Some poly, some kink, some other stuff ...

[numeniusa]

I think she's referring to the other stuff - cyber, phone, etc.

She admitted when it was behind her husband's back and she felt guilty for cheating on him xx

I found Kim’s analysis about what she did and didn’t feel guilty about very honest and reflective. She doesn’t let herself off lightly, but she’s clear about what she considered acceptable and what was not. Of course, that’s her assessment, her husband may have felt differently had he known, but that was her call. (Sorry, Kim, I’m talking about you in the third person in your own thread... )

I think I meant the question about infidelity more generally, though, than specifically about Kim’s story here.

 

[KimGordon67]

I think that slowly, over time, the physical aspects started having a more 'control' component woven through them. I'm not a very submissive person ... I never really identify as 'sub' because I just don't think of myself that way, sexually or otherwise. But if the right guy just takes over, it makes my skin quiver. The more time we spent together, the more we were able to get into each others' heads, to create a space that was temporary, but so freaking intense, so that even the small things became so much more.
He slides his hand between my legs and says 'open' ... and even though that's what I'd do anyway, his voice saying that melts me.
He makes me hold his gaze when I'm cumming. Just there. Until I can literally feel my eyes rolling back in my head.
He tells me to be still, while he plays with me. This is almost the hardest thing, not moving when every nerve in my body is wanting to. He slides his fingers into me and tells me how wet I am, but I still can't move. He moves his wet fingers up to my clit - he knows he's making me cum, and I can feel myself shivering, but I still can't move.

The first time he restrained me, it was with ties around the bed head ... we weren't really paying enough attention, because I realised after a couple of minutes I could easily get out of them, but I didn't. I sort of look at that as a 'test run' ... was it really something we both wanted? But it definitely was, so that I was pretty soon shopping for actual cuffs. We spent a while scouring websites, but eventually settled on the industrial strength velcro attached together with a chain - looking at them afterwards, I realised that I would get out of them if I really needed to (like in the event of a medical emergency - at our age, you need to think about these things), but it would take a bit of work, and when they're on me, I don't feel like I can get out. I remember the first time he slid them around my wrists and tightened them - it's such a definite thing, and the increase in intensity is physically palpable. We were at his place, and he looped them through the bedhead he's got that's suited to such things ... in that position, it barely feels like actual 'bondage', more like you're just prevented from doing anything yourself, so have all the attention lavished on you ... but maybe the third time we used them, he realised he could loop through the base of the bed, on one side, so my arms were more stretched (because of the mattress), and from there it was easy to pull my head to the side of the bed. I think that was the first time he really slid his cock right into my throat ... that's the feeling I was looking for, knowing I couldn't move (at least not easily), knowing he could take whatever the fuck he wanted, knowing that he wanted that. Somehow knowing that was for him, not me, was an incredible turn-on.

 

[Paul_Chance]

That is a great description of that line that exists between playing at something and actually surrendering to it. That is part of the journey, of the discovery of where that line is, and where we land in regards to the line.

 

[KimGordon67]

That is a great description of that line that exists between playing at something and actually surrendering to it. That is part of the journey, of the discovery of where that line is, and where we land in regards to the line.

Well thanks ... I think you're right about the 'playing'/surrendering line. Not that one is in any way better than the other, but each evokes quite a different reaction, physically and otherwise. I'm constantly surprised by how much of a head-fuck (in a good way) some of this stuff is ... that's the bit that's always hard to explain to other people.

 

[SueAnne443]

wow...

Well thanks ... I think you're right about the 'playing'/surrendering line. Not that one is in any way better than the other, but each evokes quite a different reaction, physically and otherwise. I'm constantly surprised by how much of a head-fuck (in a good way) some of this stuff is ... that's the bit that's always hard to explain to other people.

subscribing

 

[KimGordon67]

subscribing

I should make an effort to be more diligent in my postings.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

I just got back from a Lit Hiatus, and enjoyed sitting here finishing the story.

Keep that in mind. I left, but I came back and read the rest.

Very interesting perspectives on Poly and marriage and relationships.

I think, even if you are monogamous, one can learn from all relationships.

Thanks for sharing. And you write well.

 

[KimGordon67]

The first time he restrained me, it was with ties around the bed head ... we weren't really paying enough attention, because I realised after a couple of minutes I could easily get out of them, but I didn't. I sort of look at that as a 'test run' ... was it really something we both wanted? But it definitely was, so that I was pretty soon shopping for actual cuffs. We spent a while scouring websites, but eventually settled on the industrial strength velcro attached together with a chain - looking at them afterwards, I realised that I would get out of them if I really needed to (like in the event of a medical emergency - at our age, you need to think about these things), but it would take a bit of work, and when they're on me, I don't feel like I can get out. I remember the first time he slid them around my wrists and tightened them - it's such a definite thing, and the increase in intensity is physically palpable. We were at his place, and he looped them through the bedhead he's got that's suited to such things ... in that position, it barely feels like actual 'bondage', more like you're just prevented from doing anything yourself, so have all the attention lavished on you ... but maybe the third time we used them, he realised he could loop through the base of the bed, on one side, so my arms were more stretched (because of the mattress), and from there it was easy to pull my head to the side of the bed. I think that was the first time he really slid his cock right into my throat ... that's the feeling I was looking for, knowing I couldn't move (at least not easily), knowing he could take whatever the fuck he wanted, knowing that he wanted that. Somehow knowing that was for him, not me, was an incredible turn-on.

I still remember the first time he slapped my cunt. We were lying on a bed in a motel, and he must have been smacking my arse, and I remember taking his hand and spread my legs and sliding his hand there and saying 'here'. He knew what I meant immediately ... of course, it's not the sort of thing you go in for the first time with all your weight, so it took a while to get things right. But we did, fairly quickly.
It's an almost indescribable feeling. I mean, it hurts like fuck obviously, but the sensation is just so awesome as well. It's just about the only thing that creates that real conflict for me, of wanting it to stop but not stop, of feeling like I can't stand any more but wanting more. That in itself can't make me cum, but when I really have reached the limit, and end up crawling into his arms shuddering, then I cum, just from the physical after-sensation.

 

[Red_Camellia]

Wow! I'm completely floored. I'm so happy to have read through this thread. Your writing is so beautiful. It conveys the eroticism, but more than that, the heart behind your experiences.

Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing such an intimate part of yourself. I thoroughly enjoyed it and will definitely be tuning into this thread in the future.

It's interesting to hear your side of your polyamorous journey. I was on the other side of it with my ex. A year into our relationship he approached me about it and confessed that he had always been that way but was scared to say anything. I have to admit that at the beginning I felt somewhat betrayed that he even had the thought.
But once we agreed to it, our relationship changed in such positive ways. We found out more about each other and became more honest with ourselves. It was a completely different lifestyle and culture than what I was used to. It's not something that I would seek out on my own, but I definitely feel that I grew as a person when I was confronted with this new way of being.

Best of all, what I think about love, romance, and relationships feels so much more nuanced now than it used to be.

 

[KimGordon67]

Wow! I'm completely floored. I'm so happy to have read through this thread. Your writing is so beautiful. It conveys the eroticism, but more than that, the heart behind your experiences.

Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing such an intimate part of yourself. I thoroughly enjoyed it and will definitely be tuning into this thread in the future.

It's interesting to hear your side of your polyamorous journey. I was on the other side of it with my ex. A year into our relationship he approached me about it and confessed that he had always been that way but was scared to say anything. I have to admit that at the beginning I felt somewhat betrayed that he even had the thought.
But once we agreed to it, our relationship changed in such positive ways. We found out more about each other and became more honest with ourselves. It was a completely different lifestyle and culture than what I was used to. It's not something that I would seek out on my own, but I definitely feel that I grew as a person when I was confronted with this new way of being.

Best of all, what I think about love, romance, and relationships feels so much more nuanced now than it used to be.

Yeah, it's an interesting experience and you're right in that it usually involves a lot more thinking about what love and relationships 'are'. For me, the key thing is that wanting them in plural doesn't mean I'm dissatsfied with any one of them - it's difficult to explain that though.

 

[Olderthanthat]

Yeah, it's an interesting experience and you're right in that it usually involves a lot more thinking about what love and relationships 'are'. For me, the key thing is that wanting them in plural doesn't mean I'm dissatsfied with any one of them - it's difficult to explain that though.

You've explained it perfectly.

 

[ouchfeelsgood]

The first time he restrained me, it was with ties around the bed head ... we weren't really paying enough attention, because I realised after a couple of minutes I could easily get out of them, but I didn't. I sort of look at that as a 'test run' ... was it really something we both wanted? But it definitely was, so that I was pretty soon shopping for actual cuffs. We spent a while scouring websites, but eventually settled on the industrial strength velcro attached together with a chain - looking at them afterwards, I realised that I would get out of them if I really needed to (like in the event of a medical emergency - at our age, you need to think about these things), but it would take a bit of work, and when they're on me, I don't feel like I can get out. I remember the first time he slid them around my wrists and tightened them - it's such a definite thing, and the increase in intensity is physically palpable. We were at his place, and he looped them through the bedhead he's got that's suited to such things ... in that position, it barely feels like actual 'bondage', more like you're just prevented from doing anything yourself, so have all the attention lavished on you ... but maybe the third time we used them, he realised he could loop through the base of the bed, on one side, so my arms were more stretched (because of the mattress), and from there it was easy to pull my head to the side of the bed. I think that was the first time he really slid his cock right into my throat ... that's the feeling I was looking for, knowing I couldn't move (at least not easily), knowing he could take whatever the fuck he wanted, knowing that he wanted that. Somehow knowing that was for him, not me, was an incredible turn-on.

For me, the concept of "power-exchange" is an integral -- although not necessarily a mandatory part of a memorable BDSM scene. There's something about my being tied down and totally at the mercy of someone else that really pushes my kink buttons! I'm putting my complete trust in someone who has the power (within reason!) to do whatever she would like to me. Obviously, there's a strong psychological component to this type of play that enhances and intensifies a play session. As a switch, I also enjoy the converse situation of having power over a partner who is bound and completely vulnerable. In either mode, it's quite the turn on!

 

[Deleted member 1177770]

It has been enlightening to read through the myriad experiences you've had. And we're not even near the end.

I have to congratulate you for finding your own space. Knowing whats right and wrong, deciding for yourself. Many people go through this, maybe not successfully but it takes a lot to admit it in front of everyone. Whether it be for sharing, validation or just putting it out there you have done a great job.

I will continue to read and be part of this journey.

 

[KimGordon67]

It has been enlightening to read through the myriad experiences you've had. And we're not even near the end.

I have to congratulate you for finding your own space. Knowing whats right and wrong, deciding for yourself. Many people go through this, maybe not successfully but it takes a lot to admit it in front of everyone. Whether it be for sharing, validation or just putting it out there you have done a great job.

I will continue to read and be part of this journey.

Ha - funnily enough as I was logging in, I was just thinking about this thread and wondering if I wanted to pick it up again.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Ha - funnily enough as I was logging in, I was just thinking about this thread and wondering if I wanted to pick it up again.

Yes! Yes you do.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Yes! Yes you do.

Seconded. I can't believe I've only now found this thread. I was reading through your experiences and it is shockingly similar to the path my marriage has taken. The only difference is my husband also experimented with other women, but does at this time seem to be content as a one woman guy.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Ha - funnily enough as I was logging in, I was just thinking about this thread and wondering if I wanted to pick it up again.

Yes! Yes you do.

Seconded. I can't believe I've only now found this thread. I was reading through your experiences and it is shockingly similar to the path my marriage has taken. The only difference is my husband also experimented with other women, but does at this time seem to be content as a one woman guy.

What they said? Well me to!

 

[Deleted member 1177770]

Ha - funnily enough as I was logging in, I was just thinking about this thread and wondering if I wanted to pick it up again.

I hope you do wind up to continuing your posts

 

[KimGordon67]

I still remember the first time he slapped my cunt. We were lying on a bed in a motel, and he must have been smacking my arse, and I remember taking his hand and spread my legs and sliding his hand there and saying 'here'. He knew what I meant immediately ... of course, it's not the sort of thing you go in for the first time with all your weight, so it took a while to get things right. But we did, fairly quickly.
It's an almost indescribable feeling. I mean, it hurts like fuck obviously, but the sensation is just so awesome as well. It's just about the only thing that creates that real conflict for me, of wanting it to stop but not stop, of feeling like I can't stand any more but wanting more. That in itself can't make me cum, but when I really have reached the limit, and end up crawling into his arms shuddering, then I cum, just from the physical after-sensation.

One thing that really surprised me ... while we were in the talking about everything phase, we both agreed that any form of asphyxiation was a limit for both us - he'd done that in the past with other women, but it was on the list of things he only did for them, not because he really got anything out of it, and I just couldn't imagine what the point of it was ... but then, one night, we were lying in a bed in a motel, and he had his hand on my throat for some reason, and on a complete impulse I slide my hand around his wrist and pushed his hand further against me ... and he knew exactly what I meant, and started tightening his grip. It was just a few seconds the first time, but the effect was ... well, I don't know - that one's hard to explain. Obviously it's not pain, and he was really constricting the air flow but not completely cutting it off (and yes, he totally knows what he's doing with this), but there was something amazingly erotic about it. We really quickly fell into a signal system where we'd be kissing as he was doing this, and when I'd reached my limit, I'd break the kiss ... so obviously that added to things.

And, surprisingly, he was totally into it too ... we'd always be really close physically at those moment, and I could always feeling him getting harder against me. I talked to him about how it felt for him - I guess the answer is obvious, but it was about that level of control ... and clearly the flipside of that is knowing that I trust him that much, which is all part of the connection and the rabbit hole we disappeared down when we were together.

I don't know if I"ll ever want to do that with anyone else. There was a definite emotional aspect to it that, for me anyway, requires a very particular sort of relationship.

 

[where_is_RUTH]

where the hell do you start when you are playing catch up...

I think I'm just interested in the honesty angle. I compartmentalise my life. So I do see this as cheating, but lots of women do. You seem to have quite a male (healthy) outlook on interaction. it didn't hurt your SO to be talking to others and getting off, in fact the SO benefits from increased better sex.

I realise that the current discussion is about actually meeting, but as I said I'm late to the party... now... how to construct a PM

 

[Erotic69er]

I relate to this

I am married and have been for almost a decade. My husband and I met a girl, we'll call her Dee, several years ago who quickly became close to us. It was all about the sex at first. He and I have indulged in many FMF threesomes and jealousy was never an issue. The more Dee spent time with us the more I fell for her. I noticed, though I have the primary place, my husband was falling too. She moved in with us a couple of years ago and lives with us as a spouse. I guess you could say my marriage is primary because we've been together so long and our love is strong. But my girlfriend has a special place. What we do works. She's showed love and affection and not in a secondary sense.

In the early stages of our marriage we were totally into one another and monogamous. Gradually we started to talk about previous relationships and thinking about enjoying sex with other people. We started to discuss our sexuality and how we both had a bisexual side we would like to explore.
My wife had become very close to a female colleague. The three of us became close friends and eventually my wife and her gradually became lovers. Found their relationship very beautiful and I would encourage my wife to stay over at hers now and again. Meanwhile I had become very attracted to a transvestite I’d met online. My wife encouraged me to meet him and we started to share a very sensual and loving friendship.
These relationships worked in tandem with our very loving marriage and eventually we started having 3sum sex with both of them on a fairly regular basis. They have never met but we have enjoyed two beautiful ménage a trois for over 10years now.
We do swing with others occassionaly whe the mood takes us but the sexual and emotional affection we have with our two lovers is on a different plane. It has enriched our marriage.

 

[KimGordon67]

where the hell do you start when you are playing catch up...

I think I'm just interested in the honesty angle. I compartmentalise my life. So I do see this as cheating, but lots of women do. You seem to have quite a male (healthy) outlook on interaction. it didn't hurt your SO to be talking to others and getting off, in fact the SO benefits from increased better sex.

I realise that the current discussion is about actually meeting, but as I said I'm late to the party... now... how to construct a PM

I don't see it as sex-specific.

And I don't really think it was ideal, or 'healthy' - if I knew the what I know now, I'd probably do things differently.

 

[KimGordon67]

In the early stages of our marriage we were totally into one another and monogamous. Gradually we started to talk about previous relationships and thinking about enjoying sex with other people. We started to discuss our sexuality and how we both had a bisexual side we would like to explore.
My wife had become very close to a female colleague. The three of us became close friends and eventually my wife and her gradually became lovers. Found their relationship very beautiful and I would encourage my wife to stay over at hers now and again. Meanwhile I had become very attracted to a transvestite I’d met online. My wife encouraged me to meet him and we started to share a very sensual and loving friendship.
These relationships worked in tandem with our very loving marriage and eventually we started having 3sum sex with both of them on a fairly regular basis. They have never met but we have enjoyed two beautiful ménage a trois for over 10years now.
We do swing with others occassionaly whe the mood takes us but the sexual and emotional affection we have with our two lovers is on a different plane. It has enriched our marriage.

This is lovely - I really like the weaving together of the sexual and the emotional. Sex is great and all, but real connections make it all ... well, it's a different thing really.

 

[KimGordon67]

It's been a while

I guess a lot happened, and I sort of lost track of this thread.

One of the things ... which was actually a while back now, but I think I've only really felt like writing about it now ... is that me and my husband are separating. We decided ... gosh, nearly a year ago now. But we had to get him into a more financially secure position first. We signed a contract to sell the house last week, so that's really the final thing.
It's been interesting ... while the non-monogamy was probably a contributing factor, it wasn't the only thing at all. And he's also been really clear that even that contributing factor isn't MY fault - we just want different things.

 

[ouchfeelsgood]

I guess a lot happened, and I sort of lost track of this thread.

One of the things ... which was actually a while back now, but I think I've only really felt like writing about it now ... is that me and my husband are separating. We decided ... gosh, nearly a year ago now. But we had to get him into a more financially secure position first. We signed a contract to sell the house last week, so that's really the final thing.
It's been interesting ... while the non-monogamy was probably a contributing factor, it wasn't the only thing at all. And he's also been really clear that even that contributing factor isn't MY fault - we just want different things.

Sorry to hear that. But hopefully this will be the start of a new kinky phase of your life, hopefully with new people, kinky situations, and a period of stimulating experimentation!