The psychological, the visual...

[Thought30]

Sensation is important to me but not nearly as important as the psychological or visual aspects of sex.
If I had to give it a ranking out of 10 sensation would probably sit at a low 6. Teetering there on a razor's edge possibility of slipping to a high 5 at all times.

The mind aspect at 10 and visual at 9.

I don't think this is necessarily unusual but I also do not think that it is the "norm" either.
I bet most people would skew the rating with a higher value given to physical sensation.

The way someone touches me is not all that important. I tend to like firmer pressure in general but it is the FACT that they are touching me at all that excites me.
I also don't need or even really prefer a certain type of touching to get off--for instance, I don't really care for blow jobs but they would work in the right circumstance.

**maybe one of the reasons I don't love them is because her (my partners have always been women) mouth is full and so she can't say anything thus eliminating--or at least greatly diminishing--the aural activation of my "sex-mind".**

But if you accompany a touch--could be almost anything as long as it doesn't hurt and involves my cock--with the right visual or aural stimulus, it's game over for me.

Does anyone else here feel this way, that sensation and technique when delivering touch are not really that important to their enjoyment of sex or their ability to orgasm?

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Does anyone else here feel this way, that sensation and technique when delivering touch are not really that important to their enjoyment of sex or their ability to orgasm?

First off welcome to Lit and congratulations on making such a thoughtful first post!

My thoughts and fantasies have a huge influence on how pleasurable something is. I'm not interested in most video porn because it seems to mostly consist of mechanical thrusting. But if the mechanical thrusting is framed with a scenario that explains how these particular bodies got into this particular conjunction, then all of a sudden it becomes interesting. Even with written porn I like the set up almost as much as the descriptions of the acts.

It's the same during actual sex. I've posted before about how I don't really like 69 because there's so much going on it's hard to concentrate. I like to be in situations, either giving or receiving, where there's some mental space to focus on what's happening. That doesn't mean that I don't like to be swept away by physical sensation, but it's so much more powerful if there's an erotic context surrounding it.

 

[Asian_Flower]

One of the reasons I love having mirrors to look at during sex. Watching him as I'm feeling him, seeing his muscles ripple, his hips thrusting, watching my own responses. So VERY erotic, voyeuristic in a way, feeling and seeing, imagining you're the watcher. So so sensual!

 

[ADogWithABone]

Sensation is important to me but not nearly as important as the psychological or visual aspects of sex.

Very interesting, and very different than me.

I assume that to orgasm, even the best psychological, visual, and aural combination isn't going to get you there without any touch. Is that true? And touch alone, even without psychological, visual, and aural, could get you to orgasm. Right? So then you're saying in the second scenario, you'll orgasm, but just not really enjoy it; and orgasms and enjoyment are far apart for you?

 

[Thought30]

Some great responses here--thought provoking as well.

(and thanks you BrightShinyGirl for the warm welcome)

First to your point, Asian Flower--you are hitting on the type of thing I am talking about and frankly, you are nailing the sort of thing I want to hear from a partner: because I am very visual I want to hear what a woman sees that turns her on.

In the past, when discussing the idea of being visually stimulated, I have heard people (women often) say things like "if you've seen one boob, you've seen them all."

But that's sort of not true. seeing a breast is a step toward feeling it. Just by sight you get an idea of its heft. You see the skin and because you have seen and touched other skin like it, you suddenly have and idea what it would feel like under your fingers.

Now, ADogWithABone, it sounds like you get what I was saying even if I kind of over-sold it in a way.
I'm pretty sure a hand job (as long as I wasn't in danger or super (SUPER) grossed out by who was giving it to me, would make me cum.
But yes, sex is always significantly heightened when the visual and psychological aspects are present.

Hence, I would place more value on them in my sexual-needs-hierarchy even though on their own they would (probably) not make me cum on their own, unlike the hypothetical, non-gross-out handjob mentioned above.

Thank you for chiming in, guys!

 

[Jada59]

In general, I'm not very visual. If I'm watching porn and there is not sound, it usually does nothing for me. My top things would be sound, particularly certain types of voices, or whispering, sounds of orgasm or need to orgasm. Or just his words in general.

Actually, written words can be just as arousing. Both spoken and written words cause me to feel things. I can cum through words alone. Even if he's not touching me or I'm not touching myself. My own thoughts can cause me to cum. Just thinking of a certain guy and what I might want to do to him can cause me to cum.

Certain scents can be arousing to me. Obsession for men will leave me on the brink of orgasm with one whiff. Other colognes can do the same but that one has the strongest appeal. Natural body odor can do the same. I know one guy who will set me off whenever he is near. He could be right out of the shower or drenched in sweat. Either way, he brings me to the brink of orgasm just from his scent.

Same guy as above can flash me a certain look and again, I am melting. Sometimes he's deep in thought. Sometimes he just looks into my eyes and grins and I melt.

Same guy has a magic touch. I like touching him and I like it when he touches me. He can hug me and it can cause an orgasm.

That being said, we both have a psychic connection. We have had astral projection sex, we often send love to each other. And it is often obvious that we are reading each other's minds. I will be thinking of something. He'll just smile and tell me what I was thinking, even if it's something long, involved and not related to him at all. I do the same with him and we sometimes say the same things at the same time.

Please note that I have never had actual sex with above person, although I have come close. We just have a lot of sexual tension between us.

 

[Thought30]

Hey Jada!
I totally agree with you about pornography--no sound--no matter how appealing everything else about the scene may be--I move along. Not interested.

See, I'm trying to get to the "truth" of a woman's sexuality and sound is just one way I can attempt to discern how honest someone is being in what is, inherently, a performative situation.

Hearing a woman say certain things, simple things, can absolutely push me over the edge.
If I feel she is revealing something about herself--especially something she would never admit to in everyday life, or even readily admit to a good friend, say--it's intoxicating.

Scent is interesting because, like touch, it is one of our senses. So it might not intrigue as much as a thought or an image affecting a woman because it is MORE connected to the physical body, if that makes sense.

But, scent connects with and affects the mind. Perhaps moreso than touch.

To watch a woman become aroused via scent would be very erotic. I have not come across this before and if i did I would be very skeptical of the depiction since I think this is slightly uncommon. At least to the level you are experiencing.

Thanks for your response.

 

[GD88]

Sensation is important to me but not nearly as important as the psychological or visual aspects of sex.

When I'm out of my mind horny but my wife's just not in the mood (that no amount of initiating works), I'd get a handjob from her.

Now my wife gives a great handjob and it feels great to cum from her hands, but the fact that I know that in truth she wasn't in the mood does detract from the experience for me. It made me feel like there's something missing and I'm not talking the passionate kissing or the dirty talk she gives me when she's giving me a handjob when she's in the mood. I don't know what it is but knowing that she wasn't in the mood takes away some of the gratification.

 

[CuttingEdge]

My wife has confided in me that she does not say no to sex when I ask, because even at the times when she gave in, and was not really in the mood, afterwards she said she always felt closer to me because of it

For her anyway, she tries not to let her emotions govern her sex life, but gives in knowing she will enjoy it.

I know of only once in 9 years of marriage where she said no, and it was because she was sick.

 

[ericandshannon]

.....

 

[Thought30]

Again, GD88, you are getting to an important aspect of what I'm talking about if from a different direction.

Frankly, I think that, no matter how horny I was, I would not petition any kind of sex from my wife if she is not in the mood.

The observance and participation in her arousal is absolutely KEY to my enjoyment of sex. So much so that if it's not there--or I feel like it's not going to be there--I can barely get hard and would skip the effort.

Now, interestingly, CuttingEdge, you mention that sometimes this relenting on the part of your wife leads to a closeness.
This is both interesting and, perhaps, a more elevated, emotionally sophisticated way one could approach this situation.
(the lack of desire from a partner)

Sometimes I feel that my sexual patterns are not every evolved or to be more esoteric, are not very spiritually advanced. Which may mean there is a stunted aspect to my sexual self.

But, I like what I like. I don't think it's going to change.

It probably should, but if it did my sense of "who I am" would be pretty shaken...

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

See, I'm trying to get to the "truth" of a woman's sexuality and sound is just one way I can attempt to discern how honest someone is being in what is, inherently, a performative situation.

Hearing a woman say certain things, simple things, can absolutely push me over the edge. If I feel she is revealing something about herself--especially something she would never admit to in everyday life, or even readily admit to a good friend, say--it's intoxicating.

Sex involves nakedness, emotional as well as physical. As I become more aroused, I also become more emotionally naked and vulnerable. I say things--often quite filthy things--that I would by mortified to say aloud in my everyday life. I also become much more sensitive to emotional nuance and my partner's mood. I feel like I'm wide open to anything he's feeling. It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I also become really needy about validation. If he's distracted or not focused I take it really personally.

 

[Thought30]

BrightShinyGirl:

The above response is beautifully written.
It is exactly what I am talking about. You are also touching on another aspect that is important to me: the idea of the losing of one's self as sexual arousal increases.

This happens to me and it is one of my favorite aspect of my sexuality--the moving to a different plane of experience.

Like you, in these moments, I become very aware of my partner's state of mind and if I feel they are drifting or not THERE with me...well, it can be cataclysmic to my arousal.

This is why I don't understand the concept of say, prison sex and the assertion that "a hole is a hole".
Perhaps at face value, this is so. But the mind attached to that hole and who owns it and my mind trying to connect with that mind...it's a heady brew.

Heh--heady. Mind.
I see what I did there.

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

It is exactly what I am talking about. You are also touching on another aspect that is important to me: the idea of the losing of one's self as sexual arousal increases.

This happens to me and it is one of my favorite aspect of my sexuality--the moving to a different plane of experience.

Exactly. There's something transcendent about being really, really aroused. Maybe it's because I live so much in my mind, but it can be really liberating to completely surrender to my physicality. It's almost a zen-like experience. There is no past or future. Just the imminent and immediate now. Just my naked body, electric with desire.

If I'm really in sync with the man I'm with, I can even lose my sense of being separate from him. It doesn't happen all the time. Often I'm very conscious that I'm with another person, even when we're fucking. But sometimes when he's inside me it feels like the boundaries between us have melted away. We're "one flesh" in the biblical sense. I can no longer feel the distinction between my pussy and his cock, or where I leave off and he begins ... .

 

[MascaraRuns]

Sensation is important to me but not nearly as important as the psychological or visual aspects of sex.
If I had to give it a ranking out of 10 sensation would probably sit at a low 6. Teetering there on a razor's edge possibility of slipping to a high 5 at all times.

The mind aspect at 10 and visual at 9.

I don't think this is necessarily unusual but I also do not think that it is the "norm" either.
I bet most people would skew the rating with a higher value given to physical sensation.

The way someone touches me is not all that important. I tend to like firmer pressure in general but it is the FACT that they are touching me at all that excites me.
I also don't need or even really prefer a certain type of touching to get off--for instance, I don't really care for blow jobs but they would work in the right circumstance.

**maybe one of the reasons I don't love them is because her (my partners have always been women) mouth is full and so she can't say anything thus eliminating--or at least greatly diminishing--the aural activation of my "sex-mind".**

But if you accompany a touch--could be almost anything as long as it doesn't hurt and involves my cock--with the right visual or aural stimulus, it's game over for me.

Does anyone else here feel this way, that sensation and technique when delivering touch are not really that important to their enjoyment of sex or their ability to orgasm?

I guess I'm one that begs to differ. Sensations felt by ones touch is either going to make one climb higher, or make one sink. But the technique can be the cherry on the top if the partner knows what they are doing. Orgasm from someone that does both of these well....and takes pride in their capabilities....over the top.