Sexless Marriages

[takenmytime]

So I have pretty amazing new DD perky boobs, even I’m turned on by them!

He’s definitely noticed and commented, but despite me showing them off at the drop of a hat, nada!

It’s still early days but I’m not holding my breath!

Your profile and other posts indicate you are quite the woman and while I am not a big fan of changing one's appearance by surgery - by no means would I not notice. Is it possible he has turned to the dark side and gone "la de da poofta" as they called it on Monty Python

 

[bristolbabcock]

UK system is different. If I start exporting surplus cash each month, into a different account, courts/solicitor can request records of everything I've ever moved.

Thus anything in my name would then allow her a 50% stake.

I *could* make large monthly repayments to my parents, have them hold it. And provide causal factors, such as "repaying money loaned in recent years".

But even then, she can have it brought to court.

All solicitor advise: "move nothing, do nothing, don't leave the house"

Dude, your losing more than 50% now!

 

[starved_wifey]

I am ENOUGH

I am a lurker... but couldn’t NOT chime in to this thread. Sexual Anorexia (great word) began immediately for my relationship. I thought he was a nice guy and a gentleman. In the beginning we had a long distance relationship and met up every 4-6 weeks to date and be intimate. Ironically- that is how often we have had sex for the past 16 years -if I was lucky. I have begged, cried, threatened, read books, tried EVERYTHING... and I do mean everything. Nothing worked, in fact, it may have made things worse.

7 years ago he was diagnosed with low T. He began treatment to no effect.

4 years ago I met a man here and we had the most incredible love affair. It ended and with it, my desires did as well. I prayed to become Asexual, like my husband, because he’s an amazing man in ALL other aspects.

God answered my prayers and now I’m “existing”. I don’t want sex from my husband, don’t need sex and have even turned him down. (Which he throws the hugest fit about and gets soooo pissed about. I’m not vindictive. I just tell him to be happy, we are finally on the same page and I’m not hounding him and crying and threatening.) That internal fire and burn that enveloped me from the inside out has been snuffed out. I feel numb. But it’s better than the pain and heartache.

He has never been outwardly affectionate. I can’t remember the last time we “made out”, Perhaps before marriage. He will hold my hand for very short periods of time and hugs and pecks for my way out the door are common.

He’s a family figure now,like a dad, or a brother. I want nothing but good for him and love him? but DO NOT want to have sex with him. It’s a pathetic existence and I realize that. However, I have chosen my path. I strayed and ultimately stayed.

Don’t get me wrong it took its toll on me, but I am a gorgeous, successful, educated, kind, incredible mother and friend. I just needed to find myself and KNOW that for myself....I was ENOUGH. I needed to keep active and fit... for myself, even though no one sees me naked in that way any more.

My advice to all those who suffer sexual anorexia along side me, is to find the best version of yourself through it. If you are overweight and don’t like it, change it. If you need a wardrobe enhancement, spend the money on it. Take care of you. I will never regret my affair, because he taught me so much and we helped build one another back up, so that we could stay for our families. I will always love him.

You are ENOUGH. Find a way to convince yourself of it. Also except that moving on isn’t a failure and that looking outside of your marriage for love doesn’t make you a bad person. Lack of affection is a form of neglect and we all do what we can to get through it.

 

[Texastuffbbc]

Great read and much need of 5is. I am not where you are at but appreciate the info. I guess my fitness kick is leading me there however, but I have a high T level.

 

[takenmytime]

I am a lurker... but couldn’t NOT chime in to this thread. Sexual Anorexia (great word) began immediately for my relationship. I thought he was a nice guy and a gentleman. In the beginning we had a long distance relationship and met up every 4-6 weeks to date and be intimate. Ironically- that is how often we have had sex for the past 16 years -if I was lucky. I have begged, cried, threatened, read books, tried EVERYTHING... and I do mean everything. Nothing worked, in fact, it may have made things worse.

7 years ago he was diagnosed with low T. He began treatment to no effect.

4 years ago I met a man here and we had the most incredible love affair. It ended and with it, my desires did as well. I prayed to become Asexual, like my husband, because he’s an amazing man in ALL other aspects.

God answered my prayers and now I’m “existing”. I don’t want sex from my husband, don’t need sex and have even turned him down. (Which he throws the hugest fit about and gets soooo pissed about. I’m not vindictive. I just tell him to be happy, we are finally on the same page and I’m not hounding him and crying and threatening.) That internal fire and burn that enveloped me from the inside out has been snuffed out. I feel numb. But it’s better than the pain and heartache.

He has never been outwardly affectionate. I can’t remember the last time we “made out”, Perhaps before marriage. He will hold my hand for very short periods of time and hugs and pecks for my way out the door are common.

He’s a family figure now,like a dad, or a brother. I want nothing but good for him and love him? but DO NOT want to have sex with him. It’s a pathetic existence and I realize that. However, I have chosen my path. I strayed and ultimately stayed.

Don’t get me wrong it took its toll on me, but I am a gorgeous, successful, educated, kind, incredible mother and friend. I just needed to find myself and KNOW that for myself....I was ENOUGH. I needed to keep active and fit... for myself, even though no one sees me naked in that way any more.

My advice to all those who suffer sexual anorexia along side me, is to find the best version of yourself through it. If you are overweight and don’t like it, change it. If you need a wardrobe enhancement, spend the money on it. Take care of you. I will never regret my affair, because he taught me so much and we helped build one another back up, so that we could stay for our families. I will always love him.

You are ENOUGH. Find a way to convince yourself of it. Also except that moving on isn’t a failure and that looking outside of your marriage for love doesn’t make you a bad person. Lack of affection is a form of neglect and we all do what we can to get through it.

starved wifey - you are soooooo funny! I will save that phrase - sexual anorexia. If this was not meant to be so satirical - I am so sorry to have offended you. It is a subject I know though but its not a desire problem - more of execution.

 

[CrowdedStranger]

You mention Low T. I had labs done a while back and they told me I had low T but I haven't felt any difference in my desires or my ..err...readiness. Not that it does me any good

 

[newhere2learn]

Dude, your losing more than 50% now!

Financially, yes.

But I get my kids all the time.

Money doesn't matter.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Has anyon else just given up? Or ended up losing the desire for sex after so long without?

I never thought I would but it seems I was wrong. A few months ago, the desire in me just clicked off. I'm not even really interested in solo fun time which is what sustained me for the last few years.

And no I'm not looking for anyone to help me find it or rekindle the desire. Seriously I'm done. Not interested at all. But I do wonder if I am the only one.

 

[Spiritedlady]

Has anyon else just given up? Or ended up losing the desire for sex after so long without?

I never thought I would but it seems I was wrong. A few months ago, the desire in me just clicked off. I'm not even really interested in solo fun time which is what sustained me for the last few years.

And no I'm not looking for anyone to help me find it or rekindle the desire. Seriously I'm done. Not interested at all. But I do wonder if I am the only one.

Yes I totally experienced that.... probably for a few years ( 3 or 4 ). When it came back it was with such a vengeance that I don’t know how I was able to be around the men at work ( and the men I’ve subsequently met have been so singularly useless at helping me out that I slightly wish my libido would just fuck off again )

 

[SgtSpiderMan]

Yes I totally experienced that.... probably for a few years ( 3 or 4 ). When it came back it was with such a vengeance that I don’t know how I was able to be around the men at work ( and the men I’ve subsequently met have been so singularly useless at helping me out that I slightly wish my libido would just fuck off again )

That's a shame.

 

[philos]

Has anyon else just given up? Or ended up losing the desire for sex after so long without?

I never thought I would but it seems I was wrong. A few months ago, the desire in me just clicked off. I'm not even really interested in solo fun time which is what sustained me for the last few years.

And no I'm not looking for anyone to help me find it or rekindle the desire. Seriously I'm done. Not interested at all. But I do wonder if I am the only one.

I feel like I’m there right now.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Yes I totally experienced that.... probably for a few years ( 3 or 4 ). When it came back it was with such a vengeance that I don’t know how I was able to be around the men at work ( and the men I’ve subsequently met have been so singularly useless at helping me out that I slightly wish my libido would just fuck off again )

So it does come back? I think that's what scares me. Spending the rest of my life without a sex drive.

 

[philos]

So it does come back? I think that's what scares me. Spending the rest of my life without a sex drive.

I don’t know. Maybe gone is better than raging with no outlet.

 

[blulilacgrl]

I don’t know. Maybe gone is better than raging with no outlet.

I don't know. I see exactly what you are saying but the idea of spending the next 40 years with nothing...damn

 

[takenmytime]

Never

Never is a long time - change it to never give up!

 

[Spiritedlady]

I don't know. I see exactly what you are saying but the idea of spending the next 40 years with nothing...damn

We have no way of knowing - it depends entirely on whether it is driven by physical factors like an illness or hormone change or situational factors - stress etc. Everyone’s allowed to go through peaks and troughs ..... we’re not machines and it’s only natural that our libidos will ebb and flow depending on what point in our life we’re at. One of the reasons that doesn’t ever get discussed for obvious reasons is that our partners can go off us or we can go off them. Not for any tangible reason that we can pinpoint ( like weight gain etc) but just because we no longer fancy them. In my fallow period of “ no libido” it’s very likely that if Tom Hardy had found his way to my bedchamber that my situation would have miraculously altered.

 

[Cuppers]

hmmm

why be married if it is sexless

 

[Spiritedlady]

why be married if it is sexless

Lots of reasons - I live in a expensive area and we couldn’t support two households, I have a young child in a great school and I’m not disrupting that. My husband is a good man and we don’t have a bad relationship - it’s not as easy as just leaving.

 

[blulilacgrl]

why be married if it is sexless

Because for all of this, I do love him. He is really an amazing man. We've been married for 25+ years. We have built a life, a good life, together. The thought of waking up without him there makes me want to cry.

But at the same time, no sex.... that seems so unnatural. I know I will never meet anyone like him. Do I give up all the good for this one thing? Especially now that my own libido has clicked off and I don't feel the interest either.

 

[Cuppers]

hmm

ok. i have to apologize.. i never realized forgive me for being so .. bland

 

[AnnieLit]

ok. i have to apologize.. i never realized forgive me for being so .. bland

You never realized that people might have kids and mortgages, be friends or have a business together? Not to mention that if no sex is due to an illness of one of the spouses, some people do take that "in illness and in health" seriously. Married life is never only about sex, even though it is a big part of it.

 

[Chriswalters561]

Same Here

I think like most of the people here, I am in the same boat. It started a few years ago and has gotten worse every since. Now granted, she has RA, so she is in pain some days, but it has stopped every intimate encounter that we use to have.

I turned to CL when it was up and running and found a few FWB women that filled in the gaps, but since CL is no longer an option, I am on my own for pleasure.

 

[WMBW69]

North Texas Area.

HELP!....LOL....In sexless marriage, looking for female in same situation to help each other out, JUST THAT.

 

[tnh_06]

So, how many of us would gladly have a regular friend on the side to fill the no sex void. No emotional attachment, just two people meeting each other’s needs? Not multiple one nighters, one person that you could call a friend?

 

[Booboobear84]

Because for all of this, I do love him. He is really an amazing man. We've been married for 25+ years. We have built a life, a good life, together. The thought of waking up without him there makes me want to cry.

But at the same time, no sex.... that seems so unnatural. I know I will never meet anyone like him. Do I give up all the good for this one thing? Especially now that my own libido has clicked off and I don't feel the interest either.

I’m still horny but otherwise I could have written this. My wife is amazing. With the exception of sex the years have brought us closer.