John Gray book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. This was many years ago so I can't remember exact specifics. But each person was allowed a certain amount of time to speak. They could air any complaints. The other person had to listen politely. They could not say anything in return. They could not make a face, sigh or do anything. Just listen. But... There were parameters! Once something was mentioned, it could *never* be mentioned again. And the person speaking was to remain calm and not yell or show violence. Now I'm sure there was more to it. There had to have been some sort of discussion of the complaints, but we never got that far.

One counselor told us to try this. I tried to tell her that we had and it didn't work because he wouldn't follow the rules, but she insisted it would work if we tried again.

He went first. Screaming, shaking his fist at me, running me into the ground and not sticking to the time limit. Also repeating the same things over and over. I grabbed the phone, called the counselor and held the phone out so she could hear. She was like... OMG! You two must stop! It isn't working.

His next move was to lure her over to our house. His claim was that if she could see how I really lived, she would know what he was talking about.

She came in, sat down.

He then pointed to me and said, "Look at her! She ate herself into a diabetic frenzy!", then laughed.

The counselor turned icy and told him that her mom was diabetic.

From there, he was ordered to go into counseling himself. He did, but the counselor wanted to see the two of us together. She then heard my side of the story on several issues, then told him he should not be in a relationship of any sort with any person because he had too many issues of his own to address, and she didn't think a lifetime of therapy would help him.

I suppose his saving grace now is that his GF is Chinese and doesn't speak or understand English very well. For Christmas, she got him a flask bearing the words "Best Man". Ha!

So I guess where I am going with this is that there are two sides to every strory.

Oh yes, there always are. In the example I gave, the husband was trying to be considerate of his wife, but your ex clearly wasn’t. Honestly, that’s largely my experience with men too. The aggressive, abusive side. He clearly wasn’t trying to meet you halfway.

I’ve kind of come to accept that no man will ever be nice towards me, so on a rare occasion anyone is - it shocks me. There’s a couple who I work with - husband and wife, both in their 60s. The wife started offering me lifts home, on rare occasions we finish at the same time. But there’s one day where I finish at the same time as both her and her husband, and when they have shifts together, he drives and they’ve given me the offer of a weekly lift home with them. It’s completely alien to me that the husband isn’t angry about this. I had this anxiety that he was harbouring resentment, but one day he saw me passing him and nodded his head towards the car park and said “come on, you” in a friendly way, and chats to me the entire drive. It shocks me that anyone can be as nice and considerate as this couple.

I just know my strong desire to support anyone I care about, no matter what, would have me prefer to be communicated with, if something I was doing wasn’t enough. If there was something I wasn’t doing sexually that he absolutely craved, I’d even rather he talk to me about it, and say he’s considering going online for that. Just because I wouldn’t do something, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t take an interest in how he’s discussing it with others, what he’s learning etc. It could become a shared activity, but in a different way. But if I found out a partner was pulling out his dick and rubbing it for women online behind my back, I would feel like I’d been cheated on. But that’s just my personal view, I know not everyone would want to handle it in that way.

 

[Jada59]

Oh yes, there always are. In the example I gave, the husband was trying to be considerate of his wife, but your ex clearly wasn’t. Honestly, that’s largely my experience with men too. The aggressive, abusive side. He clearly wasn’t trying to meet you halfway.

I’ve kind of come to accept that no man will ever be nice towards me, so on a rare occasion anyone is - it shocks me. There’s a couple who I work with - husband and wife, both in their 60s. The wife started offering me lifts home, on rare occasions we finish at the same time. But there’s one day where I finish at the same time as both her and her husband, and when they have shifts together, he drives and they’ve given me the offer of a weekly lift home with them. It’s completely alien to me that the husband isn’t angry about this. I had this anxiety that he was harbouring resentment, but one day he saw me passing him and nodded his head towards the car park and said “come on, you” in a friendly way, and chats to me the entire drive. It shocks me that anyone can be as nice and considerate as this couple.

I just know my strong desire to support anyone I care about, no matter what, would have me prefer to be communicated with, if something I was doing wasn’t enough. If there was something I wasn’t doing sexually that he absolutely craved, I’d even rather he talk to me about it, and say he’s considering going online for that. Just because I wouldn’t do something, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t take an interest in how he’s discussing it with others, what he’s learning etc. It could become a shared activity, but in a different way. But if I found out a partner was pulling out his dick and rubbing it for women online, I would feel like I’d been cheated on. But that’s just my personal view, I know not everyone would want to handle it in that way.

Oh yes! One thing I left out. Just prior to the counselor making the remark that he shouldn't be in a relationship, his remark to her was, "Everything would be fine if she would just do exactly what I tell her to do!"

My retort was, "Fine for YOU maybe!"

Thing is... I do like to please people. But only if I get something in return. Even if that something in return is only smile or a thank you. But with him, I never even got that. Not after we were married anyway. All I ever saw was displeasure about anything and everything.

I do know that women and men communicate differently. I am working on getting better with that. For instance, in general, men take longer to process things. So when a woman brings up certain issues, she then needs to allow him some time to think about what she said, even if it means him mulling it over for a week.

I am trying very hard to be a better communicator. I grew up in a home where screaming and yelling was the norm. I don't think that is helpful. I have a female friend who will tell me that I should get really angry and scream at people. She still hasn't learned that this technique does not work.

Now I try to speak calmly, even if I am angry and try to work with the other person to iron out our differences. I'm not perfect and I know they're not either. But I have to be able to forgive.

Abuse is another matter, BTDT and flat out won't tolerate that.

 

[LikeableMe]

Oh yes! One thing I left out. Just prior to the counselor making the remark that he shouldn't be in a relationship, his remark to her was, "Everything would be fine if she would just do exactly what I tell her to do!"

My retort was, "Fine for YOU maybe!"

Thing is... I do like to please people. But only if I get something in return. Even if that something in return is only smile or a thank you. But with him, I never even got that. Not after we were married anyway. All I ever saw was displeasure about anything and everything.

I do know that women and men communicate differently. I am working on getting better with that. For instance, in general, men take longer to process things. So when a woman brings up certain issues, she then needs to allow him some time to think about what she said, even if it means him mulling it over for a week.

I am trying very hard to be a better communicator. I grew up in a home where screaming and yelling was the norm. I don't think that is helpful. I have a female friend who will tell me that I should get really angry and scream at people. She still hasn't learned that this technique does not work.

Now I try to speak calmly, even if I am angry and try to work with the other person to iron out our differences. I'm not perfect and I know they're not either. But I have to be able to forgive.

Abuse is another matter, BTDT and flat out won't tolerate that.

I fully relate to this. I’m reading it and thinking “YES - we both get that!”

I also grew up in home like that. Except a little more extreme - I won’t go into it, it’s still a sore wound. I was once told that my attitude is rare for anyone who has been through the things I have, that apparently I should be angry at the world and trying to snatch everything I wasn’t given. I’m not like that. I’m all about compromise, about connection. If someone is important to me, I want to hear what’s important to them, I want to support them in everything and make them feel a stronger, more fulfilled person. I don’t want to shout or argue - I have no interest whatsoever in that. I will never act on emotion - if something makes me emotional I have to walk away until I can think about it clearly and then revisit it. I never want to be someone who hurts someone I care about.

Men taking longer to process things makes a lot of sense. I actually didn’t know that. My male bestie goes quiet for a period of time when mulling something over. I will sometimes do that, but I need to speak when something worries me, as I suffer from anxiety and if I leave something in my head too long, the simple solutions become invisible to me. But saying what’s going on out loud can help me to think.

I guess it’s all about understanding each other, and knowing what’s best for a relationship. For some, a secret online affair will help keep them satisfied for their real lives, for others (such as me) it wouldn’t work. I couldn’t have an online relationship whilst in a real life one. I’m not judging those who do, it’s just not for me.

 

[blade_rocknut]

Poor communication skills, in my opinion are the basis of most of this. Add to that, one or both partners being non confrontational or similar; sooner or later avoidance becomes the norm.

 

[Jada59]

I fully relate to this. I’m reading it and thinking “YES - we both get that!”

I also grew up in home like that. Except a little more extreme - I won’t go into it, it’s still a sore wound. I was once told that my attitude is rare for anyone who has been through the things I have, that apparently I should be angry at the world and trying to snatch everything I wasn’t given. I’m not like that. I’m all about compromise, about connection. If someone is important to me, I want to hear what’s important to them, I want to support them in everything and make them feel a stronger, more fulfilled person. I don’t want to shout or argue - I have no interest whatsoever in that. I will never act on emotion - if something makes me emotional I have to walk away until I can think about it clearly and then revisit it. I never want to be someone who hurts someone I care about.

Men taking longer to process things makes a lot of sense. I actually didn’t know that. My male bestie goes quiet for a period of time when mulling something over. I will sometimes do that, but I need to speak when something worries me, as I suffer from anxiety and if I leave something in my head too long, the simple solutions become invisible to me. But saying what’s going on out loud can help me to think.

I guess it’s all about understanding each other, and knowing what’s best for a relationship. For some, a secret online affair will help keep them satisfied for their real lives, for others (such as me) it wouldn’t work. I couldn’t have an online relationship whilst in a real life one. I’m not judging those who do, it’s just not for me.

Yeah, there's more to my story too. I could write a novel. I have written novels! Just not about that.

From what I have learned, most men tend to be quiet and introspective when something is on their mind and they usually prefer to figure it out on their own rather than turning to another for help.

If a woman tries to step in to help, even though she means well, he might not take it so well. So all the woman can do is let him have his space and be supportive if he does turn to her, but not give any kind of advice unless he specifically asks for it.

 

[Jada59]

Poor communication skills, in my opinion are the basis of most of this. Add to that, one or both partners being non confrontational or similar; sooner or later avoidance becomes the norm.

I think you're right there! I know a couple who have been married for around 30 years, but as the years go by, they've drifted more and more apart. They don't communicate at all.

At least once a year, they go off on an expensive vacation, thinking alone time will help. It doesn't. Because they still don't speak. It;s sad.

 

[TTawhere]

Without trying to be judgmental myself, I will say that I think there are quite a few assumptions being made in this thread.

Before I go there, I'll say there are some things that I agree with that have been said above.

• There are issues of communications in quite a few relationships that lead to one partner or the other straying.
• Relationships take work. It isn't all wine and roses.
• Some people have baggage that they bring into a relationship. They should really deal with their own issues before dragging someone else into it.
• There are married people who are just looking for a little something on the side.
• Not everyone's definitions will meet everyone else's
• Emotional abandonment of a partner sucks.
• Partners should be working on their own relationship FIRST.
• There are people looking for something extra who view themselves as being without sex, but who really aren't - they're just not getting as much sex as they want.

The assumption above seems to be that all married men looking for a relationship are all shmucks.

There also seems to be an assumption that it is only married men looking for relationships - that isn't true. There are also married women looking for relationships - do you feel that is the same or different?

Not all relationship issues are simply communication. There are many other reasons, some insurmountable for whatever reason. It is very easy to sit back and judge others, but until you walk a mile in their shoes, it is really presumptive to think that everyone's situation is the same.

There are both men and women who have lost sexual function and/or desire. What would you have their partner do?

Not all married people are looking for something outside the marriage because they don't still love their partner. They may not want to divorce their partner for various reasons. Telling someone else that they should separate from their partner really falls under the "walk a mile" criteria, IMO.

 

[Jada59]

Without trying to be judgmental myself, I will say that I think there are quite a few assumptions being made in this thread.

Before I go there, I'll say there are some things that I agree with that have been said above.

• There are issues of communications in quite a few relationships that lead to one partner or the other straying.
• Relationships take work. It isn't all wine and roses.
• Some people have baggage that they bring into a relationship. They should really deal with their own issues before dragging someone else into it.
• There are married people who are just looking for a little something on the side.
• Not everyone's definitions will meet everyone else's
• Emotional abandonment of a partner sucks.
• Partners should be working on their own relationship FIRST.
• There are people looking for something extra who view themselves as being without sex, but who really aren't - they're just not getting as much sex as they want.

The assumption above seems to be that all married men looking for a relationship are all shmucks.

There also seems to be an assumption that it is only married men looking for relationships - that isn't true. There are also married women looking for relationships - do you feel that is the same or different?

Not all relationship issues are simply communication. There are many other reasons, some insurmountable for whatever reason. It is very easy to sit back and judge others, but until you walk a mile in their shoes, it is really presumptive to think that everyone's situation is the same.

There are both men and women who have lost sexual function and/or desire. What would you have their partner do?

Not all married people are looking for something outside the marriage because they don't still love their partner. They may not want to divorce their partner for various reasons. Telling someone else that they should separate from their partner really falls under the "walk a mile" criteria, IMO.

Yikes! I love men in general and in no way would I think that all married men looking for relationships are schmucks. I did say that I do talk to married men. No, I won't expound on what I mean by "talk" because that's our business. It's just that what happened with us was not due to a personal ad.

It's the personal ad part that I don't understand. Then again, I guess I don't understand personal ads in general. I would never go seeking another person for a sexual or romantic relationship. That just seems to happen naturally for me. Maybe I'm just lucky in that regard.

I know women take out personal ads as well. I don't see that as any different. I suppose for me it's more a matter of me being a heterosexual woman so I tend to skim over other women's personal ads unless the snark in me takes over. Such as the one about a closet whore.

I have responded to personal ads. In some cases more to offer support than anything else or perhaps just a conversation.

I also know there are open marriages and such. That's not what I'm talking about.

I guess the specific part that I don't understand is how a person can take out a personal ad, stating that they are married (not an open marriage), look for a relationship *and* have someone else find that appealing enough to want to be in said relationship.

Again, I am involved with married men who shall remain nameless. The involvement came about naturally and to what extent is between me and them. It's not always sexual. Sometimes we just have really good conversations.

It's late and I feel like I'm rambling. I hope that makes sense.

 

[JohnnyPump1970]

Without trying to be judgmental myself, I will say that I think there are quite a few assumptions being made in this thread.

Before I go there, I'll say there are some things that I agree with that have been said above.

• There are issues of communications in quite a few relationships that lead to one partner or the other straying.
• Relationships take work. It isn't all wine and roses.
• Some people have baggage that they bring into a relationship. They should really deal with their own issues before dragging someone else into it.
• There are married people who are just looking for a little something on the side.
• Not everyone's definitions will meet everyone else's
• Emotional abandonment of a partner sucks.
• Partners should be working on their own relationship FIRST.
• There are people looking for something extra who view themselves as being without sex, but who really aren't - they're just not getting as much sex as they want.

The assumption above seems to be that all married men looking for a relationship are all shmucks.

There also seems to be an assumption that it is only married men looking for relationships - that isn't true. There are also married women looking for relationships - do you feel that is the same or different?

Not all relationship issues are simply communication. There are many other reasons, some insurmountable for whatever reason. It is very easy to sit back and judge others, but until you walk a mile in their shoes, it is really presumptive to think that everyone's situation is the same.

There are both men and women who have lost sexual function and/or desire. What would you have their partner do?

Not all married people are looking for something outside the marriage because they don't still love their partner. They may not want to divorce their partner for various reasons. Telling someone else that they should separate from their partner really falls under the "walk a mile" criteria, IMO.

Preach on brother...

 

[TTawhere]

I guess the specific part that I don't understand is how a person can take out a personal ad, stating that they are married (not an open marriage), look for a relationship *and* have someone else find that appealing enough to want to be in said relationship.

Well, that's OK. You don't have to understand. It isn't about you, now is it?

Again, I am involved with married men who shall remain nameless. The involvement came about naturally and to what extent is between me and them. It's not always sexual. Sometimes we just have really good conversations.

Or is it?

I guess I don't know how to take the fact that you're involved with married men, but you're not OK with them looking. How, exactly does that work? While you say it isn't always sexual, I will have to assume from the way you posed that that there are times that it is sexual.

It's late and I feel like I'm rambling. I hope that makes sense.

Not entirely, but who would I be to judge.

I will say that I find the thread title to be somewhat sexist in and of itself. What if I wrote a thread saying "My husband doesn't understand me" or "My same-sex partner doesn't understand me" or ... Would you be calling me out for that?

 

[gentold]

Okay, I don't have a wife. Or a husband. Used to have a husband.

I have heard men say this time and time again. Even my own ex husband used this line. It has gotten to be very meaningless to me. Other than it being boiled down to meaning, "I want sex with you!"

That being said... I keep seeing personal ads for men who are married and seeking something outside of their marriage. Why do you think this is? And does this appeal to you? It doesn't appeal to me.

I have told the story of my bad marriage countless times so I won't get into that again. I did have online relationships while married, and in various capacities. Some guys were single, some married. In no case did I ever think they would progress to real life although two of the single guys did want me to leave my then husband and move in with them. In both cases, they had enough problems/issues that I would have never considered living with them but online messaging and phone conversations were fine as I could always just walk away. In one case, *he* walked away, claiming I had too many issues. Ha! Sadly the other one died a few years back. He was quite elderly. But I digress.

So while I have been in such relationships if you will, perhaps to fill a void in my life, the relationships just sort of happened. I still talk to guys online, some of them married, and again, they just sort of happened.

What I can't fathom though, is someone taking out a personal ad, admitting they are married and looking for someone to fill a void in their life. I'm not judging. I don't really care what others do as long as it doesn't affect me. I just can't see the appeal in that.

Thoughts?

Hope , ambition and suspicion have no limits .

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Jada, correct me if I'm wrong, but you're asking about the motivation of men who are actively and publicly (if anonymously) seeking to get their needs met outside of their marriages?

 

[TTawhere]

Jada, correct me if I'm wrong, but you're asking about the motivation of men who are actively and publicly (if anonymously) seeking to get their needs met outside of their marriages?

I think that is part of it - In Jada's words:

I guess the specific part that I don't understand is how a person can take out a personal ad, stating that they are married (not an open marriage), look for a relationship *and* have someone else find that appealing enough to want to be in said relationship.

I think the second part is the crux of it, but she should speak for herself.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I think that is part of it - In Jada's words:



I think the second part is the crux of it, but she should speak for herself.

Ahh, i missed that bit, thank you.

It seems pretty obvious - there are women in the same position.

 

[TTawhere]

Ahh, i missed that bit, thank you.

It seems pretty obvious - there are women in the same position.

I agree.

On a side note, has anyone considered where they are posting:

Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > Literotica Personals>The Playground

This is the sub-forum of a Personals Section, folks.

 

[AveryElle]

I guess the specific part that I don't understand is how a person can take out a personal ad, stating that they are married (not an open marriage), look for a relationship *and* have someone else find that appealing enough to want to be in said relationship.

There are loads of women here in the same position - looking for escape, attention that doesn't have anything to do with their care taking roll, someone that sees them as a sexual being. I completely see the attraction of a married man that isn't threatening to your relationship, and there's no chance of it really going anywhere. It's safe. While it's not my thing, and I don't understand being in a long term relationship with someone you'll never see, I can completely understand the appeal for a lonely woman. And - America especially - is full of lonely women.

 

[AlwaysFara]

If married people on this site put the attention into their marriages as they do with Lit, Lit would cease to exist.

Most of us have been there at some point. If you don’t like it, what will YOU do to change YOUR experience, Jada?

 

[UgliestSon]

I think every female I have ever fucked around with on Lit had a husband or a boyfriend. Hell, some had both. All the irony is kinda fucking funny to me now.

Read the part and we turn out fine
It's a hell of a role if you can keep it alive
But I don't care if I fuck up
I'm going on a date with a rich white lady
Ain't life great?

 

[barefootgirl69]

Serious Question

What I can't fathom though, is someone taking out a personal ad, admitting they are married and looking for someone to fill a void in their life. I'm not judging. I don't really care what others do as long as it doesn't affect me. I just can't see the appeal in that.

Thoughts?

If you aren't judging, don't really care what others do, and it doesn't affect you - why make a thread about it?

 

[AlwaysFara]

I’ve been pondering how to reply for a bit now and I think what you said resonates a bit with me.

It’s attention for sure and if both parties involved are married and agree that they aren’t looking for anything to change that, it can be a “safe” outlet to express that need.

In regards to communication, sometimes you can communicate until you’re blue in the face and do counseling and there can still be a void. In my case it’s hormonal, hubs testosterone levels have dropped off continuously over the last two years and it makes him tired and he has 0 sex drive ...I mean 0... I still love him and would never end our marriage over that but it does leave me feeling undesirable. Even though I know the problem isn’t me, it’s his levels, it still leaves me wanting to be wanted and desired in a way that he can’t give me right now.


Lit and online “friends” offers a way to fill that gap without putting our marriage in jeopardy

It does until the other person falls hard. Or you do. Or the other person gets divorced. Or you do.
It’s a balancing act, for sure.


I just don’t like the posts from women (and men, but mostly women) who were all for being with a married man until he ends things. Then all of a sudden he’s the devil. What did you expect? He’s married. He’s talking to you 9-5 while he’s at work.

So, it was fine while you were happy, but now it’s not because you want more?
Simple solution. You change YOUR behavior.

Not you, SNG.
Rhetorical you.

 

[TTawhere]

If married people on this site put the attention into their marriages as they do with Lit, Lit would cease to exist.

I've heard that repeatedly. Isn't always everyone's experience.