Sexless Marriages

[Spiritedlady]

It's been 1yr and 4 months here. Wife is going through menopause and told me straight up no more sex.
I am 53 and still have a very strong sex drive...SMH. I guess that's the end? I dunno!!

I had to check your location there a minute because I’ve just been told this by a colleague of mine who’s also the same age as you. His wife has apparently told him she’s not interested in sex anymore as well. Thing is he has a high sex drive and has already had an affair three years ago that his wife knows about. She now keeps tabs on him by phone ( location services) but he’s going to find a FWB in any case and just work out how to dodge the surveillance. I have absolutely no idea what she’s expecting to happen but he will always be the “ bad guy” because he cheated and nothing his wife has contributed will ever be viewed with the same negativity. Consequently she holds all the cards.

 

[trojank]

I had to check your location there a minute because I’ve just been told this by a colleague of mine who’s also the same age as you. His wife has apparently told him she’s not interested in sex anymore as well. Thing is he has a high sex drive and has already had an affair three years ago that his wife knows about. She now keeps tabs on him by phone ( location services) but he’s going to find a FWB in any case and just work out how to dodge the surveillance. I have absolutely no idea what she’s expecting to happen but he will always be the “ bad guy” because he cheated and nothing his wife has contributed will ever be viewed with the same negativity. Consequently she holds all the cards.

I don't know the full facts of this one, but you can't just say "That's it, no more sex" but expect your partner not to start looking elsewhere....Also the audacity to start keeping tabs on them ?

 

[arjeero51]

Another sexless marriage

Am from India. I too am having the same problem.haven't had sex with my wife or anyone else for that matter, for the last 6 or 7 years. She has umteen reasons for refusing and am the kind of person who does not force himself on anyone. Am 68 and have a high sex drive too. I'll admit I cheated on her, earlier in our marriage, for the same reasons. She took her revenge later with a friend of mine. I've tried many times to reconcile but she goes back to her old habit of refusing, rejecting and complaining.

 

[Pliantjoed]

So I am a 39 year old woman with, what feels like, the sex drive of a teenage boy! I’ve been in a relationship for the past 13-14 years and it’s been pretty dry/dead. I can’t take it anymore. I keep picturing myself dying without ever being touched again... and it makes me die a little inside.

his affection is going somewhere. I would be wary of his outside of the house doings. I only say this from experience as most of my friends whose spouse cheated experiences this same sort of lack of touch and affection and you and I are close to the same age.

 

[Spiritedlady]

I don't know the full facts of this one, but you can't just say "That's it, no more sex" but expect your partner not to start looking elsewhere....Also the audacity to start keeping tabs on them ?

Well none of us ever know the full story and I am cautious ( because he’s trying to get into my pants ) but he’s not the only man I know who is tracked by phone. Interestingly it doesn’t stop the others playing away either.

 

[trojank]

Well none of us ever know the full story and I am cautious ( because he’s trying to get into my pants ) but he’s not the only man I know who is tracked by phone. Interestingly it doesn’t stop the others playing away either.

Skype and WhatsApp can be your friend here ....it's virtually untraceable !

 

[WizardSoDirty]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

I think it's closer to "normal" than you might think. It's complicated and there's a lot of variables.

50 ain't what it used to be either, except in a mathematical sense.

 

[WizardSoDirty]

So if this is a club I’m part of how do I meet the other members. We need some sort of identification like we all get the same tatoo. This way the next time a woman bangs her cart into mine at Stop & Shop I know whether this was an accident or a signal from another club member. I’m open to ideas but there needs to be a way.

Are you saying that you're willing to limit your choices?

 

[WizardSoDirty]

I finally started going to the gym I joined last month. Today was my 2nd visit where I did work out. (I kept at it for just an hour, and at a lower intensity than I thought was good, but better to start off slow/bored than to jump in and get hurt!)

My wife's desire dropped (imho) from a medical problem. She went on a birth control med that kept her bleeding at least enough to stain any clothes without protection for 10 months. When she came off it, her sex drive was gone. Now it seems to check back in with her every 4 months or so. If this change hadn't happened, I would still be getting enough exercise to stay fit, just from sex.

We've been talking, lately. (I even told her about posting here) She gave me permission to get blow-jobs from others, but I've never been that big a fan and have always seen oral as foreplay, rather than a goal. I've gained 80 lbs since we stopped having regular sex, and my own libido is lower as a result. One of the worries I have about going to a gym is that losing this gut will wake my drive back up.

It's likely losing weight and increasing your activity level also increase your sex drive, and your drive in general. It's not a good reason to quit doing it. At some point you'll start looking for a reason to skip workouts anyway so you might want to toss that one out.

Once your thinking switches to not wanting to miss a workout because you don't want to lose ground you'll be past that hump but it's easy to go the other way too if you have the time. It's harder to find a balance than to over or under do it.

 

[Polranny]

It's likely losing weight and increasing your activity level also increase your sex drive, and your drive in general. It's not a good reason to quit doing it. At some point you'll start looking for a reason to skip workouts anyway so you might want to toss that one out.

Once your thinking switches to not wanting to miss a workout because you don't want to lose ground you'll be past that hump but it's easy to go the other way too if you have the time. It's harder to find a balance than to over or under do it.

The gyms, like pubs, are full of blokes in sexless marriages. It would be interesting to do a survey of men at gym who have been married 20 years + . Many are too proud to tell the truth.
I always smile with my trolley in the supermarket, one's chances are increased if you can find one with a wonky wheel and a mind of its own. Be selective and make it look accidental. Another stratagem is to get flustered with the technology and struggle to get your trolley unleashed from the trolley park (Trickier to target but ladies can be extremely helpful).

 

[Very_Tense]

Same boat here...

First post and this thread really hit home.

My wife has never had a high sex drive (once a week when we met and she was lay 20’s, me early 30’s), down to 2 or 3 times a month 10 years later and then just fell off a cliff.

Currently over a year since we had sex with no explanation I do remember we’ve had sex 3 times in the last 3 years.

She seemed to enjoy it too, but really only receiving (especially oral, which I love giving), although she didn’t seem to enjoy exploring my body.

I’m 52 now and could easily have sex 3 or 4 times a week. I don’t have the confidence to really seek out a partner elsewhere and will probably use an escort given another year without. Oddly enough, she talks about the future, travelling etc when the boys (currently 14 & 15) don’t want to come with us.

She shows absolutely no physical affection whatsoever other then a quick peck of a kiss most (but not all) mornings and nights. No hugs, touches etc and if I try one on her, it’s like hugging a board.

Sleeping separately for 3 or 4 years (because I snore, which wouldn’t stop use getting together for intimacy) and yet she said that not sleeping together damages our relationship and yet she’s the one who decided we wouldn’t. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Frightened to start a conversation that might end up with us separating (which I don’t want) yet getting very close to the point where I’d refuse to have sex if she offered as I don’t want to a enjoy it only to have it taken away again.

Satisfying myself with porn, stories on here, online sex chat if I can find anyone, fantasies about the receptionists at work etc

Dunno what to do... suck it up I guess if I can’t find a friend with benefits or won’t use an escort.

 

[Beachaged]

Are you saying that you're willing to limit your choices?

Limit my choices! I’d be thrilled just to have choices!

 

[Silverpelican]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no! [/

DQUOTE]
Dear BustyBrit
So very glad ( as a older Hedonist) to view a lovely and needy Unicorn. I has in a sexless marriage ffor many years. Prime years wasted. I may writing sti ky notes to self... be bold, ASK for what you want or need.... Ask, for something that you just heard about.
In fantasy...my world is larger than most peoples universe....

 

[Silverpelican]

The thing you’re referring to in relation to women in their 40s and 50s is termed the Sex Surge - you should google it. I was on another chat site frequented by women and there were a considerable number of women commenting about it. My own marriage has been sexless over 7 years and now I find it extremely difficult. I wouldn’t say my behaviour has been entirely exemplary for the last year but I’m finding it hard to feel bad about it.

Thank the Powers of Creation.... those midlife surges, might give me a chance...

 

[WizardSoDirty]

Limit my choices! I’d be thrilled just to have choices!

You might try being more reckless with the shopping cart.

The only time I've ever had opportunity knock in the grocery store (unless I missed it, and that happens) it was a woman that had been coming on to me at work really strong. I knew she had real skills as one day she had run her hand down my backbone...only that... and damned near laid me out right there.
I was tempted but for some reason I don't quite understand she just didn't appeal to me or I wasn't in the right place.
But it was clear what she wanted and I knew she wasn't looking for anything permanent.
I regret not exploring that further. She was disappointing but handled it well. I try not to disappoint women but that's not usually the way I think of it, lol.


So, no opportunities or could it be you've overlooked some?
What usually happens to me when I'm not prepared, don't have time, whatever... that's when it happens. Hardly any make it that easy. It's kind of like only getting a ticket when you let your guard down.

 

[philos]

So how long do you have to go without to be considered a virgin again?

 

[Beachaged]

You might try being more reckless with the shopping cart.

The only time I've ever had opportunity knock in the grocery store (unless I missed it, and that happens) it was a woman that had been coming on to me at work really strong. I knew she had real skills as one day she had run her hand down my backbone...only that... and damned near laid me out right there.
I was tempted but for some reason I don't quite understand she just didn't appeal to me or I wasn't in the right place.
But it was clear what she wanted and I knew she wasn't looking for anything permanent.
I regret not exploring that further. She was disappointing but handled it well. I try not to disappoint women but that's not usually the way I think of it, lol.


So, no opportunities or could it be you've overlooked some?
What usually happens to me when I'm not prepared, don't have time, whatever... that's when it happens. Hardly any make it that easy. It's kind of like only getting a ticket when you let your guard down.

There may be opportunities that I just missed. I think my radar may have been damaged over the years and I don’t pick up those signals from women as well as I used to. I will need to pay closer attention. Time will tell.

 

[CrowdedStranger]

Well the sexless part has been 3 years now and the marriage part is over. I wasn't clingy or needy but neither was I abusive,unfaithful or emotionally unavailable. Perhaps I should have been. She says she'd never force me to leave but I can't deal with the distant friends farce. Good thing she strung me along with iffy hopes until I'm 55 and too damaged for my livelihood to give me much chance at "starting fresh". If any of you can manage to move on to maybe someone who appreciates you I suggest you not wait until things become impossible. Platonic is not very compatible with a real loving partnership

 

[UgliestSon]

If you’re hungry for a corn dog a midget with a but her knife doesn’t dance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjNoS66fkGM

 

[philos]

Anyone looking for a pen pal?

 

[Lissy_Lou]

I'm so over not having a sex life. I'm pretty sure I've reentered virgin territory

 

[HughManitee]

It’s been sexless for so long, I’m embarrassed to even say how long it’s been. I’ve definitely reentered virgin territory.

 

[Polranny]

It’s been sexless for so long, I’m embarrassed to even say how long it’s been. I’ve definitely reentered virgin territory.

Re-entered virgin territory but the memories linger on. Perhaps this should go on the *what made you say fuck ?* thread!

 

[spawnofdavey]

It's been a while, and likely to be a while longer.. that's why I'm here I guess..

 

[Lissy_Lou]

Such a shit club to be a part of, but at least I have company