How To Get To Heaven When You Die

[Hypoxia]

Not true. Look at the ancient scriptures. Also, it is true however that the Jews did worship false gods, even though the true God of the Bible forbid it.

Scan your KJV for the string "false god". Hint: you won't find it. You'll find "false prophet" but Lord {JHWH} didn't mess with other deities.

Your Decalogue (at least two of the three versions) has Lord {JHWH} tell the Hebrews, "I am the Lord thy God... Thou shalt have no other gods before me." Not, "Thou shalt have no other gods, period." Just make sure Lord {JHWH} gets first cut of the sacrifice. Lord {JHWH} is lord of the Hebrews; everybody else has their own lords, sure. All should remain true to their own beliefs.

Oh yeah, the next line is, "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image" but nobody pays THAT much heed. The Judeo-Xian world is just FULL of graven images.

 

[phrodeau]

Not true. Look at the ancient scriptures. Also, it is true however that the Jews did worship false gods, even though the true God of the Bible forbid it.

The Israelites worshiped a golden calf for a while. Scripture does not relate whether any of them were Jews.

 

[Hypoxia]

The Israelites worshiped a golden calf for a while. Scripture does not relate whether any of them were Jews.

Golden Calves are OK so long as Lord {JHWH) gets first cut of the sacrifice.

Funny how some folks need deities to worship. Many cultures around the world have no theology, no gods or other supernatural entities, no idea of 'worship' or 'prayer'. Zealots translating biblical texts into remote tongues had great trouble with a Mexican Indian language. Closest they could get to 'prayer' was "to wag one's butt before the Lord."

Show me how worshiping anything does more than benefit the officiating priest.

 

[colddiesel]

Not true. Look at the ancient scriptures. Also, it is true however that the Jews did worship false gods, even though the true God of the Bible forbid it.

It's not completely clear what you are suggesting is "Not true" but I'll see what I can clear up for you.

The pottery finds are fact. One can interpret them as one wishes; however their dates indicate that at the time Asherah was known (and worshipped) as the consort of Yaweh, and this is quite consistent with the facts that whilst the Jews worshipped Yaweh as their number one God, he was not yet their only god. Just the most important God of the Jews.

The story of Elijah (late 9th or early 8th century BC supports this) Note that Elijah attacked Baal because he was the God of the Canaanites - not the Jews. For Elijah Yaweh was the number 1 God for the Jews, but Baal was ok for the foreigners but must not be imported into Jewish worship.

So Elijah attacked the priests of Baal in his rain making event and in conclusion had all the 450 priests of Baal killed. But what happened to the priests of Asherah; remember there were 400 of them present? Absolutely nothing, because although a lesser deity she was of the Israelites and part of their religion through her relationship to their number 1 God, Yaweh. Elijah was strongly supporting Yaweh as the Israelites most important God but not yet as Israel's only God, because Asherah's worship was still approved.

Elijah had almost but not quite established a monolatrist Yaweh worship, he was still a long way from monotheism because he accepted Baal as a legitimate god albeit only for the Canaanites.

This problem repeated itself again and again right down to the Exile in 588 BC. Basically the Kings of Israel had to make political marriages with their neighbours for their own peoples security. The problem was that these marriages meant that the Queens imported their own gods with them and that upset the Jewish/Yaweh priesthood. There was almost continuous tension with the priests pulling towards Yaweh as one god and the Kings and people generally preferring a political solution of allowing more diverse worship.

That brings me to the second major point. I can set out just exactly when the Image of Asherah was an object of worship in the Jerusalem temple and precisely when and by whom she was removed. Why? Because in every instance it is recorded in the Bible.

We have archeological evidence of Asherah worship by the Israelites post 1300 BC which is also supported by the Ugarait tablets:

The Bible tells us unequivocally that Rehoboam son of Solomon placed Asherah in the Temple in 928 BC. She was removed by King Asa 35 years later in 893 BC. King Joash brought her back in 825 BC until King Hezekiah removed her again in 725 BC. There was then a lapse of 27 years before King Manassah restored her in 693 BC. She stayed 78 years this time before the would be Yaweh monolatrist King Josiah evicted her again in 620 BC. On his death in 609BC, back came the persistent Asherah for a further 23 years until the destruction of the Temple in 586 BC.

Thus for 236 of the 370 years the first Temple stood, Asherah was an integral part of official Jewish worship supported by the King, the court, and her own priests. It is also clear that other priests and prophets sought spasmodically to remove her and worship Yaweh alone. This is all recorded in the Bible.

As a point of interest you may remember that when Ezra and Nehemiah returned from exile in about 539 BC their first ruling was that the Jews who had been left behind fifty years earlier must abandon their foreign wives (and gods) Thus it was not until the exiles return that monotheistic worship of Yaweh was fully and finally established in Israel.

 

[jaF0]

It's not completely clear ...

... why Thumpers can't simply accept that they're all blithering idiots.

 

[Hypoxia]

... why Thumpers can't simply accept that they're all blithering idiots.

They know they're fucking retards, at least at a subliminal level. That's why they seriously self-medicate i.e. drink and drug themselves to death after committing incestuous rape and probably bestiality. They'll kill themselves off. Be patient.

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

You back again?

Got that Ark ready yet I told you to build? Don't forget my Unicorns!!!

The Unicorns in the Bible are not the same mythological creature you are thinking of.

 

[jaF0]

That's it. You argued with me. I'm pulling your pass to the Pearly Gates. Do not pass. You now have a reservation to the other place. Pack light, it's warm there. Very warm.

 

[phrodeau]

The Unicorns in the Bible are not the same mythological creature you are thinking of.

Fine, so they're different mythological creatures.

 

[Hypoxia]

Fine, so they're different mythological creatures.

I really liked those biblical stories about kangaroos and cute koalas and jaguars and giant sloths and octopuses and talking lizards.

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

That's it. You argued with me. I'm pulling your pass to the Pearly Gates. Do not pass. You now have a reservation to the other place. Pack light, it's warm there. Very warm.

Unfortunately, it's not up to you to decide.

 

[Tryharder62]

https://youtu.be/DEKyx_eTxBQ

LOL https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEbM3tjV-3Y

 

[jaF0]

Unfortunately, it's not up to you to decide.

Yes. It is. And the decision has been made. You are damned to eternal pitchfork flinging.

 

[Hypoxia]

Yes. It is. And the decision has been made. You are damned to eternal pitchfork flinging.

Pitchforks aren't biblical. (*) He'll have to be content with eternal flaming-turd flinging.
_____

(*) Something to research: when and where were pitchforks first associated with devils? Sometime after the invention of pitchforks -- devils had already been around awhile. A query. An answer:

The Devil's Trident -- Here is one of the first representations we find of him with pitchfork, on Muiredach's High Cross at the Irish monastery of Monasterboice. The carving is dated to the 10th century.

So we can blame the Micks.

 

[jaF0]

Pitchforks aren't biblical.

'Course not, cuz that shit's all made up drivel. I was assigning pitchforks from the beginning. Can't help if the Irish didn't catch on until later and lost one of the times.

 

[Tryharder62]

Everyone seems grumpy. Then I got to thinking that I haven't done my Sunday Funday post in awhile, maybe that is why!!!

The year is 1984. Senior year in high school. I was not a Christian yet. The guy I really liked listened to Amy Grant. I ended up listening and liked it. He ended up liking my best friend. LOL When I hear it I am reminded of driving to school in my mother's Volkswagon Rabbit and putting it in the tape deck. Yes, we dressed like this you young folks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rliPKKvfj4


https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSI7NkK_vEpSWLBXW9NWB4i-_tBZ1dYdEJHOrw0rfvwd9fN_psB

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

Everyone seems grumpy. Then I got to thinking that I haven't done my Sunday Funday post in awhile, maybe that is why!!!

The year is 1984. Senior year in high school. I was not a Christian yet. The guy I really liked listened to Amy Grant. I ended up listening and liked it. He ended up liking my best friend. LOL When I hear it I am reminded of driving to school in my mother's Volkswagon Rabbit and putting it in the tape deck. Yes, we dressed like this you young folks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rliPKKvfj4


https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSI7NkK_vEpSWLBXW9NWB4i-_tBZ1dYdEJHOrw0rfvwd9fN_psB

Ha, a friend of mine had one of those.

 

[Tryharder62]

Ha, a friend of mine had one of those.

My mom's was a Carmel brown color until I totalled it.

 

[phrodeau]

My mom's was a Carmel brown color until I totalled it.

Then what color was it?

 

[jaF0]

Black? As in charred?

 

[lickitandstickit]

LOL https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEbM3tjV-3Y

Outstanding...

 

[Tryharder62]

My mom's was a Carmel brown color until I totalled it.

Well it was crunched. It was before seat belt regs. Little hair in the cracked windshield. I was close to home at a stoplight. Coming home after an argument with that boy I liked. Sitting at the stoplight and just turned when the light turned green. Didn't see the guy that was coming at 35 miles an hour. My poor parents came up to the accident on their way home. Had to get a lot of stitches inside my mouth. So thankful no one was injured in the other car.

Now I don't want any pms claiming victory .....breaking the windshield with my head is not the explanation for why I think the way I do.

Argue on.........

 

[richard_daily]

The Unicorns in the Bible are not the same mythological creature you are thinking of.

How do you know that?

 

[Hypoxia]

How do you know that?

Voices whispered in his cerebellum.

"Behold the holy unicorn. Ride the holy unicorn. Let the horny holy unicorn take you, oh yes, oh yes... RIDE ME, STEWBALL!"
--transcribed

 

[Tryharder62]

Voices whispered in his cerebellum.

"Behold the holy unicorn. Ride the holy unicorn. Let the horny holy unicorn take you, oh yes, oh yes... RIDE ME, STEWBALL!"
--transcribed

The problem with the unicorn is on us not God. As we translate the bible into different languages we can unintentionally cause problems that were not there. The Hebrew word re'em signifies a horned animal aurochs, a now extinct ancestor of today's cattle. For some unknown reason the translators of the KJV chose to substitute unicorn for the name of this animal each time it occurred. The Bible in the original language never mentioned unicorns.

At least that's what the voices in my pre-frontal cortex whisper.