Moochie’s Musings (and a pic or two)

[Ironfan]

Darkness.
Sadness.
Pits of pain and hurt.
I want to sink in.
Feel it swallow me whole.

Hope you're OK.

 

[Moochienanu]

I’m tumbling down the side of a mountain this morning. I’m letting each bump and bruise hurt even more as my body continues its collision course. I know I’ll be fine once I let myself feel the pain, accept it, and move on.

 

[Ironfan]

I’m tumbling down the side of a mountain this morning. I’m letting each bump and bruise hurt even more as my body continues its collision course. I know I’ll be fine once I let myself feel the pain, accept it, and move on.

Some people are destroyed by their fire, others are forged by it.

 

[Moochienanu]

I fear I may never dig my way out this time.
My trowel just keeps picking away at the earth beneath my feet.
My hole becomes deeper.
My hole.
Mine.
No one knows what I hide here.
No one knows my darkness better.
Me.
I’m owning this.
This is my hole.
My darkness.
It falls and I cry.

 

[xPhantomKissX]

I fear I may never dig my way out this time.
My trowel just keeps picking away at the earth beneath my feet.
My hole becomes deeper.
My hole.
Mine.
No one knows what I hide here.
No one knows my darkness better.
Me.
I’m owning this.
This is my hole.
My darkness.
It falls and I cry.

Kafka would relate to your words. He too, loved his misery — owned and nurtured it (because it was his and his alone).

Thanks for sharing your musings, thoughts and that temping picture today.

 

[OneHD]

I fear I may never dig my way out this time.
My trowel just keeps picking away at the earth beneath my feet.
My hole becomes deeper.
My hole.
Mine.
No one knows what I hide here.
No one knows my darkness better.
Me.
I’m owning this.
This is my hole.
My darkness.
It falls and I cry.

Miss Moochi .. You're a natural borne artist .. Talented and quite Good looking

..

 

[big_bi_Bry]

Nice choice of bra. I recently bought the same for my gf.

 

[Dribble]

I thought of you when i saw this

https://pin.it/shpdq3f2bnywsa

Edit. Spelling error

 

[hotcpu]

Tonight I sang:

Adele - Rolling in the deep
Gyote featuring Kimbra - Somebody that I used to know
Cyndi Lauper - Time after time

And on the drive home I belted:

Kodaline - All I want

All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door
'Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die as a happy man I'm sure

When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
I lay in tears in bed all night
Alone without you by my side

But If you loved me
Why did you leave me
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is
All I need is
To find somebody
I'll find somebody

'Cause you brought out the best of me
A part of me I'd never seen
You took my soul wiped it clean
Our love was made for movie screens

But If you loved me
Why did you leave me
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is
All I need is
To find somebody
I'll find somebody
Like you.

Love the playlist ... now let's get to some fun playing! !

 

[13Fantasies]

Beautiful cleavage.

-Hugs-

 

[Moochienanu]

Rambling about the power of words

Note: I’ve decided to post this not with the intention to hurt him, but to re-read and remind myself.

Falling. Tumbling. Gliding. Splashing. Puddling. I need some rain so that I know the weather feels how I do. This sun just makes me cry harder. Feel worse. I’m broken. Battered. Hurt.

I know we didn’t mean to do this to each other. It started out with an endearment that changed everything for me and nothing for him. It’s just a word, Moochie. Get over yourself, right? But words carry so much power; significantly more power if you believe they should. I didn’t use it lightly either. First time we brought it up, he asked me how I felt about it, and I told him “no way.” It had too many negative connotations in my life and mixing all of them together didn’t make sense. Then, time went on and I did more reading on the use of the word (yes, I read sometimes, believe it or not). I found myself typing it and then erasing it and putting something else in its place more and more. Finally, I was the one who brought it up again. I asked whether he still wanted me to use it, he said he did, and that was that.

Why didn’t I see that we should have discussed what the word meant? Why did I just assume he knew? Maybe because he brought it up first? Had more experience with it? Seemed to know that I fit the opposite mold before I did?

After the first fallout, I set out to explain better what the word meant to me. He admitted he wasn’t sure he could fulfill all of my needs I associated with it. I still wanted him to try. I couldn’t picture life without him. I still can’t. *pause for crying and imaginary shmear marks on the “paper” from my tears* He agreed to try harder, to be better at thinking of me and my feelings. But his actions kept saying otherwise. We would get upset with each other for just being who we are. That’s not healthy. None of that was healthy. We were hurting each other on purpose. The final straw was placed: I am too public for him. I do want to thank him for continuing to remind me that I was never really as special to him as I should have been. I’m sorry if I asked too much of him or his ‘persona.’

I can’t, and will probably never want to undo anything about the entire relationship. That’s untrue: I wish I could have been more, better, accepting of what he was able/willing to give, not expect so much because of a word. Stupid word: change my entire sense of reality and don’t even apologize for it, why don’t you?!

My husband got me tulips today. My favorite flower. They’ve been out of season forever, so it must have taken quite the effort. He knows my hole is calling me, pulling me deeper. He probably can see it all over my face.

Edit: 2/23/22 - removed picture

 

[Todger65]

Oh, Moochie. This is one time I find myself lost for words. I feel for you, I really do.

I love the flowers though and the thought behind them.

 

[metrifonate]

Tulips

Brautiful tulips and so rare this time if the year. When they were first bought to Europe each bulb was worth a fortune.

 

[Moochienanu]

Oooh, I love a tempting tease like that!

Is it a tease? Yes. It was meant as one. This is actually a still from a movie where I’m undressing. Once I knew I may never show it to anyone, I tried to find some beauty in it. Thank you for seeing something special.

A singer too. I bet you weren’t dressed like that in the car though.

I like to rock the mic on Thursdays, yes. I had a good giggle at your comment as I was actually dressed thusly for part of the car ride:

Nice choice of bra. I recently bought the same for my gf.

It was all about comfort when I made this decision. I thought the colour was cute too.

Love the playlist ... now let's get to some fun playing! !

The playlist ended up more reflective of my emotions than I originally intended.

Beautiful cleavage.

-Hugs-

Thank you. *hugs back to you* I may need more of those hugs of yours... I may need many more hugs in the next few weeks.

Edit: 2/23/22 - removed picture

 

[metrifonate]

Guilding the lilly.

 

[Todger65]

I like to rock the mic on Thursdays, yes. I had a good giggle at your comment as I was actually dressed thusly for part of the car ride: http://forum.literotica.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=2056036&d=1538898915

Luckily you didn’t cause anyone to crash their car. Such a beautiful sight. I love you jewellery, the combination of bar and ring gives some length to your nipple.

I’ve yet to see a bare breasted female in a car, best I ever saw was a young girl walking towards me, slid a hard under her T-shirt lifted it up and started pinching her nipple. She just stared ahead of her and walked past.

 

[Ironfan]

Note: I’ve decided to post this not with the intention to hurt him, but to re-read and remind myself.

Falling. Tumbling. Gliding. Splashing. Puddling. I need some rain so that I know the weather feels how I do. This sun just makes me cry harder. Feel worse. I’m broken. Battered. Hurt.

I know we didn’t mean to do this to each other. It started out with an endearment that changed everything for me and nothing for him. It’s just a word, Moochie. Get over yourself, right? But words carry so much power; significantly more power if you believe they should. I didn’t use it lightly either. First time we brought it up, he asked me how I felt about it, and I told him “no way.” It had too many negative connotations in my life and mixing all of them together didn’t make sense. Then, time went on and I did more reading on the use of the word (yes, I read sometimes, believe it or not). I found myself typing it and then erasing it and putting something else in its place more and more. Finally, I was the one who brought it up again. I asked whether he still wanted me to use it, he said he did, and that was that.

Why didn’t I see that we should have discussed what the word meant? Why did I just assume he knew? Maybe because he brought it up first? Had more experience with it? Seemed to know that I fit the opposite mold before I did?

After the first fallout, I set out to explain better what the word meant to me. He admitted he wasn’t sure he could fulfill all of my needs I associated with it. I still wanted him to try. I couldn’t picture life without him. I still can’t. *pause for crying and imaginary shmear marks on the “paper” from my tears* He agreed to try harder, to be better at thinking of me and my feelings. But his actions kept saying otherwise. We would get upset with each other for just being who we are. That’s not healthy. None of that was healthy. We were hurting each other on purpose. The final straw was placed: I am too public for him. I do want to thank him for continuing to remind me that I was never really as special to him as I should have been. I’m sorry if I asked too much of him or his ‘persona.’

I can’t, and will probably never want to undo anything about the entire relationship. That’s untrue: I wish I could have been more, better, accepting of what he was able/willing to give, not expect so much because of a word. Stupid word: change my entire sense of reality and don’t even apologize for it, why don’t you?!

My husband got me tulips today. My favorite flower. They’ve been out of season forever, so it must have taken quite the effort. He knows my hole is calling me, pulling me deeper. He probably can see it all over my face.

Breathtakingly sad and romantic at the same time. I'm constantly in awe and envy of your ability to put you emotions into words.

 

[Moochienanu]

Hope you're OK.

I’m not. I’m not anywhere near “okay” right now.

Some people are destroyed by their fire, others are forged by it.

I feel like the first option sounds nice right now, but I will probably end up as the second.

Kafka would relate to your words. He too, loved his misery — owned and nurtured it (because it was his and his alone).

Thanks for sharing your musings, thoughts and that temping picture today.

I don’t know that I love my misery so much as I realize it is a part of me. A part of what makes me me. It deserves acknowledgment as much as my happiness. You’re very welcome. I am a compulsive poster, so when something’s in here *indicates brain* it comes out here *indicates lit*

Miss Moochi .. You're a natural borne artist .. Talented and quite Good looking

..

Thank you for your sweet compliments. I am very flattered.

I thought of you when i saw this

https://pin.it/shpdq3f2bnywsa

This is very fitting, isn’t it? Thank you for sharing it.

 

[mackkjackk]

hugs darling x

 

[AlliaPotestas]

I think many of us come to lit secretly looking for something/someone to fix bits of us that will only ever really be healed by ourselves. You are stronger than you think... and you do not need him, he is a stepping stone on your journey.

I know it may not feel like it now, but you will emerge stronger from this, in the meantime be kind to yourself - we are often our own worst enemies, xx

 

[Moochienanu]

I think many of us come to lit secretly looking for something/someone to fix bits of us that will only ever really be healed by ourselves. You are stronger than you think... and you do not need him, he is a stepping stone on your journey.

I know it may not feel like it now, but you will emerge stronger from this, in the meantime be kind to yourself - we are often our own worst enemies, xx

Allia,

I have been thinking about and re-reading this for the last (almost) three months and all I can say is “thank you, I needed to hear this.”

<3 Moochie

 

[Joxlrg]

Post

See that post right there is what makes LIT so AWESOME !! Hope all works out well Moochie

 

[Todger65]

Allia,

I have been thinking about and re-reading this for the last (almost) three months and all I can say is “thank you, I needed to hear this.”

<3 Moochie

Good to see your post. Hope you are well.

 

[Moochienanu]

You're all I wanted. Just let me hold you Like a hostage

I wanna be alone
Alone with you - does that make sense?
I wanna steal your soul
And hide you in my treasure chest

I don't know what to do
To do with your kiss on my neck
I don't know what feels true
But this feels right so stay a sec
Yeah, you feel right so stay a sec

So... an update?
I mean, it’s been a while... huh? Only seems fair to catch you all up.

October. In an act of necessity, I took a break from a lot of things... obviously this included Lit. I needed some time to figure things out; both mentally and physically. I focused on some more important items, and of course, tried to make sure I was good to me... because who else better to do the job? I did a lot of soul searching and a bit of writing. I went as a jellyfish for Halloween. Not sexy, I know... my second costume for handing out candy was a bit more risqué with a short skirt... and it involved my true profession: super girl.

Edit: 2/23/22 - removed picture

November. I didn’t wear pants. All month. “No pants November.” It went really well and I have a new love for not wearing pants. I also wrote a story I may share here. I reconnected with a friend from high school who ended up still being odd and even kinky now (but ewww! I would never with him because he’s totally poly-saturated and also not my type whatsoever). I went to the local place where kinky things happen and took a rope course... like... real shibari, folks... like... real rope (sure, I was self-tying... but still, it was so comforting to feel it against my skin). I did my first futomomo and it was like falling back in love with myself. I don’t know how else to explain it, you’re just going to have to believe me.

Edit: 2/23/22 - removed picture

December. With it brings the dark thoughts and the “Holidays.” I got a new sweater for Hanukkah. Went to a concert where several bands I really love threw my mind into a different space and I discovered some lyrics that really moved me (as the above, Hostage by Billie Eilish).

I’ve been working a lot throughout. Staying busy on that front. So... yeah. Had a discussion and decided that for my mental health I should post a bit again... so, boobs?

Edit: 2/23/22 - removed picture

 

[zizo4u]

Erotic