Feedback on Teacher taken in class room

[RavenStar77]

https://www.literotica.com/s/teacher-taken-in-class-room

Hey if y'all would read my story and comment and let me know what you think.

 

[Bramblethorn]

This story had a LOT of spelling/grammar errors. For instance:

The classroom clears out and Ravens sits down at her desk to wait for Curt Steal and Wade to make it into the detention. Kurt Steele and Wade walk into the room.

This was almost impossible to understand because of all the errors.

"Kurt Steele and Wade walk into the room" - this sentence says that there are two people, one named "Kurt Steele" and the other named "Wade". I couldn't tell whether "Curt Steal" and "Kurt Steele" were meant to be two different people with very similar names, or one person with two spelling errors. Through the story you keep on talking about both "Curt" and "Kurt", though "Steele" doesn't show up again after this intro.

I had to read through a couple of times to figure out that Curt/Kurt and Steal/Steele are different people! The second sentence should have a comma after "Steele".

There are a lot more errors throughout the story, basic stuff like "college" vs. "collage" and grammar issues. I'm surprised Laurel let it through without sending it back for correction, and I don't think she did you any favours - you're probably going to get voted down for this. I don't expect perfection but the errors are so heavy in this one that I spent more time trying to understand what you were writing than following the story.

 

[SimonDoom]

I'll highlight problems that showed up in the first three paragraphs.

Here they are:

Raven is finishing up writing some last-minute homework on blackboard for her last class the bell rang signaling the end of the day.

"Okay class remember to study for your test tomorrow." Miss Raven calls to the students.

The classroom clears out and Ravens sits down at her desk to wait for Curt Steal and Wade to make it into the detention. Kurt Steele and Wade walk into the room.


First paragraph:

1. Why "is finishing" rather than "finishes"? You are tense-shifting. You start with one tense and then you shift to normal present tense.

2. But then you shift to past tense in the second sentence/clause: "rang".

3. The word "the" should precede "blackboard."

4. A period needs to follow "class." The next words after that form a new sentence.

5. The last sentence is in past tense.

6. A comma should follow "rang."

Second paragraph:

1. You need a comma after "Okay" and "Class."

2. You need to replace the period after "tomorrow" with a comma.

Third paragraph:

1. You need a comma after "out."

2. You spell "Curt Steal" and "Kurt Steel" two different ways in adjacent sentences. That's lazy proofreading. Come on. That's not hard to catch and prevent. When I see that sort of thing I stop reading immediately.

 

[ElectricBlue]

2. You spell "Curt Steal" and "Kurt Steel" two different ways in adjacent sentences. That's lazy proofreading. Come on. That's not hard to catch and prevent. When I see that sort of thing I stop reading immediately.

As Bramble points out, Curt and Kurt are actually two different dudes, which just adds another layer of confusion to the story.

Perhaps the authors (there are two of them, too) are playing with meta, but I somehow doubt it. Laurel took her eye off the ball with this one, unfortunately. Sorry, RavenStar, this is bad writing - another visit to the teacher perhaps, and this time, pay more attention to the lesson, not her cute ass .

 

[beautifulzelda]

Oh, dear. This one's "fanfiction.net" levels of bad.

I will give you a bit of a pass if - you are 12 years old, or, not a native speaker/writer of English.

Other than that, please try harder.

 

[Bramblethorn]

As Bramble points out, Curt and Kurt are actually two different dudes, which just adds another layer of confusion to the story.

Perhaps the authors (there are two of them, too) are playing with meta, but I somehow doubt it. Laurel took her eye off the ball with this one, unfortunately. Sorry, RavenStar, this is bad writing - another visit to the teacher perhaps, and this time, pay more attention to the lesson, not her cute ass .

I think Curt and Kurt are the same person, Steele/Steal is a different person... but it really shouldn't be this confusing.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I think Curt and Kurt are the same person, Steele/Steal is a different person... but it really shouldn't be this confusing.

You're right, reading it again (again) - they're both spelt differently, and the absence of coherent punctuation confused me no end. Kurt Steele, though, there's a good name for a detective in some LA Noir kind of a thing.

 

[RavenStar77]

Thank you all

Thank you all. I'll do better with my next story.

 

[Emirus]

https://www.literotica.com/s/teacher-taken-in-class-room

Hey if y'all would read my story and comment and let me know what you think.

Somehow I don’t think you’re from Alabama.

I think your first language (or are there two of you?) is not English. If it is I don’t think you attended school very often.

Laurel must have been concentrating on something else when she looked at this story because, as has been said, it’s a mystery as to how it got through. It’s not unusual for badly written stories to slip through the net but not as awful as this one.

I do wonder whether it’s been done as a joke? Has an experienced writer deliberately submitted this “masterpiece” to see how good the submission process is and then when, to their amazement, it got through decided to put it in Story Feedback to enjoy the joke further?

If that isn’t the case stick to reading stories not attempting to write them.

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

Somehow I don’t think you’re from Alabama.

I think your first language (or are there two of you?) is not English. If it is I don’t think you attended school very often.

Laurel must have been concentrating on something else when she looked at this story because, as has been said, it’s a mystery as to how it got through. It’s not unusual for badly written stories to slip through the net but not as awful as this one.

I do wonder whether it’s been done as a joke? Has an experienced writer deliberately submitted this “masterpiece” to see how good the submission process is and then when, to their amazement, it got through decided to put it in Story Feedback to enjoy the joke further?

If that isn’t the case stick to reading stories not attempting to write them.

My kids like to read bad fanfiction to me while I sew. Last week they found something called Sonic High School. It got to the point where I was thinking, this can't be real. It's really so bad I still can't believe that someone wrote it not trying to write as badly as they could. It has to be a joke.

 

[NotWise]

Tweet! Referee throws a flag. That's a fifteen yard penalty against the critics for piling on.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Tweet! Referee throws a flag. That's a fifteen yard penalty against the critics for piling on.

Seconded. Keep it constructive, folks. Everybody has to start somewhere.