How do I know?

[Jada59]

I feel like an idiot when it come to this guy. I have the hots for him sooo bad! I have hinted around, gave him signals, although I've been told maybe not direct enough. He seems to be giving me signals too but every time I try to initiate something more than a hug, he seems to freak. He still gives me lots of hugs though. And sometimes his hugs give me orgasms. I'm not the quiet type so I think he knows.

This is making me crazy! I'm afraid to be direct on the off chance that doesn't want sex. He is about half my age. I also told him I love him but not sure he really herd me say it.

What signs should I be looking for? How would I know? Thanks!

 

[MaBelle3120]

Without knowing more details, I have some questions that may or may not help...
Does he seek out physical contact with you? Does he seek out alone time with you?
Does he initiate the hugs or other physical contact? And since the hugs are the only thing you’ve mentioned, are the hugs random, or are they for friendly reasons like always to say hi/goodbye?

 

[Jada59]

Without knowing more details, I have some questions that may or may not help...
Does he seek out physical contact with you? Does he seek out alone time with you?
Does he initiate the hugs or other physical contact? And since the hugs are the only thing you’ve mentioned, are the hugs random, or are they for friendly reasons like always to say hi/goodbye?

Sometimes I initiate the hugs but it's usually him. We will hug when we can see that the other person is having a hard time. We will hug when we are really happy. Sometimes there's no reason at all. One of us will just stretch our arms out and we'll hug. Once in a while, he'll tell me "no". This was mostly when his now ex GF was around. Once he said he didn't need a hug. I said I did, so he did hug me.

Twice, I kissed him on the cheek. The second time went wrong because he turned his head and I kissed his ear instead. That clearly made him uncomfortable.

He has asked for massages. The last one was around Christmas. He took his shirt off. I used oil. He was seated. I went from his scalp all the way down to his butt. He told me to go all the way down.

Then he moved to the couch. I did his back again. He turned over and had me do his front. He had jeans on. I let my fingers slip into his underwear a bit. I asked if there was anything else he wanted. He said "no" and asked if he could sleep on the couch. I told him he could. I tucked him in, kissed his forehead, told him "goodnight" and he smiled.

I attempted to massage him more recently. I usually do when he complains of pain. He was contorting around, cracking his neck and back but he moved away and said he was okay. I then offered to do a Pranic Healing, I have done that before. He declined that too. But that same day, he gave me many hugs. One was so hard, I felt like he was choking me. He just said, "Now that's a REAL hug!"

 

[MaBelle3120]

So I went back to look at some of your other posts and I see that he's 29.
Thats around my age, and I can honestly say that A LOT of men around this age are fickle.

He clearly finds some comfort in a lot of your actions (the hugs, the tucking in) and it sounds like at times he is clearly seeking out physical contact with you (the random hugs and a massage), so you're not just imagining it.
But, the back and forth between asking for it (physical closeness) and then rebuffing you could reflect his inner turmoil about having sex with you. What I mean is that it sounds like at some point he may have been totally interested in having sex with you, but then at other times may have pulled a 180 and decided that no way does he want to have sex with you. He may still go back and forth, depending on how fickle his desire is.
You're not crazy. It sounds like you are reading the signs correctly. He just keeps changing the signs

 

[Gelista]

You employ him is that correct?

Maybe he just doesn't want to rock the boat.

If he's sleeping on the couch again, go out to him naked and ask if he wants to join you in your room. No harm in being direct. At least then you know either way.

 

[Jada59]

So I went back to look at some of your other posts and I see that he's 29.
Thats around my age, and I can honestly say that A LOT of men around this age are fickle.

He clearly finds some comfort in a lot of your actions (the hugs, the tucking in) and it sounds like at times he is clearly seeking out physical contact with you (the random hugs and a massage), so you're not just imagining it.
But, the back and forth between asking for it (physical closeness) and then rebuffing you could reflect his inner turmoil about having sex with you. What I mean is that it sounds like at some point he may have been totally interested in having sex with you, but then at other times may have pulled a 180 and decided that no way does he want to have sex with you. He may still go back and forth, depending on how fickle his desire is.
You're not crazy. It sounds like you are reading the signs correctly. He just keeps changing the signs

Thank you sooo much! That's kind of what I thought.

 

[MaBelle3120]

Glad I could help you muddle through it
I hope things work out for you, Jada!

 

[Jada59]

You employ him is that correct?

Maybe he just doesn't want to rock the boat.

If he's sleeping on the couch again, go out to him naked and ask if he wants to join you in your room. No harm in being direct. At least then you know either way.

Yes. Although I don't pay him in money. I just let him live here and I cook dinner for him although he is doing better financially and is supporting himself more. He has started buying me things and will begin paying some rent.

My fear is that he might think I would kick him out if he doesn't have sex with me. I wouldn't do that. I still want him in my life either way.

We have been doing a lot of talking this past week. I didn't talk to him much earlier, only because he said he was behind on a project so I said I wouldn't bother him.

I will have to summon up my courage and be direct but also make it clear to him that my feelings about him will not change one way or the other. Thanks!

 

[NightL]

For all you have written I think if anything were to happen, it would have long ago.

Your signals, as described, were clear.

Have you ever noticed signs of arousal in him - I mean if you are having close hugs I would think it would be obvious. Does his breathing change? Does his speech pattern change - gets a little nervous or talk faster? Does he get flushed?

Maybe he just gets comfort out of hugs and that is it. I'm sure you would know the difference between a good'ol'friendly hug and one where he is getting aroused.

Basically if it isn't a full body hug it isn't an arousal hug.

_____________________________
Edit:
Yeah but...

But I also find that I might be overstepping my boundaries. I keep checking on him as he sleeps and tucking him in. He hasn't complained.

on reading all of that other post - put the whole thing out of your head or just leave it as a private fantasy.

 

[Jada59]

For all you have written I think if anything were to happen, it would have long ago.

Your signals, as described, were clear.

Have you ever noticed signs of arousal in him - I mean if you are having close hugs I would think it would be obvious. Does his breathing change? Does his speech pattern change - gets a little nervous or talk faster? Does he get flushed?

Maybe he just gets comfort out of hugs and that is it. I'm sure you would know the difference between a good'ol'friendly hug and one where he is getting aroused.

Basically if it isn't a full body hug it isn't an arousal hug.

_____________________________
Edit:
Yeah but...


on reading all of that other post - put the whole thing out of your head or just leave it as a private fantasy.

All of the above. I got a 7 minute hug today. One orgasm. He moaned three times. This is what used to happen all the time. And now it's happening again.

For now I'll keep it as a fantasy. Thanks!

 

[NightL]

Well he seems to have got the message - see if he takes the lead

 

[Jada59]

Well he seems to have got the message - see if he takes the lead

I am. His Mercury is in Taurus. They are slow to make decisions until they have studied all the possibilities. Thanks!

 

[ADogWithABone]

Personally, I'm extremely wary of trapping someone so that they feel forced by me in any way.

Since this guy seems to be in a difficult financial situation and falling out with you could make it worse, it would seem almost impossible to create a situation where he could feel fully free to make an honest choice. The downsides would just be too consequential for him.

Or maybe I've misread or misunderstood your description of the situation. In my mind, the main question would be: how difficult would it be for him, or even to his current perceptions, if having sex with you could result in a worsening of his financial situation. If he might feel financially forced, it would be difficult to remove that pressure from him, no matter how little you want it to be there.

At least one option would be to wait until his finances are such that he can make a decision with a free heart. There are probably other options as well.

 

[Jada59]

Personally, I'm extremely wary of trapping someone so that they feel forced by me in any way.

Since this guy seems to be in a difficult financial situation and falling out with you could make it worse, it would seem almost impossible to create a situation where he could feel fully free to make an honest choice. The downsides would just be too consequential for him.

Or maybe I've misread or misunderstood your description of the situation. In my mind, the main question would be: how difficult would it be for him, or even to his current perceptions, if having sex with you could result in a worsening of his financial situation. If he might feel financially forced, it would be difficult to remove that pressure from him, no matter how little you want it to be there.

At least one option would be to wait until his finances are such that he can make a decision with a free heart. There are probably other options as well.

Thanks! He is going through a lot of stuff right now that I'd rather not get into here. I'm just working on being supportive and showing him love. Nothing beyond that at least for now. Seems best. Thanks again!

 

[jehoram]

Thanks! He is going through a lot of stuff right now that I'd rather not get into here. I'm just working on being supportive and showing him love. Nothing beyond that at least for now. Seems best. Thanks again!

Yeah, that could be a real deal-breaker. If you start a sexual relationship and find that he wants it to be far more serious than you do, it could put him into a real tail-spin once he realizes that it's not going to be a long-time commitment. I know ... I've been there. Took me years to recover.

You're doing the right thing, sweetheart. You're a good soul.

 

[Jada59]

Yeah, that could be a real deal-breaker. If you start a sexual relationship and find that he wants it to be far more serious than you do, it could put him into a real tail-spin once he realizes that it's not going to be a long-time commitment. I know ... I've been there. Took me years to recover.

You're doing the right thing, sweetheart. You're a good soul.

Yes. I would not do that to him. Thanks!

 

[darrad143]

Ok this is going to sound real stupid. Is he asexual? I had a Gf that after have sex for 6 months(she was a virgin mid 20s) figured out she was asexual. Loved hugs cuddles soft touching just my real into sex.

 

[Jada59]

Ok this is going to sound real stupid. Is he asexual? I had a Gf that after have sex for 6 months(she was a virgin mid 20s) figured out she was asexual. Loved hugs cuddles soft touching just my real into sex.

His ex once sent me a Facebook message that he wanted sex all the time. I actually never saw any sign of sex much less affection between them except for her sleeping on top of him on the couch, which he said he hated as he has a bad back.

He does like to watch me dance. Such as peeking to watch me. I often find a lone sock on the floor later.

He also has had astral projection sex with me. We did discuss this when we first met. He told me he can do it.