Cheat-ify The Bitch

[gordo12]

The announcement I saw for the 750 word event said invitational. So I didn't bother. It was only after I discovered it was open to everyone.

I was too late, but decided to give it a try for shit and giggles.

I also decided to pander a bit to the BTB (burn the bitch) crowd in Loving Wives.

Soooo harsh story. Short and sweet.

(Geesh somebody just 1 bombed it while I was writing this. Nasty person!)

https://www.literotica.com/s/cheat-ify-the-bitch

Thoughts, comments and votes all welcome.

 

[AwkwardMD]

That isn't how Bluetooth works. Like, at all. The sheer implausibility undermines the setup so much that the whole thing collapses into a pile of bitter wish fulfillment and farce. Farce is radioactive, and ruins a story when it gets invoked by accident.

It is not that hard to find a subject matter expert to ask some questions. Consider doing that next time.

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

I try to not write about stuff I don't know and let me tell you I know very little about farming and my latest series has so much to do with farming that some days I'm thinking about moving their location! Yeah google is my friend.

Saying that, I know nothing about apps or bluetooth so I enjoyed your little revenge story. A quick light hearted read(yeah I said light hearted ) while having my morning coffee, with my monkey of course.

The only thing I found not believable, who pays $20 for an app! Not me, ever. I won't even download 99 cent ones. I'm cheap (says the girl who just preordered a Pearl Jam tee shirt for almost $40 even though I probably have about 75 PJ tees already...)

I liked it, fun read for anyone who has ever been cheated on.

 

[AwkwardMD]

If a story involved one character running around poking people in the eye with his detachable penis, and the cops are powerless because they can't figure out what to charge him with, that's a farce.

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

If a story involved one character running around poking people in the eye with his detachable penis, and the cops are powerless because they can't figure out what to charge him with, that's a farce.

Now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all day
https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4

And assault? Sexual misconduct? Rape?

Was the story perfect, no. But a short fun read.

 

[gordo12]

That isn't how Bluetooth works. Like, at all. The sheer implausibility undermines the setup so much that the whole thing collapses into a pile of bitter wish fulfillment and farce. Farce is radioactive, and ruins a story when it gets invoked by accident.

It is not that hard to find a subject matter expert to ask some questions. Consider doing that next time.

I'm not quite sure how you think Bluetooth works but hacking phones...well here's a year ago article from techcrunch:

https://techcrunch.com/2017/09/12/new-bluetooth-vulnerability-can-hack-a-phone-in-ten-seconds/

There's 8 exploits there for taking over a phone and apps.

Thanks for your feedback.

 

[gordo12]

I try to not write about stuff I don't know and let me tell you I know very little about farming and my latest series has so much to do with farming that some days I'm thinking about moving their location! Yeah google is my friend.

Saying that, I know nothing about apps or bluetooth so I enjoyed your little revenge story. A quick light hearted read(yeah I said light hearted ) while having my morning coffee, with my monkey of course.

Thank you that is what I was striving for.

The only thing I found not believable, who pays $20 for an app! Not me, ever. I won't even download 99 cent ones. I'm cheap (says the girl who just preordered a Pearl Jam tee shirt for almost $40 even though I probably have about 75 PJ tees already...)

I liked it, fun read for anyone who has ever been cheated on.

Seriously? $20 to keep someone from taking 1/2 your assets. I thought it was cheap.

Some anon asked why I was letting the male get away with it. LOL

Cheat-ify The Bastard got posted yesterday and hopefully live shortly. Unfortunately the price for the new super duper app has been raised to $30.

 

[gordo12]

If a story involved one character running around poking people in the eye with his detachable penis, and the cops are powerless because they can't figure out what to charge him with, that's a farce.

If you think about the guts of the story, someone running around showing pictures of an affair that sort of takes the place of the penis doesn't it? Cops are powerless cause they can't figure it out and even if they did what could he be charged with?

The penis example is easy. Assault. You can't hit someone even with a penis

Anyway some very interesting feedback. Thank you!

I'm happy to say the readers appear to have enjoyed it. 22k+ views and over 1400 votes in the first 24 hours with just under 50 comments.

 

[NotWise]

Soooo harsh story. Short and sweet.

I'm not going to quibble over computer security details.

There's hardly anything I like about LW stories. That said, I think you made good use of your 750 words.

 

[gordo12]

I'm not going to quibble over computer security details.

There's hardly anything I like about LW stories. That said, I think you made good use of your 750 words.

Thank you.

 

[AwkwardMD]

I'm not quite sure how you think Bluetooth works but hacking phones...well here's a year ago article from techcrunch:

https://techcrunch.com/2017/09/12/new-bluetooth-vulnerability-can-hack-a-phone-in-ten-seconds/

There's 8 exploits there for taking over a phone and apps.

Thanks for your feedback.

Let me get this straight. Your protagonist is a hacker who, on a whim, can find and exploit complex IoT technology that would otherwise require an entire security firm to discover? Is his middle name Sue?

There is a huge difference between exploits and standard function. This exploit, for example, was fixed within three weeks. Are we placing this story within that timeframe? Are we to believe that an app that abuses an exploit and wasplaced on an app store, which leaves a financial papertrail, would not lead to his ultimate arrest and conviction for first degree murder? Is he a financial mastermind too, creating off-shore shell companies to hide the $3000 he earned from his murder program?

EDIT: if you want to write a murder story, have at it, but this stands up to zero scrutiny. If you want to write a story that stands up to zero scrutiny, have at it, but maybe don't go out of your way to ask for others to scrutinize it.

 

[gordo12]

You know last week I watched a movie about a raccoon flying a spaceship along with a splinter of a tree grown in to a teen attitude any parent would recognize. All that plus the green woman and a walking muscle tattooed up the ying yang chasing around from planet to planet after 5 coloured stones I could buy at any junk jewellery store. Said stones would allow the villain to kill half the life in the galaxy. He got them and half the characters in the movie dissolved into dust.

Then I watched the Vampires and Lycans battling it out in medieval castles with bodies being thrown uninjured through stone walls. Falling from great heights hurt almost no one.

Had I scrutinized it I might have had some issues with all that. Instead I took it as Fiction and an attempt to entertain me.

Somehow that made a difference to my reactions.

It might work for you too.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[AwkwardMD]

The term Suspension of Disbelief has been defined as a willingness to suspend one's critical faculties and believe something surreal. The sacrifice of realism and logic for the sake of enjoyment.

The difference between those movies and your story is that your story takes place, ostensibly, in the real world. You can't have a story where consequences matter (because it was important that he get away with it to satisfy your intended audience) BUT brush away logistical difficulties because they're inconvenient.

Suspension of disbelief is a storytelling tool that requires setup. It is not an excuse to be lazy.

 

[gordo12]

The difference between those movies and your story is that your story takes place, ostensibly, in the real world. You can't have a story where consequences matter (because it was important that he get away with it to satisfy your intended audience) BUT brush away logistical difficulties because they're inconvenient.

Suspension of disbelief is a storytelling tool that requires setup. It is not an excuse to be lazy.

Well the key word in that quote is willingness. And you aren't. Others obviously are. And setup in a 750 word story is tough at best.

Interesting quote from Indus writing blog: Being a writer gives us the freedom to create any story that we think is worth telling. We create our own world, we view things in a different light and different angle. We write and words based on what's in our mind and whatever our hearts had dictated at that moment.

Anyway, you didn't care for it. That comes through loud and clear. Thanks for responding.

 

[AwkwardMD]

You can tell yourself that my criticism is coming from a place of bias, but you know you put no effort into this. You half assed an entry into an event, and put it in a category that was guaranteed to score it poorly but give it lots of attention. Now you can pick and choose the responses you like. You can tell yourself "it's loving wives. That's why the score is bad," but you avoided failing by not trying in the first place. So... congratulations?

 

[NotWise]

You can tell yourself "it's loving wives. That's why the score is bad," but you avoided failing by not trying in the first place. So... congratulations?

For LW the story's score (3.97) is good. It's the second highest-scoring story on the hub. For comparison, the second highest-scoring story on the I/T hub is 4.63, and on the Lesbian Sex hub it's 4.79. Add to that, most of the stories in the 750-word contest were relatively low-rated because (if nothing else) readers don't really like short stories very much. I'd be surprised if more than one or two of them had such a high relative placement.

I don't think gordo12 has to admit anything but success.

Maybe critique should stop once it's clear that you just don't like a story. After that you're comments are, to use your own phrase, coming from a place of bias.

 

[Hypoxia]

...most of the stories in the 750-word contest were relatively low-rated because (if nothing else) readers don't really like short stories very much.

Indeed. My one-pagers don't rate Hot. But I've done well with short standalone episodes on a theme, framed within a larger work. Folks gather round a campfire or in a quiet club and tell their hot tales, with reactions.

I hope readers don't care that these are all warped fantasies with inaccurate information. I warn up front: It's a story, don't believe it. But I usually *do* try to get my tech data right. Or I wave my hands so you won't notice.

 

[gordo12]

You can tell yourself that my criticism is coming from a place of bias, but you know you put no effort into this. You half assed an entry into an event, and put it in a category that was guaranteed to score it poorly but give it lots of attention. Now you can pick and choose the responses you like. You can tell yourself "it's loving wives. That's why the score is bad," but you avoided failing by not trying in the first place. So... congratulations?

Not trying for what exactly? To put something into an easy category where the readers are a lot less vocal and critical. As others have pointed out.

Comment edited out.......

I started reading your Maiden story Ch 1. I was impressed. You're a good writer. Still as a new writer I don't take anything lightly or easily. I'm learning.

The 750 was just an exercise for me and to accuse me of being lazy, well that's just bullshit! The story is unique, original and getting viewed and voted on like crazy. And that's what it's all about.

For LW the story's score (3.97) is good. It's the second highest-scoring story on the hub. For comparison, the second highest-scoring story on the I/T hub is 4.63, and on the Lesbian Sex hub it's 4.79. Add to that, most of the stories in the 750-word contest were relatively low-rated because (if nothing else) readers don't really like short stories very much. I'd be surprised if more than one or two of them had such a high relative placement.

I don't think gordo12 has to admit anything but success.

Maybe critique should stop once it's clear that you just don't like a story. After that you're comments are, to use your own phrase, coming from a place of bias.

Thank you for that

 

[gordo12]

Indeed. My one-pagers don't rate Hot. But I've done well with short standalone episodes on a theme, framed within a larger work. Folks gather round a campfire or in a quiet club and tell their hot tales, with reactions.

I hope readers don't care that these are all warped fantasies with inaccurate information. I warn up front: It's a story, don't believe it. But I usually *do* try to get my tech data right. Or I wave my hands so you won't notice.

Hands? I thought your solution was tentacles.

 

[Hypoxia]

Hands? I thought your solution was tentacles.

Chitinous claws too, on the mantids. Centipedes merely wave their feet. Of course my giant radioactive telepathic squids don't really NEED to wave physical tentacles. Their evolved Bluetooth modules suffice.

 

[NotWise]

Chitinous claws too, on the mantids. Centipedes merely wave their feet. Of course my giant radioactive telepathic squids don't really NEED to wave physical tentacles. Their evolved Bluetooth modules suffice.

But what happens when their Bluetooth gets hacked? Giant radioactive squid under the control of jilted husbands? Oh Horrors!

Must be the wife's fault.

 

[gordo12]

But what happens when their Bluetooth gets hacked? Giant radioactive squid under the control of jilted husbands? Oh Horrors!

Must be the wife's fault.

Story!

 

[PrevertOne]

"Oooo," says I with a grimace.

Short and bitter, of the blackest humor. A good, quick read if you tolerate unpleasant characters. Nicely (bitterly) done.

 

[gordo12]

Short and bitter, of the blackest humor. A good, quick read if you tolerate unpleasant characters. Nicely (bitterly) done.

Thank you!

 

[rutger5]

I'm not often a fan of LW btb or stories that use an artificial word count. Not saying it can't be a good exercise for a writer and I don't think a story needs three Lit pages to develop a character but often trying to limit word count (or to pad it also) may sacrifice aspects. Also read the comments after story which in LW is half the point a lot.Some of those comments I agree with or at least understand their point.

Someone wrote that the story wasn't erotic and another wrote that the story doesn't explore the narrator's emotions enough. Both are true in their way. The fact is I don't ever remember reading a btb story that is actually erotic. Usually they are about wallowing in self righteous pity and reveling in revenge. For the btb crowd that is their erotica. To the rest of us it isn't erotic. Not saying a good story can't show the effects of cheating and how it devastates people but it shouldn't be the whole focus, at least for me; seems too masochistic for my enjoyment.

Without claiming to be a tech guy some of the stuff seems over the top but over the top isn't a fault at Lit. Nothing is more unbelievable than incestual intercourse taking place in the back seat of a car while the driver is oblivious a foot away and look how popular that is.It was funny that for all the tech it was an old fashioned private investigator handing pictures to the protagonist that got the ball rolling.

Also a certain reviewer is way over the top which is normal. Nothing the protagonist did was guilty of first degree murder. He would have had to hack the car to cause it to crash in order to approach that territory. He may have broken laws but no murder.