Sexless Marriages

[coppaJChristo]

Am I the only female in a sexless marriage?

It’s kind of a male dominated area, isn’t it?

 

[titansfan]

It’s kind of a male dominated area, isn’t it?

Nah. Men just talk about it more. Everyone and anyone can be starved for attention...even in the best marriages and relationships.

 

[coppaJChristo]

Nah. Men just talk about it more. Everyone and anyone can be starved for attention...even in the best marriages and relationships.

Excellent point. Hormone shifts can strike anyone, and libido is more fragile the we think.

 

[Polranny]

Spirited, and others.
After 47 years of marriage, much of which has been sexless
I have the T shirt, video, the works. West London, private school for 1, brilliant state school for tother. It was a struggle throughout, no way could we have countenanced two households. Now kids have grown, fled the nest, we have relocated and downsized, released equity, splurged. We are happy enough but no sex, own devices and strategies seem adequate though tricky at times.

 

[CrowdedStranger]

Excellent point. Hormone shifts can strike anyone, and libido is more fragile the we think.

I can vouch for this. 30 years of good marriage,great sex life (despite quality of life issues) now 3 years of indifference and empty apology. Throws everything I worked and fought for into question. The casual dismissal of finding a possible solution is the worst part.

 

[Ray Roberts]

We all need something to stir the imagination in Long time relationships

We have had a pretty active sex life for over 40 years but lately, things have slowed down to a trickle. My wife often says you don't have to ask just go-ahead but her participation is limited and therefore unfulfilling. I blame religion! a few years ago she suddenly said she wants to get involved again, this after showing no interest at all after she left home.
Now she is so involved with the church activities that she behaves like a Sunday School Teacher, prim and propper with anything porn like a sign of the Devil. This after swinging, threesomes, and generally playing around for much of our years together. She has destroyed hours of good tapes and pic's and our sex life has plummeted to an all-time low. I gave up long ago I can't compete with God. Such a pity and now far too late to start over. I am left with memories though, thank goodness.

 

[philos]

After trying so hard for so long I’ve given up. I figure I’ll stay around for three more years until my daughter is out of school then go my own way. 20 years of no change and my hope has dried up.

 

[Jaime1493]

Being bi helps sometimes, but finding another bi married guy you get along with is just as difficult as being straight and not having any sex. I only want one guy, I am not a slut.

 

[Polranny]

It's the constant criticism,a continuous loop of negativity turns me off even if it were on offer

 

[Polranny]

******

 

[Ars119]

So can anyone tell me how they deal with a sexless relationship. I need some ideas, I think I'm going crazy. It's been over ten years and time keeps ticking away. I feel that I'm missing a big part of life.

 

[AnnieLit]

So can anyone tell me how they deal with a sexless relationship. I need some ideas, I think I'm going crazy. It's been over ten years and time keeps ticking away. I feel that I'm missing a big part of life.

It's a joke? You know perfectly well what your options are:
- leave and start from scratch
- stay, but find somebody else as well. Preferably also married, this can help managing expectations.
- stay, but think about switching sides. A friend of the same sex looks more acceptable, nobody needs to know about the FWB part.
- give up, shut up, and become the best friend with your left hand.

 

[Thom_the_gleeman]

It's a joke? You know perfectly well what your options are:
- leave and start from scratch
- stay, but find somebody else as well. Preferably also married, this can help managing expectations.
- stay, but think about switching sides. A friend of the same sex looks more acceptable, nobody needs to know about the FWB part.
- give up, shut up, and become the best friend with your left hand.

Haha. If you wrote a book "sexless marriage for dummies" you could make a fortune

Love,

Thom

 

[SassyShoeQueen]

I’m also part of this club unfortunately

 

[AnnieLit]

Haha. If you wrote a book "sexless marriage for dummies" you could make a fortune

Love,

Thom

As if there is a single person with this problem, that can't list these options. Well, maybe not the 3rd one, if it is totally non-applicable, but the rest are sort of obvious. They might not be for the first 3 years, maybe 5. But when we are talking about decades, there is no way not to think along these lines.

 

[Thom_the_gleeman]

As if there is a single person with this problem, that can't list these options. Well, maybe not the 3rd one, if it is totally non-applicable, but the rest are sort of obvious. They might not be for the first 3 years, maybe 5. But when we are talking about decades, there is no way not to think along these lines.

don't underestimate the briliancy of that list ;p it was just a suggestion

 

[The_gladiator]

It's a joke? You know perfectly well what your options are:
- leave and start from scratch
- stay, but find somebody else as well. Preferably also married, this can help managing expectations.
- stay, but think about switching sides. A friend of the same sex looks more acceptable, nobody needs to know about the FWB part.
- give up, shut up, and become the best friend with your left hand.

I always thought the right was a better lover

 

[ratherabsurd1]

I’m also part of this club unfortunately

Awww sorry to hear that I was in that group but am sexless and single .

 

[Lost_Yonder]

It's a joke? You know perfectly well what your options are:
- leave and start from scratch
- stay, but find somebody else as well. Preferably also married, this can help managing expectations.
- stay, but think about switching sides. A friend of the same sex looks more acceptable, nobody needs to know about the FWB part.
- give up, shut up, and become the best friend with your left hand.

While the 2nd one is the route I chose to follow before, finding another married person in the same situation is not necessarily the best option. One, scheduling getting together is a bitch! Two, where do you go? hotel rooms add up quickly, cars are risky and lack that romantic sense. Three, twice as likely to get caught - by your spouse or theirs!

Escorts or sugarbabies get expensive. There are in fact enough people out there who get off on being with a married person - but harder to find now without craigslist. there are certain bars/clubs known for such hook ups, but again, getting out on one's own isn't exactly possible for many of us.

Find a sympathetic ear - I actually spoke a lot of my frustrations to my hair stylist, who I also had/have a huge crush on. She actually connected me with a few different women! crazy, I know, but the point is, letting some people know opens up possibilities...

Good luck!

 

[HonkOnBobo]

I’m also part of this club unfortunately

definitely not a fun club... the requirements just suck to be in this club

 

[Cowboyway33]

From what I can tell after being here awhile and chatting to others, we make up the majority in here!! It always amazes me how so many of us in our 40’s & 50’s eventually find ourselves in this situation

You’re in the right place!

I echo this, well said. I’m 42. It’s not that sex is bad it’s just not enough. Not all about sex either. Connection and relational
Understanding is huge!

 

[AnnieLit]

I always thought the right was a better lover

Duly noted! Next edition will include both options.

 

[The_gladiator]

Duly noted! Next edition will include both options.

Sometimes I cheat on the right with the left, but... it’s just not the same.

Clearly I’m being silly, of course. The best is both hands at the same time, obviously lol

 

[Cowboyway33]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

Good for you for having that kind of sex drive at 50. I’m 42 and I’m certainly not planning on walking into the sunset sexually after 50! Cheers to you. Enjoy!

 

[Pliantjoed]

I’m in sort of the same boat with a slight twist. Late 30s MWM in decent shape. We do occasionally have sex but there is no passion or feeling. It’s straight intercourse. I know some of you may look at this and think it’s not a problem but it’s emotionless. If I try to change things up, lead with a massage, bath, dinner, oral she just shrugs me off rolls over and it’s done. I would give anything just to feel her actually want me. She isn’t overwhelmed with kids or house as I take care of kids school, sports, laundry dishes and cooking. It’s completely frustrating! Anyone near Pitt! Lol