Q for those experienced in s&m.

[philos]

Is there really a catharsis from impact play. I’ve had a desire or fantasy for a while now of receiving a spanking/flogging or caning ad a way to get in touch with and release my emotions. Is this a real thing or simply something found in stories? If it makes a difference I’m a 40 something guy. Just looking for an answer or at least peoples opinions.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Is there really a catharsis from impact play. I’ve had a desire or fantasy for a while now of receiving a spanking/flogging or caning ad a way to get in touch with and release my emotions. Is this a real thing or simply something found in stories? If it makes a difference I’m a 40 something guy. Just looking for an answer or at least peoples opinions.

You should read some of the threads in this forum. We discuss it a lot.
Do you have someone willing to try this with you?

Pain isn’t for everyone.

 

[Knoturnal]

Some people think there is because I've heard them say it.

 

[cookiecat]

Is there really a catharsis from impact play. I’ve had a desire or fantasy for a while now of receiving a spanking/flogging or caning ad a way to get in touch with and release my emotions. Is this a real thing or simply something found in stories? If it makes a difference I’m a 40 something guy. Just looking for an answer or at least peoples opinions.

Yes. It's a huge thing. Cathartic. Cleansing. Ugly cry tears, sometimes. That being said, I can have this happen with amazing, connected sex. Or a great workout. I guess what I'm saying is impact play isn't always this higher moment of getting in touch with your feelings. Sometimes it's just nice. Or painful. Once in a while - for me - it can do the opposite - unleash some negative emotions. If I'm being flogged or spanked and I'm feeling resentful or unhappy (without really realizing it), the impact can release a shitstorm. On those moments, I need to be with someone who "gets it" and recognizes this part of me.

You can search for sub drop in this forum or google it.

 

[philos]

Thanks, you gave me something to think about.

 

[Acktion]

Short answer; Yes. For some people.

Long as fuck "is he ever going to reach A point?" answer;

I am not by any stretch of the imagination submissive. And, as we found out when I broke a cast iron bed when a hidden trigger caused a panic response, I have absolutely zero rope bunny in me. However, I am a long-time connoisseur of pain. By my count, there are seven hundred and twenty-nine varieties. And, in my experiences, physical pain is much, much easier to deal with than psychological or emotional pain.

However, I should clarify that I would not classify myself as a masochist. I will not drop trou and bend over a desk (as a not so random example) and allow someone to practice their backhand with a fiberglass paddle (with holes drilled in it) on my naked ass. (Anymore.)

What I was... Well, most everyone that knows me in the off-line world finds a great deal of hilarity in my arguments that I am a lover, not a fighter.

The thing is, I have a (medically documented) higher pain-tolerance than most. But, the confusion comes in that I do register the hurt (most times), it just doesn't phase me. Such as when I had all of my remaining teeth pulled and got fitted for dentures. When I went back (three days later), the dentist was stunned that I hadn't come back earlier because I had eight dry-sockets. My surprised response was "this little ache is what people whine about?"

However...

However, I can remember a time (when I was young and probably more than a little stupid), sitting against a brick wall and banging my head back against it. My first ex-fiancee had broken off our engagement. My best friend was sitting beside me and tried to stop me because he could hear the sound of the impact of my head against the wall. I explained (I thought rather rationally) that it made the other hurt less.

Despite the many varied things I was involved in, there is an entire town full of people that don't remember me as anything other than the football player they loved to watch smash people a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier. My teammates loved me on game nights, but abso-fucking-lutely hated me the rest of the week because I was the sick bastard that any good team needs that went just as hard in practice. I absolutely loved the good feel of a good, solid, teeth-rattling hit. And not just because I won most of the time.

In one of my most embarrassing moments, our safety either didn't call the crack loud enough, or I didn't hear him as I was pursuing the sweep. And a feather-weight wide receiver got a free shot at my sternum. Embarrassing as Hell. But, damn, even that hit felt good! Woke me right the hell up! (Better for me than when I got my payback three plays later felt to him, apparently.)

(And before the Rugby fanatics come crawling out, there was film proof of me getting my helmet ripped off at the line and making the hit anyway, knocking him unconscious, walking back to collect my helmet from where the lineman with broken fingers had dropped it, and telling the ref to watch the face-masking as I snapped it back into place. Still, have a two-inch scar where the join of his facemask gouged the meat off my forehead.)

I transitioned from football to kickboxing (this was pre-MMA or my official fight record would be better than 37%) and then to back-alley no rules street fighting (where I did a whole fucking lot better). And I fucking loved it! Win or lose. I felt alive!

The thing is, I have nerd roots from a childhood riddled with ailments that didn't allow me to go outside much. And even once I grew out of that shit and caught (and in most cases passed) the no-neck cornfed bully boys that had taught me how to take pain (I was waterboarded the first time at age 7), my nerd background would surface in the oddest damn places.

There was a guy by the name of Maslow who came out with a theory he called "The Hierarchy of Needs."

Now, I never actually went to the trouble to sit down and write the paper or anything. But, it's been my thought that physical pain kicks us back down the pyramid to the purely physical. In effect, short-circuiting higher brain function.

I don't know. Maybe somebody smarter than I wrote a paper on it somewhere. (Actually, I'd lay odds that Dr. Stanley Coren probably did at some point.) But, I'm too lazy and not interested enough to defend my long-standing hypothesis.

Sexually... Again, I wouldn't classify myself as a submissive, nor a rope-bunny, nor a masochist, but something on the other side of the slash. However, Predator/prey play does have a certain... warming effect on my blood when she (and, sorry fellas, but only ever she) fights back. (But, only once her consent is clearly given and a safeword is established.) I thoroughly enjoyed her blushes when she saw the teeth marks she'd left on my shoulder that had damn near broken the skin while she was cumming and her face when she got a look at what her nails had done to my back was priceless.

I have been fortunate to spend time with probably more than my fair share of submissives in one style of relationship or another. And a fair few of those have had certain masochistic tendencies.

Now, the reason that I say that I am "something on the other side of the slash" is because I am a Dominant. And, while I'm not what I once was, I'm still a fair to middlin' rigger. However, I'm not, technically, a Sadist. That is, I don't get enjoyment from causing someone else pain. What I mean is that I don't have to spank her if she is not into it and won't really miss it.

As a matter of fact, I'm really pretty much vanilla with only two hard "needs" of my own; her climax (as many as I can wring from her) and oral (both giving and receiving). But, just what has gotten some of my lovers to climax, what they need, is what I need. So, yes. I have trussed more than one lover up and inflicted pain of various types upon them to drive through all the crap careening around in their head and free their mind and soul from the chains they feel in their every day lives.

And, not all of them needed physical pain to get them there. For some, intense physical pleasure was much more potent. One, I managed to achieve rather astonishing results with judicious (albeit unrelenting) tickle torture.

I would mention here that there is also some argument that women have a tendency to carry most of their stress in the gluteus maximus. Don't look at me like that! I'm not smart enough to make this shit up! I picked that up when I was learning massage techniques. And I have had lovers burst into tears during a deep tissue massage of their gluteus.

(This, by the way, is also a point that is often overlooked about anal plugs and such.)

In certain alternative... ummm... philosophies, there is a line of thought that the impact can recenter the spirit by shaking loose some of the negative energies that are... er... for lack of a better term, clogging one. But, neither am I anything approaching a guru, so the curious can feel free to googlify that one if they don't have a handy someone they can refer such questions to.

Any road, when working with a relative neophyte who is curious about pain sensation play, I typically ask three questions;

1) Do you like habanero poppers?
2) Have you ever felt a jarring impact? A hit? A car wreck? Anything?
3) Do you run, attack, or freeze?

Typically, the answers to their curiosity lie in the answers to those questions.

Any road, I've probably blathered on much too long. But, I'm a fusty old windbag, and we tend to do that.

In a nutshell, some people can find catharsis in impact play. Some people can achieve that catharsis through any intense physical sensation. But, I think one more relevant point should be made. It matters very much just what else is going on, and how you feel about the person employing said sensation whether homeostasis can be achieved.

 

[Explorer99]

.......

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[Jada59]

Not for me. No.

 

[KimGordon67]

Some people think there is because I've heard them say it.

'Some people think there is'?
I think if people experience something as emotionally cathartic, it actually IS emotionally cathartic - there's no objective 'reality' you can appeal to in terms of whether they are 'correct' or not in that respect.
If pain is emotionally cathartic for people, then that's what is actually happening.

 

[KimGordon67]

Is there really a catharsis from impact play. I’ve had a desire or fantasy for a while now of receiving a spanking/flogging or caning ad a way to get in touch with and release my emotions. Is this a real thing or simply something found in stories? If it makes a difference I’m a 40 something guy. Just looking for an answer or at least peoples opinions.

Yes ... I think for me it's something a bit more than just the pain, but also a giving up of 'control' (for want of a better word) to the other person, and the level of trust that is involved in both of those things, along with a heap of other extremely complex physical and emotional reactions. I'm not sure how dependent that is on the other person involved - it's only happened with one person, but I've only had an immediately physical d/s type relationship with that one person. But I think, at least for me, a fairly high degree of trust is involved - you don't want to end up crying to have the other person go 'what the fuck is that all about' and walk out to go to the pub.

 

[philos]

Thank you for all the thoughtful answers

 

[Maeven_quinn]

Is there really a catharsis from impact play. I’ve had a desire or fantasy for a while now of receiving a spanking/flogging or caning ad a way to get in touch with and release my emotions. Is this a real thing or simply something found in stories? If it makes a difference I’m a 40 something guy. Just looking for an answer or at least peoples opinions.

Ever experienced the runner’s high or worked through pain of hot yoga? That’s a bit what impact play is for me at least.

 

[HotXBuns]

Is there really a catharsis from impact play. I’ve had a desire or fantasy for a while now of receiving a spanking/flogging or caning ad a way to get in touch with and release my emotions. Is this a real thing or simply something found in stories? If it makes a difference I’m a 40 something guy. Just looking for an answer or at least peoples opinions.

Yes, there can be, but I think it depends on how you approach it. If you are looking for some magical transcendental experience, you'll most likely be disappointed. On the other hand, if you go in to the experience with an open mind, and with someone you trust then you have a chance of getting a different perspective on yourself. Essentially, you are putting yourself in the hands of another for what can be quite a humbling experience. If you are able to partially detach from the immediate emotions arising from being caused pain by another, then you're more likely to have a chance of discovering a side of yourself you've not previously tapped in to.

There are chemical reactions that go on during intense impact play that can have a lasting calming effect after the session. The end-result is sometimes described as a natural high, and this can last hours or sometimes days after the session. I guess it's similar to some of the more extreme sports that push one's body to the limit, but I have no experience of those. There are three parts to it of course, the before, the during and the after. I find the anticipation beforehand has a calming effect as I accept what is to come. The during is where the detachment is absolutely key; I try to see the pain in terms of electrical impulses in nerve endings, thus removing the association with discomfort and promoting a separation between 'me' and 'my body'. The after is when you're most likely to experience the 'catharsis' you mention; I find it has a grounding effect and helps me rise above the daily grind.

Obviously this is a highly subjective view based on my experiences and there is no guarantee that it would work for you in the same way. However, if it's starting to become an itch that you've just got to scratch then start slow and work up.

 

[hbcacouple]

Different components

There are different components to what turns people on. It even varies within individuals. I am mostly sub to my husband but am more dom to most women. My husband is mostly dom but he has taken a sub role in play occasionally and has enjoyed it. Pain is another component. Pain releases endorphins that cause a drug like rush. Most of the time, I like rough breast play. Hard squeezing, biting, pulling and twisting. I don't enjoy being spanked although I do like a hard slap on my ass when I am close to orgasm.