Sexless Marriages

[KPaulNeilson]

I just miss being wanted, desired, looked at as a man, not a chore or a roommate.

 

[TTawhere]

I just miss being wanted, desired, looked at as a man, not a chore or a roommate.

Just remember that you always have choices about how you choose to deal with that. What those choices are will depend on you.

 

[goodsonformom]

Sometimes I wish my sex drive would just go away so I wouldn’t care about this so much

You deserve more, better....I know it's difficult ground....(((hugs)))

 

[goodsonformom]

You are the exception, not the rule. Every girl should be so lucky to have someone like you in their life. These things are complicated and messy and no one can ever really know what brings people to this point.

This sounds like two intelligent people, discussing reality in a very "real" way......*sigh*

 

[TTawhere]

This sounds like two intelligent people, discussing reality in a very "real" way......*sigh*

Yes, and we’re finding that we are good for each other.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

This sounds like two intelligent people, discussing reality in a very "real" way......*sigh*

Yes, he’s filled the empty places in my heart with love and kindness. Sometimes you have to find a solution that allows you to find a little happiness while trying to keep it all together when things are hard.

 

[goodsonformom]

Yes, he’s filled the empty places in my heart with love and kindness. Sometimes you have to find a solution that allows you to find a little happiness while trying to keep it all together when things are hard.

*sigh*........I get that.

 

[RunningJib]

Not the only one

You are the exception, not the rule. Every girl should be so lucky to have someone like you in their life. These things are complicated and messy and no one can ever really know what brings people to this point.

Had an affair w/ someone I worked with.

We worked together on a challenge project and a demanding client. I was the IT muscle and brain. She was the articulate and concise communicator. After a rocky start, we made a very good team. She help me w/ my writing skills. I help her with data analysis and analytics.

I don't think neither one of use would had made / accepted the first moved unless we had a connection. Initially, we were filling a need for each other. When we began to fall in love with each other, we decided to part ways.

Word to the wise, be cautious. Its never a simple as it seems.

 

[ccs29745]

Had an affair w/ someone I worked with.



Word to the wise, be cautious. Its never a simple as it seems.

Amen... never easy to let go once you cross a line.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Had an affair w/ someone I worked with.

We worked together on a challenge project and a demanding client. I was the IT muscle and brain. She was the articulate and concise communicator. After a rocky start, we made a very good team. She help me w/ my writing skills. I help her with data analysis and analytics.

I don't think neither one of use would had made / accepted the first moved unless we had a connection. Initially, we were filling a need for each other. When we began to fall in love with each other, we decided to part ways.

Word to the wise, be cautious. Its never a simple as it seems.

Amen... never easy to let go once you cross a line.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't! It is an extremely complicated issue, one I never fully appreciated when I first started having affairs. Quite honestly, I became addicted to the idea - of hooking up with someone and getting away with it, of leading such a double life. It was insane and self-destructive. Then I fell for one of them and that changed everything - she made me realize that what I needed was the connection, not the sex, the playful, flirtatious intimacy that one doesn't get from a hook-up, or from my marriage. Even though that is what I yearn for, need in my life, it is so complicated to find and so challenging to contain it within a box, that I've given up...

 

[ccs29745]

Damned if you do, damned if you don't! It is an extremely complicated issue, one I never fully appreciated when I first started having affairs. Quite honestly, I became addicted to the idea - of hooking up with someone and getting away with it, of leading such a double life. It was insane and self-destructive. Then I fell for one of them and that changed everything - she made me realize that what I needed was the connection, not the sex, the playful, flirtatious intimacy that one doesn't get from a hook-up, or from my marriage. Even though that is what I yearn for, need in my life, it is so complicated to find and so challenging to contain it within a box, that I've given up...

A lot of the time I just want my wife to pay attention to me. Can have a whole conversation and she not hear me. She's too busy reading a book or looking at Facebook

 

[Polranny]

I just can't be anything else or do it any other way.

I want that emotional attachment to be satisfied in the relationship. If that's not there, what is the point?

No, there isn't really a substitute for the situation at home, but my hope is that it will make both of our lives better without changing our current situations in a bad way. You still have to live your life as you are, and I can't see throwing a spouse I care about to the curb because of something that isn't within her grasp to control. We've built a life together, have children together and although we don't have sex, we still have a relationship.

The choices are not easy, however.

HEAR, hear

 

[Lonelywife1205]

Damned if you do, damned if you don't! It is an extremely complicated issue, one I never fully appreciated when I first started having affairs. Quite honestly, I became addicted to the idea - of hooking up with someone and getting away with it, of leading such a double life. It was insane and self-destructive. Then I fell for one of them and that changed everything - she made me realize that what I needed was the connection, not the sex, the playful, flirtatious intimacy that one doesn't get from a hook-up, or from my marriage. Even though that is what I yearn for, need in my life, it is so complicated to find and so challenging to contain it within a box, that I've given up...

That’s exactly what it is, the connection and the intimacy. It’s what was missing in my life and no longer is. Luckily there is a physical distance that keeps things from getting out of control and we are level headed people who understand and respect our main obligations and priorities. But life is short and once you’ve sincerely exhausted all options to fix the voids in your marriage and you are still left feeling empty and rejected despite your best efforts, is it fair to be banished to a life void of deep intimacy and connection? People will have differing opinions on that, but for me for now at least, I’m grateful to have found the piece of my heart that has been missing.

 

[Hockeydude1985]

I just miss being wanted, desired, looked at as a man, not a chore or a roommate.

Same thing here......can't remember the last time I felt desired......

 

[Vitriolhack]

A lot of the time I just want my wife to pay attention to me. Can have a whole conversation and she not hear me. She's too busy reading a book or looking at Facebook

I have found that I need to pick my battles.

I invite my wife out for dinner, that usually relaxes her. Away from the teenagers and work stress. It’s amazing how in the mood they will be on the way home!

At home, we have a no phone at the dinner table rule.

Alas, Facebook and real books also do happen, but that’s just life, just like alcohol, all in moderation.

V.

 

[Hockeydude1985]

I would go for some more communicating, if at all possible. Ask her why she has thought of separating. I would only go out looking for sex (if wife told me to), if I did not want to leave my home-life (be it growing kids, or still getting along great with wife except for sex).

I have a needy child, so will not be going anywhere for some time. It would have to be really horrible for me to leave. This at least gives the wife and I more time to keep trying to work things out. When she is in an open mind and we communicate, things get better for awhile.

We have been round and round why she wants to separate. She says she is no longer in love and needs to find herself and her purpose in life. This is after having three kids. She lost three people close to her about 3-4 years ago. That is when things started to go downhill. I let her know that if she didn't want to talk to me about things I would help her find a professional to go to. As she is a mental health professional herself, she felt and still feels there is: a - nothing wrong and b - if there is she can handle it.

The part that hurts is that I had some mental health issues a while back. I went and got help and medication. I still have moments sometimes but I'm 180 degrees different from before. I made that decision to go because I was going to lose my marriage if I didn't. I'm starting counseling with the kids soon so I can understand them better. I'm making all these changes so I can be a better person for myself and the kids and what is left of the marriage.

 

[ccs29745]

I have found that I need to pick my battles.

I invite my wife out for dinner, that usually relaxes her. Away from the teenagers and work stress. It’s amazing how in the mood they will be on the way home!

At home, we have a no phone at the dinner table rule.

Alas, Facebook and real books also do happen, but that’s just life, just like alcohol, all in moderation.

V.

Take her to dinner and first thing out is cell phone. I keep mine in my pants or sit it on seat beside me in case of emergency or to take pics of daughter goofing off again.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

Hey CCS, send her a text message.

Have a message ready to send (or duck out to the bathroom to write it), then do not send it until after you are at the table. Send it covertly.

Watch her eyes as she reads, "so whatcha doing sexy?".
Hopefully she doesn't roll her eyes.

 

[TTawhere]

Hey CCS, send her a text message.

Have a message ready to send (or duck out to the bathroom to write it), then do not send it until after you are at the table. Send it covertly.

Watch her eyes as she reads, "so whatcha doing sexy?".
Hopefully she doesn't roll her eyes.

YES!!!

If she’s glued to the phone make it part of the play! Flirt with her that way, keep her thinking about you.

 

[ccs29745]

Hey CCS, send her a text message.

Have a message ready to send (or duck out to the bathroom to write it), then do not send it until after you are at the table. Send it covertly.

Watch her eyes as she reads, "so whatcha doing sexy?".
Hopefully she doesn't roll her eyes.

Been there, done that, got the eye roll. It was a quiet dinner

 

[AnnieLit]

. She says she is no longer in love and needs to find herself and her purpose in life. This is after having three kids.

I really hope you did not mean it like that ^^^

 

[Hockeydude1985]

I really hope you did not mean it like that ^^^

What do you mean?

 

[Vitriolhack]

So today things kind of hit a breaking point......

I asked if we could do massages in bed tonight since it has been almost 5 months since some kind of intimacy. She said she thought it had been longer. Anyways, she says she has no desire and hasn't for a while. She also has no want to go to a doctor and see about fixing it.

She has been saying she wants to separate for a while now. She said today that maybe I should just go find somone to handle sex so she doesn't have to. Don't know what to do now. Its what I wanted but feels like a trap at the same time.....

Are you ok?

 

[Hockeydude1985]

Are you ok?

What do you mean?

 

[Elite_Goblin]

Been there, done that, got the eye roll. It was a quiet dinner

Man, she is a tough cookie. I bet our wives went to the same school!

Funny, (or not funny) as my wife was getting ready for bed, she notices me checking out her bare boobs. She says, "excuse me!", and quickly turns around to get her shirt on. What gives? I am her husband. Guess she wants me to check out other woman's boobs instead.