Sexless Marriages

[Booboobear84]

Having babies has a massive impact in terms of how you view yourself and how you are viewed by society. ( without mentioning the lack of time and tiredness) Getting older is also not regarded as a positive thing for women - we are replaced by younger models endlessly and told we can’t be grey , can’t have wrinkles. This is without the added issue of menopause which can make you feel dreadful... really awful. Weight that used to be simple to shift suddenly isn’t going anywhere... do you see how all of these things together can make you feel like a non person, let alone a non sexual one. I’m not here to champion the cause of every non sexual woman out there.... there is no right or wrong libido to have...but these are factors that contribute to some of the problems.

And as an aside... if you know your partner doesn’t like a sex act you shouldn’t be performing it on them. They need to be actively and willingly consenting not just passively accepting it to keep you quiet. I know that might mean you get no action at all but sorry that’s how it is.

I'm not entirely sure about the older replaced with younger models (definitely a media trope). Perhaps it's a Boston thing. I noticed around Fenway Park (baseball for you Brits) that almost all of the couples there are same age (i.e. no trophy wives). Understand that it's a very expensive night out so many of these guys could go that way. We seem to value stability here (it may be true other places but I can't speak to those).

 

[RightSized]

And as an aside... if you know your partner doesn’t like a sex act you shouldn’t be performing it on them. They need to be actively and willingly consenting not just passively accepting it to keep you quiet. I know that might mean you get no action at all but sorry that’s how it is.

I'm starting to wonder if my wife's consent is purely passive and she doesn't enjoy anything beyond just snuggling naked. Getting off with another woman might be kinder than having sex with her.

 

[The_gladiator]

I'm starting to wonder if my wife's consent is purely passive and she doesn't enjoy anything beyond just snuggling naked. Getting off with another woman might be kinder than having sex with her.

Maybe you should get verbal confirmation of consent, then? I don’t think it should ever be taken for granted...

 

[Spiritedlady]

I'm not entirely sure about the older replaced with younger models (definitely a media trope). Perhaps it's a Boston thing. I noticed around Fenway Park (baseball for you Brits) that almost all of the couples there are same age (i.e. no trophy wives). Understand that it's a very expensive night out so many of these guys could go that way. We seem to value stability here (it may be true other places but I can't speak to those).

I probably didn’t phrase that very well. I wasn’t particularly referring to relationships but the messages that we see about our value as older women in society. In the UK we have had instances for example of older news readers ( Moira Stewart) being replaced by younger models but not the Male newsreaders. Older male TV presenters paired with young women constantly. ( don’t say it doesn’t happen in the US because it does). That doesn’t mean you don’t have lots of couples who are the same age.... and I’m sure lots of women don’t care but it is indicative of what value is placed on us. How many films have you watched with all female casts? How many can you name versus films with all male casts? Why is that?

Anywhoooo we are a long leap from sexless marriages now and I am a woman here flying the flag for high libido women everywhere. ( and for the record I like my men younger LOL). But I’m fucking bolshy.... I’m not going to be ignored by some bar tender because my tits aren’t perky enough. But it’s tough to maintain that confidence...... just sayin.

 

[Booboobear84]

I probably didn’t phrase that very well. I wasn’t particularly referring to relationships but the messages that we see about our value as older women in society. In the UK we have had instances for example of older news readers ( Moira Stewart) being replaced by younger models but not the Male newsreaders. Older male TV presenters paired with young women constantly. ( don’t say it doesn’t happen in the US because it does). That doesn’t mean you don’t have lots of couples who are the same age.... and I’m sure lots of women don’t care but it is indicative of what value is placed on us. How many films have you watched with all female casts? How many can you name versus films with all male casts? Why is that?

Anywhoooo we are a long leap from sexless marriages now and I am a woman here flying the flag for high libido women everywhere. ( and for the record I like my men younger LOL). But I’m fucking bolshy.... I’m not going to be ignored by some bar tender because my tits aren’t perky enough. But it’s tough to maintain that confidence...... just sayin.

Agree about the media. What’s Bolshy?

 

[MutualMatureMike]

I probably didn’t phrase that very well. I wasn’t particularly referring to relationships but the messages that we see about our value as older women in society. In the UK we have had instances for example of older news readers ( Moira Stewart) being replaced by younger models but not the Male newsreaders. Older male TV presenters paired with young women constantly. ( don’t say it doesn’t happen in the US because it does). That doesn’t mean you don’t have lots of couples who are the same age.... and I’m sure lots of women don’t care but it is indicative of what value is placed on us. How many films have you watched with all female casts? How many can you name versus films with all male casts? Why is that?

Anywhoooo we are a long leap from sexless marriages now and I am a woman here flying the flag for high libido women everywhere. ( and for the record I like my men younger LOL). But I’m fucking bolshy.... I’m not going to be ignored by some bar tender because my tits aren’t perky enough. But it’s tough to maintain that confidence...... just sayin.

Who says tits have to be perky?! It's the spirit of the woman they're part if that matters.

 

[Spiritedlady]

Who says tits have to be perky?! It's the spirit of the woman they're part if that matters.

Yesssssss! And here I am Spirited lady x

 

[Spiritedlady]

Agree about the media. What’s Bolshy?

Deliberately combative or difficult - I guess it’s origins are from Bolshevik.

 

[MutualMatureMike]

Yesssssss! And here I am Spirited lady x

Oh, you very much are, I'd noticed!

 

[WillJ8787]

Yes

Anywhoooo we are a long leap from sexless marriages now and I am a woman here flying the flag for high libido women everywhere. ( and for the record I like my men younger LOL).

Amen! I'm definitely feeling the same thing in this discussion...a lot of guys who might be justified in how they feel in a sexless marriage and yet it's a bit one sided story.

I was in a sexless marriage and discovered how many other women are too, then I found one who was interested in me, we tested out the waters and discovered love making beyond our wildest dreams. I don't recommend that anyone should just accept their situation. I was glad to discover high libido women like yourself. Thanks!

 

[30bandits]

Yesssssss! And here I am Spirited lady x

your boobs look fabulous...

 

[thaneofcawdor]

I am in the same boat, I love my wife, she's wonderful, just physically and mentally unable to enjoy sex, anymore... Fuck Menopause...
So, I spend a lot of time in places like this...

 

[MascaraRuns]

Still surprises me though even though I know it’s true...

And maybe it becomes a compatibility issue. Traditionally men are older than their wives. Maybe, and men correct me if I wrong, men get a little less energetic in the foreplay department, women arent ready on the spot when they get a bit older. Men also seem to think intercourse is all there is. Women, (again correct me if I'm wrong) know there is a lot more to SEX than intercourse. COMPATIBILITY!

 

[Spenser41]

Anywhoooo we are a long leap from sexless marriages now and I am a woman here flying the flag for high libido women everywhere. ( and for the record I like my men younger LOL). But I’m fucking bolshy.... I’m not going to be ignored by some bar tender because my tits aren’t perky enough. But it’s tough to maintain that confidence...... just sayin.

Personally I prefer an older woman. She is more comfortable in her skin, I love how soft and curvy they are. I do not need perky tits... I just need a lover that wants to give to me as much as I want to give to her. To give her pleasure... whatever she wants and desires to give to her needs and wants and for her to do the same for me. It is all about giving your partner pleasure and doing it for each other.

Maybe one day... but you are a beautiful woman... and very desirable... and I love your tits just the way they are.

 

[AnnieLit]

And maybe it becomes a compatibility issue. Traditionally men are older than their wives. Maybe, and men correct me if I wrong, men get a little less energetic in the foreplay department, women arent ready on the spot when they get a bit older. Men also seem to think intercourse is all there is. Women, (again correct me if I'm wrong) know there is a lot more to SEX than intercourse. COMPATIBILITY!

From the posts in this thread it would seem that both men AND women think that PIV is the only possible sex there is. There are quite a few posts here with the idea that the wife has some illness that makes intercourse painful and so... there is no sex at all. For years. Ghm... Since when did vagina become the only organ that can possibly be used to satisfy either of the partners?

 

[The_gladiator]

From the posts in this thread it would seem that both men AND women think that PIV is the only possible sex there is. There are quite a few posts here with the idea that the wife has some illness that makes intercourse painful and so... there is no sex at all. For years. Ghm... Since when did vagina become the only organ that can possibly be used to satisfy either of the partners?

I cum harder from oral or handjobs anyway... though I might be unique and many women don’t orgasm during PIV anyway, so often more is needed for her pleasure too.

 

[The_gladiator]

And maybe it becomes a compatibility issue. Traditionally men are older than their wives. Maybe, and men correct me if I wrong, men get a little less energetic in the foreplay department, women arent ready on the spot when they get a bit older. Men also seem to think intercourse is all there is. Women, (again correct me if I'm wrong) know there is a lot more to SEX than intercourse. COMPATIBILITY!

You make good points, though I wish they weren’t but I would think society as a whole views things such... I think this comes back to lack of communication. Why is it not ok for men and women to not tell each other what they want or need? Those desires change over time, what got her off 5 years ago might not now, and if we told our partners that and what they could do to make each other happy now I think everyone would be happier.

 

[Spenser41]

From the posts in this thread it would seem that both men AND women think that PIV is the only possible sex there is. There are quite a few posts here with the idea that the wife has some illness that makes intercourse painful and so... there is no sex at all. For years. Ghm... Since when did vagina become the only organ that can possibly be used to satisfy either of the partners?

No I don't. I love oral, I love using hands, feet, toys.... I love doing anything that brings about a climax for both partners. So I am open to anything really. Just as I can give and receive.

 

[The_gladiator]

No I don't. I love oral, I love using hands, feet, toys.... I love doing anything that brings about a climax for both partners. So I am open to anything really. Just as I can give and receive.

I don’t think she was calling anyone out specifically though... this post came across as defensive a bit? Makes me wonder if my own did as well... probably should check on that, but you have to agree there has been a theme in this thread of PIV being the end all be all

 

[BeginningAuthor]

From the posts in this thread it would seem that both men AND women think that PIV is the only possible sex there is. There are quite a few posts here with the idea that the wife has some illness that makes intercourse painful and so... there is no sex at all. For years. Ghm... Since when did vagina become the only organ that can possibly be used to satisfy either of the partners?

Me and my wife spent a weekend in a cabin - my goal was no PIV for the whole weekend. I had to come up with anything and everything else I could to get her off multiple times a day all weekend long.

Fingers, tongue, and a little light BDSM can go a long way.

(In case you are wondering, I had heart surgery 2 weeks later - trying to please her before a long stint of not exciting myself too much)

 

[Spenser41]

I don’t think she was calling anyone out specifically though... this post came across as defensive a bit? Makes me wonder if my own did as well... probably should check on that, but you have to agree there has been a theme in this thread of PIV being the end all be all

No, I was stating what I enjoyed. And that I am not just about pussy sex but all sex... I love it all. And I know she was not just talking about all but I was not defensive at all. Just stating what I love to do.

 

[The_gladiator]

No, I was stating what I enjoyed. And that I am not just about pussy sex but all sex... I love it all. And I know she was not just talking about all but I was not defensive at all. Just stating what I love to do.

Just my interpretation of it, thank you for clarifying...

 

[Dwells762]

Wow, I am not alone!

 

[MascaraRuns]

I cum harder from oral or handjobs anyway... though I might be unique and many women don’t orgasm during PIV anyway, so often more is needed for her pleasure too.

I'm one of the lucky ones. Never had a problem cumming through intercourse. Didnt know for yrs that this wasnt common for a lot of women

 

[MascaraRuns]

You make good points, though I wish they weren’t but I would think society as a whole views things such... I think this comes back to lack of communication. Why is it not ok for men and women to not tell each other what they want or need? Those desires change over time, what got her off 5 years ago might not now, and if we told our partners that and what they could do to make each other happy now I think everyone would be happier.

That is likely true to an extent. Although here, it could be seen as an insult toward his capabilities. I do agree with 'what got her off 5 years ago might not now'. That is so true. Things change. Bodies change. Doesnt mean we dont want any. And this goes for men and women equally.