HT test out a work crush?

[HoneyBrunette]

I've developed a crush at work. We are both middle management but in different areas of the company.

He gives out vibes of being into me (lots of smiling, eye contact), and made some pretty risque comments when we were on a joint work outing the other day... but if I make a move and have it wrong its going to be super awkward. I'm new to the company (3mths) and I don't want to leave.

I'd like to be more sure of my footing before I say anything to him. But I'm at a loss for how to become more sure without actually talking to him about it directly (yet).

Help. I feel like a fool but this is quite intense from my side.

 

[Jada59]

I've developed a crush at work. We are both middle management but in different areas of the company.

He gives out vibes of being into me (lots of smiling, eye contact), and made some pretty risque comments when we were on a joint work outing the other day... but if I make a move and have it wrong its going to be super awkward. I'm new to the company (3mths) and I don't want to leave.

I'd like to be more sure of my footing before I say anything to him. But I'm at a loss for how to become more sure without actually talking to him about it directly (yet).

Help. I feel like a fool but this is quite intense from my side.

You're in New Zealand so I don't know how things are there. Here, dating is often forbidden within the company and risque comments could get you fired.

Don't make a move just yet. Try to place yourself where he'll be. Then maybe arrange a get together with several others from work and invite him.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I've developed a crush at work. We are both middle management but in different areas of the company.

He gives out vibes of being into me (lots of smiling, eye contact), and made some pretty risque comments when we were on a joint work outing the other day... but if I make a move and have it wrong its going to be super awkward. I'm new to the company (3mths) and I don't want to leave.

I'd like to be more sure of my footing before I say anything to him. But I'm at a loss for how to become more sure without actually talking to him about it directly (yet).

Help. I feel like a fool but this is quite intense from my side.

Risque comments are different to genuine flirting, I think.

I'd say put your career first, your crush second. Ask around - you might well discover he hits on all the new women, in which case, don't be his next play. Also, what's company policy? If you're middle management, you need to be managing all aspects of your job, which includes not placing yourself in awkward situations. If you're managing staff, that means being a role model for juniors.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Honey, have you been introduced to our resident killjoys yet?

They're absolutely right, though. Be very certain that corporate policies don't frown on such a relationship. That you're in different departments might make a difference.

And EB is quite right that he might put on the same routine for every new woman. The girls’ rumour net generally has pretty good intel on such, so do check that out, too.

So points to both of them for proper caution.

--------------------------------- drawing line ---------------------------------

Once you've done your due diligence - and remembering that any work-romance relationship is a minefield, just as you noted - it would seem fairly obvious. Girls and boys have been doing this dance since before the species moved out of Africa. Soo...

Are there areas where your two departments interact? Go ask for his help on a company matter.

Do you have any friends or work peers who know him?

Christmas is coming up and most companies have a company party.

Etc

Good luck.

 

[panty_aussie]

i think be carefull. I had chick say on purpose was into me at work. When i asked her out she suddenly was like i have a bf but we can get a drink as friends.

I think alot of women will lead a guy just for a ego boost

So i would be carefull about dating someone you work with.

 

[BrendaC]

Go for it

It would be dumb to think that workplace romances are a rare thing. I know a great many couples who met on the job. One potential problem is if a sulervisor/subordinate relationship exists between the two. That can be a problem. I think you ought to let it go and see what happens. Could be that when youre out together, you realize he isnt for you. Could be he may be the love of your lifei, and there are ways to get around corporate policies. Trust youur instincts. If he asks you out, and you want to go, do it.

 

[NightL]

i think be carefull. I had chick say on purpose was into me at work. When i asked her out she suddenly was like i have a bf but we can get a drink as friends.

I think alot of women will lead a guy just for a ego boost

So i would be carefull about dating someone you work with.

You don't like women in general or is it just the OP of this thread?

 

[Bramblethorn]

You're in New Zealand so I don't know how things are there. Here, dating is often forbidden within the company and risque comments could get you fired.

Don't make a move just yet. Try to place yourself where he'll be. Then maybe arrange a get together with several others from work and invite him.

Yeah, definitely check whether there's a company policy on this. AFAICT, AU and NZ companies are less likely than USA to outright forbid relationships with co-workers, but there may still be restrictions.

Assuming that checks out okay, my preference is to be direct:

"Hey, the other day, were you flirting with me?"

It's scary but it can save a lot of time and guessing.

 

[HoneyBrunette]

Thanks everyone. External brains are so much better than your own in situations like this.

I have a 3 day break from seeing him now. So that will help me get some clarity as well.

HB

 

[HoneyBrunette]

The office flirt... he is the office flirt... recently divorced.

Phew! Partly relieved. But also a little sad.

 

[amofiga]

Inner office fun and games can be risky but can also work out if you are discreet and careful. If two people are single, there really isn't a problem unless there is a direct supervisor/employee relationship. Dating among equals isn't necessarily a problem as long as you keep it after hours and out of the workplace. Nobody wants to see "smoochy smoochy" in the office or cafeteria. I've seen it. Pretty juvenile and dumb.

Messing around at work if one or both are married sets up a whole new set of problems. I've seen several divorces, several firings, and other embarrassing events occur as a result of inner office affairs. I was no saint for my 45 years in the workplace but always followed advice given to me about not fooling around with people at work.

 

[ElectricBlue]

The office flirt... he is the office flirt... recently divorced.

Phew! Partly relieved. But also a little sad.

Why am I not surprised? But you won't be the next office gossip, so your dignity survives .

 

[HoneyBrunette]

That is almost true... I've almost saved myself from being gossiped about.

But the flirting is still going on. Although im aware of what's happening it just keeps happening and I kick myself once we part company