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[yukonnights]

Interesting.

I think you and I are closer in our viewpoints than one might think. Our differences may be our respective experiences of how people express support and their underlying motives?

No doubt that we share a lot in our views/feelings. It's difficult, but I think important, to face the world with a confident belief that "I" am indeed a child of this Universe and no mistake was made when I was given a share in life.

It is too easy, and too tempting, to allow myself to become a victim. I think all people...in particular all groups, find it too easy to become isolated from the larger society. It's a fragmentation that fosters tribes, clans and groups. And this inevitably leads to conflict among the factions. This is true of nation states all the way down to children on the playground. It's the easy path, but not the only path.

In regard to LGBTQ people, they too are susceptible to group think. But in particular, we can too easily begin to think it's us against them, in terms of non-LGBTQ people. It can become an almost automatic reflex to think all of them are against us...but this leads to a great loss in our ability to participate openly as perfectly normal human beings. Another, us against them battle.

In thinking of all this and LGBTQ advocacy in general, I am drawn to thoughts of great advocates such as Gandhi and Martin Luther King. With perfect self assurance that they and their people were indeed as worthy of equal rights as any other, they proceeded in peace to join into society regardless of the hate of some. In the end, this is the only way to dismantle the "group mentality" that fuels such conflicts in the first place.

To that end, it seems that the best advocacy would show our similarities while ignoring our differences. I may be wrong, but so often it seems that LGBTQ advocacy is just the opposite? The saying, 'it's easier to catch flies with honey than vinegar' comes to mind. Maybe it should be our groups who work in our communities to build playgrounds, feed the homeless, comfort the less fortunate...in addition to caring for our own. I think it's by love of life and others we have the best chance of finding love in return. In short, force them to see we are like them in basic human decency...it's only skin color, ethnicity, religion,sexuality, that is different...unimportant things in the big picture.

But such love must have a tough skin, for not everyone is ready yet...and perhaps never will be. But my happiness should not be in their hands, and it won't be if I simply see the good in them and assume they will come to their senses eventually.

A bit of a ramble there...sorry 'bout that

 

[stickygirl]

I appreciate your sentiment but take issue with the fundamentals of your argument. The rights that LGBTQ enjoy ( defend? ) today stand on the shoulders of the brave souls of Stonewall, who did anything but turn the other cheek, after years of oppression by state and the police as its agency. It was very much an ‘us and them’ situation, which had been endured by the LGBT community until that point. Only by standing up and being counted, did they force laws to be changed.

Gandhi’s fight was for national political change and he was no angel, MLK’s was for equal rights within society, so of the two MLK was closer to the positions of LGBT past and present. The success of both campaigns was not to lead by example alone, but force change by political challenge. Unless politicians are pushed, they give nothing. The same was true of the suffragette movement and it took the very public death of Emily Davison, after years of campaigning, for the tide to change in favour of women’s legal rights.

Bigoted politicians are ’them’, employers who dismiss staff if they transition are ‘them’, women who chase trans women from restrooms are ’them’. The young guy who spat in my face on a bus during my transition was ‘them’. Is it any surprise that we should feel under siege?

I think you are quite wrong in assuming it is us who have drawn up the battle lines. We do go out spoiling for a fight: we just want to get on with our lives, working with heterosexual, cis-gender people, but are often not permitted to do so. We stay at home and avoid clubs through fear over our personal safety. Our lives are defined by dusting ourselves down and getting back on our feet. I didn’t say victim: I don’t profess to be one - I’m a survivor, not a victim.

Having boxed your ears, I will agree with you by wishing to distance myself from the politicisation ( is that a word ? ) of the LGBTQ, and particularly trans, agenda. We need forthright leaders, but we don’t need extremists. If the language of advocacy becomes vitriolic and hateful, we only succeed in fostering resistance and alienating regular LGBTQ supporters. It’s a difficult balance for leaders but until equal rights are granted, there is no room for complacency.

 

[timreh]

<snip> ...but this leads to a great loss in our ability to participate openly as perfectly normal human beings. </snip>

The effect of bathroom bills directly impacts my capacity to function in society.

If my bladder will last 2 hours, and I am denied the use of basic right to use a public rest room, then I can't have a job, I can't go to the movies, I can't whatever.

At best I can travel approx. 40 minutes from my residence, spend up to 40 minutes accomplishing my errand, and then head directly home, hopefully arriving before my bladder rebels.

That bathroom policy wasn't my idea, but it totally removes me from being able to function in society as a non-trans person does.

Most LGB folks can freely walk around without being identified as LGB. No one forces them to wear a hat made up of a flashing neon sign screaming their orientation. Yet many trans people do not get that same ability, particularly those who transition later in life. They get clocked at the drop of a hat.

Maybe where you live LGBTQ+ people feel safe and secure?

But that isn't true for many many transgender / non-binary people. Those folks live with fear daily. If rebelling, if storming the castle walls is what it takes for them to be allowed to safely / peacefully / calmly go about their lives, then I'll be glad to meet them at the ramparts.


Make no mistake, this is a fight, and it's not one the LGBTQ+ people started.

(stupid typo)

 

[yukonnights]

The effect of bathroom bills directly impacts my capacity to function in society.

If my bladder will last 2 hours, and I am denied the use of basic right to use a public rest room, then I can't have a job, I can't go to the movies, I can't whatever.

At best I can travel approx. 40 minutes from my residence, spend up to 40 minutes accomplishing my errand, and then head directly home, hopefully arriving before my bladder rebels.

That bathroom policy wasn't my idea, but it totally removes me from being able to function in society as a non-trans person does.

Most LGB folks can freely walk around without being identified as LGB. No one forces them to wear a hat made up of a flashing neon sign screaming their orientation. Yet many trans people do not get that same ability, particularly those who transition later in life. They get clocked at the drop of a hat.

Maybe where you live LGBTQ+ people feel safe and secure?

But that isn't true for many many transgender / non-binary people. Those folks live with fear daily. If rebelling, if storming the castle walls is what it takes for them to be allowed to safely / peacefully / calmly go about their lives, then I'll be glad to meet them at the ramparts.


Make no mistake, this is a fight, and it's not one the LGBTQ+ people started.

(stupid typo)

timreh,

Thank you for bringing this point up. Even as I posted, I knew there is a time and place to push back as hard as we can. Just as those other great advocates I mentioned did. The number one place to do this is the political arena when stupidity demands a reaction. The courts are the other place.

The point I was trying to make is maybe more like this; It is a two front effort. On the one hand, the LGBTQ population is basically populated in a similar way all "groups" are...mostly good, hard working community members with more good in them than bad. But that message often doesn't get mentioned much, or so it seems to me. In a sense, it seems "we" also need to address this front.

If we could do that, we would gain allies. And we have already gained allies because of this...but, more allies would help when we do need to stand up to discrimination.
There was a time not too long ago when people of color faced even harsher discrimination than we do. But it was not the riots and burning that moved society to vote in new laws, it was on the local level where everyday citizens interacted and knew there is no difference in the heart and soul, merely skin color that separates.

Thus, it seems to me that efforts towards a broader community integration would work to show that all people are just people. Somehow the tearing down of the walls that separate us into "clans" or "teams" seems to be the way to do that.

In the end, the only way to fight politicians is with votes. Most of them are like goods sold on the open market, they will follow the votes to hold onto their "power". We need more votes...which means we need more voters who know us and think we're okay.

ETA: ...supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting. Sun Tzu

 

[stickygirl]

https://youtu.be/DRcLqZ1SqQQ

This is my chum Charlie ( well, we've met anyway ) and she's super cool. She's been nominated for a motorsport award for her promotion of Pride at Siverstone this year. She needs a vote by Monday if you have time

 

[timreh]

https://youtu.be/DRcLqZ1SqQQ

This is my chum Charlie ( well, we've met anyway ) and she's super cool. She's been nominated for a motorsport award for her promotion of Pride at Siverstone this year. She needs a vote by Monday if you have time

Done, and shared to a few places.

 

[stickygirl]

Happy NY whatever time zone you are: 2018 was kinda shit, so lets hope for some improvement. I'm spending NY in bed with some party ibruprofen, because it's a UK tradition to take some time off for holiday and enjoy a good virus. I'm passed the worst - three days in bed, so hardly more than inconvenienced... apart from the party and the hot guys and the kisses at midnight ... pfft who needs all that shit?

( no kisses for medical reasons )

 

[coati]

Happy New Year to you, Stickygirl, and I hope you feel better soon. Good time to hunker down and avoid the drunks.

You make every year better for your Lit friends, so I assume that's how you probably are with everyone in your life. Thanks for making each year interesting, fun, and humorous.

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

Happy New Year

Sticky and may this 2019 be a great year for you, A great person. Love.

 

[stickygirl]

Thanks for your wishes for 2019 and lets face it - it can only get better Love to you all x

So on that note, here's a update from my chum Charlie as she heads towards LeMans ( fingers and toes crossed ). She's been competing in the Ginetta group in 2018, but has the French race firmly in her steely sights. Here's a wee interview, announcing her partnership with Stonewall in a bid to be the first trans person to compete at LeMans
https://youtu.be/eyOrfcI3TyY and a more fun one with a growly engine... needed more growly I think
https://youtu.be/PcpUkKMMEcs

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

Hugs and cuddles on another plain, On cold blustery winter evenings and warm balmy morning. Always when you need them.

 

[coati]

A big, tightly-wound growly V-8 engine. So much torque!

 

[stickygirl]

Back on theme again!

I spotted this video today ( why is YT so slow at recommendations?! ) and it's pretty good.
Back story FYI: Tony Attwood is a renown clinical psychologist, whose field is autism and the host vlog Autismhangout, often features him. This episode gives a frustratingly but necessarily brief look at Gender Identity Disorder through the lens of ASD ( Autism Spectrum Disorder - previously known as Asperger Syndrome ) and how ASD folk tend to present GID.
Extra Info - I was recently diagnosed borderline ASD.

At 3.28 the interviewer asks if GID is a sexual thing. TA gives a great answer, because he barely mentions sexual attraction and from my POV that's where I'm coming from too. It's about who are you, not who you want to sleep with.

Later at 9.45 I found myself hiding my hands and blushing... I'll let you figure that one out



ETA - Gender Indentity Disorder, Gender Variance and Autism July 2020
I've already posted about ASD and the observed comorbidity between autism and gender indentity disorder, but more and more studies are acknowledging its significance so that kids presenting with GID are now routinely being assessed for ASD. How times change. So I'm going to start adding links and info on the post and add it to my Index.
For any parent whose children have been diagnosed with one or the other - you need to read these links.

Deborah Rudacille The Riddle of Gender
"Coming at the controversial subject of transsexualism from several angles–historical, sociological, psychological, medical–Rudacille discovered that gender variance is anything but new, that changing one’s gender has been met with both acceptance and hostility through the years, and that gender identity, like sexual orientation, appears to be inborn, not learned, though in some people the sex of the body does not match the sex of the brain."
Living between Genders
A fascinating PDF covering diagnostic overlap with personal accounts from parents and children. ****
New Clinical Guidelines for GID and Autism
"A new set of guidelines aims to help clinicians recognize and treat gender dysphoria in adolescents with autism" ****
includes a number of useful links to current ( 2018 ) papers through PubMed such as
Co-occurrence of GID and ASD in Adults

Holy crap - this is amazing! I'm going to be reading this for weeks

ETA I need to make a distinction between Gender Identity Disorder and Gender Dysphoria.

GID is a confusion over gender generally ie 'Am I a girl or a boy?' 'What's the difference between genders?' . These are typically, and disarmingly, innocent questions in the frame that an autistic person might use. Very often concepts are a stumbling block to autistic people because they often need to understand everything from a base level upward. That's why I've always been crap at Calculus - because it is a concept that is difficult to break down into its constituent principles.
GD - gender dysphoria is a mental condition resulting in depression, anxiety from a reaction to your body sex not matching how you perceive yourself as a person.

The two terms get confused a swapped incorrectly. Thus far, no conclusive evidence had been found to link GD and autism. So 'A large percentage of people with GD are autistic' is speculative. No research has been undertaken. A very small and statistically meaningless study was made linking GID and ASD.

Here's a useful article to add further info

I've recently had this Litsters posts pointed out to me. I'm going to enjoy reading her post and link

 

[stickygirl]

Here's a shout out to my mate Charlie ( well ok we've never met but hey ) and her racing career. You boys might have a tough job keeping up with this lady... anyway great to see such good coverage on mainstream TV

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GyNHLq_Acg

 

[coati]

Here's a shout out to my mate Charlie ( well ok we've never met but hey ) and her racing career. You boys might have a tough job keeping up with this lady... anyway great to see such good coverage on mainstream TV

I would not have a chance of keeping up, both in terms of reaction time behind the wheel and speaking so well on national TV. She is so smart and articulate.

 

[stickygirl]

I would not have a chance of keeping up, both in terms of reaction time behind the wheel and speaking so well on national TV. She is so smart and articulate.

Hi coati
Did you notice the number of down votes against the video... what's wrong with people huh? Yep, like a lot of the high performance people, she's super focussed and wee bit scary. Reminds me of my last gf in fact

 

[coati]

Hi coati
Did you notice the number of down votes against the video... what's wrong with people huh? Yep, like a lot of the high performance people, she's super focussed and wee bit scary. Reminds me of my last gf in fact

I don't get the down-votes, because she does not seem scary to me at all. In fact, I find her very rational and nice and engaging.

I hope you are doing well-- it's always good to "hear" your voice during these crazy times.

 

[stickygirl]

Intersex disqualification

We shouldn't forget the I in LGBTQI and here's a kinda sad video posted a couple of years back. A young woman who is intersex, explains how she was rejected in her application to the military in the US because her genitals 'aren't right' ... As she concludes, they could have rejected her for any number of other reasons, but here the decision was weird and unfair

https://youtu.be/SkzTjD1ihoI

 

[haurni]

Peeking in to read up on the last few months of posts and drop these off for your perusal:

http://transnewyork.org/cross-dressers-have-been-a-largely-misinterpreted-group
A lot of discussions about who's under the 'trans umbrella' deliberately exclude CDs (e.g. compare this and this). The article doesn't even really ask a question, but it encourages me to think that all people with 'atypical' gender expression (i.e. not the cis majority) may some day be able to be themselves.

https://www.them.us/story/how-do-i-know-if-im-transfeminine
For those who feel they may not be 'trans enough'. This one got to me.

The longer I've been identifying as bigender, the more I find myself believing that the world would be a much better place if we could let go of these mental rigidities we have around gender.

 

[stickygirl]

March 31st is Transgender Day of Visibility

Paris Lees has some words

As I read Paris’ article about visible/invisible I can remember reading advice four or five years ago that said that ‘passing’ wasn’t everything, that you didn’t have to ‘pass’ to be trans and live a full life. It puzzled me at the time: I felt guilty and confused by the advice because my everyday experience said the opposite. Looking normal, being invisible and being accepted in a cis-normative world is surely the goal of every trans person?

Critics push the idea on us that trying to appear cisgender must be at odds with being trans “Why do you reinforce the gender stereotype by wanting to appear cisgender?” Those words are never spoken by anyone who has gone through the taunts, the abuse and violence of not being normal. In short it’s a bullshit argument that only seeks to undermine our authenticity as individuals. It's not my job to continually wave a flag of objection in order to satisfy someone else’s political platform.

What is important is that we trans people don’t walk away and become, through invisibility and silence, part of the problem. I know a couple of people who’ve done that. I can understand their decision, because not everyone has the strength to keep fighting when there are more pressing matters in your life, like keeping a job or a relationship or your sanity, come to that.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to not being noticed for being trans. Like Paris, I have smiled at kids in public places and wrinkled my nose in a smile to their Mum. It is such a relief and a joy to be accepted. So what does that say about our world - that despite so many advances we are full of tribal, primitive instincts? We all want more than that.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

I started to write something yesterday about my childhood, then I thought maybe this was the wrong forum.
I could say summinck about how gender is imposed on us, because that came up in my writing ramble...
Before I do though - has anyone else got views?

Got no clue if this can be a timely response but the whole thread almost brings me to tears over the pain and suffering expressed and implied and this question tips me over from lurking to poster.
EVERY single person who has ever lived has been "bent" in one way or another in childhood. Took me fifty years to get even a half grip on the reality of my worth as a person.
Realization of self-worth is made difficult for some by their upbringing and for ALL of us by the "noise" being blasted at us by thoughtless pundits, posters, "newsmen", bloggers vloggers and their ilk who have nothing to offer except sensational BS.
So, Sticky, lay it on us. At least we can be assured what you write will be reasoned and thoughtful.
And for all the rest of us sinners, remember that no stone was thrown at the adulteress when the first was to be thrown by he had had no sin.

 

[stickygirl]

Thanks for your response.
There are good parents and bad parents, but everyone needs the opportunity to break from the family mould and figure out what they want from life. Education is the key.

 

[stickygirl]

Support for attacked lesbian couple

I was really upset to read about this in the UK this week. There's a link in the article if you'd like to make a donation towards them.
https://metro.co.uk/2019/06/07/police-arrest-suspects-gay-couple-attacked-bus-9870237/

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I was really upset to read about this in the UK this week. There's a link in the article if you'd like to make a donation towards them.
https://metro.co.uk/2019/06/07/police-arrest-suspects-gay-couple-attacked-bus-9870237/

That's genuinely horrific, sticky. I can't fathom the gall of men like that to expect total strangers to perform for their entertainment on demand. They're lesbians, that doesn't make them porn stars, strippers, or prostitutes, and even those have the right to refuse anyone for any reason. It goes to prove that our civilization still has a long way to go in terms of respecting bodily autonomy and equality for all.

 

[stickygirl]

I know. tbh it could have been any two women - just friends, who got mugged for no reason at all. Nasty teenage boys, who shouldn't even be out at that time of night and they'll be too young for any decent justice. I hate the way that the legal system describes stuff like this as GBH which doesn't even get a rap on the knuckles - they'll just get a caution.