Daddy's Little Girl: Second Edition

[cascadiabound]

Positive Reinforcement.
2 words.

Good girl

The power of those words is astronomical.


From him? I melt completely, and it makes me willing to do just about anything for those words.
*snip*

But doing things I know will make him happy? In bed or out?
Make him whisper that I'm a good girl?
Um. Yes please.

Not rambling -
You said a bunch of important stuff there Tink -
The stuff about tending to put other people first, sometimes having a hard time remembering to take care of yourself, or making yourself a priority (getting sleep, food, exercise, rest, not over scheduling. etc... I mean - we are SMART women - we KNOW how to do these things... we just don't. We figure... we are not important - other things come first... which is part of why we are submissive-types...

And therefore when someone comes along and says - hey - you - I LOVE you, I CARE about you and because YOU are important to me, I demand, I REQUIRE you to take care of yourself and I will reward you for doing so in particular ways - even if it is as small a thing as whispering *good girl* at the completion of a task or when reporting on having eaten properly, or having taken time out for needed self care - we turn into devoted affectionate smiley melty girls.

So yes... all of that.

 

[ExiledWelshman]

Not rambling -
You said a bunch of important stuff there Tink -
The stuff about tending to put other people first, sometimes having a hard time remembering to take care of yourself, or making yourself a priority (getting sleep, food, exercise, rest, not over scheduling. etc... I mean - we are SMART women - we KNOW how to do these things... we just don't. We figure... we are not important - other things come first... which is part of why we are submissive-types...

And therefore when someone comes along and says - hey - you - I LOVE you, I CARE about you and because YOU are important to me, I demand, I REQUIRE you to take care of yourself and I will reward you for doing so in particular ways - even if it is as small a thing as whispering *good girl* at the completion of a task or when reporting on having eaten properly, or having taken time out for needed self care - we turn into devoted affectionate smiley melty girls.

So yes... all of that.

Morning all.

First off, Tink. Not a ramble, far from it. All salient points, made without cat memes, too. Well played.

And Cas and my Sassy Pants elaborated further

So, to add perspective from this side of things...

Being able to say something positive like "good girl" when a task or anything positive that deserves praise has been completed is such a good feeling.

Sassy Pants and I have had to spend a bit more time apart that we'd like in the last few days as she's had work to catch up on. I've told her she needs to do it and she's got her head down and done it.

I know it's been hard, she's missed me (not being big headed here ladies) but she's done it. She earned praise and I made sure she knew I was proud of her.

It's been hard for me, too though. Missed her like crazy. But it was worth it. I can only speak for myself but I worry that she was behind on important things, worried she's not eating right etc.

So if your Daddy says "no, we are not talking until xyz is done" then it is just as difficult for them.

 

[thinkingofyou3000]

Good stuff Tink!

 

[cookiecat]

<SNIP>

Interesting discussion lately. I've been... busy and there was a lot I wanted to talk about but I think that topic has passed and it's probably for the best anyway, so I"m going to come back to one thing that I do want to touch on because it ties into the above from a different perspective.

Positive Reinforcement.
2 words.

Good girl

The power of those words is astronomical.
They are completely meaningless from someone who doesn't matter to me. They have no reaction at all and while it's nice to be praised for any reason, like AlwaysFara said, unless there's something there, it tends to make me bristle.

From him? I melt completely, and it makes me willing to do just about anything for those words.

And I wonder why... but at the same time I sort of know and understand and in some ways it's why I fall into that kind of a little category.
I don't need someone to tell me what to do for me to do them... necessarily.
But anyone that knows me more than superficially knows that I am kinda a trainwrecky mess sometimes. Occasionally. Often.. Ok, most of the time.
I overschedule myself.
I give too much to too many people.
I suck at saying no.
I don't sleep, I procrastinate.
I don't take care of myself the way I should.
I make bad decisions with my coping mechanisms.

I am great at taking care of other people and will do so at risk to myself; physically, mentally, emotionally.
Even faced with knowing I need to do things for myself, I don't tend to do them for myself.

But I do like to make people that are important to me happy.
So... feeling like I've done something that has made him happy by taking care of myself... that I can do.

I don't respond well to the idea of disappointing someone.
I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be and I tend to expect that everyone is always going to leave. A relationship set up with punishment or discipline at the core probably wouldn't be ideal for me.

But doing things I know will make him happy? In bed or out?
Make him whisper that I'm a good girl?
Um. Yes please.

I don't know. I'm probably rambling.
It seemed like an important thing to add to the conversation but it's probably just stuff other people said in some way already.

It is an important thing to add!

We all want the same outcomes - a loving, nurturing, connected relationship. Perhaps the way we get to those outcomes look different. (Although "good girl" from Daddy does seem to be universal! )

Tink - I bolded some things that stood out for me. I too describe myself as a hot mess. I'm not a linear, super organized thinker. I've been diagnosed with Adult ADD. Now that I know myself, I don't see being scattered as a bad thing. It's just a thing. It can be a good thing if I harness that chaotic energy! Sometimes, though, I need help. It's exhausting trying to get my brain to think in a straight line.

I guess what's why I gravitate toward a relationship that has discipline. Maybe discipline is the wrong word - it does give a negative connotation - but it's the word most commonly used.

In our world, discipline was more like the rules Daddy set down to help. It was up to me to eventually start being a grown up and not always feel like I was a hot mess that needed to be fixed. But I had to admit that sometimes I did need his help.

Punishment was effective for me. It meant he'd hold me accountable if I didn't do what I said I'd do. It was used sparingly. Lots of times, we'd just talk about why something didn't get done, were his expectations too much, what came up that prevented me from completing what I said Id do.

EW wrote:

It needs to be reinforce a point and be tailored to the recipient and what makes him/her tick and really speaks to them. Otherwise...what's the point? If a "lesson" needs to be learned, then it needs to be one that the recipient can truly understand and will be beneficial. But ultimately, it needs to be a positive experience for both parties. It needs to wipe the slate clean and ensure that while the lesson is learned, the actual event remains in the past.

That's what it was for me. Even if the punishment felt negative, the overall experience ended up positive. Lots of cuddles after, wiping away tears, hugs. And then not holding on to feelings of shame or embarrassment of letting myself or him down. I'm the master of holding on to feelings of guilt or disappointment and spinning those around in my head. Punishment was our way of letting go of those feelings.

The thing I like about DD/lg or D/s relationships is that clear communication. Clear expectations, the rules, being deliberate about choices, being held accountable. I suppose every successful relationship has elements of that but saying "yes, Daddy" and hearing "good girl" is just icing on the cake.

 

[cookiecat]

This resonated

https://i.imgur.com/MftrHwx.jpg

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I miss my Daddy! *sits and cries*

 

[SubTulip]

......

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Brings my blanket and snuggles you with it.

Thank you Tulip. *snuggles*

Sorry I lost it there for a minute. Sometimes I get tired of being strong by myself.

 

[Nzerxx]

I miss my Daddy! *sits and cries*

Awww Honey! (((hugs)))

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Awww Honey! (((hugs)))

Thank you! *hugs back*

It was a brief thunderstorm of the heart. I'm feeling a bit sheepish now.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Hey, can we have a slumber party?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Hey, can we have a slumber party?

Yes, please.

I'm on my way to bed now, can I put my head in your lap?

 

[HeavyBalls]

*delivers cookies and tea*

 

[SubTulip]

......

 

[LostGirlTink]

This resonated

https://i.imgur.com/MftrHwx.jpg

I love this.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

It's amazing how quickly I can go from feeling okay to feeling small and anxious.

It's like stepping out the door and finding myself in a freefall through nothing.

 

[SubTulip]

......

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Big hugs, you want me to stroke your hair?

Thank you Tulip.

I'm going to get up and move around a bit and see if that helps.

If not, I'll be back!

 

[SubTulip]

Thank you Tulip.

I'm going to get up and move around a bit and see if that helps.

If not, I'll be back!

Hugs hope it helps

 

[LostGirlTink]

It's amazing how quickly I can go from feeling okay to feeling small and anxious.

It's like stepping out the door and finding myself in a freefall through nothing.

I slip into that more fragile place myself pretty easily, sometimes without warning.
Don't beat yourself up over it Honey.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Hugs hope it helps

..... .....

 

[barefootgirl69]

I think we all have days when we're a bit more fragile than normal (whatever our normal is).

Hope your day improves, Honey.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I think we all have days when we're a bit more fragile than normal (whatever our normal is).

Hope your day improves, Honey.

Fragile is the perfect word for it.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I know I'm little. I know I'm submissive. I know I like to please people. I know I love making people (like my boss or someone in charge) look good to others.

But, I hate being bossed around.

Recently, some have said that they only like "good girl" coming from their PYL. For the most part, I like it coming from anyone who isn't trying that phrase out to get in my panties.

BUT, being bossy and rude is likely going to get you a cheerful little earful, no matter who you are. Being disrespectful, coming around saying things like "why did you put the couch there? I would have put it there" or "you should do such n such".

Even my Daddy does treat me that way!

I realize I take a lot of that from people because I stay quiet and they think they can walk all over me...but there comes a time when I stand up.

I'm saying this in this thread because I've grown up listening to this since childhood, and today I wondered if that was the reason I gravitate towards DD.

Let's discuss.

 

[LostGirlTink]

I know I'm little. I know I'm submissive. I know I like to please people. I know I love making people (like my boss or someone in charge) look good to others.

But, I hate being bossed around.

Recently, some have said that they only like "good girl" coming from their PYL. For the most part, I like it coming from anyone who isn't trying that phrase out to get in my panties.

BUT, being bossy and rude is likely going to get you a cheerful little earful, no matter who you are. Being disrespectful, coming around saying things like "why did you put the couch there? I would have put it there" or "you should do such n such".

Even my Daddy does treat me that way!

I realize I take a lot of that from people because I stay quiet and they think they can walk all over me...but there comes a time when I stand up.

I'm saying this in this thread because I've grown up listening to this since childhood, and today I wondered if that was the reason I gravitate towards DD.

Let's discuss.

I put up with a lot from people, enough so that I didn't even think of the things you said in your example as being disrespectful or rude until you pointed out it was just now.



I'm a people pleaser.
I have a near pathological need to be liked.
I have no idea if any of it is all interconnected or not.