Say it how it is...

[DayDreamerZN]

Quite frankly, I'm surprised by the amount of "fake" on here.
I mean sure... Use an alias and chat discreetly that's your baby...
But why pretend to be someone you're not?
We're all really here for a similar purpose so why the constant need to feel like we have to lie to look better.
Be true to yourself and others.
Super tired of judgemental assholes who think they are better than everyone else.

 

[cascadiabound]

Quite frankly, I'm surprised by the amount of "fake" on here.
I mean sure... Use an alias and chat discreetly that's your baby...
But why pretend to be someone you're not?
We're all really here for a similar purpose so why the constant need to feel like we have to lie to look better.
Be true to yourself and others.
Super tired of judgemental assholes who think they are better than everyone else.

Sure there are assholes and fakes here.
There are also genuine wonderful people here.

My advice, avoid engaging with people who PM you but have little or no presence on the board. Stalk through posts of anyone before you trust them at all. Pay attention to your gut.
Use the ignore feature. If you think it might be a good idea to put someone on ignore, don't second guess yourself, just do it.

My 2 cents

Good luck.

cb

 

[BadAmy]

Sure there are assholes and fakes here.
There are also genuine wonderful people here.

My advice, avoid engaging with people who PM you but have little or no presence on the board. Stalk through posts of anyone before you trust them at all. Pay attention to your gut.
Use the ignore feature. If you think it might be a good idea to put someone on ignore, don't second guess yourself, just do it.

My 2 cents

Good luck.

cb

Excellent advice. (I bolded the part that stood out for me) xxo

 

[varv]

and than you not have pleased those who is rarely on forum? Deserves confidence the, who lives in this forum? What kind of life are needed if in addition to the forum with our peers and to communicate? All the more virtually!

 

[Jada59]

and than you not have pleased those who is rarely on forum? Deserves confidence the, who lives in this forum? What kind of life are needed if in addition to the forum with our peers and to communicate? All the more virtually!

Um... Uh... Wha?

 

[Jada59]

Obviously Jada59 isn't my real name but other than that, what you see is what you get!

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Sure there are assholes and fakes here.
There are also genuine wonderful people here.

My advice, avoid engaging with people who PM you but have little or no presence on the board. Stalk through posts of anyone before you trust them at all. Pay attention to your gut.
Use the ignore feature. If you think it might be a good idea to put someone on ignore, don't second guess yourself, just do it.

My 2 cents

Good luck.

cb

That was the best advice I received here. It doesn't take long to find out who is genuine and who is a fake / alt / asshat.

 

[Acktion]

I feel your pain, DaydreamerZN. I, too, once thought the name of the site should be changed to lie-rotica. I allowed myself to be driven off the site for quite awhile, and found another to roost on for part of that time. And, damn if it wasn't even worse!

I had the good fortune to run into a rather wise woman. One that shared almost identical life experiences with me. She lost her husband just a month and a week after I lost my wife. Granted she had gotten up after having sex with him to get a drink and use the bathroom and returned to find him in cardiac arrest, gotten on the phone with emergency services, and had them try to walk her through giving him CPR with one broken arm and several broken fingers on the other hand from a car wreck they'd been in roughly the same date I'd lost my wife, while I'd been sitting on the computer answering a question in the How-To forums while my wife passed in her sleep... And her disability is a back injury so severe she was never supposed to get out of the wheelchair after they messed up her surgery while mine is Parkinson's from too many closed head injuries during a checkered past. So, perhaps there aren't TOO many similarities.

But, both of us were roaming around at a loss after losing the spouses that had been integral to our lives for so long. And both of us were roaming around and spending time with various websites. And both of us were getting puzzled as again and again we would run into similar things. We were being straight up, stand up, and above all honest. And we were being lied to, deceived, manipulated... Now, perhaps we were just in a strange place. And believed things that were said to mean something different than what the person who said it meant. But, I don't think so.

Hell, perhaps we were just foolish to believe that someone who was lying to a partner about what they were doing on Lit (or other websites) wouldn't lie there just as much. But, I don't think that's it either.

As I said, she is a very intelligent, and very wise woman. And I find myself still pondering the depths of something she said.

"It's just incredibly frustrating. If they say something and you take it at face value and they let you down, then you shouldn't take it so serious, because it is, after all, the internet. But, if you don't take them serious, don't believe what they are saying, then they get a case of the chapped ass because of course they meant it and of course it is the truth or else they wouldn't have said it."

For my part, once she'd sparked the train of thought, I came to realize that online or texting or whatever... it feels a lot like the old days of radio and television. And I could imagine Beavis and Butthead sitting on their shoulders as they sit at their keyboard saying "this sucks, change it."

Only, that didn't hold water as I can recall my father and stepmother (before they died within nine months of my wife) telling me "if we can do anything for you, just let us know!" So, I would let them know. And they would come up with excuses for why they couldn't do it. "But, if you need anything else, you just let us know!" I finally gave up when I asked them to swing by (as they were driving past on the highway two blocks away), and let me load some boxes of books in their trunk to donate to a library, drive over to the library where I'd already made arrangements for the librarian to send someone out to unload the books. Their response? "Well, I don't know if libraries still take book donations. But, if you need anything else, you just let us know!" Yeah. I didn't ask them for a damn thing again.

But, we were talking about "lie-rotica."

There was someone roaming around here for a while that said in their signature "we all tell ourselves stories to get by." I thought to myself "well, at least she's honest that she is a liar and not to be trusted."

I can remember one gal that told me a name. I hadn't asked. I frankly didn't care at that point since we had literally just met, and I'd had a previous... er... call it a "relationship" with someone who would would not give any except her screen name and would not show her face (anything else I might have asked for and quite a bit I didn't, but not her face) and I accepted it right up until she threw a temper fit that I now know was a smokescreen for the fact that she was a pawn in a Master's game, had been his submissive all along and had only approached me at his directive, who had decided to fuck with me. Any road, about a week later, this gal tells me her name is something completely different than what she'd said at first. I made the mistake of confronting her on it, asking her why she'd said it was something different and pointing out that I hadn't even asked.

***shrug***

It doesn't matter. She'll never accept the fact that she had basically informed me that no matter what she says, I will never again be able to believe her. About anything. And have not spoken to her since.

I've been accused of being an alt. Well, I am. However, I declared in open forum just who I am as well as my reasons for changing my account for those that gave enough of a damn to look, which had not a damn thing to do with hiding from jack shit. I didn't find it necessary to message individuals privately and inform them when they hadn't spoken to me in months, but I fail to see where that would indicate hiding. Unlike a gal that I'd been speaking to for months that created an alternate account I wasn't supposed to know about, and then would tell me that she hadn't been on Lie-rotica in a long time, five minutes after posting to that other account. And I've since found out about others.

I've been accused of being an asshat. Well, I suppose I did bury my head in my own ass for awhile there, and didn't have a glass navel to see the truth right in front of me. But, I'm largely back to being an asshole now, I suppose. If being an asshole means that I'm done being a television or radio station that can be changed at a whim, a digital dildo that can be tossed aside for another model. In private, at least. I see absolutely no reason anymore to type away until my fingers cramp writing out a personal fetished fantasy for a needy little slut pretending to be a submissive in frenzy, have her give two and three word responses, get off and get off line to go spend time with her priority (who wasn't giving her the attention she wanted) and be left high and dry anymore. They can read my stories and public posts and I can stop wasting the time I have left on this side of the grass.

As far as fake... it's actually a bit ironic. The same jackass Master who played games with me here showed up on the other website I gravitated to. And a miserable little subbie there came clean to me that she'd first approached me because she was trying to serve him. And when she went back and reported that I'm exactly as I appear in public in private; kind, caring, and know my shit, he threw a little girl temper fit and blocked her. Then went and had his other little subbie pawns ostracize her as well. Not only from them, but turning anyone else they could manage against her also.

Ironic because when the shit went down that drove me away, the gal that I mentioned earlier which I now realize had been his hidden pawn all along, came at me about the game he was playing in public, and confronted me about hiding things from her. When she had not shown me her face or given me her name, had not seen his face nor knew his correct name, and yet she had seen my face and knew not only my name but my home address and telephone number.

But, wait, because it gets even better.

Months after that blow-up that ended whatever "relationship" we had, she shows up again, out of the blue. Wanting to know if we can be friends. Right as he was tossing another gambit. And faded right after. Only to reappear again as he was shifting another piece around his gameboard.

I've never seen the point or purpose behind being anything other than what I am. After all, if I'm putting up this false persona, then the people that liked that persona wouldn't really like me. 'Cause it wouldn't be me they were getting to know.

Or perhaps it is because I've been in enough situations in my checkered past where it was time to put up or shut up. And more than a fair few could have been life-ending, or at least life-altering, for myself or others involved if I hadn't been exactly as I represented, and even a little better in the crunch.

Or perhaps it's just because I'm too much of an asshole and figure if they don't like what they are seeing, then they are perfectly welcome to change the channel. 'Cause the ones that like the show just the way it is are more important to me than someone with the attention span of a goldfish.

***shrug***

I don't know what to tell you, DayDreamerZN. I left. And came back. And am puttering around again. But, I don't know that I am... how did you phrase it? Ah, yes. "Here for a similar purpose." As some have figured out when they have sent me unsolicited PMs looking to play. "Dom you?! Lady, I don't even know you!" I don't mind messaging with someone and being friends. But, I'm not going to be their digital sex toy in a chest of other toys for them to select what they are in the mood for. I don't mind reasonable discussions about similar interests, either in public forum or in private if they are too shy or particularly astute and realize that I very rarely go back to a thread I've posted in very soon after and so may not see a question they pose about something I said for a couple of weeks or more.

There are a few people (a very few) that I still give a shit about and check up on, but I doubt they would know it since I generally just stalk their public posts (the ones under the account they have admitted to having) and don't say much directly to them, either in public or private, unless they say something to me first.

Any road, my advice (for however little it may be worth) is to just be you and do what you do. The chaff has a way of separating itself from the wheat given enough time. Gameplayers have a way of telegraphing their moves if you study them enough. Liars will eventually reveal the truth hidden behind the curtain, whether they are lying to themselves or just everyone else. And the ones worth not only knowing, but standing beside, will stand by you and bother to really know you (as opposed to turning everything you say so that it's all about them, and ignoring what they can't twist and make about them).

And I'm sure that there are probably some who will think I am bitter. I'm not. Oh, I admit I was angry for a while. I was hurt and wallowing in depression. Some of that time I was gone, I didn't get out of bed for days at a time. I feel more than a bit foolish about that time as it was because of people who weren't worthy of licking my deceased spouse's boots. I've just come to the conclusion that I only have 86,400 seconds in a day and no idea how many days I have left on this side of the grass since I was given a life expectancy of five years nine years ago. And I don't choose to waste any of those seconds sitting on a phone line listening to someone blubber about their life when they can't be bothered to call me when I need them because they are too busy playing with someone else despite knowing I was in need. I don't choose to waste any more spending hours listening to someone blather on about the people who are more important in their life than I am who then get shitty with me when I, one time, mention something going on with someone else in my life that had become more important to me than them during the time when they were busy reminding me all of these other people were more important to them. I don't choose to spend hour after hour sitting at my keyboard (since I'm apparently the only person on the planet who doesn't do this shit from a handheld phone) waiting for word, and when that word doesn't come for days, weeks, even months at a time, and then have them get nasty with me because I wasn't right there waiting for them this time while they were running around having fun with anyone but me like I had been for too damn long. I'm too busy squeezing what enjoyment I can find in my life to play a chess pawn on their digital gameboard or worry about trying to make lemonade out of the lemons that are all they throw at me. I won't risk the contract to be the lead in this show to play a bit part in that commercial from their main attraction.

Any road, DayDreamerZN... despite all of the negative experiences, I can tell you that it is, in fact, possible to meet someone genuine. A true friend that doesn't just tell you that they are there for you to talk with and then make everything about them when you do, or else pump you for juicy gossip to be shared. Someone who will not just call or send a text, but buy a fucking plane ticket to stand on your porch, throw their arms around you, and whisper "I didn't want you to go through tonight alone."

Or whatever it is you are looking for.

Whatever that is, may the sun be out of your eyes and the wind at your back for brighter tomorrow with smooth sailing.

 

[amofiga]

Sure there are assholes and fakes here.
There are also genuine wonderful people here.

My advice, avoid engaging with people who PM you but have little or no presence on the board. Stalk through posts of anyone before you trust them at all. Pay attention to your gut.
Use the ignore feature. If you think it might be a good idea to put someone on ignore, don't second guess yourself, just do it.

My 2 cents

Good luck.

cb

Good advice. Check profile information and previous posts and threads. It's becoming harder because the profile page no longer seems to work as it did. I've had experiences with guys posing as women and people who are probably too young to be here trying to fake being a more mature person. I suppose it's an easy way for a loser to act like a somebody.

There are also those who will target women and stalk them. I know women on here that have had a terrible time with guys who just won't quit bothering them. Block them if necessary but it's possible for them to get a new identity and come after you again. Never give out a phone number or personal e-mail till you've had a chance to check a person out, at least as well as possible on the internet.

Be even more careful with ever meeting anyone in person. Goes without saying, ESPECIALLY regarding the BDSM area. There are those who don't understand the difference between BDSM "games" and true head sickness.

 

[AnnieLit]

+100 for the advice of looking through posts.
Zero posts? See you later.
1, 000 posts but 999 of them are from word games or one-liner comments on pictures? Actually, the same.

 

[spawnofdavey]

+100 for the advice of looking through posts.
Zero posts? See you later.
1, 000 posts but 999 of them are from word games or one-liner comments on pictures? Actually, the same.

Yeah, I totally agree. I've been taken in by a few con's before.. a couple of PMs and they give their Skype ID and then hit you with the "share with 3 friends for my private cam" or "credit card details for more chat. "

 

[AnnieLit]

Yeah, I totally agree. I've been taken in by a few con's before.. a couple of PMs and they give their Skype ID and then hit you with the "share with 3 friends for my private cam" or "credit card details for more chat. "

You are a man, right? With women it's a bit different -- nobody ever asked me for money and I don't think anybody will, but people who been around for a long time and never open up in threads... It might be that they are just shy, or there might be a very good reason why they prefer not to leave a trace. If you weave a new lie for each woman you are interested in, it will become very hard to keep up, if your public comments have any personal details too. Not names, addresses and cc numbers, but countries, occupations, children, spouses or lack thereof... Even your kinks -- if you like them young and naive, you don't want them to read your comments about your personal experience with CBT.

 

[LostGirlTink]

I've never quite understood why in an " as anonymous as you choose forum" filled with people sharing their deepest, quirkiest, most intimate desires, people decide to pretend to be something they aren't.
Why not just spill it?

I mean, I maintain some privacy... but I'm me. I don't understand why anyone would do otherwise, how could you connect on even the most superficial level with people in order to have a conversation?

 

[AnnieLit]

I've never quite understood why in an " as anonymous as you choose forum" filled with people sharing their deepest, quirkiest, most intimate desires, people decide to pretend to be something they aren't.
Why not just spill it?

I mean, I maintain some privacy... but I'm me. I don't understand why anyone would do otherwise, how could you connect on even the most superficial level with people in order to have a conversation?

This is probably wrong place to ask this question, but this how I see it. A person has a relatipnship, it falls apart because he [insert any reason here]. Next time he meets somebody online he is trying to hide that thing. Will it work? Probably not for long.

It is much more efficient just to find a partner that would know and not mind it, but meeting people is not that easy, finding the right ones even harder, so I can understand the attractiveness of the idea to hide just this little part of yourself. And the fact that it still will come out sooner or later and the other person will be hurt much more by the lie, than by the thing itself... Well, some are prepared to pay that price, but hope that they will never have to do it.

 

[AnnieLit]

One more note on checking older posts: keep in mind that you can see the total number of posts for a person, but when you click on "find all posts by....", you will get only the last 200. So if somebody is active in the word games threads, say they follow 3 or 4 of those and log in 2-3 times a day, that's easy 10 posts a day. Which means that you are not going to see anything that was posted month or more earlier. There are ways around it, you can go into advanced search and specify dates there, but when you don't really know what you are looking for, it's hard.

Good luck and stay safe!

 

[cookiecat]

I have a profile on another kink site that is somewhat fake. I don't lie about anything but I make it clear I don't want to meet. I'm there for a specific, fairly narrow reason. I have no desire to trade pictures, talk about my real life, know you on anything but a surface level.

I really don't care if the "guy" on the other side of the screen isn't who he says he is, as long as I'm getting the words I need. I use the site as an escape for a short time. Granted, I get what I give - very surface conversations. But that suits my purpose.

Just giving a different point of view on why someone isn't forthcoming.

Disclaimer: outright lying at the expense of someone's emotions is different than what I'm suggesting. That's just sh*tty and evil.

 

[AnnieLit]

Disclaimer: outright lying at the expense of someone's emotions is different than what I'm suggesting. That's just sh*tty and evil.

Yes, this ^^^.

Nobody has to answer each and every question, a vague non andwer or even better a "I don't feel comfortable talking about it" are perfectly fine.

As for alts... To me it is a completely different story. Sometimes you might want the online "you" to focus on something, say, be only a sub and a little at that. It makes sense to have that on a separate account than a switch "you"with clear sadistic tendencies. They can be both inside of you, but they don't mix well to the outside world.