Sexless Marriages

[EroticaFan82]

NO! No it bloody well should not. It’s such a waste of life

Thank you

 

[ccs29745]

Hey everyone, thanks so much for sharing your stories, as I feel comforted knowing I'm not alone. I've had sex once in the last 3 years, so I'm classifying my marriage as sexless.

It's almost eerie to hear the similarities, as I feel my libido is stronger than ever, while my wife's is vacant. Tried talking many times, but change doesnt materialize. I try to be more physical and supportive/complimentary, but it just doesn't change. One random time a year ago, and she just seemed lukewarm about it...after two years of nothing.

Sorry to vent...just feel lost. Anytime a woman flirts with me its like a painful reminder that the rest of the world is having sex! Late 30s shouldn't be like this, right??

Tried talking about it many times, but she just wasn't interested since I was quiet during our love making or sex. She finally let it out that she don't trust me cause of having so many female friends I mention or talk about. Well, where I work 80% of coworkers are female. Found a hidden camera last week while dusting. Asked her about it and said it was for security for when no one home.

 

[KimGordon67]

If you can and if expressing your sexual desire is important to you, divorce and live poorer but be emotionally fulfilled. I know that advice isn't easy if you value financial security or live in a place where people judge others far too readily. Plus, it is sometimes very mentally taxing to be on one's own.



Thank you. We also couldn't stay married.

In the end, we recognised there was fault on both sides and as we share lots of values, we have remained cordial on most issues. I think my ex and I lost each other four years before we finally split.

BTW. Kool Thing name. Girl in a Band is a great autobiography.

I guess we can all be thankful we're not, and never were, married to Thurston Moore.

 

[PearlyDewdrops]

I guess we can all be thankful we're not, and never were, married to Thurston Moore.

Oh, Thurston Moore! I love most of what he does but... That deceit. To act like any other boy in any other band. And for KG to be on stage and realising that TM was singing about another woman. I can't imagine... That would tear me apart.

I was a really big SY fan from the outset and hearing Kim Gordon on I Wanna Be Your Dog, Flower, I Dream I Dreamed, Halloween... Took me to a world I liked.

And at the end of the book, IIRC, when she writes about that player she meets, I think that can give us all hope that we can go through unpleasant divorce and emerge older but still desireable and desiring.

 

[Wanking_Frank]

Haven’t gotten through this thread but the first few pages are interesting. I can certainly relate to most of you on this subject, but for those who consider once a month a sexless marriage—- um, no.

There’s a big gap between getting sex less frequently than you would like, and none whatsoever.

I don’t know whether to be proud or ashamed that I haven’t physically cheated and for me this has been going on for upwards of 10 years. I’ve been married almost 17 years and I doubt we’ve had sex more than 17 times. Most of those in the first few years.

As with some others, miscarriages had a lot to do with how we got tothis point.

The irony is that we managed to have twins without actually having sex, so my drought is actually older than they are.

I don’t need a lot of sex to feel fulfilled but since my twins were born I barely get affection of any kind, except from them. It’s not a fun place to be, but I’m finally ready to make some major changes.

 

[Lissy_Lou]

Haven’t gotten through this thread but the first few pages are interesting. I can certainly relate to most of you on this subject, but for those who consider once a month a sexless marriage—- um, no.

There’s a big gap between getting sex less frequently than you would like, and none whatsoever.

I don’t know whether to be proud or ashamed that I haven’t physically cheated and for me this has been going on for upwards of 10 years. I’ve been married almost 17 years and I doubt we’ve had sex more than 17 times. Most of those in the first few years.

As with some others, miscarriages had a lot to do with how we got tothis point.

The irony is that we managed to have twins without actually having sex, so my drought is actually older than they are.

I don’t need a lot of sex to feel fulfilled but since my twins were born I barely get affection of any kind, except from them. It’s not a fun place to be, but I’m finally ready to make some major changes.

Infertility is such a bitch when you already have sex issues in the relationship. I am 98% sure our long term fertility issues ruined what tiny bit of sexual interest he had. Nothing like having to schedule sex to make it uninteresting

 

[Countryboy74020]

Yes your right

43 male here tulsa, same boat as all of the above but I am looking for play before I go crazy. The wife is not interested in it and I can only be told “NO” so many times before I look elsewhere.

 

[Crownvic]

43 male here tulsa, same boat as all of the above but I am looking for play before I go crazy. The wife is not interested in it and I can only be told “NO” so many times before I look elsewhere.

Go for it cowboy!!

 

[Beachaged]

No. I did flirt more when I or we were out and about but I did not have sex outside our marriage. Early in our marriage he was a little experimental which I went along with reluctantly.

As for enticing others, I have found simply paying attention and being present and interested does wonders.

Ok I misunderstood. It has been a while since I jumped bones. I may need a refresher course.

 

[imagreal]

I can't make love to my wife with you in accident years ago trauma your wife's lying best friend and her husband map of the pastor for church I told him our situation. At that point a condom was going to be wore. But I asked why she didn't use the condom she said she couldn't help ourselves the woman and her needed to have his seed , you suck everyday now
Without a condom

 

[HughManitee]

Umm...^^^^....This is your brain on drugs kids

 

[kentuckymtnman]

Umm...^^^^....This is your brain on drugs kids

This site need a like button for posts!

 

[DDBustyBrit]

This site need a like button for posts!

I have often had this thought too

 

[cyberokie2]

Nothing wrong with being branded a whore if you know that's where you're headed. As for libido going South, I understand your plight and I sometimes think maybe it would be easier too, but then when I'm stroking one off and I'm about to bust a nut, I have to ask, "why would I want to give up this feeling?"

 

[Fishing57]

I can relate! Things don’t work as well as they did, but it still feels good. Be nice to find some help once in a while.

 

[ccs29745]

I can somewhat understand a sexless marriage, but to give a compliment and have it blown off like a repeat comment hurts sometimes. I say what I mean and mean what I say, so to tell my wife she's beautiful and she go uh huh, whatever hurts a bit. I stop thinking about wanting to make love, and start thinking what did I do this time makes our relationship tough. Any ideas on how to improve my complimenting?

 

[Wanking_Frank]

Good for you. Hope it works out.

Your (ex) wife sounds a lot like mine, who's got MH issues as well being highly selfish. Currently she's not coping with life, the kids, home .. so naturally (as ever) she's laying 100% of the blame at my door.

Over the last 5-7 days physical contact has reduced, to the point of her now refusing to let me even touch her as I brush past.

She suggested divorce (must be the 4th or 5th time now) but every time so far it's been empty promises.

I'm torn as I love her, and know that the woman I see struggling right now isn't the real her. It's the illness/issues talking. She goes into fight/flight mode, just existing wears her out to the point of collapse.

I *suspect* the route cause is job changes for both of us, and family upheaval which will have knock on effects with childcare and time at home.

However, she's now refusing to speak to me for 90% of the time, angry over anything/nothing and shut the kids out too.

I know (from experience) that if we separated (again) she will say/do anything to protect herself. She's utterly petrified of anyone knowing that she's struggling. In the past false DV claims, 911 and all manner of lies told to friends and family is the norm.

As such, to punish me she will take the kids and go for every cent she can financially, even though I don't have anything.



Currently I am riding it out. But, split between opening the door for her and giving up on trying to help her, or riding it out.



For context all weekend she's done exactly as she pleases, leaving me to do chores/childcare/pets etc. meanwhile she's still complaining that "you do fuck all at home" and "I have no time to myself".


I've sorted pets, kids, cars, numerous laundry loads, DIY, and House clearance. And still I was greeted with; "you could've cleaned the bathroom". While she sat on her phone watching TV.

Effectively when in this mindset, she builds up such a list of jobs that no man/woman could succeed in meeting her targets. That way, she can then blame me for all the wrong doings.

Some of this sounds all too familiar. I guess it's been a gradual degradation, but in this past year I think I've finally hit my tipping point.

It's the scenario you describe where, no matter what you do, it's never good enough. Every thing that comes out of her mouth is some form of complaint. This while she contributes almost nothing to the cause.

We have a busy life with 3 kids, including 8yr old twins, one with autism and other special needs. There are kids activities, homework, chores, etc. She will take my youngest daughter to dance and does some laundry, but I take care of pretty much everything else. She spends her free time almost exclusively staring at her phone or sleeping. I do all the meal prep because when she did, the kids were getting either captain crunch, mac n cheese, or mcdonalds for every meal.

She's had mental health problems going back a while, she thinks they're under control but they are clearly not. There are coping mechanisms - first it was smoking, then eating, shopping, hoarding. The last two are causing strife among our family.

It could be worse, somehow I've carried on for 17 years with some of these issues, the sexual part of it is down the list of priority for me, but frustrating nonetheless.

Worse than the lack of intimacy is just the selfish, entitled, lazy behavior. I put the needs of my family first, I sacrifice for the good of the household but she doesn't. The parenting skills just aren't there either, she just capitulates to whatever the kids want so that she can be left alone.

Finally this year I'm making major changes - I've been very deliberate on the decision to separate, but I don't see another option unless she shows some commitment to change. I FINALLY after a year of pleading now got her started with individual therapy. Maybe it will help, but with therapy you only get out of it what you're willing to put into it. She hasn't really shown the willingness to truly open up and address things head on.

It's tough, I feel for anyone who has experiences like this. Makes every aspect of life harder than it needs to be.

 

[Wanking_Frank]

Infertility is such a bitch when you already have sex issues in the relationship. I am 98% sure our long term fertility issues ruined what tiny bit of sexual interest he had. Nothing like having to schedule sex to make it uninteresting

Yes it is, not to mention the financial strain of several failed attempts of IVF.

Once it finally worked, the financial strain of twins, 2x daycare, formula, everything. I feel like maybe some postpartum depression kicked in. Prior to that, things weren't so bad. Sexless, sure, but we got through difficult times together.

Whether it's that or just the additional level of chaos of twins, and one with special needs, it doesn't seem like she's able to handle it and perhaps just wants to escape, but won't come out and say it.

 

[Mapleleaf61]

I don't get it, and I don't get it

I am in the same boat, although from this thread it appears to be more of a cruise line than a boat.

My wife is 5 years younger and sex disappeared 7 years ago when she was in her late 40's

The part that is difficult is that she had a very active sex life in her late teens and college years and now she cannot let go of her adult children and "helping" them with their lives ( and I mean constantly, updating resumes, opening bank accounts, calling companies on their behalf)

When my ex left, she said the thing she would miss most was our sex life and she was not one to give me positive feedback for ANYTHING

I can totally see why fwb relationships happen

 

[Spiritedlady]

Get in the real world

Nothing wrong with being branded a whore if you know that's where you're headed.

Sorry but the world does not think like Lit where terms like whore and slut are bandied about like compliments. People have children and I most certainly don’t want my child lumbered publicly with a whore for a mother.

 

[Twistedkink]

Due too physical and emtional issues my wife has become essentially uninterested in sex and not a great kisser. I love kissing. So it brings me here to find intimacy through the sharing of not only sexual desires but ones deeps needs and thoughts. I do love my wife and her journey in life has been difficult and I would never leave her, and will always be there for her. But with that said, I feel as if she has not been there for me and left me emotionally alone. That is my brief story.

 

[phil_o]

Too true

Nothing wrong with being branded a whore if you know that's where you're headed.

Sorry but the world does not think like Lit where terms like whore and slut are bandied about like compliments. People have children and I most certainly don’t want my child lumbered publicly with a whore for a mother.

If the boot was on the other foot and it was women calling men pricks, or cunts in a matter of fact Way I think there would be a huge outcry.
Another example of double standards.

 

[MutualMatureMike]

This site need a like button for posts!

It really does!

 

[Wildfly11]

Sexless Marriage

Gone fishing.

 

[Wanking_Frank]

Good luck with that! Especially the "no emotional attachment" part. Friends with benefits is a nice concept, but humans usually tend to get attached. Which is not necessarily a bad thing in my book.

I think it's probably true for most people that it's very difficult to compartmentalize those two things.

Some of us at least explore the idea of a same sex sexual arrangement as a means to satisfy our sexual needs. I haven't crossed that bridge (yet) and I'm not sure if I can fully and adequately convey my feelings about it.

I definitely couldn't sustain a relationship with another woman without emotional attachment. Nor do I think I could ever have a loving relationship with a man, because I'm not truly gay. I do think that I could have a mutually beneficial arrangement with another guy, well mostly to satisfy the needs of another person, not as much for myself. I'm sure that sounds odd, but that's how I'm wired - I have this need to be helpful, useful, wanted in some way.

Maybe it feels less like cheating than it would be with a woman too.

I know I'm not alone on this, there's an underground of guys like this that are scared to death about anyone finding out about exploring sex with other men. Society shuns it, even after major changes in attitude toward gay people. Before craigslist shut down, the m4m personals were probably the most active by far, and by a lot of straight, married men. Far more that wanted to give than receive.

It sure doesn't feel normal but apparently it's quite common.