Conversation

[The_gladiator]

i had a root canal last night, which was more painful i guess than most of you had to deal with last night here (if there was worse offline my apologies).

so just remember to keep things here in perspective.

ok. carry on

I think in a way this post is important. We never know what the other person is going through in their real life, so many of us come here to escape real life though don't talk about it all the time. So when people are worried for example that someone didn't respond in a message, there might be a real life reason keeping someone away.

 

[rlaflamme]

I think in a way this post is important. We never know what the other person is going through in their real life, so many of us come here to escape real life though don't talk about it all the time. So when people are worried for example that someone didn't respond in a message, there might be a real life reason keeping someone away.

It is important to realize that we really have little to no idea what is going on in another's real life world. And it is important to remember that.

 

[The_gladiator]

It is important to realize that we really have little to no idea what is going on in another's real life world. And it is important to remember that.

Yes I agree, and to see above someone say that his day was worse than someone elses that is so subjective. Someone could have lost a loved one yesterday. Someone could be on lit to distract themselves from the fact they're in the hospital. Not to poopoo on anyone's pain but we really don't know so I personally try to avoid statements that presupposes how any other litster's day went

 

[rlaflamme]

Yes I agree, and to see above someone say that his day was worse than someone elses that is so subjective. Someone could have lost a loved one yesterday. Someone could be on lit to distract themselves from the fact they're in the hospital. Not to poopoo on anyone's pain but we really don't know so I personally try to avoid statements that presupposes how any other litster's day went

And your (anyone's, not yours in specific ) thoughts of what a "bad day" is, is actually subjective. What I consider a decent day could be someone else's bad day with identical happenings. I have a headache every day, so, if it is a low grade one, that is a good day whereas a headache of the same pressure might be someone else's bad day.

It is difficult to determine how people are feeling through words if you have not had a decent amount of interactions with them. This could be part of the issues of getting a good conversation going, you really do not know what you are walking in on.

 

[rlaflamme]

I guess, what it comes down to is, take time to learn and think before you react to what might be considered rude.

 

[The_gladiator]

And your (anyone's, not yours in specific ) thoughts of what a "bad day" is, is actually subjective. What I consider a decent day could be someone else's bad day with identical happenings. I have a headache every day, so, if it is a low grade one, that is a good day whereas a headache of the same pressure might be someone else's bad day.

It is difficult to determine how people are feeling through words if you have not had a decent amount of interactions with them. This could be part of the issues of getting a good conversation going, you really do not know what you are walking in on.

I really agree. I love talking about this stuff it's so fascinating to me

 

[rlaflamme]

I really agree. I love talking about this stuff it's so fascinating to me

It is really interesting. I had posted in the forums little things about conversations before and they never really were touched. I am not sure what I did differently with this one, but I love the insights and thoughts that people have contributed. It has become this wonderful thread that people can look at and see what other people think.

I don't know all the reasons why it is so hard to find a decent conversation here, but, in all reality, here we are, all having a really cool conversation about talking. So, goal achieved

 

[The_gladiator]

It is really interesting. I had posted in the forums little things about conversations before and they never really were touched. I am not sure what I did differently with this one, but I love the insights and thoughts that people have contributed. It has become this wonderful thread that people can look at and see what other people think.

I don't know all the reasons why it is so hard to find a decent conversation here, but, in all reality, here we are, all having a really cool conversation about talking. So, goal achieved

Metacommunication for the win....

Sometimes threads are there at the right time and the right people see them, or the posters in them find the right words to spark more conversation. I've seen similar threads like this just turn into bitching sessions and I love that this isn't.

 

[rlaflamme]

Metacommunication for the win....

Sometimes threads are there at the right time and the right people see them, or the posters in them find the right words to spark more conversation. I've seen similar threads like this just turn into bitching sessions and I love that this isn't.

A bitch session is what I would love to keep avoiding. Even if your opinion differs from another, keep it civil, you might learn something.

 

[The_gladiator]

A bitch session is what I would love to keep avoiding. Even if your opinion differs from another, keep it civil, you might learn something.

I meant more it's not just people complaining that no one will talk to them, or they can't get decent replies moreso than conflict in the thread but you have a point as well

 

[rlaflamme]

I meant more it's not just people complaining that no one will talk to them, or they can't get decent replies moreso than conflict in the thread but you have a point as well

Ah yes, that too. There is a thread for that somewhere else, I know I have seen it lol. It is funny when it comes to messages because I will have days where there are a bunch then the next few there are none lol.

It's a go with the flow kind of site and you just have to take the good with the bad.

Has conversation become an art form?

 

[Paul_Chance]

On the rude messages front - a friend of mine has a process that works well for her. Basically, on the initial contact, she pretty much glances at everything (unless it has a creepy screen name or subject line).

If it is someone who demonstrates the traits she likes to see in a conversation, she basically uses a safe word in the subject line, telling people to put something like "BLUE - What a great picture" and tell them to write a good, short, descriptive subject line.

If they can't follow basic instructions, she considers it a good idiot screen. Every now and then one of the idiots slips through and she'll switch the subject line "Safe Word".

This allows her to quickly delete any conversations she's not involved in or interested in, and focus on the ones she is engaged with. It's a pretty good little trick.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

i guess it is easy to freak out when you dont hear from somebody you thought you got along with or there was potential there.

it is sad how acceptable ghostling is becoming these days.

You never know if somebody has real life issues that they have to deal with, or if they are just bombed with messages and can't deal with it, or if the spark or attraction that they had for you flamed out, since it usually isn't communicated.

I am not saying everybody does that, but it does happen more than it should and I think once somebody gets it done to him or herself a number of times, they do it to others without even thinking about it thinking it is ok.

Personally, i still think it sucks.

 

[rlaflamme]

i guess it is easy to freak out when you dont hear from somebody you thought you got along with or there was potential there.

it is sad how acceptable ghostling is becoming these days.

You never know if somebody has real life issues that they have to deal with, or if they are just bombed with messages and can't deal with it, or if the spark or attraction that they had for you flamed out, since it usually isn't communicated.

I am not saying everybody does that, but it does happen more than it should and I think once somebody gets it done to him or herself a number of times, they do it to others without even thinking about it thinking it is ok.

Personally, i still think it sucks.

Oh being ghosted sucks, no matter how you look at it, it sucks. Now, when one is ghosted you think the bad right? They lost the flame, something happened, they were just not who I thought they were. Stuff like that. Have you ever wondered if the ghosting happened because the "ghoster" may have felt it was getting to real? Maybe they were getting to close for their comfort and had to back off, and not knowing how to convey such a thing in a message so they just never replied?

Just another thought.

 

[rlaflamme]

On the rude messages front - a friend of mine has a process that works well for her. Basically, on the initial contact, she pretty much glances at everything (unless it has a creepy screen name or subject line).

If it is someone who demonstrates the traits she likes to see in a conversation, she basically uses a safe word in the subject line, telling people to put something like "BLUE - What a great picture" and tell them to write a good, short, descriptive subject line.

If they can't follow basic instructions, she considers it a good idiot screen. Every now and then one of the idiots slips through and she'll switch the subject line "Safe Word".

This allows her to quickly delete any conversations she's not involved in or interested in, and focus on the ones she is engaged with. It's a pretty good little trick.

That is a pretty good idea, I wonder how many will see this and put it into practice...

 

[Midwest50Guy]

Oh being ghosted sucks, no matter how you look at it, it sucks. Now, when one is ghosted you think the bad right? They lost the flame, something happened, they were just not who I thought they were. Stuff like that. Have you ever wondered if the ghosting happened because the "ghoster" may have felt it was getting to real? Maybe they were getting to close for their comfort and had to back off, and not knowing how to convey such a thing in a message so they just never replied?

Just another thought.

i have had a few folks tell me i am too good to be true and they think the bottom will fall out and so they leave.

The price for being insecure i guess.

 

[The_gladiator]

i have had a few folks tell me i am too good to be true and they think the bottom will fall out and so they leave.

The price for being insecure i guess.

Not sure I understand this post, insecurity on your part, or their part?

 

[The_gladiator]

Wow. I’ve had some good shit, but nobody’s ever told me that.

Definitely insecurities on their part imo.

Women are insecure about so much shit that guys don’t even think about.

I think men can be just as insecure. I've tlked to women I thought were definitely too good to be true. Maybe that does make me insecure also hha.

 

[Froya]

I've been perusing through the last few days or so of the thread, and I've picked out a few things to respond to.

This being an erotic site sets up conversations to be, well, about sex. However, do you find yourself looking for a simple conversation, just about life in general. One that is for comfort? Is a search for conversation more about having a bit of company than about the sex?

Short term conversations seem to be about sexual desires, while long term ones seem to be about more than that, is this true for you as well?

In my time here, I've found that the men who contact me first generally start taking the conversation towards sex fairly soon into the conversation, if not from right at the start. I imagine some people are fine with that, but it's not my style. There is a chemistry that can happen in a conversation, and it doesn't have to be about sex. I get excited when I find someone I have something in common with, if we share some sort of understanding with each other, then the butterflies start to break free. If there's some flirtation involved, it's extra fun.

Generally speaking, I would say that most of my shorter conversations have been the ones that turn to sex quickly. Longer ones are definitely about more than that, but sex can also be a part of them. There are exceptions, of course, but yeah, in general that seems to be the case.

I'm never really looking for a specific kind of conversation. I like to find people I think I want to have a conversation with, and let things go where they will on there own time.

Not sure if you meant to quote me, but since you did.
I agee, sometimes I struggle with how to take that conversation deeper, how do you move past hi how are you? With some people it's so easy with others extremely difficult

I've mostly found that if someone sparks my interest it's because what they're writing in their posts shows something of their personality and style of communication. They've said something that has caught my attention. When I write to someone the first time, I let them know why, what it is I appreciated about a particular post, and my goal is to write enough for them to be able to respond easily. It doesn't always flow easily from there, but it often does. Occasionally you get a surprise like receiving a brief "thank you" response from someone who is publicly eloquent. There's always the chance that someone you write to just isn't interested in you or in making new friends at all.

I wonder if those that send the rude or lude messages get the attention they want. I mean, if it didn't work wouldn't they stop doing it?

Throw enough darts, one is eventually going to stick to the board, you know? I'm assuming that's the thought (or lack of) behind some of it. If all they want is someone to talk about what to put in which hole, they've got to keep trying to find that elusive creature.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

Not sure I understand this post, insecurity on your part, or their part?

their part.

 

[The_gladiator]

I've been perusing through the last few days or so of the thread, and I've picked out a few things to respond to.




In my time here, I've found that the men who contact me first generally start taking the conversation towards sex fairly soon into the conversation, if not from right at the start. I imagine some people are fine with that, but it's not my style. There is a chemistry that can happen in a conversation, and it doesn't have to be about sex. I get excited when I find someone I have something in common with, if we share some sort of understanding with each other, then the butterflies start to break free. If there's some flirtation involved, it's extra fun.

Generally speaking, I would say that most of my shorter conversations have been the ones that turn to sex quickly. Longer ones are definitely about more than that, but sex can also be a part of them. There are exceptions, of course, but yeah, in general that seems to be the case.

I'm never really looking for a specific kind of conversation. I like to find people I think I want to have a conversation with, and let things go where they will on there own time.




I've mostly found that if someone sparks my interest it's because what they're writing in their posts shows something of their personality and style of communication. They've said something that has caught my attention. When I write to someone the first time, I let them know why, what it is I appreciated about a particular post, and my goal is to write enough for them to be able to respond easily. It doesn't always flow easily from there, but it often does. Occasionally you get a surprise like receiving a brief "thank you" response from someone who is publicly eloquent. There's always the chance that someone you write to just isn't interested in you or in making new friends at all.




Throw enough darts, one is eventually going to stick to the board, you know? I'm assuming that's the thought (or lack of) behind some of it. If all they want is someone to talk about what to put in which hole, they've got to keep trying to find that elusive creature.

I think this is a great philosophy for sending pms you give enough substance that it makes it easy to spark a conversation.
In my opinion it's tough to write a long eliquent message to someone and not get it recipricated, to get a one word response.

 

[rlaflamme]

I think this is a great philosophy for sending pms you give enough substance that it makes it easy to spark a conversation.
In my opinion it's tough to write a long eliquent message to someone and not get it recipricated, to get a one word response.

And it is the one word or no replies that make people wonder if they should write a longish introduction I think.

Obviously not every conversation that one attempts to start with blossom into a friendship or long term conversation and it is silly to believe they will, but when you take the time to put up a decent hello it is nice to get some sort of effort in return, even if it is a turn down.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

And it is the one word or no replies that make people wonder if they should write a longish introduction I think.

Obviously not every conversation that one attempts to start with blossom into a friendship or long term conversation and it is silly to believe they will, but when you take the time to put up a decent hello it is nice to get some sort of effort in return, even if it is a turn down.

sometimes i am not even sure if it is worth replying to a one word reply. It is like, that is all you have the say. It is almost like, they don't care. Maybe I am missing something.

How do others handle the one word replies?

 

[rlaflamme]

sometimes i am not even sure if it is worth replying to a one word reply. It is like, that is all you have the say. It is almost like, they don't care. Maybe I am missing something.

How do others handle the one word replies?

Exactly, it is difficult to figure out what it is that you can say to add to a one word reply. I tend to give a bit more information and hope, but there have been times I sent a reply with, "Okay, thanks, have a good day and good luck to you."

 

[Froya]

I think this is a great philosophy for sending pms you give enough substance that it makes it easy to spark a conversation.
In my opinion it's tough to write a long eliquent message to someone and not get it recipricated, to get a one word response.

I rarely write anything overly long, but it does need to be just long enough to give some indication of who I am, particularly if it's a case where it's someone I haven't had an interaction with on the boards. When you're writing to someone for the first time, they already have your attention, so the onus is on you to give them enough to get their attention.

It doesn't take more than maybe a five minute investment to tell someone what got your attention, maybe to follow up a little on something they've said, and let them know you'd like to start a conversation. I've never regretted doing that, because that's the sort of thing I'd like to see in my inbox. You may not always get what you give, but you can't expect to get more than what you give.