Your Best Vomit Story
- Thread starter Drixxx
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Vikingstone
I am this cool.
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- Jan 25, 2005
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Ah...to be young and able to maintain a boner even after the chick sucking you off pukes in your lap. *wistful*
richard_daily
Slut Whisperer
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2006
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- 36,898
First date....
She's giving me a blowjob, and I tell her to choke herself on my cock. She's a bit drunk, and I'm not really examining the possible repercussions. She's trying a bit harder than she might normally, due to her inebriated state, and she ends up running to the bathroom, not once, but twice, throwing up in the sink each time.
Strangely enough, I still know and talk to her.
She's giving me a blowjob, and I tell her to choke herself on my cock. She's a bit drunk, and I'm not really examining the possible repercussions. She's trying a bit harder than she might normally, due to her inebriated state, and she ends up running to the bathroom, not once, but twice, throwing up in the sink each time.
Strangely enough, I still know and talk to her.
W
where
Guest
euwww the bit in the bookies when he goes to the loo to take the morphene cap. *gags*
classclown
Literotica Guru
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thedukeofpuke
Virgin
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- Dec 5, 2018
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Me too. Who doesn't these days?
thedukeofpuke
Virgin
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- Dec 5, 2018
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When I still lived at home with my parents, I would puke into a bucket lined with two grocery bags and then hide them in my closet.it was so disgusting...my room always smelled like puke. LOL I would take em out to the dumpster early Saturday mornings before anyone woke up.
'Atta girl! <3
thedukeofpuke
Virgin
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- Dec 5, 2018
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- 18
Most epic
I puked over the edge of a bridge that spanned a part of the Grand Canyon, and watched it go down, down down. My ex wife took a picture, but you can't see any of the barf. We were both bulimic at the time, and on vacation. It was a blast.
I puked over the edge of a bridge that spanned a part of the Grand Canyon, and watched it go down, down down. My ex wife took a picture, but you can't see any of the barf. We were both bulimic at the time, and on vacation. It was a blast.
CandiCame
Rocket Grunt
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Posts
- 26,765
My friend B puked on a cop one time and didn't get in trouble for it and it was the funniest goddamn thing I ever saw in my life.
Keep in mind that she was super pregnant at the time, like a million months pregnant, like there was no way to look at her and not know that there was a human fetus inside of her.
I don't remember where we were going or why, but it was in a time period where I lived in a drug-fueled haze and should not have had this pregnant person in my car, but she's like, "I'm gonna throw up" I think because pregnancy.
And I was like, "Don't throw up in my car," because common fucking courtesy.
So she rolled the window down- I WAS TAKING HER TO CLASS, I REMEMBER- she rolled the window down and threw up just in the general outsideness.
It just so happened to be that the cop who walks around writing traffic tickets to people on campus was standing there, and she just puked all over him.
I was like,. "Fuuuuuuuuck".
But she just says, "I'm sorry, I'm pregnant!"
And he was legit like, "Oh my god, mam, are you ok?"
Like he was worried about her. And I was like, "Oh, yeah, I'm a human person with empathy, I forgot to be that for a second, ARE you ok?"
To be fair to me she threw up a LOT. My GF did too. Pregnancy makes you puke. That's just a thing. It makes you sick. If you smell something you don't like you'll throw up everywhere and then fucking kill whoever lit a cigarette or whatever it was that made you sick.
Keep in mind that she was super pregnant at the time, like a million months pregnant, like there was no way to look at her and not know that there was a human fetus inside of her.
I don't remember where we were going or why, but it was in a time period where I lived in a drug-fueled haze and should not have had this pregnant person in my car, but she's like, "I'm gonna throw up" I think because pregnancy.
And I was like, "Don't throw up in my car," because common fucking courtesy.
So she rolled the window down- I WAS TAKING HER TO CLASS, I REMEMBER- she rolled the window down and threw up just in the general outsideness.
It just so happened to be that the cop who walks around writing traffic tickets to people on campus was standing there, and she just puked all over him.
I was like,
. "Fuuuuuuuuck".But she just says, "I'm sorry, I'm pregnant!"
And he was legit like, "Oh my god, mam, are you ok?"
Like he was worried about her. And I was like, "Oh, yeah, I'm a human person with empathy, I forgot to be that for a second, ARE you ok?"
To be fair to me she threw up a LOT. My GF did too. Pregnancy makes you puke. That's just a thing. It makes you sick. If you smell something you don't like you'll throw up everywhere and then fucking kill whoever lit a cigarette or whatever it was that made you sick.
CandiCame
Rocket Grunt
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- Apr 12, 2011
- Posts
- 26,765
I also threw up sucking dick one time, apparently, but I don't remember it. I only heard it second hand, but I mean, that sounds like something I would do. In the defense of the guy I'm sure it was my being drunk and not his dick.
That's pretty much the whole story and we were outside so someone made me rinse my mouth out with vodka and I went right back to work, like I mean, sometimes shit happens.
Edit: Just, to the other poster with that story, uh... high five?
That's pretty much the whole story and we were outside so someone made me rinse my mouth out with vodka and I went right back to work, like I mean, sometimes shit happens.
Edit: Just, to the other poster with that story, uh... high five?
tiny_tits
itty bitty
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2013
- Posts
- 4,250
Me too!!!
I was very young, we were drinking, too much, we were making out. He pulled his cock out, and I slowly started licking it and sucking it. He got too excited, pushed my head down, burying his cock in my throat, and I barfed all over him, his Mom's couch. Then he threw up on himself. The I barfed again. Barf City. I just cleaned up and walked home.
LupusDei
curious alien
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2017
- Posts
- 4,255
My craziest drunken barf fest was at my school, the morning after that big alumni night.
I wasn't alumni yet myself, just about to graduate, but I owned school's newsletter and had worked my way into management of the event as if haven't had other stuff to do. Select few other students were employed as waiters and such, and some so I had smugled my girlfriend in as well. My sister was there as both alumni and practicing young teacher, and she had just recently started dating with her husband, another teacher at our school at that time.
I arrived at the event with a briefcase containing three bottles of cheap champagne and two litre bottles of vodka. As if alcohol wasn't provided on the event itself, it was. One of the champagne bottles I presented to my class teacher, I don't remember why, but it was received with laud cheers from the crowd and she was moved. I knew a great number of the previous year graduates and a bunch of other people,, and it was a great night all around, but at the end I mostly stayed with faculty, and that didn't stop me from drinking heavily.
At some point my future brother-in-law led us four from dance floor to his classroom. There he had his own stash, so we continued to drink and smoke right there in the classroom, talking and slowly making out with our respective partners. Eventually my sis and her date started fucking on some pushed together tables, but by then they were so drunk they both passed out mid-fuck.
I continued to drink alone, because my gf was determined to stay sober, and downed at least another half bottle of some sweet hard liquor before we ended up having sex as well. By then I had somehow gone into a deep drunken funk, and so I was telling her terrible things; I fucked her while telling that in two or three months I will dump her, but the other couple in the room will get married (and was right on both counts, although that marriage took ten long years before it get finalised).
Next I knew, she was waking me up, because she got bored, she said. She was horny, and it was big day outside. So we fucked again. After, I tried to apologise about my drunken ramblings, and she shut me up offering me a lit cigarette. I'm not a smoker, it was easily still within two dozen first cigarettes I smoked ever, and two thirds of that number had been during the night before. So it wasn't a good idea, I got feeling sick.
I jumped up and in still apparent daze struggled to open the window. It was one of those weird things that rotate around horizontal pivot rather than open normally. But I succeeded, leaned out and puked on the outer windowsill. Unfortunately, when I tried to stand up I smashed the winow with the back of my head; the glass collapsed all over me. I don't know how I was left unhurt.
That laud noise wake up my teacher (and future brother-in-law), and he started screaming and barking at me, but I was just standing there, half naked with no pants, shrugging off scattered glass and throwing up some more. And then he stopped mid swear, and barfed all over his desk, then stormed out, presumably to find a bathroom.
My sister stirred, and I was afraid she will roll off the table she was sleeping on, so I went to her to help her up. As soon she sit up she vomited all over my chest, then hugged me and started to cry.
And so I was hugging my sister, naked and sobbing, and covered in her own vomit, until my girlfriend, good samarian she was, arrived with large glass of water and tried to clean us with what probably was blackboard cloth soaked with chalk, but why would care about that then.
Few hours later we went on like nothing had happened. On our way out we went to school's technical manager to inform about the broken window, only to find him in his office and awake, but in completely incoherent state himself.
Amazingly, there were no immediate consequences for either of us.
I wasn't alumni yet myself, just about to graduate, but I owned school's newsletter and had worked my way into management of the event as if haven't had other stuff to do. Select few other students were employed as waiters and such, and some so I had smugled my girlfriend in as well. My sister was there as both alumni and practicing young teacher, and she had just recently started dating with her husband, another teacher at our school at that time.
I arrived at the event with a briefcase containing three bottles of cheap champagne and two litre bottles of vodka. As if alcohol wasn't provided on the event itself, it was. One of the champagne bottles I presented to my class teacher, I don't remember why, but it was received with laud cheers from the crowd and she was moved. I knew a great number of the previous year graduates and a bunch of other people,, and it was a great night all around, but at the end I mostly stayed with faculty, and that didn't stop me from drinking heavily.
At some point my future brother-in-law led us four from dance floor to his classroom. There he had his own stash, so we continued to drink and smoke right there in the classroom, talking and slowly making out with our respective partners. Eventually my sis and her date started fucking on some pushed together tables, but by then they were so drunk they both passed out mid-fuck.
I continued to drink alone, because my gf was determined to stay sober, and downed at least another half bottle of some sweet hard liquor before we ended up having sex as well. By then I had somehow gone into a deep drunken funk, and so I was telling her terrible things; I fucked her while telling that in two or three months I will dump her, but the other couple in the room will get married (and was right on both counts, although that marriage took ten long years before it get finalised).
Next I knew, she was waking me up, because she got bored, she said. She was horny, and it was big day outside. So we fucked again. After, I tried to apologise about my drunken ramblings, and she shut me up offering me a lit cigarette. I'm not a smoker, it was easily still within two dozen first cigarettes I smoked ever, and two thirds of that number had been during the night before. So it wasn't a good idea, I got feeling sick.
I jumped up and in still apparent daze struggled to open the window. It was one of those weird things that rotate around horizontal pivot rather than open normally. But I succeeded, leaned out and puked on the outer windowsill. Unfortunately, when I tried to stand up I smashed the winow with the back of my head; the glass collapsed all over me. I don't know how I was left unhurt.
That laud noise wake up my teacher (and future brother-in-law), and he started screaming and barking at me, but I was just standing there, half naked with no pants, shrugging off scattered glass and throwing up some more. And then he stopped mid swear, and barfed all over his desk, then stormed out, presumably to find a bathroom.
My sister stirred, and I was afraid she will roll off the table she was sleeping on, so I went to her to help her up. As soon she sit up she vomited all over my chest, then hugged me and started to cry.
And so I was hugging my sister, naked and sobbing, and covered in her own vomit, until my girlfriend, good samarian she was, arrived with large glass of water and tried to clean us with what probably was blackboard cloth soaked with chalk, but why would care about that then.
Few hours later we went on like nothing had happened. On our way out we went to school's technical manager to inform about the broken window, only to find him in his office and awake, but in completely incoherent state himself.
Amazingly, there were no immediate consequences for either of us.
Colonel Hogan
Madness
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2005
- Posts
- 18,372
Woke up in the middle of the night after having consumed some free (but obviously contaminated) dinner pizza at my second shift job.
Rushed to the bathroom where I simultaneously experienced projectile vomitting AND projectile diarrhea. That was a first. Every time I see slow motion close up film footage of the flames coming out of a Saturn V rocket engine as it leaves the launch pad, I think about that night. Pretty much the same speed and volume, but slightly lower temperatures.
The only thing that kept my ass on the toilet and prevented me from bumping my head on the ceiling was the counter acting force of the bile emanating from my mouth.
Rushed to the bathroom where I simultaneously experienced projectile vomitting AND projectile diarrhea. That was a first. Every time I see slow motion close up film footage of the flames coming out of a Saturn V rocket engine as it leaves the launch pad, I think about that night. Pretty much the same speed and volume, but slightly lower temperatures.
The only thing that kept my ass on the toilet and prevented me from bumping my head on the ceiling was the counter acting force of the bile emanating from my mouth.
